SEXY HOLIDAYS  2:19 pm February 27, 2009

CNN Tells America To Swallow

by Ken Layne

The last time we noticed CNN’s daytime-teevee anchor lady, Kyra Phillips, she was just cold puttin’ down her sister-in-law or something, on an open mic, and on a toilet. Good times! Now she is telling us about the important sex festival happening tomorrow, “Sword Swallowing Day.” [YouTube/CNN]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Scarab February 27, 2009 at 2:21 pm


V572625694 February 27, 2009 at 2:23 pm

My girlfriend remains unconvinced as to the artistic merits of swallowing long objects.

Lascauxcaveman February 27, 2009 at 2:23 pm

I’m not going to be the first guy here to say “Hey Baby, swallow this.

Oops. To late.

ManchuCandidate February 27, 2009 at 2:25 pm

“Among the best known practitioners of the art include: Linda Lovelace, Ginger Lynn, Jenna Jameson, Monica Lewinsky and Bob Allen.”

shortsshortsshorts February 27, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=254776]V572625694[/re]: If you explain to her that many of the worlds finest structures are phallic, the problem should resolve itself.

Also, if the anal thing comes up, remind her that diversity is important to any portfolio.

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2009 at 2:28 pm

So it’s all CPAC coverage today, is it?

shanemacgowan February 27, 2009 at 2:29 pm

My particular favorite Kira Phillips moment:

[re=254779]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You forgot Larry Craig and Jeff Gannon.

bitchincamaro February 27, 2009 at 2:31 pm

We celebrate it every February 14 in our household.

WadISay February 27, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Meh, wake me when it’s national “Put the Sword in Its Turd-filled Sheath” month.

HipHopOpotamus February 27, 2009 at 2:36 pm

The guy in the back wants her to swallow his sword. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SNAP.

HipHopOpotamus February 27, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Also why is she talking about sword-swallowing events being “both individual and group”?

DoctorCulturae February 27, 2009 at 2:38 pm

No news here. Ms. Kyra likes to think she’s a bad girl. Suspect those that flaunt it and promote it ain’t it.

… And I guess, according to the crawl, Ed McMahon is hospitalized on account of his swallowing?

ihasasad February 27, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Cutlass!! HeheheheheheSNORThehehehehe

Rush February 27, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Ahhh, BJ jokes on a Friday afternoon. The sky is not falling after all.

twowheeljunkie February 27, 2009 at 2:45 pm

You know she’s not a quitter.
If she takes it in the shitter.
She’s a swaller not a spitter.
She’s a good ole country gal.

norbizness February 27, 2009 at 2:46 pm

How quaint; someone out there is actually taping, encoding, and then putting CNN videos on Youtube. It’s like seeing somebody sell double-cassette boom boxes at the flea market.

bitchincamaro February 27, 2009 at 2:53 pm

[re=254800]twowheeljunkie[/re]: Southern Culture On The Skids?

Scandalabra February 27, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Who’s the pulse-pounding thriller twink on the left?

Serolf Divad February 27, 2009 at 2:56 pm

Hey Kyra, I’ve got a sword you can swallow… snicker, snicker… not really, on my wall… I bought it in Toledo Spain when I went there on vacation… it’s a reproduction of the Excalibur sword from that King Arthur movie a while back. Am I a nerd or what?

MisterLoki February 27, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Did anyone notice the digital readout thing at the upper left?
“Atlanta 4 to 6 inches… Alabama up to 8 inches…”

Mr Blifil February 27, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Why do I get the sense that her “swallowing disorder” consists of an incontrollable urge to spit the contents of her mouth into the nearest sink?

Mr Blifil February 27, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=254797]Rush[/re]: Felchuary?

TGY February 27, 2009 at 3:53 pm

Does that mean a Cutlass Supreme is sort of like a burrito supreme?

AWOcoholic February 27, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Since when is swallowing a disorder?

loquaciousmusic February 27, 2009 at 4:12 pm

[re=254801]norbizness[/re]: So are you saying that CNN’s coverage is the equivalent of a Bell Biv DeVoe Cassingle?

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Didn’t you just tell me two posts ago it was Teabagging Day?

hobospacejungle February 27, 2009 at 5:47 pm

[re=254776]V572625694[/re]: My girlfriend remains unconvinced as to the artistic merits of swallowing long objects.

I’m going to be charitable toward my fellow Wonketteer & assume you have an enormous cock, yes?

V572625694 February 27, 2009 at 6:07 pm

[re=255114]hobospacejungle[/re]: Charitable indeed! And true enough — depending on what you compare it to.

BuckfullerMincedher March 1, 2009 at 2:46 am

as if more proof were needed that CNN hasn’t got a clue and wouldn’t know one if it bit them in the ass ………

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