George Will Does Not Care For This Smorgasbord Of Hedonist Sex Everybody's Enjoying

Tuesday night, we saw George Will recoiling at the sight of two men hugging and Wonkette's own Ken Layne asked, "Oh, George Will, what will offend your delicate sensibilities next?" And now we have our answer. The answer is two people kissing, if they are not married.

The idea is this: people used to erupt in frenzied tantrums of shame at the mention of an awful deed like premarital sex. Now they reserve their outrage for processed foods, while salaciously teabagging each other out of wedlock.

This is bad for society, because people need to quit having so many babies when they aren't married. Plus, sex leads to AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases.

In other words, George Will has never heard of a marvelous little invention called "the condom," which provides the dual benefits of birth control and protection against various diseases.

Also, he secretly masturbates to thoughts of Betty Draper making mashed potatoes with heavy cream and butter.

 Prudes at Dinner, Gluttons in Bed [The Washington Post]