Wonkette
Today was supposed to be an exciting day for science as NASA planned to launch its “Orbiting Carbon Observatory,” a fancy new Space Machine that would study carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere and calculate the exact moment when Earth will die, from heat. The $273.4 million, 972-pound monster “carried a single three-channel spectrometer to make its detailed measurements and was slated to launch into a near-polar, sun-synchronous orbit that would fly about 438 miles (705 kilometers) above Earth.” Well, it blew up right after launch, so global warming still does not exist.
COULDA PREDICTED THIS:
Brunschwyler said the first sign of trouble came about three minutes after liftoff, when the Taurus XL rocket’s telemetry showed no sign that it had shed its clamshell-like payload fairing.
The fairing is a nose-mounted shroud that protects the spacecraft inside from atmospheric drag until the booster reaches space. If the fairing had separated, launch controllers would have expected to see the spacecraft and its upper stage accelerate more quickly, since it would have shed the excess weight. But that speed boost never occurred.
Well yeah, thanks Mr. Einstein the Writer, but we’re not stupid. Anyone with a working brain who saw this on teevee immediately thought, “Ahh good lord, that’s a clamshell-like payload fairing problem if ever there were.” UMM DOES ANYONE AT NASA KNOW JACKSHIT?
NASA, you’re done, no more “pork barrel spending” projects like this for you. Just launch Al Gore into space from a cannon, give him pen and paper, really not that hard.
NASA’s global warming satellite falls to Earth [MSNBC]
stupid socialist satellite
Given how much time NPR has spent yakking in my ear about it the past few days, I felt personally invested in this mission.
You are so mean, Jim. There’s probably several scientists crying into their elitist beers right now over this. Think of their feelings! They’re not made for a life of hobo-beans! They are delicate flowers>
Lord Cheney destroyed it by remote control to preserve our ignorance.
Somewhere a bunch of Appalachian coal execs just started taking up snake handling.
But I didn’t even hit it that hard! It must have self-destructed.
ManchuCandidate: Just started?
Maybe some wing nut conservative BAC sabotaged the rocket. Because they can’t handle the truth.
Well, now it can study Carbon REALLY CLOSELY.
If excess weight was the issue, probably they shouldn’t have equipped said Space Machine with Truck Nutz.
“Taurus XL rocket”? Are we letting fucking Ford build our rockets now? Admittedly it’s the least bankrupt of the Big Three, but still, you had to expect something like this to happen.
Obviously, this is all Obama’s fault
–>insert obvious Big Oil Conspiracy theory of your choice here <–
Dick Cheney, having successfully tested his new Port-A-Nuke (TM) shoulder mounted rocket from his undisclosed location, cackles as he pores over his annual prospectus from his “We’re the Biggest Emitter Carbon Hog Mutual Fund”
What were they just saying about all that space junk becoming an issue?
pundid: SatNutz!
tehbenton: amen.
But this happened in California, home of teh Saddleback Church of Climate Change Deniers.
6000 year old Earth rules!!1!!
NASA went rogue, remember? That ugly space man in charge hates Obama.
Violenza: “When rocket scientists go bad…”
…the worlds most expensive bottle rocket.
It’s a good bet the Empire knows we’re here.
A Taurus? Some piece-of-shit Ford like cops drive? Why couldn’t we drive this thingy into space in a Saab or Mercedes?
Typical stuck-up science girls, won’t open up their clam-like payload for anything…
So are we getting rid of NASA now?
Oy, remember this precient quote by head NASA geenyus:
“If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar,” Griffin replied. “Because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood.”
I think it’s safe to say you were right on the money Mr. Griffin. No one trusts what’s under your hood.
CollegeStudent: NASA
CollegeStudent: No idea what key I hit there that clicked the submit button. Anyway…
NASA should hire Bristol Palin — even she knows that abstinence is unrealistic.
I know from personal experience it sucks when you can’t shed the clamshell.
populucious: You’ll notice he had nothing to say about clamshells.
SayItWithWookies: and since having really smart geeks in charge has utterly and repeatedly failed, maybe putting an uneducated, ignorant, small-town teenager who doesn’t understand birth control in charge would actually be Change We Could Believe In!
George Will is definately behind this. How can you publish fiction and call it fact unless you surpress the data!
They have a link to the press conference today from the California launch site on http://www.nasa.gov . The scientists/engineers look like they are going to cry. The best part however (yes I watched the full video) is how they cannot even manage get the loudspeaker working to hear questions from reporters at NASA headquarters.
I shed my clam shell fairing all the time. Come on NASA, our country is a t war!
It blowed up real good.
This pocket rocket failed pretty much the exact same way in…. gasp- September 2001
75% of the time, this rocket works all the time!
why cant we do anything without a 30% margin of error?!?
Can we really afford another Imperial Probe Droid?
Zorg: My first thought exactly. Don’t these knuckleheads know that a low mileage Camry is damn near bulletproof?
Maybe ol’ Werner is still on duty:
“Vunz the rockets go up
Who cares vere they come down?
That’s not my department”
said Werner von Braun
Maybe those NASA engineers can get on over at Exxon. I understand their stealth missile systems division is hiring.
Dick Cheney’s reaction to the 2001 space rocket incident:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2FeR40bgJs
Really, NASA? $273 million to launch a single spectrometer into space, which then explodes? The Indian space program could have sent an exploding spectrometer into space for just $1875.
obviously, this is what happens when you try to study something which isn’t real.
Formerly Preferred: I’d gladly have NPR yak into my ear about this instead of their twice-monthly pledge drive, where they spend my entire morning telling me that some old Jew (Bernie Madoff) will double my money if I just pledge now.
This of course didn’t happen because no one is better qualified to run Nasa than Mr. Griffin and this is his mission, and it is impossible for the mission to fail so stop asking questions to which you would never be able to comprehend the answer.
BTW, what happened to Griffin, I’m not interested enough to google it.
This is proof that Aliens walk among us and are sharing their technology. It would raise too many suspicions if all launches worked perfectly due to the Alien technology, so you have to blow some up every now & then
Will someone tell those mouth-breathing pyro nerds ova at Nasa that this is not a basic chemistry set???!!! They just can’t go around throwing fire in da sky & shit! I mean, is the only way to test their toys is to blow the fucking earth to pieces???!!! Shit! Do that shit somewhere elese!
SayItWithWookies: Oh and think of the names our space ships would have then…forget honoring the likes of Galileo and Magellan how about the SS Gordie Howe or the Johnny Cash Explorer
And in a desert hideaway somewhere James Brolin and OJ Simpson just went on the lam.
I see nothing wrong with more explosions.
More carbon dioxide in the upper atmosphere. Great. Thanks, NASA.
TGY: WIN
Oopsie…
Well, at least the NASA moon buggy worked during the Inauguration parade!
Poor NASA….
But great headline!
In the immortal words of Foghorn Leghorn
“Ah smell me a rat! A rat ah say!”
Coal, Oil Industries Spend More than $427 million in political expenditures in first half of 2008.
Just the first half.
How much disinfo payola spent since climate change alarm first hit?
Probably a hundred times more than it would take to ‘remove’ another little impediment like this craft.