REALLY JUST A BAD SPEECH  3:21 pm February 25, 2009

Bobby Jindal Enrages Volcano Monitoring People By Mocking Volcano Monitoring People

by Jim Newell

Bobby Jindal’s speechwriters, they are Gods. Check out this little one-two he pulled on the Democrats. See, he sets it up all good-like by saying that the stimulus package included “$140 million for something called ‘volcano monitoring,’” like wtf is that right, and then KA-CHING: “Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.” Get this guy a Washington Post column! He’d fit right in, because everyone already despises him.

The liberal scientists are furious:

While the claim was factually inaccurate (the $140 million will go to the US Geological Survey, of which volcanic research is only a part), scientists are also decrying Jindal’s comments as a blast of hot volcanic air.

“Apparently the governor of Louisiana doesn’t remember any of the major volcanic eruptions in recent history,” said a professor of geology at Yale University who has studied volcanoes around the world, Mark Brandon. “Volcanic monitoring right now is absolutely essential for protecting lives and property. The amount of money invested compared to the amount of money returned is trivial. It’s not just some hobby—if the governor were in a volcanic eruption he’d realize that the people who do that work are very useful in protecting you from direct hazards.”

Oooh, well aren’t you smart, Mr. Yaleypants, what with your Yale teachy job in the fancy sciences. If you love volcanoes so much, why don’t you gay-marry them? AT YALE? For the rest of us *serious* folk, however, it’s quite clear that those volcanoes will be less likely to erupt if we just give everyone a capital gains tax cut.

Jindal’s Eruption of Hot Gas [Daily Beast]

Related video

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V572625694 February 25, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Well there’s this: you can monitor the living shit out all the volcanoes you can find, but when they blow, no force on earth can stop them. Still, it would be nice to have a few minutes to get the cat into the car, though, before you leave home…forever!

Gopherit February 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Yeah, volcano monitoring, that’s almost as ridiculous as NOAA looking out for hurricanes! The free market will fix it….don’t worry your pretty heads.

Seriously? This guy is the bright star?

Dr. Spaceman February 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

If I wanted the government to protect me from natural disasters, I’ll move to Cuba.

AnnieGetYourFun February 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

The funding doesn’t EXIST to monitor all the eruptions in Washington. We can barely keep track of the ones involving hookers and child victims. Bobby Jindal cannot be trusted to balance a budget.

frumious_bandersnatch February 25, 2009 at 3:26 pm

I’d suggest that the irony gods send him a nice unmonitored volcano, but I have too many folks I love in Louisiana. Maybe just a tiny one? Like that could fit in his toilet? Bet nobody’s monitoring that…

willdude February 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

“Apparently the governor of Louisiana doesn’t remember any of the major volcanic eruptions in recent history,” said a professor of geology at Yale University who has studied volcanoes around the world, Mark Brandon.

Hey, MARK BRANDON, maybe you should listen to what this nice professor says.

Bearbloke February 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

They will call down the WRATH of the Volcano goddess Pele upon him and his candy-striped ties!!1!!

TurdBlossom February 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

If there’s one thing the governor of the state destroyed by Katrina doesn’t want, it’s early monitoring for natural disasters.

Paterlanger February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Jindal is such a whimp. Sure he’ll take on the obscure tax-wasting science of Volcanology but does he have the stones to take on those publicity hound money-sucking-louts at the National Hurricane Center. Hell, the work those guys do only benefits a handful of states and… oh, wait.

Formerly Preferred February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

In fairness, what would the governor of Louisiana know about the destruction caused by natural disasters?

ph7 February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Bobby could save us all $140 million by explaining to all those book learners at The US Geologic Survey to refer to Revelations for the volcano eruption schedule.

PomPom February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

I bet they’re using overhead projectors to look at the volcanoes, hehgnnnn!

(Does anybody but me even remember that reference? The debates feel so long ago. NOSTALGIC TEAR)

actor212 February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

This was a swipe at Sarah Palin, because the volcano monitoring is going on in large part in Alaska.

Pity he had to bring partisan politics to the national crisis.

esd2020 February 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm

[re=252573]V572625694[/re]: Well jeez, we’ll never defeat the geological terrorists with that attitude

actor212 February 25, 2009 at 3:29 pm

[re=252573]V572625694[/re]: Volcanoes blow?

I’m interested in your website and would like to subscribe to your news feed.

shellyboo98 February 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Oh, stop picking on Bobby! It’s like ridiculing the retarded kid in class. It’s all fun and games until someone starts crying and pees on himself and then you guys will be sorry.

Mr Blifil February 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Is that a volcano in your pants, Piyush, or did all the attention just make you SHIT YOURSELF?

Red Zeppelin February 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Now if it were Jimmy Buffet doing the monitoring, I would not mind at all. I doubt those guys at Yale even know how to make margaritas.

CaliforniaMike February 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Jindal was just happy in his pants because “Slumdog” won so many Oscars, so he thought he could step up and be Mister Conservative. He forgot that Republicans will let them women and blacks have the lesser jobs, but when it comes to standing at the top, you’ve got to be WASPy. Sorry, Piyush, your daddy had it wrong. Only SOME Americans can do anything.

AfghanVet February 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

What does one say when they have nothing? See Jindal and Republicans et al. They have nothing, zero, zilch, nada…and so they can only keep repeating the same tired stuff. It’s getting pretty sad actually.

Serolf Divad February 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Volcanic eruptions are a sign of God’s wrath against a disobedient nation. The best way to “monitor” the likelihood of another volcanic eruption is to keep track of how many gay marriages have been performed in America. The higher the number, the greater the likelihood that our nation will be consumed by ash, fire and lava.

AfghanVet February 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

[re=252573]V572625694[/re]: If they blow, volcanos must be Republican. Ba DA boom.

agentstinky February 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Haven’t you people seen Dante’s Peak? Barack Obama is Pierce Brosnan, and Bobby Jindal is the cranky city councilman or whoever that won’t let him evacuate the town. If the Democrats don’t step up, we’re all going to be wiped out in an impressive-for-the-time dam explosion special effects extravaganza.

Delicious February 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Well, we could thrown in another $140 million for devil monitoring.

doxastic February 25, 2009 at 3:33 pm

we’ll just let people in their boats rescue us from volcano eruptions. Then, we can privately build new private hospitals, private schools and private roads. We’ll even build private levees for private communities where people privately private themselves in the privates.

Besides, the only people who have to worry about volcanoes are Hawaiian muslins.

PomPom February 25, 2009 at 3:33 pm

“First they came for the volcano monitors but I said nothing, because I am not a volcano monitor.”

President Beeblebrox February 25, 2009 at 3:33 pm

I say, Leftenant, these Hindoos know nothing of their surroundings, do they? At least we can count on that Mohamadean President to foretell natural disasters which might befall our fair Raj.

Right … the thing that kills me about Jingle Jangle is that he sounds like every other cornpone Louisiana politician in the world. I say, I say, I say, son! We don’t need nunna dem haah-speed rayl laahnes!

SayItWithWookies February 25, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=252593]actor212[/re]: I’m sure Alaska has no business with volcano monitoring — Governor Palin knows that the Feds aren’t the answer to their problems — they are the problem. Oh, but keep the money coming in, of course.

qwerty42 February 25, 2009 at 3:34 pm

What about hot spots like Yellowstone? Sure it’s all nice and geyserish now, with antelope and pandas and whatever the hell runs around out there, but suppose it becomes a hellhole in a few months? We won’t have to worry about “taxes” or “food” or “housing” (well, maybe someone who gets into a mine shaft with enough food and non-toxic water). They can fill out their 1040′s.

Texan Bulldoggette February 25, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=252593]actor212[/re]: Yeah, he doesn’t want Moose Dumpling to be around in 2012, so get rid of all that damn volcano monitoring.

shortsshortsshorts February 25, 2009 at 3:35 pm

C’mon people! Everyone knows that volcano monitoring is just a silly job with no responsibilities! Try being a Wall Street financier with a corner office and a trust fund, for once.

That shit is HARD.

AnnieGetYourFun February 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Today, we are all volcano-monitoring scientists.

Trace February 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Maybe we should sit down and talk to the volcanoes and give them a hug and then they won’t erupt, you liberals love that gay touchy-feely crap.

freakishlystrong February 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Well, volcano activity is precisly why the libruls want a magnetic rail to Nevada, to escape the un-monitored volcanic explosions in California…

Red Zeppelin February 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm

What’s he got against maglev trains? There’s one from the Shanghai airport that goes over 200 mph and the ride is so smooth you can balance a cup of coffee on your knee. He also seems to have something against the government buying new cars. What’s left–Okie wagons? Pushcarts? Maybe cool fighting chariots like in Ben Hur? Oh–I get it–it’s elephants, obv.

Bruno February 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=252606]CaliforniaMike[/re]: I heard those slumdog kids are all lil’ Republicans, looking to have their unborn kiddies in Californialand

WadISay February 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Like blind albino shrimp that live all their lives in a cave, Jindal’s speechwriters knew the speech needed something, some kind of color by way of an example at this point. They just didn’t know what.

Vanity Smurf February 25, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Hm… Jindal versus the volcano. Me likee.

Piyush knows that all you have to do to protect your village from Pele is sacrifice a virgin. That’s what abstinence only sex (non)education is about, having plenty of sacrifices on hand in case of a geologic or climatic emergency.

NoWireHangers February 25, 2009 at 3:39 pm


Hamster February 25, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Did anyone see that Discover channel show on how Yellowstone is a supervolcano that will eventually blow half the continent into space or something? Can someone keep an eye on that, please?

Hooray For Anything February 25, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Don’t you people understand, how can we trust the Government to accurately monitor volcanoes when Government is the problem. You know what’ll help us monitor volcanoes? Lower taxes.

Serolf Divad February 25, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=252633]Red Zeppelin[/re]:

Maglevs are an abomination against God… because they employ electro-magnets to defy God’s law of gravity. Magnets, of course, are also an abomination against God, placed on Earth by the Devil to mock the Allmighty.

WadISay February 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm

[re=252573]V572625694[/re]: Even volcanoes don’t fuck with Joe Biden.

Zorg February 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Bush has degrees from Yale and Harvard. Dandi Piyush has a Harvard degree. Just how selective are these very selective colleges? What do they teach there? Is it the same stuff they study at Oral Roberts U.? Regents?

shortsshortsshorts February 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm

OT: but I just received the message FINALLY—
“Karl Rove is now following you on Twitter!”


sarcasticusername February 25, 2009 at 3:42 pm

i’ve always believed that volcanoes can monitor themselves, only a socialist would believe otherwise.

Gopherit February 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

[re=252645]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: No. Way!

shortsshortsshorts February 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

“MAGNETIC LEVITATION” (Krishna’s coming back)

[re=252639]NoWireHangers[/re]: I see what you did over there.

Delicious February 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

[re=252640]Hamster[/re]: Man, I really hate supervolcanoes.

Gopherit February 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm

[re=252643]WadISay[/re]: When did Joe become the new Chuck Norris?

Cape Clod February 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm

I, for one, am glad to see someone with the guts to take on Big Volcano.

V572625694 February 25, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=252597]actor212[/re]: A volcano gives you the best BJ you’ll ever have. Also the last.

[re=252642]Serolf Divad[/re], [re=252651]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Isn’t it obvious Governor Krishna thinks maglev is “magic levitation” and therefore the work of the Evil One. Get the behind me!

sux2bu February 25, 2009 at 3:53 pm

[re=252608]Serolf Divad[/re]: In parts of the nation not subject to volcanic eruptions, Gawd will substitute plagues of winged serpents to torment the evil-doers. Six of one, half a dozen of the other if you ask me.

McDuff February 25, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=252608]Serolf Divad[/re]: Oh, that explains all those volcanic eruptions of late in Massachusetts!

qwerty42 February 25, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=252640]Hamster[/re]: The Hawaiian islands are over another hot spot. The Pacific plate has moved, but at one time French Frigate Shoals and islands as far away as Midway were formed by it.

NYNYNY February 25, 2009 at 4:03 pm

[re=252585]TurdBlossom[/re]: What if the Governor of Washington State had said “And they want to spend $140 Million on something called ‘hurricane monitoring’? What about the out of control hurricane of spending in DC?

I didn’t know that bills could be written spending amounts as small as $140 mill.

gjdodger February 25, 2009 at 4:04 pm

I have news for you, Mr. Piyush the 30Rock Page. We’re monitoring volcanoes over there so they won’t follow us over here. In fact, President Hopey is about to create the brand new Department of Lava Security.

The Cold Sea February 25, 2009 at 4:05 pm

All this talk about eruptions….I’m getting teh hots.

Arthur B. Ablabab February 25, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Can someone tell me how a magnetic levitation line from Las Vegas to Disneyland isn’t the raddest thing ever, for every American?

slithytoves February 25, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=252640]Hamster[/re]: Why? Do you expect to be able to do anything about it?

AngryBlakGuy February 25, 2009 at 4:09 pm

…”Volcanic monitoring” are for wimps; just like condoms, seat-belts and looking both ways when crossing the street!

Fox n Fiends February 25, 2009 at 4:09 pm

all this diversity in the GOP is really confusing the Base. That’s why Bobby has to talk like he’s addressing the senile and the retarded.

bluevelvetelvis February 25, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Rary Guppert February 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm

“it’s quite clear that those volcanoes will be less likely to erupt if we just give everyone a capital gains tax cut.”

love it. wonkette quote of the week.

Atheist Nun February 25, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Let me tell you a story… This one time, in college, when Piyush “Bobby” Jindal was about to have his own volcanic eruption, but the girl said “uh, no thank you,” so then he kidnapped her and performed an exorcism on her against her will. The end.

The moral of the story is: Let your angry volcano penis erupt all over some porn if you can’t get someone to agree to have sex with you, or you will end up a repressed shithead who talks like an extra from Deliverance.

TeddyS February 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm

The President should squeeze in another $140 million to monitor the eruption of government spending in Washington, and thank the governor of Louisiana for the idea. Then it becomes a full-time federal study commission and maybe even a Cabinet department that issues millions of reports every year. Thanks, Bobby.

WIDTAP February 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=252638]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Sounds like a new job description for Senator Lieberman. Thank you Vanity Smurf! There’s $140 million saved right there!

lennixlewis February 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm

I’m not concerned at all with this monitering business of what’s it called? Volcanoes? Well, here in Washington State, we’ve never had a problem with these so-called “volcanoes”.

Aquannissiwamissoo February 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Actually, much of the $140 million is to maintain and operate USGS stream gages, that umm, are used to predict flooding in … umm … places like … um … Louisiana.

DangerousLiberal February 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=252593]actor212[/re]: Yes, and one is about to blow, also. Maybe. If it does, it puts ash into the air. Which gets into airplane engines. Which almost causes planes to crash. Christ, if I knew that any idiot could get into and graduate from the Kennedy School, I would have applied. Dumbass.

SkimLatteModerate February 25, 2009 at 4:22 pm

This is worse than Palin’s Drosophila schtick. I mean, at least she never pretended to be the “educated” type.

TGY February 25, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Scienists are always furious. It’s a hazard of the trade, like being ‘mad’.

Links February 25, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=252638]Vanity Smurf[/re]: virgins may be handy in case of climatic emergencies, but not so much in case of climactic emergencies. And I think I know where this nation’s priorities lie.

Hamster February 25, 2009 at 4:44 pm

[re=252707]slithytoves[/re]: maybe we can tell all the idiot wingnuts that they are giving away free trucknuts with a entrance pass to yellowstone?

Come here a minute February 25, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Democratic eruption? I want to go to there!

Peanut Inspector February 25, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Don’t go messing with Teh Great God Kali. If she wants volcanoes to go balooey, you shouldn’t try to predict her actions. Any good Hindoo would know that.

HopeyDope February 25, 2009 at 4:55 pm

Holy Shiva, Piyush keeps it stupid, doesn’t he? I’m pretty sure he was in the good ol’ US of A when Mount St Helens blew, right? That wasn’t much fun.

Dave J. February 25, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=252706]Arthur B. Ablabab[/re]: Seriously. You get drunk in LA and then take a train THAT LEVITATES OVER THE TRACKS USING MAGNETS to Las Vegas where you get even more drunk and lose a lot of money at gambling but you don’t care because you were on a fucking train that was fucking levitating over the tracks, using magnets.

mylesfromnowhere February 25, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=252725]lennixlewis[/re]: In Tennessee, they are monitoring the water craft of the University of TN, the Vol Canoes.

fishcanoeski February 25, 2009 at 5:36 pm

[re=252601]Red Zeppelin[/re]:

Well since no one else has posted the link:

texette February 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm

So he is not OK with monitering volcanos, but what about monitering levees? Could one man’s levee be another man’s volcano?

assistant/atlas February 25, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=252628]Trace[/re]: Actually, I will be stopping the volcanic eruptions with my cock. By buttsecksing the volcano.

*sigh*…That’s all I’ve got, Piyush makes me haz a sad.

[re=252706]Arthur B. Ablabab[/re]: Here, here! I, for one, am ready to accept a $10 trillion debt if I can get some motherfuckin’ maglev trains out of the deal.

Stalkin' February 25, 2009 at 6:39 pm

They’re just taking jobs away from small, hard-working volcano monitoring businesses like mine. I guess I’ll have to go back to my old job at the Louisiana Watercraft Regulatory Commission.

Crankenstank February 25, 2009 at 7:15 pm

I will remind everybody that Mt. St. Helen’s happened on Jimmy Carter’s watch. It stopped as soon as Reagan took office. ‘Nuf said.

populucious February 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm

As a lifelong Democrat who has happily listened to many of her coworkers venting about Bobby Jindal’s apparent vendetta against people who live near volcanos (there’s a very large and lovely volcano in view just outside our window), I’m thrilled to hear that the Republican party is no longer interested in the votes of citizens from Washinton, Oregon, Alaska, Hawaii, Idaho, California, Wyoming, New Mexico and Arizona, prefering for them to instead die horrible deaths by incineration.

And good luck getting any of their representatives to vote for hurricane monitoring funds, Mr Jindall.

randomsausage February 25, 2009 at 7:57 pm

Bobby’s so gay, he wants to take care of that eruption in my pants

windupbird February 25, 2009 at 8:59 pm

he seems to have a bit of that Walnuts whistling thing going on. Oy what a dork

problemwithcaring February 25, 2009 at 9:02 pm

The funding the USGS isn’t even creating jobs, just work. That’s not hip-hop.

sanantonerose February 25, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Volcano monitoring??!! He’s the Indian version of Andy Rooney.

sanantonerose February 25, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Yes, but where does Jindal stand on Vulcan monitoring?

Darkness February 25, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=252706]Arthur B. Ablabab[/re]: yeah, turns out to be a myth, the tease.

It wouldn’t be a proper republican speech without some major dis-information.

assistant/atlas February 25, 2009 at 10:26 pm

[re=252721]Atheist Nun[/re]: On the plus side, he does have a purty mouth.

skantea February 26, 2009 at 4:30 am

Slum Dog Governair!

We believe in you Bobby!

American’s can do anything!

Zorg February 27, 2009 at 1:35 am

Well, does anyone think Mahatma Dandi is funny? In Punjabi? No?

Bitsy9 March 2, 2009 at 4:57 am

Oh Bobby,

Your speech turned you into a laughing stock faster than you can say vulcano.

Comedians are already having a field day with you.

For example, here is a great video of you calling into the Sean Hannity Show to find some love. Priceless…

Please keep it up, Bobby!

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