WHAT THE YOUTHS ARE UP TO  2:18 pm February 26, 2009

Young Conservatives: They’re Young, And Conservative, &c.

by Jim Newell

GET A JOB PIERCEPerhaps in honor of CPAC, but with no mention of CPAC at all, the Washington Post has run a delightful “color piece” this morning about what it’s for young Republican hatchlings looking for work in Washington, where they are no longer welcome. Basically there are about seven of these people, total, all gaming for one position at Grover Norquist’s tax place. Let us learn more about these out-of-luck patriots, by block-quoting a few of the funny things they say.

Oh look they’re having a fun party with all of their favorite stuff! That’s a happy thing, right? Wheeeee beer and music! Ha ha ha small problem though — they all want to KILL THEMSELVES.

Organized by an employee at the Grover Norquist-led Americans for Tax Reform, the party in the pub’s back barroom seems naturally suited for this group: Fox News is playing alongside the Dave Matthews tracks. One drink special, $5 for a down-on-the-heels set, seems almost too perfect a nostalgic prop: “The Gipper,” concocted with bourbon.

Spencer Barrs, 22, a Heritage Foundation intern, is talking with his buddies about feelings of alienation.

Like most bad things, this can be blamed on young liberal bloggers.

His friend John O’Keefe, 23, another conservative think-tank intern who might be out of a job after his internship ends in May, dismisses his liberal contemporaries. “The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation,” he says…

Lastly, here’s the Washington Post reporter trying to tell us that this dude is gay, as gay as the day is long:

At the Union Pub, Dustin Siggins, 24, says he sometimes uses humor to deflect the awkwardness of being on the margins of his generation. “I met a girl today at the gym from Boston College. She was getting a law degree from George Washington. She was cute,” he says. “But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those.’”

Later, in a phone interview, Siggins says he struggles with some of his party’s more culturally orthodox ideals. “Because I am in this generation and was raised in a pro-gay-marriage era, I am only a little bit against gay marriage, but only a little, like 53 percent to 47,” he says. “I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up. In college, I used to have lunch with them. . . . We went ice skating once.”

This guy has 12 to 30 gay friends in Washington? Well he must have a pretty swanky Republican Hill staffer job. That’s the whole *point* of knowing gay people here, for power.

Young Conservatives Feel Left Out [WP via Gawker]

 

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{ 93 comments }

AllHat February 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm

If you’re young and republican you deserve every spanking you get.

shortsshortsshorts February 26, 2009 at 2:23 pm

It just so happens that his 12-30 gay friends are also the only Republicans in D.C., and they stand strong together against marrying one another, our of masochism.

Serolf Divad February 26, 2009 at 2:24 pm

“I met a girl today at the gym from Boston College. She was getting a law degree from George Washington. She was cute,” he says. “But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those.’”

WTF?!?! Are all Conservatives total douchebags who could never get laid with a woman who has even a smidgen of self-respect? Actually, Yes, yes they are.

heroinmule February 26, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Don’t tell them about those ex-Bushies collecting their “ironic” unemployment checks.

Jamie Sommers February 26, 2009 at 2:25 pm

How is it that their desire to kill themselves is a problem?

Bearbloke February 26, 2009 at 2:26 pm

…and they’re generally closed-minded douchebags…

MisterLoki February 26, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Well, at least now I know who keeps buying Dave Mathews records.

Crankenstank February 26, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Dave Matthews – he’s the hip sound of today’s youth, alright. When were they popular again? Was it…1994? Can anyone say “Ants Marching” for the young GOOPers?

2druk2phluq February 26, 2009 at 2:28 pm

“A delightful color piece about what it’s for young Republican hatchlings looking for work…”

Assume the bottoms up position, young failures, for that’s what it is. All about. Also.

BobLoblawLawBlog February 26, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Did Stephen Glass write this? Cause I can’t believe there were no reach-arounds offered on the heels of that ice skating reminiscence.

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 2:29 pm

“We went ice skating once.”

Isn’t that what they call cruising the gay bars nowadays?

lawrenceofthedesert February 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Mom was playing tennis at the country club and Dad was traveling on business, but they left me an email saying that we were conservative, so I guess we are, whatever that means. I think it has something to do with “family values” and “responsibility,” but I haven’t had a chance to track them down about it. They’re skiing next week and I’ve got mid-terms, but soon…

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 2:33 pm

“She was cute,” he says. “But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those.”

Does this guy ever get laid?! Even a total mental regressive knows that it doesn’t matter what comes out of woman’s mouth as long as she is hot!!! You cant imagine some of the shyt I have done/said to score some azz!

daisy chain February 26, 2009 at 2:33 pm

He went ice-skating with all 30 of his gay Republican friends at once? What was that, Log Cabin Convention on Ice?

SayItWithWookies February 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm

“But she wants to work for the ACLU, and I said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those.’”
That was this dude’s example of humor? Someone who likes this guy better take him aside and pre-emptively explain to him that watermelons on the White House lawn is not funny. Also, he should just plain not trust his instincts, ever.

Birdcrash February 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Circus is in town! There’s the laughing goat-boy and the bearded lady!

Guppy06 February 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“… about what it’s like for…”

/grammarnazi

shanemacgowan February 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

‘Why aren’t you with the cool kids?’ ”

Because you suck.

medievalist February 26, 2009 at 2:36 pm

“I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up.”

Hmmm…

GDTRFB February 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm

“only thing they have are blogs”…We also have Law Degrees, Masters Degrees, Work Ethic, Talent, Thoughtfulness, Attraction to Age-Appropriate Members of the Opposite Sex…

freakishlystrong February 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm

ice-skating = ass-fucking…

Nerdalicious February 26, 2009 at 2:39 pm

“I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up.”

Dear Weenie,
They may all back you up, but don’t drop the soap.

Hamster February 26, 2009 at 2:40 pm

yeesh, you just want to grab some pliers and remove the crayon from their frontal lobe.

Colander February 26, 2009 at 2:41 pm

I am pretty effing gay, and I have like, three gay friends.

pattycake February 26, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Is that Leslie, the famous Austin TX cross-dresser who ran for mayor?

Capitol Hillbilly February 26, 2009 at 2:43 pm

I was sort of hoping most of these jackasses would leave town.

Dave J. February 26, 2009 at 2:43 pm

“Because I am in this generation and was raised in a pro-gay-marriage era, I am only a little bit against gay marriage, but only a little, like 53 percent to 47,”

Nate Silver just called, and his regression models indicate this guy is 100% gay.

ManchuCandidate February 26, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=253619]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Holy fuck. That’s a bad date and I know because I’ve, um, created a few bad ones myself.

Woodwards Friend February 26, 2009 at 2:45 pm

I am only a little bit against gay marriage, but only a little, like 53 percent to 47,” he says.

What the fuck does that mean? Is he 84% opposed to the stimulus bill? 3.14159265% opposed to the Iraq War?

Personally I’m 93.4% in favor of letting Larry Craig ass rape this kid until he cries.

chascates February 26, 2009 at 2:45 pm

“My family sacrificed everything to come to this country so the government wouldn’t interfere with their lives,” Inclan says.

But their version of government interferes with sexual and reproductive matters, tolerance of religion and beliefs, and wants a society where there are no regulations to protect anyone.

HopeyDope February 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm

And I give a crap about these children because…?

V572625694 February 26, 2009 at 2:49 pm

“They only thing they have are blogs, they feel like gods of our generation,” he says…

At least he got one part right, after it was corrected.

Vartan84 February 26, 2009 at 2:51 pm

“Justin Rand, 24, formerly a “confidential assistant” in the White House’s drug policy office, exited right before the election to work on John McCain’s campaign — so, he hoped, he could remain at the White House. After McCain’s loss, Rand could no longer stay in Washington…”

Wow. Just wow. Are you serious? You waited until JUST BEFORE the election to decide now is a good time to work on John McCain’s campaign?? I would feel sorry for you but I can’t stop laughing at the brilliance of your decision. Sorry you had to go home, but this is just DC natural selection at work. People who decide the best way to remain in the White House is to quit and work for John McCain “right before the election” don’t deserve to be there, period. Perhaps you can get a job as a ‘confidential assistant’ at an upper-middle tier Wasilla methlab.

binarian February 26, 2009 at 2:51 pm

These little shits need to grow up and get out of Washington. Get some real jobs.

silversilver February 26, 2009 at 2:54 pm

So I read a blog about D.C./politics and I’ve gotta see pics of Leslie and UT fratties? J/K, keep up the good work.

Judas Peckerwood February 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm

Several years ago, the woman I was dating issued an ultimatum: either I went with her to a Dave Matthews concert, or we were through. Needless to say, I chose to become single, and I’ve never regretted my choice for a second.

shellyboo98 February 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm

Did I miss the memo? When did “listening to Dave Matthews Band” = conservative? I’m a neosoul girl myself so I may be out of the loop but…huh???

suchsweetthunder February 26, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=253633]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I thought the term for cruising teh gay bars was “minority whip.” Why didn’t you send me the memo?

turkey lurkey February 26, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=253653]pattycake[/re]: That’s definitely Leslie. A young republican now? I’m so disappointed.

jetjaguar February 26, 2009 at 2:57 pm

what a bunch of Christ Potatoes

suchsweetthunder February 26, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=253644]GDTRFB[/re]: And jobs. . . well at least until we get canned on Friday.

Anonymous Office Zombie February 26, 2009 at 2:58 pm

His friend John O’Keefe, 23, another conservative think-tank intern who might be out of a job after his internship ends in May, dismisses his liberal contemporaries. “The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation,” he says…

I suppose that includes you guys too, being that Wonkette was voted the best liberal blog of ’08. So, tell us, Jim, how does it feel to be a god of a generation?

american mutt February 26, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=253636]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: agreed. if i didn’t believe michelle malkin excretes venom when she orgasms, I’d so hit that… really, really, hard.

Serolf Divad February 26, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=253688]Judas Peckerwood[/re]:

Did you immediately take her best friend on a date to a Dave Matthews concert? Because you should have.

PrairiePossum February 26, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Hey, young conservatives – Have I got a drink special for you…

Abortion
1 oz white creme de cacao
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream
1 splash grenadine syrup

Shake ingredients and serve in a shot glass.
Welcome to the dark side, kids.

spacewolf February 26, 2009 at 3:08 pm

“You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?”

MarieDeGournay February 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=253688]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: You’re an inspiration.

Canuck13652 February 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=253655]Dave J.[/re]: How can you only be a little bit against gay marriage? Like, he’s okay with the gaiz getting gay married only if they marry someone fat and ugly and unfabulous and promise no buttsechs (i.e. have a heterosexual message except with a dude?)

And I was pretty gay in DC (ironically enough, also doing law at GWU and an ACLU member) and I dunno if I knew 20 or 30 other ‘mos.

WadISay February 26, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, and they would all back me up… …into an oncoming Metroliner.

chascates February 26, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=253693]turkey lurkey[/re]: His Leslieness is apolitically active. As his My Space photos reveal (reveal more than necessary!):
http://www.myspace.com/44499851

american mutt February 26, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=253727]Canuck13652[/re]: yeah, i used to be pretty gay for a hetero: didn’t date girls, no girlfriend, virgin till 23, skinny, etc. and had no gay friends cept for one. i have like two now. turns out i was just a nerd. 20 or 30 gay friends? you better have some magic the gathering in shoe boxes underneath your bed.

One Yield Regular February 26, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=253619]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’m pretty sure that by “one of those” he meant: anatomically female.

jetjaguar February 26, 2009 at 3:19 pm

“I have about a dozen gay friends… with privileges.”

jetjaguar February 26, 2009 at 3:19 pm

“I’m so damn tired.”

Migue February 26, 2009 at 3:21 pm

He sometimes uses humor…just not in that particular situation.

Another DC Lawyer (Again) February 26, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Are we sure that WaPo didn’t just stumble into a LNS “party” by mistake…pretty sure when you are named “Spencer Barrs [Roman Numeral Ommitted]” you get a lifetime LNS membership.

JDHART February 26, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Those poor misunderstood young Republicans. Who knew that Bushies were such horrible people? Oh, yeah, everyone with a brain.

pissedinmytutu February 26, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=253644]GDTRFB[/re]: …Or the same sex, maybe?

El Pinche February 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm

[re=253653]pattycake[/re]: That is Leslie! We’ll soon all be joining Leslie in the hobo rapture.

bitchincamaro February 26, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=253636]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “You cant imagine some of the shyt I have done/said to score some azz!” Oh, we can. And that is why even we atheists here, pray for your soul.

Come here a minute February 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm

You will find the young Mr. 53-47 attending tomorrow’s teabagging party.

FMA February 26, 2009 at 3:42 pm

[re=253782]bitchincamaro[/re]: If by praying for AngryBlakGuy’s soul, you really mean we hope to follow the example he has set for all of us, count me in.

Hound February 26, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Chellyboo98, Dave Matthews is what republicans listen to when they want to get high before date-raping someone.

shellyboo98 February 26, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=253814]Hound[/re]: Ooooooh! Thanks for clarifying. Someone was cranking Dave Matthews one summer on my college campus. Explains that rash of date rapes that year.

S.Luggo February 26, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=253662]chascates[/re]: Ms. Inclan, former McCain Victory Director, will be at CPAC on Saturday, supplementing her meager salary by giving hand jobs in the hotel parking garage.

http://www.citizensincharge.org/blog/bettina/join-us-this-saturday
“Join us on Saturday, February 28th from 2:00 – 3:30 pm EST at a unique interactive event during CPAC entitled “Love Taking Charge?: The Common Sense Tool for Kickin’ *** One State at a Time.””

Mr Blifil February 26, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Fuck the puppy, Obama ought to take pity and adopt one of these losers as the family pet. As strange as they come off in that article, at least they are unlikely to pee and poop on the Oval Office rugs. Well, on second thought…

Terry February 26, 2009 at 4:00 pm

“The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation,”

Remember in high school when the loser kid would lose the student government election and then complain that it was all just a popularity contest?

Scarab February 26, 2009 at 4:06 pm

I can’t be the first to point out that Pi Phi (the guy’s t-shirt) is a sorority – Pi Beta Phi.
Both my mom and sister were Pi Phis. But now that I think about it both they slept with men!

PrairiePossum February 26, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=253831]Mr Blifil[/re]:

Plus, it would be fun to hit em with a rolled up newspaper and put a shock collar on ‘em.

ZapThunder February 26, 2009 at 4:16 pm

See, if he only takes 53% of the cock, he is not gay, just more tolerant.

dearcatastrophecarlos February 26, 2009 at 4:18 pm

We went ice skating once? Well, I once had sex with one. He’ll totes back up that I’m slightly only against gay marriage.

Tra February 26, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=253782]bitchincamaro[/re]: LOL

TGY February 26, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Sux2B them. “I’d like to help you, but I don’t want to.”

snideinplainsight February 26, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Well I have lots of friends in the gayness also. Like 50. or 40. almost.

angelheadedhipster February 26, 2009 at 4:59 pm

[re=253652]Colander[/re]: That was my first thought exactly.

angelheadedhipster February 26, 2009 at 5:00 pm

[re=253652]Colander[/re]: Ha! My first thought exactly…

rocktonsammy February 26, 2009 at 5:05 pm

Conservatives seem to be in good hands for some time to come.

ManchuCandidate February 26, 2009 at 5:07 pm

To any young Cons out there:

You guys are feeling the pain of what it was like to be a young communist in 1989 as the USSR crumbled away and everyone started pointing and laughing them for still believing in the TOTAL EPIC fail that was the workers paradise.

Not many “rational” people want to listen to you bitch about high taxes and Demrat fiscal irresponsibility considering the political ideology you believe in crapped up the US gubbiment to the tune of 6 TRILLION in new debt nor this strong on defense when you can’t even catch a 6’6″ tall Muslin. Plus the whole Katrina thing or yapping about economic growth as we sit on the precipice of economic depression.

A nicer person might say that you will learn from this experience. However, knowing more than a few cons I have come to realize that learning from experience is not a Con strength and that most of you will spend the rest of your lives trying to justify/deny failure. So, um, good luck with that.

Finally get used to people laughing at you. Also.

Dave J. February 26, 2009 at 5:10 pm

“The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation,”

Well, plus the presidency, the House, and the Senate. But, yeah, I guess we also have the blogs.

Bruno February 26, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=253620]heroinmule[/re]: So basically this means that when Republicans are in power, many Republicans have work (not jobs of course), but when the Republicans are out of power, they are unemployed. Hmmm, I’m not sure what to think about that

Bruno February 26, 2009 at 5:46 pm

“The only thing they have are blogs. They feel like gods of our generation”

Jim, these guys are having dreams they are caliber enough to hang out with you.

Gallowglass February 26, 2009 at 5:53 pm

I went to high school with a bunch of these guys. The geeky ones who sit at home of a Friday evening, weeping silently and furiously masturbating to footage of Reagan speeches. Most of them grow out of it by the time they discover girls.

As to the last guy, the think tank intern, I am pleased that complete political agreement is demanded of a mate. It means that most of them will probably never breed.

As the gay bit, I am a hopeless libtard and I think I can only claim to really know about 7 openly gay people, although I guess I never actively sought to find gay folk to befriend. This guy knows a whole platoon of them and claim they will “back him up” about his tepid opposition to gay marriage? I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean.

Bearbloke February 26, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=253644]GDTRFB[/re]: that depends, or course, what you mean by ‘opposite’… but you’re still on the right track…

Bearbloke February 26, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=253873]PrairiePossum[/re]: Can the paper be a urine-soaked, frozen-solid Sunday Moonie-toon Times?

brown_recluse February 26, 2009 at 6:15 pm

“Fox News and Dave Matthews”=dystopian Hellscape

zhubajie February 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm

They can always join the Army. The infantry needs conservative people. If they can read and write, maybe they can get promoted to corporal. Likewise, I’m sure the Corps is looking for a few good men to die on Afghanistan’s plains.

greatamerican February 26, 2009 at 8:10 pm

I feel compelled to let everyone know who the devil hair drag queen in the picture is. This is Leslie. He/She is a minor Austin celebrity. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leslie_Cochran

DustBowlBlues February 26, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=253644]GDTRFB[/re]: You forgot to mention common human decency.

slinkimalinki February 26, 2009 at 9:39 pm

“I have about a dozen gay friends, 30 or 20, ”
“The only thing they have are blogs.”
blogs and basic mathematical knowledge.

DangerousLiberal February 26, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Some of my best friends are gay.

Wha? Why is that offensive?

Traveler February 27, 2009 at 10:21 am

[re=254164]zhubajie[/re]: About joining the Army that was exactly the same thing I thought. These American partiots should head on over to the local recruiting office and sign on up. The Marines are always looking for a few good men and in these times of trouble these pitiful sself-pitying specimens might even pass muster. I see a reality show in this.

tiger February 27, 2009 at 3:34 pm

I could be wrong here, but aren’t all these douches basically gonna live off their parents anyway?

zhubajie March 1, 2009 at 8:27 am

[re=253636]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: He pays.

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