• February 15, 2012

Never leave us, o comical sellout!Ha! We get a tip that says “oh, good grief” with a link to some page called “Support Burris,” and we figured it was just some dumb petition to try to keep Roland Burris in office even though his 15 minutes as Senate Clown from Illinois are up. But no, Roland Burris’s ambitions appear to extend far beyond maintaining the most tenuous of grips on his two-year Senate appointment.

Back when he first came into office, there was some discussion about whether he’d have to promise not to run in 2010. And Burris, not being a complete moron, agreed to no such thing. So maybe it’s no surprise that he’s already raising funds and gathering email addresses in anticipation of a run next year, except for the part where basically every person in Illinois has already asked him to resign.

Plus, politicians are always gathering “re-elect person X” dollars so that they can fund various not-election-related things, right? (What, you think we’re campaign finance EXPERTS here?) So again, not surprising that he has one of these web sites since everybody else does.

Another option: this site is all a terrible hoax, a joke site set up by like Newt Gingrich or haxxorz who want to take the money of the most gullible people in America: Roland Burris supporters. That would somehow be a relief.

Roland Burris for U.S. Senate

{ 51 comments }

WadISay March 2, 2009 at 11:28 am

My guess is, yes, Burris set up the site, but all the contributions go straight to Blago.

Mr Blifil March 2, 2009 at 11:28 am

So I guess the answer to the question “do you receive pension and benefits after serving 2 years as an interim appointee to the Senate” would be “no.”

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2009 at 11:34 am

If it’s not Taint
Burris in 2010, no complaint

Gopherit March 2, 2009 at 11:35 am

Doesn’t he have to avoid getting convicted first?

Cape Clod March 2, 2009 at 11:37 am

I think he’s raising money to build another mausoleum, which will contain the remains of his credibility.

AWOcoholic March 2, 2009 at 11:40 am

Either there’s a problem with the server, or the ENDORSEMENTS link is a dead-end.

nosnikreplliw March 2, 2009 at 11:41 am

the accomplishments section is blank.

chascates March 2, 2009 at 11:41 am

Click on ‘Accomplishments’ and you’ll see what you expect.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 11:43 am

Funniest oxymorons:

1. compassionate conservative
2. military intelligence
3. jumbo shrimp (just because)
4. Roland Burris supporters

Hahahaha

you cannot be serious March 2, 2009 at 11:44 am

How many sequels to Friday the 13th did they make?

Burris = Jason

He’s never leaving.

NoWireHangers March 2, 2009 at 11:48 am

Burris should resign his Senate seat and run for Governor. Clearly, he’s got the qualities one needs to lead in Illinois.

Anonymous Office Zombie March 2, 2009 at 11:50 am

Will someone please get this guy and Blago on the Surreal Life already.

102415 March 2, 2009 at 11:54 am

Craig?Did he resign? Yes, er no. Vitter? Did he resign? No. Coleman? Can’t budge him.So why the fuck should Burris leave? Ever. Get a clue people they don’t quite want him to leave just yet.Maybe he and Bunning can leave together holding hands and jumping off a bridge or something like the DC and Utah thing.

NunnaTheSOBs March 2, 2009 at 11:55 am

Roland, Roland, Roland
The prick who’s ego’s swollen
We must keep our Roland
BLACK PRIDE

No need to think of whether
We could all do better
Keep hoping he’ll screw the other side
All the things he’s missing
And Blago’s ass he’s kissing
He’ll take us for a hell of a ride

Hold ya nose, clinch ya gut
Vote him in, suck it up
Hold ya nose, clinch ya gut
BLACK PRIDE

President Beeblebrox March 2, 2009 at 11:56 am

Whoah, that website is pretty sharp – for 1999, anyway. I dig Burris’s giant ’80s style glasses in his photo.

I did a whois on the URL, strictly for the lulz, and came up with the following. The idea that Burris’ campaign is being run by an outfit called “Wingman Communications” is lulzy in its own right.

Registrant:
Wingman Communications
1702 W. North Avenue
Chicago, IL 60622
US
312-335-9596×555

Servo March 2, 2009 at 11:59 am

“It’s MINE! Ya understand me!? All mine! DOWN DOWN DOWN! GO GO GO! MIIIIINE!”

gjdodger March 2, 2009 at 12:00 pm

I also did a search on the address for donations, and it’s Burris’s consulting firm. But, ahem, check out to whom the consulting firm gave its cash:

http://archpundit.com/blog/2008/12/30/11106/

I think this is some Bloggo initiative or another. Nevertheless, “Friends of Rod Blagojevich”? I didn’t know he had any.

S.Luggo March 2, 2009 at 12:01 pm

[re=255959]nosnikreplliw[/re]: I went back to the “Accomplishments” part of Bur-bur’s website. It now says, “Never Convicted”.

IceCreamEmpress March 2, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Yeah, there’s nothing classier than a campaign website from Wingman Communications. I imagine “they” (in quotes because this looks like one guy in his basement trying to look like a big company–and I say this as a one chick in her third-floor apartment company myself) barely beat out the folks who produced the ShamWow! commercials for the gig.

June Cleaver 2.0 March 2, 2009 at 12:05 pm

[re=255961]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: As per your number two oxymoron, I disagree. That’s also why the unworthy ones (that’ll be the Republicans) claim them (that’ll be our soldiers) and then throw fake patriotic stones at us.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 12:08 pm

[re=255980]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: It’s true, believe me. I was in the military for 4 years. I don’t just make shit up.

sux2bu March 2, 2009 at 12:11 pm

I’m convinced that Roland Burris doesn’t really exist…It’s actually Rod Blagoevich in black face, like Robert Downey, Jr. in “Tropic Thunder.” Let me ask you this: have you ever seen the two of them together at the same time? That’s the dead giveaway.

Vanity Smurf March 2, 2009 at 12:12 pm

If Fitz had just kept his mouth shut for a week or two longer we could be having fun with Senator Jesse Jackson Jr. right about now. Oh, what could have been… but instead we just get wacky old Roland Burris whose corruption and ineptitude rise barely to the level of a small town (Illinois) city council. How long until he insists that he’ll have to be carried off the Senate floor in a pine box? Or Mahogany, this is Roland Burris after all.

Yoshi March 2, 2009 at 12:13 pm

I am digging that report on Acai Berry Warning! Did you know that they conducted a TWO-WEEK trial to find out the side effects of using acai berry products for weight loss? Now that’s a study I can get behind.

S.Luggo March 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm

[re=255979]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: I like this adage from Wingo’s website:
http://www.wingmancommunications.com/guidance.html
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to lie and he will eat for the rest of his life.” – Chicago Proverb

Bearbloke March 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Today the Senate, Tomorrow the World!!1!

peorgietirebiter March 2, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Any WARBLOG can taint vanity awards, but a Senate seat? Trailblazer would be a real test for Wonkette’s force multipliers.

www.democratz.org March 2, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Oh good grief. Blagoevich appears the gift that keeps on giving. Burris should resign.
Let the new Governor of Illinois appoint Jesse Jackson Jr.

June Cleaver 2.0 March 2, 2009 at 12:19 pm

[re=255981]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Well, okay. Plus with you being a soldier, I have that corny respect and admiration for you that Obama has.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=255995]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: Mind you, I’m not saying the military’s bad, but it has a high proportion of dumb asses (in both enlisted & officer ranks) since you can’t technically get fired out of service. Yes, you can get kicked out/court-martialed but you have to have killed a taxi driver or something pretty heinous. Therefore, mediocrity eventually floats to the top in 15-20 years.

IceCreamEmpress March 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Or Mahogany, this is Roland Burris after all.

“Do you know
Where you’re going to
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to
Do you know”

Larry McAwful March 2, 2009 at 12:30 pm

If Burris kicks off his campaign while standing on the steps of his mausoleum, then I promise I’ll vote for him. (Of course, I live in Massachusetts, so it won’t matter if I vote for him, but I’ll really do it. I swear.)

June Cleaver 2.0 March 2, 2009 at 12:37 pm

[re=256003]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oh no! That reminds me of my teacher’s union!

V572625694 March 2, 2009 at 12:39 pm

[re=256003]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Thanks for your service. MOS?

PoliticalJunkie March 2, 2009 at 12:49 pm

How in the Hell is the “News Articles” section empty? You have to TRY not to come across some new article about Burris every day!

gjdodger March 2, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=255983]sux2bu[/re]: Oh, he exists, all right. I had the (mis)fortune of being at a town square rally in Quincy for Dukakis in 1988; the speakers were Neil Hartigan, Vince DeMuzio, Burris and Duke. And lemme tell you, you know you’re a half-assed presidential candidate when Roland Burris makes you look lame.

supremecourtjester March 2, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=255961]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: add:
Senate Ethics Committee

and

Microsoft Help.

Elm Hugger March 2, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=256024]PoliticalJunkie[/re]: I swear Illinois and Alaska are in a race for the lamest politicians in these here United States. Roland is taking the Sarah approach to life, No News is good news. Next he will be saying he can see a Mexican restaurant from his front porch and that makes him an expert on foreign affairs. That and he has a Tina Turner CD.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=256014]V572625694[/re]: 71Q/journalist (now it’s something else; 46R or something or other)

supremecourtjester March 2, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=256072]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Mine was 00F (Drill Sgt.) It’s been a big help in civilian life.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=256080]supremecourtjester[/re]: Oooh, did you sleep with any of your basic trainees?

supremecourtjester March 2, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=256093]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, that was back in the days of single sex barracks. Meanwhile, what happened to the “don’t ask” part of the don’t ask, don’t tell” matra?

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=256112]supremecourtjester[/re]: Hmmm…sorry, I’m confused. Are you asking about:

1. why did I ask you about sleeping with trainees?

OR

2. is it a legit question about teh gayz? If it’s this, here’s a link about a bill to overturn the gay ban:

http://theplumline.whorunsgov.com/president-obama/dem-rep-time-to-tear-down-barrier-blocking-gays-from-military-servic/

saggyboobedhag March 2, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=255958]AWOcoholic[/re]: The Endorsements link isn’t dead. There’s just nothing there.

Suds McKenzie March 2, 2009 at 2:08 pm

the Stone Temple Pilot of the Senate.

josereyes.theroof March 2, 2009 at 2:41 pm

I gave at the office.

I work for the Governor of Illinois.

stopmebeforeitypeagain March 2, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Man oh man. The Sarah P., the Naughty Nanookette of the North. Blago. Jindal. The Red State porn posse. The CPAC Follies, featuring Jonathan Krohn, the 13 Year-Old Martian. The Limbaugh-Steele smackdown. Newt Gingrich Returns From the Grave!

Roland Burris and his Mighty Mausoleum.

Politics is sure fun anymore.

Pity about the economy.

Bearbloke March 3, 2009 at 12:00 am

[re=255971]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: No no, this isn’t a matter of Black Pride – this is a matter of a (not)sleazy(enough), retirement-age, self-aggrandizing, small-time back-bencher making the most of a (mismanaged) stroke of old-fashioned Dumb Luck by getting the Best Gig Of His Life, digging in for his Headline-grabbing, History-making 15 minutes, then riding his bright-but-falling star into the ground and an eventual book-deal/speaking-gig, before he assumes his place in his custom-built Mausoleum… it’s kinda like having modest career as a also-ran character actor, then winning ‘Best Actor’ when you’re 90… it could happen to anybody, race not an issue…

wingmancommunications March 3, 2009 at 3:14 am

[re=255979]IceCreamEmpress[/re] and S.Luggo[/re]: Just to clear the air, http://www.wingmancommunications.com is the website for Wingman Marketing Communications, owned by Wingman Ventures LLC, and is in no way affiliated with the aforementioned Wingman Communications, Roland Burris, Rod Blagojevich, or any business of or related to selling seats in the senate.

Keep on fishin’

-Ray Huang
CEO, Wingman Ventures

NunnaTheSOBs March 3, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=256562]Bearbloke[/re]: I agree 100%, that anybody this
egotistical would lust after the limelight. Unfortunately,
Bobby Rush put the issue of race into the whole thing
by acting as though the color of Obama’s replacemtnt mattered
more than his/her world view. Moreover I’ve seen little fucks
like Roland for years — always lusting after positions for
their own purposes, and acting as though every other black
person is somehow to benefit from that little fuck’s title
chasing. Win the damn position outright in an open election,
or sit the fuck down, is my philosophy. Al Sharpton and Jesse
Jackson have pimped (misguided) “black pride” for little
shits like Roland for FAR TOO LONG.

Bearbloke March 3, 2009 at 9:22 pm

[re=256851]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: Look – I’ve never liked those folks cheapening the quite valuable idea(s) of Black Pride; that’s why when I heard Bobby Rush poke his nose into Blago/Burris I thought, “Well, that’s why Bobby Rush is Bobby Rush, and why Barack Obama is President of the United States”… so hopefully Mr. Rush while take a clue from Rev. Jackson’s apparent turn to peaceful semi-retirement, and President Obama will help both White AND Black America ‘get over it’ to the extant we can during his 8 years as President.

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