fallen leaders

George Bush Already Forgotten In Texas Schools

Good times.George W. Bush, remember that guy? Liked to dance with foreign leaders and start wars a lot? He’s so much more likable now that he’s not running the country! For example, back in the day if he’d had the temerity to visit a local elementary school we would probably have said something snide like, “Oh great you remember what happened the last time he read a book to childrens,” but now we can just write about how darling it all was.

Our former president recently visited a Dallas-area elementary school and some kid thought he was George Washington, probably because of the wooden teeth. A number of kiddies recognized him a little bit, except for the ESL students who just thought he was an insane person.

Ducking in one room, Bush asked, “Hey kids, do you know who I am?”

Gasps all around, and then someone blurted, “George Washington!”

“That’s right!” the visitor said. “George Washington Bush!”

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Well, the middle initial was the same, anyway.

A little later, at an ESL class, Bush tried introducing himself in Spanish. Only it was a little too West Texas for the Spanish speakers. He tried again. Blank looks. Even held up three fingers. You know, a ‘W.” Still nothing.

Finally, Pershing’s innovative, energetic principal, Margie Hernandez, stepped in with a Spanish introduction.

Ohhhhhhh.

The kids laughed at the confusion. The former president laughed. The principal laughed, out of relief, mostly.

And then he read to them all from My Pet Goat while Manhattan was bombed by terrorists.

Welcome to your neighborhood school, Mr. President [Dallas Morning News]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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53 comments

  1. norbizness

    Good thing he wasn’t at a South Dallas elementary school, or he would have left campus with a few less teeth and a few more slugs in his ass.

  2. Red Zeppelin

    What is it about Texans like W. and Peggy Hill who think they can habla the ol espanol perty good, but know less than a retarded 6-year old?

  3. saridout

    he also showed up at the hardware store in the gay part of town to ask for a job as a door greeter. he also bought some WD-40. my mom was a witness. my god, he must be bored out of his mind…

  4. Doglessliberal

    WHY was he there? I cannot imagine the school asked for him. I mean, really? They said, oh, yeah, let’s have Mr. Articulate come read to the kids today? I can just see him calling up and begging to come visit so he would have something to do that day. Either that or the school did want him to come as the culmination of their lesson on How One Man Can Almost Destroy a Country In Every Way.

  5. Serolf Divad

    Here’s a scene I want to see.

    Dubya: Hey, kids, do you know who I am?
    Kid 1: Yeah, you’re the reason my dad lost his job!
    Kid 2: Yeah, you’re the reason my older brother got killed in Iraq!
    Kid 3: Yeah, you’re the reason my granddad had to go back to work!

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=254505]saridout[/re]: WD-40?? The mind boggles as to what he would need that for. My money’s on Laura’s jaw needed a little lubrication to refresh her vacant Stepford wife smile.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Dubya’s now relegated to visiting places where the people he encounters can’t untie their shoes.

  8. widestanceromancer

    What kind of security in this school allows mass murderers to wander from room to room? Why does Texas hate its children?

  9. Crow T. Robot

    It is nice to know that I can let go of my hate for him pretty easily–barely a blip on the BP when I read this.

    My contempt, however, knows no bounds.

  10. Mad Farmer Manifest

    He should have waterboarded a fifth grader and incited the kindergarteners to attack the second grade and take their oil. THEN they would have recognized him instantly.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=254508]Doglessliberal[/re]: Damn. He actually came in and called their bluff by asking for the greeter job (jokingly) offered to him. That’s actually kinda funny. It’s getting harder to hold onto my hate.

    Must. Be. Strong…

  12. shanemacgowan

    Now he has time to do the Billy Madison thing and go back and complete all the work he missed in grammar school.

  13. Doglessliberal

    [re=254520]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: he probably thought it was real. Or, he decided, after a few weeks of sitting around, that it didn’t sound that bad. Stand around, shooot the shit with folks all day…not as much $ as the last gig, but about the same level of effort.

  14. BitterDwarf

    Honestly, it is hard to hate the guy. Even Oliver Stone portrayed him as somewhat likeable, and Cheney aand Rove as the two worst peices of shit to ever walk the planet. Ever since I watched that movie I just think of him as a retard that didn’t know any better and got manipulated…

  15. Doglessliberal

    [re=254527]BitterDwarf[/re]: uh, no. He is a dangerous ideologue who thinks he had a mission from God. And he is a rich boy, clueless asshole who thought it was a funny joke to say “We’re # 1!” when it was pointed out the US was 1st in carbon emissions. This is the man who presided over the dismantling of our Constitution and the promotion of torture as an acceptable thing.

    Ah, hell, I cannot even go into the litany. There is too much.

    He is an evil moron.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    [re=254520]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Imagine his shock when he finds out the job doesn’t come with 125 paid vacation days a year.

  17. masterdebater

    It seems like only yesterday that he was increasing the dignity of the office by molesting the German Chancellor. Well, his grandfather loved another famos German Chancellor, so I guess we might have expected it, but it was still nice to have somone in ther who wouldn’t embarass us.

  18. Texan Bulldoggette

    Look how young W looks in that picture. Man, Rove, Cheney & Rumsfeld really do remove the life force of all they surround. I bet plants wilt when they walk past them.

  19. HopeyDope

    Sorry, I’m finding it remarkably easy to hate him. Pretending to be Ned Flanders all of a sudden doesn’t mean he’s not a idiotic shtsack.

  20. sezme

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

    And, yeah, I’ll just keep saying that every time I have to look at him.

  21. DoctorCulturae

    [re=254527]BitterDwarf[/re]: Correct. Chain-bot got to him, knew he could play the daddy-revenge, yes-you-CAN-be-a-hero angle undercutting Baker who put the idea in his head in the first place. The family in Bush One-land always opted for the Jebster. Baker must feel more like a tool than Dub. Stone, oddly, didn’t go far enough. Somebody get Shakespeare’s cell number.

  22. bumfug

    The key to understanding how Dubya could do the stupid, harmful shit he did on such a constant basis is that he absolutely believes that it doesn’t matter how much he fucks up life on Earth for everyone else because when the Rapture comes, he and his friends are outta here. He’s extra scary because unlike other politicians who just use the dimbulb biblethumpers for whatever they can get from them, he actually believes this retarded shit.

  23. V572625694

    [re=254520]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=254527]BitterDwarf[/re]: Still hating Nixon here. You have to feed and water your hatred with the tears of bereaved widows and orphans. It’s worth it.

  24. BetterDaysAreComing

    He’s the definition of stupid dupe doofus. Sadly, though, he’s a power hungry stupid dupe doofus.

  25. Vanity Smurf

    [re=254527]BitterDwarf[/re]: Don’t forget that Oliver Stone was his classmate at Yale. Molly Ivins, who went to high school with him, maintained a similar view of him as the facile-minded frat boy.

    Effectively being a prisoner in North Dallas would be a fate worse than death for most people. It’s somehow fitting that Chimpy is only able to get out among those insufferable people.

  26. DustBowlBlues

    [re=254504]Servo[/re]: He didn’t visit a high school because some kid would be smart enough to get a friend to make a video of the lads throwing shoes at Junior.

  27. DustBowlBlues

    [re=254527]BitterDwarf[/re]: Besides fucking up our foreign policy completely and people still dying because of this fuckup excuse for a human being, I hate him all over again every time I hear the cost of what it’s going to take to keep us out of the Greater Depression.

  28. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=254574]V572625694[/re]: Nixon was the greenest President yet, sad statement that it is. Nearly all the environmental protection laws we operate under now were signed by Nixon. Hopey is going to out-green that paranoid motherfucker, finally. A little overdue really.

  29. Gallowglass

    I like to imagine that the reason that the ESL kids didn’t understand his Spanish intro is because they were Chinese. That’s a lovely post-script to his Presidency, standing in a room full of Chinese children and attempting to introduce himself in Spanish. It really captures the essence, if not the substance of the last eight years.

  30. 102415

    So what is it I have to do to be Ann Coulter free? I bought the purple couch already.I’d rather have cock ring ads. I could explain those away but the Ann thing is scaring the waiter at the coffee shop.

  31. Zorg

    Dallas, such a combination of Midwestern spontaneity and Deep South urbanity. If you need to look at a picture of Oliver North while jacking off, you will be very happy living in Dallas. Which is why, of all the cities in the USA, Dubya is retiring to this one. Anywhere else, he be stoned to death by a mob of citizens the minute he was recognized. Stoned to death, dismembered and thrown on a bonfire. At least, that’s my guess.

  32. assistant/atlas

    Man, you are right, Wonkette. His antics are significantly more adorable when he’s not the leader of the free world with his finger on the button.

    And the person who deadpanned on the DMN site: “Maybe he can attend the ESL classes at the school…” is precious. Mostly because I’m still wondering what his first language is. Texan?

  33. zhubajie

    [re=254498]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Because his Spanish is “how much?” and “let’s do it dog-style”.

  34. show off

    Aww, the kids dont even remember him and he is apart of broken history lol.
    But who cares he has done his term and no more BUSH.What our focus needs to
    be turned to is Obama and we need not to give up on him to easy because just
    like Bush messed up somebody else language (spanish PEOPLE) he messed up america.
    But nobody cares any more he is history The kids in Texas Schools opened my eyes to that
    GOOD BYE GEORGE WASHINGTON AND HELLO
    OOOOOOBAAMMAA…
    M.W.F 9-950 A.S.U .j.r.

  35. keepintime

    GW’s already a (mercifully) faded memory. I just pray I can forget the disgusting cellulite and cankles in that ridiculous ad before I need to sleep again.

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