Hot Sexy New American Tea Party Meets Tomorrow!

  citizen protests

She invites you to 'swing around your tea bags'Apparently there is a new political party organized around the insane rantings of the Prophet Rick Santelli, a non-bald Chicago floor-trading version of Joe the Plumber. The New American Tea Party may fill in the civic vacuum created by the collapse of the Paultard movement, as it combines a concern with fiscal responsibility, Liberty, and earnestly organizing demonstrations in DC. Are you free tomorrow around noon?

We are meeting at Lafayette Square Park at noon on Friday. This is just north of the White house, and two blocks south of the Farragut North Metro station (very easy to get to from CPAC). If you’re on the orange/blue lines, take the McPherson Square metro stop. [...]

Please bring cameras, especially ones with video, American flags, and tea bags if you can find any to swing around the air. We’ll also have a very special surprise for the event.

We’re expecting a little rain. We’re going to go ahead and do this though, rain or shine. Liberty-minded people need to show that when the cause is worthy, they *will* rally. Let’s overturn the current wisdom that only activists can organize.

This group has gotten some media coaching, so that’s neat! The bit about the tea bags, though — that is just not good television. A tea bag is dinky, brown, and does not “swing around the air” very impressively. Better to tar and feather a tax collector, and then shoot them with a musket.

 
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A few updates. [New American Tea Party]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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88 comments

  1. turboslut

    Holy shit, this movement is indeed arising, Phoenix-like, from the ashes of the Libertarian polity of aught-eight. It’s like Christmas come early! Also Wonkette I commend your admirable restraint in avoiding the easy teabagging joke. At least for now.

  2. BillyClubb

    “Liberty-minded people” Is that the same thing as swingers, or free-love people? Because if it is, I’ll be there…

  3. ManchuCandidate

    Having seen Paultards, Hot and Sexy are not words I would use to describe these Jasons/Freddie Kreugers of the political world.

  4. Serolf Divad

    [re=253214]turboslut[/re]:

    You’re sure to meet all your old comrades from the Ron Paul campaign there, too… and no one else.

  5. Larry McAwful

    Finally, a third political party! One that breaks out of the old, entrenched system! One that stands for… um… well, it probably stands for everything I believe, because I’m an independent, too! I think both parties are wrong sometimes!

    Huzzah! American politics is changing forever! This is the biggest thing since James Weaver’s sweeping of the Electoral College in 1888!

  6. Bruno

    Any guesses on the Very Special Surprise?

    In today’s Hobo Economy, I think a guy chucking free cans of Hobo Beans off a truck would be received well, despite the danger. But knowing how boring politicians are, its probably Santelli.

  7. Mr Blifil

    Why not? There are a fair number of Mercantile Exchange traders about to have plenty of time on their hands. Nothing would be more satisfying however than imagining Santelli and Sam the Non-Plumber spending lots of time together on some fucking tour bus, strategizing. “Joe, I mean Sam, I mean Joe, have you considered investing in collectible plates?”

  8. Come here a minute

    Oh please make the “special surprise” the fabulously bald Joe the Policy Analyst. I can’t wait to hear more of his genius maths on how cutting taxes balances the budget.

    [re=253214]turboslut[/re]: You must have missed the alt-text.

  9. Bruno

    I’m betting the turnout will be slightly higher than those Puma Supreme Court Protesters about the Birth Certificate problem, and a lot lower than the Paultardapalooza

  10. donner_froh

    Great media coaching: Pass out talking points, just in case Joe or Jane Protestor gets buttonholed by a reporter
    While “buttonhole” has a specific meaning in this context, it also sounds like what Joe Protestor would love have the representatives of the media do to him, either with their manly members or their stout strap-ons.

  11. rocktonsammy

    I’m not giving up my tea bags, they are sustaining my diet during these tough times.

    I could trade Miss Cutie Tri Cornered Hat there for her fun bags.

  12. binarian

    “We are meeting at Lafayette Square Park at noon on Friday”

    Great. Shouldn’t these people be…I don’t know…fucking WORKING or something? Is playing hookey from work “financially responsible”?

  13. Dave J.

    Let’s overturn the current wisdom that only activists can organize.

    OMG, community organizing! SnarkPalinSnarkSnark.

  14. Guppy06

    Metro lines? Shouldn’t they vanish in a puff of logic if they set foot on a mode of public transportation?

  15. turboslut

    [re=253229]Come here a minute[/re]: So I did. Foolish of me to think they’d pass up a good teabagging joke.

    Also, countdown to the blimp?

  16. Monsieur Grumpe

    I’m fairly certain The Swinging Tea Bags was a local lounge act in the 80’s that played mostly in Holiday Inns around Battle Creek MI in the 80’s. I never saw them but I heard they rocked.

  17. Mr Blifil

    It’s actually probably not much fun relying on sexy-costume brochure modelling for your income. Hopefully it will be a step up to bigger things. Like meeting a rich day trader and moving to a gated community with it’s own Fresh Direct truck.

  18. user-of-owls

    How did they manage to cram so much stupid into so few lines?

    Are they trying to demonstrate that ‘passivists’ can organize too?
    Do they realize there never was an ‘old’ American Tea Party or are they worried that ‘Boston’ sounds to elitist and liberal?
    And…oh, the hell with it. My head hurts.

  19. Yaybuls

    When nobody shows up to this, simply look to Milli Vannilli for the answer:

    “Gotta blame it on something
    Gotta blame it on something

    Blame it on the rain (rain)
    Blame it on the stars (stars)
    Whatever you do don’t put the blame on you
    Blame it on the rain yeah yeah
    You can blame it on the rain
    Get
    Ooh, ooh (ooh)
    I can’t, I can’t. I can’t, can’t stand the rain
    I can’t, I can’t. I can’t, can’t stand the rain
    Yeah, yeah”

  20. user-of-owls

    [re=253243]shanemacgowan[/re]: Now if only we can dig up a guy named Edward Specifically to run against him in the primary…

    Or print up an announcement along the lines of: Rally Tonight! Generally Speaking!

    ok, I’m sorry.

  21. Scarab

    Decades from now, our grandchildren’s grandchildren will look back on this historic day and say, “what a bunch of douche bags.”

  22. Dave J.

    From their list of tips for their members when the news cameras show up:

    Remember, how do you want your cause to be presented by the media? As crazies? Or as Concerned Neighbors?

    Hmm, sounds like, um, some people could really mess things up by showing up to their event and acting like nutjobs. Hope that doesn’t happen.

  23. S.Luggo

    1. To attend, must one dress like a indian savage or will the usual storm trooper outfit do?

    2. “Please bring … and tea bags if you can find any to swing around the air.” No tea bags, but I have these things I stole from the tow hitch of an F-150 in Jacksonville. S’okay to swing?

  24. freakishlystrong

    Please, please DC Wonketteers get over there and swing some TRUKNUTZ around, show these assholes what a tea party really is, (and bring cameras!)…

  25. qwerty42

    [re=253240]WadISay[/re]: If there is a Star Wars convention in DC tomorrow, somebody please invite them to attend, also.
    Oh yeah! Klingons, imperial storm troopers and maybe hobbits will only add to the festive day. Hell, add some civil war reenactors too; any RenFaire types?

  26. Origami

    Well they seem to have the financial centers of Fayetteville, North Carolina and Kansas City, KS locked down for “tea party” protests, but NYC is strangely off the list…hm.

  27. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=253240]WadISay[/re]:
    There is NO convention in town on those dates. Please don’t ask how I know that.

  28. WadISay

    [re=253259]qwerty42[/re]: Also get them some signs: “Pardon Scooter,” “Quash the Rove Subpoena NOW,” and “Keep Your Kenyan Hands Off My Yacht” would be my suggestions.

  29. Dave J.

    This is even better, from their page:

    (Media: If you’re planning on covering this event, you must use shoulder mounted cameras. The National Park Service warns us that no tripods will be allowed.)

    LOLZ. Great idea, guys, invite the media to come but then prohibit them from using tripods to give their reporters a convenient shot.

  30. qwerty42

    [re=253269]WadISay[/re]: do they have a blimp? I don’t know how serious they can be if they don’t. I like the signs. Maybe some denouncing fiat money.

  31. Mothra Stewart

    “Please bring cameras, especially ones with video, American flags, and tea bags” – where can I find one of these multi-function, patriotic beverage cameras?

  32. Aloysius

    Hey, what’s the temperature like there in DC right about now? I’m not so concerned about the rain, but if I’m swinging my tea bags in public I need the temp to be maybe 65 or better.

    Wait a minute. Didn’t someone get in trouble once for doing this in a state park or something? Or is only queer if there’s a port-a-john involved?

  33. Dave J.

    [re=253280]Mothra Stewart[/re]: That’s odd, I did a google search for “video + tea bags” but the results were weird and didn’t have much to do with earmarks or omnibus spending legislation.

  34. HopeyDope

    He said “tea bags”. And meant it.

    These people must want us to elect Obama as our Supreme Overlord and Emperor for All Time.

  35. Peanut Inspector

    Tea bags? Rain? Umm, unless they are planning on making a refreshing beverage, I’m not sure they have really thought this one through.

  36. assistant/atlas

    [re=253272]Dave J.[/re]: Um, in light of this and Sarah’s point about their tiny tea bags just not cutting it, I’m beginning to think their media consulting was a bit…lacklustre. Hey guys if you need someone who knows big, evil media, I’m always willing to take on as clients clueless people with lots of money. Didn’t think there were many left. Phew! Call me!

  37. The Neoskeptic

    this doesn’t make ANY sense. the communist Obama administration is nothing like the tyrannical King George and all of his stamp tax acts. He’s so much more like stalin, with the goulags and the bread lines and the what-have-you.

    maybe they should have a protest where they build a replica of the BERLIN WALL around themselves. that would make it much easier for the rest of us anyway….

  38. TGY

    I presume they’ve decided taxation with representation isn’t a whole lot better than taxation without representation.

  39. Origami

    [re=253312]Peanut Inspector[/re]: My prediction: a group of 20 or so awkward white college boys in South Park t-shirts and cotton shorts (in winter, no less) with fistfuls of brown goop in their hands, tiny tea strings with Yogi Tea “inspirational messages” scattered about the wet asphalt and the smell of Kava mercifully masking the stench of sweaty, unwashed socks that seems to surround the Paultards.

    After about 20 minutes of milling around in the rain (only one person will have brought an umbrella but he will leave because he has to go pick up his friend Steve from Blockbuster in like 5 minutes) the group will disband, later writing of their victory on their Tumblrs even though the local news report on the “protest” shows them to be nothing but tea-stained buffons who are just killing time until they can play Guitar Hero again.

  40. hobgoblin of little minds

    Is Malkin showing up in her cheerleader costume? She needs to be slapped upside the head with some tea bags. And Truck Nutz.

    Didn’t the paultards tell these teabaggers that this whole march things is an epic fail?

  41. Hooray For Anything

    [re=253259]qwerty42[/re]: What about guys in Brown Shirts? That seems somewhat appropriate to all of this.

  42. Mad Farmer Manifest

    I would welcome an actual conservative party in this country, in contrast to the fascists we just deposed. The Democrats are going to become bloated turds without someone to keep them sharp. God knows that the Republicans are only a threat to themselves these days. Think of it: a party of tea-bagging Paultards. That’s an opposition I can believe in!

  43. President Beeblebrox

    This is GREAT NEWS !!! FOR THE CRAZY RIGHT WING OF THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY !!!

    Srsly, I used to be a big-L Libertarian. LP conventions were always a barrel of laffs because the loony right (anarcho-libertarian gun rights/property rights/Remember Ruby Ridge/Crazed Wild-Eyed Loner types) was in a constant state of tension with the loony left (let’s grow medical marijuana/legalize all drugs/decriminalize everything Crazed Wild-Eyed Hippie types). It was a weird yin/yang type of situation, with one side constantly threatening to overwhelm the other with party officers, platform planks, etc.

    When Bob Barr ran as the LP candidate in 2008, it seemed that the Loony Right won the game that year… but now it seems the folks who are too loony for the LP and Ron Paul are now about to start their Very Own Political Party, strictly for the lulz. I can’t wait.

  44. President Beeblebrox

    Yay, the party is sponsored by the very folks who love the Crazy Right Wing of the Libertarian Party:

    “This website is specifically dedicated to the Washington, D.C. effort specifically sponsored by the American Spectator, the Heartland Institute, Americans for Tax Reform, the National Taxpayers Union, Americans for Prosperity, and the Young Conservatives Coalition.”

    ATR is, of course, Grover Norquist’s puppy.

  45. hobospacejungle

    It’s just going to be the detritus from CPAC, after a day of seminars headed by JTP, John Bolton, GG Liddy and Michelle Malkin. All of whom are there according to a friend who’s there undercover as part of his PhD research. He’s currently sitting in a Malkin seminar where someone just suggested tarring & feathering President Hopey. I guess this person thought lynching was one step too far.

  46. 4tehlulz

    >>I guess this person thought lynching was one step too far.

    Since when did they allow hippy peacenik fags in CPAC?

  47. finland

    first these people want us to send physical truck nutz to male congressmen. now they want us to wave tea bags around in the air. i’ll be sure to bring my “liberty-minded” feather boa just for the occasion.

  48. duker155

    “Tea bagging” is a slang term for when a person stimulates a man’s testicles with her or his mouth. Some people use “tea bagging” to refer to the act of lowering one’s scrotum into another person’s mouth.

    Conservatives, testicles, scrotums. ’nuff said?

  49. TeddyS

    Michelle plans to give her girls several thermos bottles of hot water, and containters of cream and sugar from the White House kitchen and they will all go over and mingle with the crowd as an extra school credit. In America, you don’t have to be black to succeed in life.

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