DESPERATE TIMES  12:38 pm February 26, 2009

Incredible Coca-Cola Job Offer To Everyone Probably Not Legitimate

by Ken Layne

It ain't coca cola, it's rice.With more than 150,000 people losing their jobs every week in the United States and millions more being laid off around the world, the scams are getting ridiculous. Take this message from “hr@coca-cola.com,” which we just received: Coca-Cola is hiring all over the world, full-time positions, great pay and benefits, etc. Just fill out the attached form with all your personal information!

Complete with a bunch of pilfered Coca-Cola graphics touting various global initiatives and partners, the scheme basically promises you a life of secure work and great pay and health care and two months of paid vacation — you know, the impossible:

We are hiring!
Are you out of job?
Your current job isn’t paying enough?
You don’t have proper eductaion for high positions?

At Coca Cola everything is possible! We have the budget to hire anyone from any country where our company is present. All you need to do is fill out the form we have attached and get ready to bring your career to the next level and triple your current salary!

Our company offers excellent benefits such as 60 days paid vacation, company car, health insurance for you and for your family, option to work from home and friendly work environment.

We have open positions in Sales, Marketing, Information Technology, Accounting, Logistics, Engineering, Quality Assurance and much more.

None of the positions require any kind of education or work experience!

See, we don’t need that socialist Barack Obama’s fancy “health care” and “education” and “green jobs” and whatever! The corn-syrup water will save the planet.

(Note to sad gullible people who come across this post by searching MSN for “Coca Cola hiring”: The email in question is a scam, and the Russian/Nigerian criminals behind it just want your personal information so they can try to use your identity to get credit cards — which would be a pretty good scheme if credit cards were still available to desperate jobless people.)

 
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{ 51 comments }

MisterLoki February 26, 2009 at 12:44 pm

What about my Russian internet girlfriend that needs $300 dollars so she can get a visa to visit me? That’s still legit, right?

dougbob February 26, 2009 at 12:45 pm

it’s not funny for those of us actually looking for work. neither is the fact that up to 50% of the jobs being offered over the inner tubes are not really jobs. maybe somebody from the MSM should look into this…but they are all being laid off, too.

daisy chain February 26, 2009 at 12:47 pm

How is the Nigerian scam business these days? Good, I hope. We do not have the money for a Nigerian Scam Industry Bailout.

Come here a minute February 26, 2009 at 12:47 pm

This is a North Korean phishing scheme that will send your credit rating Straight to Hell!

Serolf Divad February 26, 2009 at 12:48 pm

What… you mean the $8,000,000.00 signing bonus they promised me for planning their Nigerian marketing strategy isn’t real?

V572625694 February 26, 2009 at 12:49 pm

“None of the positions require any kind of education or work experience!”

I think I saw that on FEMA’s Website a few years back.

bitchincamaro February 26, 2009 at 12:49 pm

I’ve already sent them my SS# and bank account #’s. Is there an “undo” button for the intertubes?

Serolf Divad February 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=253450]MisterLoki[/re]:

She e-mailed you naked pictures of herself, right? So how can it be a scam? Pictures don’t lie.

daisy chain February 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=253451]dougbob[/re]: Several years ago I was dumb enough to sign up with Career Builder, and of course all I got were scam emails from them. They don’t even bother to screen the people who want to use THEIR email lists to make sure they are at least quasi-legit. Right now, if anyone offers you a job, assume it’s a scam. (This excludes being offered $20 to give a blow job.)

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm

…the Russian and Nigerians are collaborating now?! Geez, I can only imagine what the grammar looks like!

SayItWithWookies February 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm

How disappointing. Next you’ll be telling me that I can’t lose 30 pounds in ten days, that a special diet of garlic, vinegar and apricots won’t cure cancer, and that Shane won’t, in fact, come back. Sigh.

freakishlystrong February 26, 2009 at 12:51 pm

This gives new meaning to the term “Coke Whore”….

V572625694 February 26, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=253467]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Worse yet: no Santa. Or Jeebus.

NoWireHangers February 26, 2009 at 12:53 pm

None of the positions require any kind of education or work experience!

Well, that was true of the White House from 2001-2008

tacdab February 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Dudes, it’s not Russia or Nigeria. It’s Cheney’s Legal Defense Fund (formerly a Swiss foundation, then Antiguan, now a dinghy floating off the Liberian coast).

Campbell Brown February 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm

No education or work experiance needed, huh? I heard Joe the Plumber was looking for work after his book tour winds down.

ManchuCandidate February 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm

[re=253467]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
But but but but Enzyte works! It really does!

ToeCramps February 26, 2009 at 12:57 pm

I drink Coca Cola at home already! They pay for that? Would that be considered Palinesque per diem? Also.

The Cap'm February 26, 2009 at 12:57 pm

I was SO looking forward to my 60 days paid vacation!

ManchuCandidate February 26, 2009 at 12:57 pm

[re=253476]NoWireHangers[/re]:
Bah Zing!

Nerdalicious February 26, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=253454]daisy chain[/re]:
Ok, Joe The Daisy Chain, why aren’t you at CPAC? Scammers/Gypsys/Grifters people need jobs, money, & love too!

President Beeblebrox February 26, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Hey, wait a sec – you mean this letter I got isn’t legit? I has a sad now. What will my friends on 419Eater.com think of me now?

TREAT VERY CONFIDENTIAL URGENT RESPONSES!!!
From: mariam kabore – mrs.mariam_kabore@yahoo.com

From The Desk Of Mariam Kabore .The Head Of File Department,African Development Bank A.D.BOuagadougou Burkina-Faso West Africa.PLANE CRASH WEB SITE…http://news.bbc.co.uk/1hi/world/europe/859479.stm

(“REMITTANCE OF $15 MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS CONFIDENTIAL IS THE CASE”)Compliment Of The Season, On a very good day. I am (Mariam Kabore ),the Head of file Department in African developent bank (ADB).I got your contact from Yahoo tourist search.When i was searching for a foreign partner i assured of your capability and reliability to champion this businees opportunity when i prayed to God or Allah about you.In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $ 15 million U.S.A dollars ( fifteen million U.S.A dollars) . In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in (Monday 31st July 2002) in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines, but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and one official in my department now decided to make this businness proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclamed after five years, the money will be transfered into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner, and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30 % of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10 % will be set aside for expenses incured during the business and 60 % would be for me and my woman colleague. There after i will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate trnansfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for thetransfer. Your’s faithfully, Mariam Kabore

POST SCRITUM:You have to keep everything secret as to enable the transfer to move very smoothly in to the account you will prove to the bank.As you finished reading this letter call me immediately so that we discuss very well over this business.

shortsshortsshorts February 26, 2009 at 1:01 pm

“None of the positions require any kind of education or work experience!!”

Hooray! I con haz Senate Seat?

Tommy Says Soooo February 26, 2009 at 1:03 pm

If at Coca-Cola everything is possible then please tell me why the Coke bottle didn’t magically turn into Jessica Biel and how much lube I’m going to need to extract myself. It burns!

Campbell Brown' February 26, 2009 at 1:04 pm

“When i was searching for a foreign partner i assured of your capability and reliability to champion this businees opportunity when i prayed to God or Allah about you”

Are you sure this wasn’t from Bernie Madoff?

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=253450]MisterLoki[/re]: [re=253462]Serolf Divad[/re]: …this = THIS!

Lascauxcaveman February 26, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Coca Cola is moving its HQ from Atlanta to Lagos. I hear the top execs are behind it because Atlanta is getting so “negrofied” these days.

shanemacgowan February 26, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Bite the Wax Tadpole.

DangerousLiberal February 26, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Actually, this is just a clever way to cull the herd–if you fall for this scam, you get a Loser tatoo on your forehead, and you do, sort of, work with Coca Cola–at a neighborhood fast food emporium of your choice.

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 1:08 pm

[re=253494]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …that means the entire state of Mississippi is qualified!

Crazybroad February 26, 2009 at 1:11 pm

[re=253501]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I hate you — I was eating my lunch.

sux2bu February 26, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=253464]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hey! You vant big moniez? Give kredit kard number. Do eet naowww!

shortsshortsshorts February 26, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=253511]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: If the bastards would get off their asses and lose some weight they could actually fit onto the plane to their new jawb, because working from home is not an option, as Mississippi does not yet have the internet.

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=253505]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: …as someone who has visited and has family in Nigeria, I wouldn’t drink anything bottled in Nigeria! Unless you are on a strict melamine and botulism diet.

WadISay February 26, 2009 at 1:15 pm

At least if I’m my own boss, the self-abuse makes a little more sense.

Nerdalicious February 26, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=253492]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
Count me in! When can I call you & discuss this very well?

jon c February 26, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=253492]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Dude, that email was supposed to be kept confidential. Guess you just fucked up your chance at 30% of the abandoned $15M.

nutcracker February 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=253464]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: The grammar will be no worse than you would find in papers written by American high school students.

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=253516]sux2bu[/re]: …with how crappy our economy is, soon we are going to be the ones scamming them!

AngryBlakGuy February 26, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=253519]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …“as Mississippi does not yet have the internet.”

I’m not even sure if they indoor plumbing yet!

Lascauxcaveman February 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=253521]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Not to worry, my friend! I’ve bewen accepted for a job in Coca Cola’s Kinshasa office (soon as my processing fee clears!) so I won’t be stuck in a Nigerian hellhole.

Elm Hugger February 26, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=253450]MisterLoki[/re]: Aw man, you too? She is two timing me already!

Mr Blifil February 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm

I wanna be a Coke Zero!

TeddyS February 26, 2009 at 2:15 pm

am internets reply on Wonkete about re our cola advertizinment for jobs. we are real company and lawyer will sue you for making your internets readers think not otherwise. we will not advertising on your Wonk computer place but place our account money elsewhere with mister sean hammity and miss rush limbough. we keep your social security number and bank accounts private. please not to no longer say we are scamps.

facehead February 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=253607]TeddyS[/re]: winner.

S.Luggo February 26, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=253607]TeddyS[/re]: Point.

President Beeblebrox February 26, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=253530]jon c[/re]: Well, I wrote back and some guy named BARRISTER FRANKLIN NGOMBO said it was OK to get my friends involved as long as they were willing to keep things secret too. Also something about paying $10,000 for special solvent to wash some black ink off of my money. He even sent pictures of the money to show that it was waiting for me in Lagos. Also.

Suds McKenzie February 26, 2009 at 3:23 pm

How bout a Freska?

teebob2000 February 26, 2009 at 5:00 pm

It’s worth a try, isn’t it?? I mean, the $2000 application fee Coke charges seem reasonable to net you a plum job!

I’ll let you know how it works out for me. Suckas!

Gallowglass February 26, 2009 at 6:04 pm

But will they still make my penis bigger if I help get all that dethroned prince’s money out of Nigeria?

Bruno February 27, 2009 at 5:07 am

I am curious how at-home quality control works.

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