Wonkette
Do not despair, jobless people! You’re not alone. Several members of Congress who lost their positions in the 2008 elections have yet to find gainful employment, and perennial loser Alberto Gonzales also remains at loose ends because George Bush was the only person left in America who would hire him.
Normally, when you’re voted out of office you immediately rotate into a cushy sinecure lobbying for one of your most faithful in-office patrons. You make a handsome mid-to-high six-figure income and get appointed to some corporate boards, and soon enough you’ve rebuilt that nest egg you lost while you were in Congress, living on a mere $170,000 or so a year.
Unless you are somebody like Nick Lampson, a Democrat who lucked into serving a single term in Tom DeLay’s old district before getting voted out again. (For background, see Gibbs, Shelley Sekula “Dracula Cunt.”) He is still trying to figure out what he’ll do with his life now that he doesn’t have a bunch of conservative Republicans to offend by just being alive.
A couple northeastern Republicans, like nice old Christopher Shays and terrible motormouth phony John Sununu, also have to figure out how they’ll make ends meet. Maybe they can start robbing banks together? Except, oh right, THE BANKS HAVE NO MONEY.
Out of Congress and still out of work [AP]
“sinecure” I got one!
maybe Gonzales could work as one of those people who pushes a trolley filled with muffins and visits sick people in their hospital room
Gonzales is looking forward to being Sudan’s Attorney General. He can’t stay out of the game for long.
Take inspiration from Joe the Plumber and “start your own business” har har har…
who knew Sununu do new glue poo shoe
I’m a welfare Queen,
do you know what I mean?
Everyday for breakfast I eat
peaches and cream.
Sometimes it’s true, OH NOES,
that I loses my seat
But then I just rotates on
my sinecure on K Street.
Whatevs — you know that
it’s gonna be cushy
Sittin on my nest egg,
don’t have to be pushy
My publisher givin me that
million dollar advance
so’s I can tell my story bout
Karl Rove in my pants
When I needs more dough
I just calls Uncle Sam
he say “The check’s in the mail” — yeah, you know who I AM
I’m a welfare queen
Do you know what I mean?
Even better news is that unemployment among Bush employees is about seventy percent. What does the free market have against graduates of Regent University Law School? Besides the fact that they’re inarticulate, boobish toadies who need to be spoon-fed information and can only wear slippers or shoes with velcro closures, that is.
Don’t ex-Congresspersons get a pretty sweet pension, with health benefits, for life? Hell, I’d love to turn two years in the House (or two weeks, if you’re Shelly Dracula Cunt) into decades of goofing off.
Lots of openings at the fast food places here in Delaware, but we do prefer employees who can make correct change. Rounding up to the nearest billion doesn’t work well for our customers.
SayItWithWookies: But still, I’d have hit Monica Goodling. Just to fuck w/her Weltanschauung, if you know what I mean.
Can’t we give them farm land in one of our colonies, like Iraq? That’s what the Roman emperors would do to keep their vanquished political rivals away from Rome, where they might start to get all treason-y and murder-y.
Josh Fruhlinger: According to the all-knowing about.com, no - from http://usgovinfo.about.com/library/weekly/aa031200a.htm
Members of Congress are not eligible for a pension until they reach the age of 50, but only if they’ve completed 20 years of service. Members are eligible at any age after completing 25 years of service or after they reach the age of 62. Please also note that Member’s of Congress have to serve at least 5 years to even receive a pension.
It’s a travesty. All these young unemployed Congresspeople are just left to starve on the streets unless they sell their bodies for money.
V572625694: It would either be a hatefuck extroardinaire, or an amazing simulation of necrophilia.
jagorev: Too bad teh all-knowing about dot com does not know all about apostrophes.
Hey failed pols, get in back of the line and wait for your fucking hobo beans like the rest of us, losers.
Ok, so when am I supposed to start feeling sorry for these dopes? How about never? Does never work for you? Great, thxkbye
Mr Blifil: It would also be a first fuck, for Ms. Goodling, since she married a fairy.
I hear hear the US military is looking for a few good men to fight the ground wars in Muzzie-lands. And, you get combat pay!
Is Monica Goodling looking for a job? The Cracker Barrel near my interstate exit is looking for a swing shift hostess. She’d be perfect!
Norm Coleman (R-Mn) is sitting pretty in his limbo - is he a senator or a former senator? Got a good gig with Republican Jewish Group as a consultant.
Go on, ask him a question, and pay him for his attorney fees.