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BREAKING NEWS

The Obamas Are About To Get Their Dog, In Spring, Pretty Soon!

Please don't drink out of the motherfucking toilet bowl.Now this is some change we can believe in: Barack Obama kept his promise to three Americans (his wife and daughters) and now the family has a dog (Bobby Jindal). Ha, just kidding, they wanted a good dog. And they haven’t actually picked out a canine, yet. It’s all in People magazine, which is the main periodical covering the Obama Administration, because Americans love People, and when’s the last time you saw the NYT in the checkout line?

Actually, there is no news whatsoever in the People story. The Obamas already said they wanted a “rescue” animal of the Portuguese Water Dog breed, and Michelle Obama says the same thing to People, so … there you go! They will get this dog after Spring Break, when it’s nice outside for about two weeks, before the sweltering humid dead-air stench known as Summer, which will end in October.

Michelle Obama: White House Dog Coming Soon! [People]


4:13 PM on Wed February 25 2009
By Ken Layne
3088 Views

  1. grevillea says at 4:17 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Aw man, Hopey’s gittin’ some kind of WONDER-dog! Elitist.
    http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/portuguesewaterdog.htm
    Developed from working dogs brought by invaders and settlers to the Iberian Peninsula, the Portuguese Water Dog has aided Portuguese fisherman for many centuries. He herded and caught fish, carried messages between ships, retrieved anything that fell overboard, and guarded the catch and boats when in port.

  2. Serolf Divad says at 4:17 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Why does Obama need another dog given that he’s already made John Boehner his bitch?

  3. Doglessliberal says at 4:19 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Whose job will it be to wield the Official Pooper Scooper?

  4. Doglessliberal says at 4:20 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Serolf Divad: Boehner is the outdoor-only dog, since he smokes. This one can play inside, too.

  5. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:21 pm, February 25th, 2009

    BREAKING: Obama’s dog hasn’t paid taxes for work in International Monetary Fund.
    Developing

  6. The Cold Sea says at 4:21 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Wow, thanks, Ken. Here I was looking forward to spring and you jump to nasty summer.

  7. ManchuCandidate says at 4:22 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Doglessliberal:
    Probably someone without a tax problem.

  8. SayItWithWookies says at 4:22 pm, February 25th, 2009

    They could adopt Mayor Dean Grose of Los Alamitos. Unless he’d be too much trouble to housebreak.

  9. The Cold Sea says at 4:22 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: He smokes? Is that why he’s orange all the time?

  10. ToeCramps says at 4:24 pm, February 25th, 2009

    They should name the dog Hairy Hopey! Now that’s piss on the leg you can believe in!

  11. ThePerfesser says at 4:24 pm, February 25th, 2009

    So will the dog be named Hopey or Buster…..
    and when he goes outside, will he take a dump or make a Piyush?

  12. ChatteringClass says at 4:24 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: It’s actually the [i]First[/i] Pooper Scooper

  13. shellyboo98 says at 4:27 pm, February 25th, 2009

    This isn’t going to be like the commerce secretary position, is it? We’re not going to to get the portuguese water dog and find out that he didn’t pay his taxes, then a pug and find out Candidate #5 for Blagoyevich and then a Yorkie because I swear…I can’t take this much more of this. This dog better be thoroughly vetted, damnit!

  14. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 4:27 pm, February 25th, 2009

    They keep saying they want an elderly Portuguese Water Dog that is a rescue dog. Ted Kennedy has two Portuguese Water Dogs. I don’t want to sound morbid, but there may be a connection.

  15. June Cleaver 2.0 says at 4:28 pm, February 25th, 2009

    You can tell Michelle and Barack aren’t really dog people — maybe not even pet people– or they would have one by now. But they’re going to love a dog.

  16. Doglessliberal says at 4:33 pm, February 25th, 2009

    The Cold Sea:

    Big time smoker:

    http://voices.washingtonpost.com/sleuth/2007/03/boehner_bums_smokes_off_democr.html

    I always figured the orange was a Fake Bake, but yours is a good theory.

  17. Doglessliberal says at 4:35 pm, February 25th, 2009

    ChatteringClass: ah, yes, but then there’ll need to be a Deputy and Assistant Deputy, as well.

  18. Suds McKenzie says at 4:36 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: Marion Barry on work release.

  19. Atheist Nun says at 4:39 pm, February 25th, 2009

    grevillea: Wow, these dogs sound amazing!

    Temperament: “The Portuguese Water Dog is a water-loving, lively but sensible, and loyal dog. Affectionate and fun to be around. It is excellent with children and usually gets along with other dogs and pets without any problems. They make good watchdogs. They have a very good sense of smell. They are excellent at detecting Republican Hypocrisy, and tend to lunge for the throats of old white men who constantly tell lies about everything. “

  20. SayItWithWookies says at 4:47 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Atheist Nun: So it would be a lot of fun at those bipartisan dinners.

  21. A lot of my neighbors (okay, a few) on the elitist Upper West Side had Portuguese Water Dogs. They were the puppeh of choice when people got tired of those wrinkled dogs that look like Joan Rivers would probably look without the 431 facelifts.

  22. Atheist Nun says at 4:56 pm, February 25th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Well, during the dinners, Obama chains it up in the corner where it stands stock still, straining against its’ leash while emitting a constant, low-decibel growl that is very disconcerting.

  23. Pat Pending says at 4:59 pm, February 25th, 2009

    shellyboo98: yeah, I see what you did there… ‘Vetted!’ Get it? Thoroughly VETTED!

  24. Pat Pending says at 5:01 pm, February 25th, 2009

    The Portuguese Water Dog has the coat of a poodle, but without being a pussy.

  25. Thegreatbacon says at 5:01 pm, February 25th, 2009

    If you replace “ADOPT” with “IPOOP” in the picture above, I’ll take one as a poster. Easy money. What do you say?

  26. chascates says at 5:15 pm, February 25th, 2009

    The girls should get a pony. Caroline Kennedy had a pony. And a pony could kick the shit out of John McCain should he ever come around the White House.

  27. Red Zeppelin says at 5:30 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Atheist Nun: That sounds like Dick Cheney–did he just come with the house?

  28. President Beeblebrox says at 5:51 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Another NObama promise - broken. He promised those kids a puppy would be coming to the White House with them. When will the liberal media stop pandering to NObama? Henngh?

  29. smellyal8r says at 6:16 pm, February 25th, 2009

    To revive an old Bill Safire joke, why not name it Eric Cantor so they could say “Sit, Eric Cantor” “Fetch, Eric Cantor” “Stop humping my leg, Eric Cantor”

  30. bbmumblings says at 10:39 pm, February 25th, 2009

    Stop holding the breaths. They’re getting a Webkinz.

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