Tina Fey ruined Sarah Palin. She will now ruin Bobby Jindal.Michael Gerson very clearly sat down to write his column about the fantastic splendor of Bobby Jindal some time ago, before the hapless nerdsome twit was disowned by David Brooks and even some people on Fox. The word “Jindal” shall never again pass the lips of any conservative — not even the man himself, who will change his name to Theodore Ogelvie and leave Louisiana under cover of darkness.

Anyway, Gerson digs (dug) Bobby Jindal because he is exactly like Bill Clinton, in that he is a charismatic womanizing Rhodes Scholar from the South, minus the charisma and the womanizing and anything else remotely interesting.

Jindal also resembles Sarah Palin, except less pretty, and with no ovaries or sass, but with credentials that “elites” favor, such as a willingness to read books.

And Jindal’s résumé, intellectual confidence and command of policy make him the anti-Palin. Fairly or unfairly, media and intellectual elites (including some conservative elites) regard Gov. Sarah Palin as an inhabitant of another cultural planet. Jindal, while also religious and conservative, speaks the language of the knowledge class and will not be easily caricatured or dismissed.

They need to make a time machine for newspaper columnists so that they can avoid this problem of being completely wrong about everything.

The Jindal Phenomenon [Washington Post]

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  1. The verdict is still out on “womanizing.” It could be easy to say that when he performed the exorcism on “Sally” it was actually a terrible sex-groping. He said himself that he held her down. Also. and Also.

  2. Bobby Jindal was terrific. His response is the most effective I can remember since Ed Muskie’s fireside chat following Nixon’s State of the Union in 1970. The staging was beautiful — the old South governor’s mansion with the big magnolia tree in front leading in to his slender young son of immigrants serving as Governor. He presented an alternative vision that was not mean sprited, but optimistic. Will this do for Jindal what the 2004 keynote speech did for Obama?

  3. He will not be easily caricatured, except in the photo accompanying this post. But seriously: he’s so loony it’s like picking on a retarded kid.

  4. I had a nightmare last night that I was standing in my mansion and then, out of nowhere, Bobby Jindal strolled in from the billiard room to warn me about giving money to volcanoes.

  5. Oh, thank you for mentioning this — I read Gerson’s column earlier and was just floored. My favorite sentence was this one:
    Some have compared Jindal to Obama, but the new president has always been more attracted to platitudes than to policy.
    Is it possible that George Won’tSomeonePleaseSuffocateMeWithAPillow Bush’s ex-speechwriter doesn’t know the meaning of the words platitude or policy?

    Also, Gerson — give your poor mom a break and get a professional to cut your fuckin’ hair. Or else start wearing baggy shorts and suspenders so the rest of you looks like an idiot schoolboy too.

  6. [re=252663]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Shorts x 3, you are Trustee Inmate of the Wonkette Commentariat, but may it be respectfully ventured that the “also” joke is a bit fatigued from overuse?

    Now, Truck Nutz’ll never get old.

  7. That sound you heard last night was Gerson slapping his forehead after watching Bobby’s speech last night.

    [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]: No.

  8. Is Jindall a secret Scientologist? Maybe that’s why he’s afraid of volcanoes. Isn’t that where all the bad “engrams” that infest our corporeal self are supposed to have sprouted from according to the Sacred Writings of L. Ron?

  9. [re=252672]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=252675]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I think we were just shown by [re=252666]paparapapa[/re] that Jindal will be easily caricatured.

  10. That dead end at the end of conservatism is full these days that they’re going to have to use some of that stimulus money to try and build an annex.

  11. So the story I read somewhere else (ok, I read other blogs, just occasionally, not meaning anything by it) is that ‘Bobby’ picked that name for himself after watching episodes of The Brady Bunch. You can draw your own conclusions about that. Me, I was only ever into Marsha.

  12. Well, apparently there’s still hope for Piyush/Palin 2012. Hannity still hearts the Bobby and is having him on next hour. Of course, it could just be Kenneth pranking Hannity. That would be teh awesome. Truck Nutz and Butt Seks should never be retired. Also.

  13. “…biodiesel refineries, quality assurance centers, digital media…”

    And government meddling in these indusries is which part of a free market agenda?

  14. RIP “Also.” Remember that you were loved. Now you must return to the land of Butterstick and Macaca. Perhaps one day, like Cocktober, you will rise again but now it is time to rest with the knowledge that you served your purpose.

    Now where is that Campbell Brown?!?

  15. I don’t do so well with members of the “knowledge class” either. Something about being “an idiot.” I’m glad someone like Jindal, who shares my inarticulate religious urges and brutally paranoid worldview, can speak for me.

  16. [re=252692]naveed[/re]: Cute picture, but both Hils and Locke are yer standard issue Democratic machine pols who knew each other from Locke being gov of Washington state, Locke was involved (semi controversially) in previous Clinton fundraising, so … what? It’s a cute picture?

  17. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]:

    Dear Piyush:

    It is very nice of you to start a Wonkette account. However, I don’t think it will do you any good to go from blog to blog and post such malarkey. You were bad. You were Iron Butterfly to Obama’s Led Zeppelin; the Bay City Rollers to Obama’s Beatles; Ernie Terrell to Obama’s Muhammad Ali. In short, FAIL! Even with the sound off, FAIL.

  18. i so called this last night- check the comments from Sara’s liveblogging. I was totally waiting for Jindal to start spinning tales about the Hill Witch… But really no reason to practice any impersonations cuz last night’s response was pretty much THE END of Jindal’s national ambitions. The End.

  19. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]: Yes. Yes it will. IMO that speech made Obama’s keynote seem so, well, amatuer in comparison. BWAHAHAHAHAHAA Oh fuck, I can’t. I’d tell you to go back to freeper land but even those knuckle-draggers have abandoned Piyush. Maybe Malkin’s site? Maybe she missed the speech and is still supporting him.

  20. [re=252676]V572625694[/re]: [Screaming and crying] NO!! NO!!! How can you be so mean to also? What did also ever do to YOU??? Leave also alone!! Sob, sob. LEAVE. IT. ALONE. Also. Too.

  21. I fully encourage the Republican party to embrace Jindal the Castrator/Page and Moose Girl as their new messiahs. I mean many of us have recognized for years that they are wingnuts, but these icons help spell it out for the rest of the country. It also sounds like many conservatives, including Bobby Jindal, wrote their pieces before actually hearing what they were supposed to be responding to.

  22. They could, in the alternative, develop a manned spacecraft that deposits Gerson, Will, Kristol, Krauthammer, and the NRO Funky Bunch into the heart of the sun.

  23. [re=252676]V572625694[/re]: Actually, the rule is that also should be used only when one references Sarah Palin’s mental abilities. Also, it is almost required such as also.

  24. Hannity thinks Piyush’s big problem was the back drop and that he “could have waved his hands more”. But his substance was teh perfect. I think Hannity=paparapapa

  25. [re=252793]assistant/atlas[/re]: The hope being, of course, that Sarah Palin goes away and thus, also goes away also. Also is part of her presence, like little boys for Republicans. I think they call those “memes” or perhaps “classics.” Or maybe “cliches.”

  26. Don’t bring me down…PIYUSH!
    Don’t bring me down…PIYUSH!
    Don’t bring me down…PIYUSH!
    Don’t bring me down

    What happened to the Gov who seemed a star
    You rambled weirdly and you acted bizarre
    Don’t bring me down
    No no no no no,
    Your party’s a wreck
    And you have misplaced your neck
    Don’t bring me down.

    You’re always talkin’ ’bout that free market crap
    Just give it up because you sound like a sap
    Don’t bring me down
    No no no no no,
    You’re a figure of fun
    Your fifteen minutes is done
    Don’t bring me down, down, down, down, down
    So get off the stage
    You broke-ass Kenneth the Page
    Don’t bring me down.

    Electric Light Orchestra, not Emerson, Lake and Palmer as I suggested last night. (The codeine cough syrup bottle says ‘DO NOT USE MACHINE CAR’ but should probably say ‘DO NOT USE MACHINE COMPUTER’ considering.)

  27. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]: the most effective I can remember since Ed Muskie’s fireside chat following Nixon’s State of the Union in 1970.

    You mean his fireside chat on the eve of the House elections in November 1970, not the response to the January 1970 SOTU address, to which Muskie’s contribution was but one of a compendium and did not earn the notability of his November speech.

    You people . . . *shakes head*

  28. And not one person going for the obvious Parappa the Rapper reference? Either I’m incredibly old or incredibly young for this crowd.

    “Really?” works well in very limited uses. It finally worked for Seth Meyers with the whole PotHead McOlympian Scandale!

  29. Jindal “will change his name to Theodore Ogelvie.” Like “Bobby”, his choice of name will depend on what he’s watching on TV when he decides to change it. I’m hoping for Wink Marindale.

  30. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]: Hey, don’t worry. I got the irony. The rest of this bunch is too young to remember who Ed Muskie was and/or are completely hungover.

  31. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]: When Bobby Jin told that St. Olaf-esqu story about a crazy sheriff who despite an entire force of deputies was getting his ass so punked by a single bureaucrat over the phone, that he had to fucking name-drop Piyush, I near about died laughing.

    So in that one way, yes, it was not mean-sprited.

  32. Kenneth the Page. Droopy Leiberman Dawg. Foghorn Fred Leghorn and Egghead Cantor Jr.. Spike/Rush the Bulldog. Daffy Boner Duck. Olive Oyl Coulter. Sara Fargo Palin.

    Is there a fun comedy character that is NOT represented in this fun GOP??

  33. I was just shocked it was so bad. I’ve actually met Gov. Jindal and in person, he doesn’t sound like Ellie Mae Clampett (or her ’09 counterpart, Kenneth the Page). I mean, he’s smart (for reals) and won a pretty good race in Louisiana (granted, New Orleans was washed away, meaning all the Ds had moved to other states). But, boy did he suck last night. I mean, end of the career suck. Clinton came back from that 200 minute convention speech in ’88, but that was before the blogesphere or Darrel Hammond. This will run for years on SNL (and, indeed, it should be the cast of 30 Rock as Jindal/Palin).

  34. [re=252671]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sayit, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: you are the funniest person on this blog (OK, Lionel Hutz and Shortshorts are funny too, but you make Diet Coke shoot out of my nose nearly every time).

  35. [re=252666]paparapapa[/re]:

    You’re being sarcastic right?

    Jindal looked like Kenneth the Page, made a Mr. Rogers speech and looked like he was wearing candy cane tie which would be an open invite to make a reference to Willy Wonka.

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