Wonkette
Look everybody, it’s your new failed Commerce Secretary nominee, Gary Locke. At least that’s what the reporters are saying! He is what the AP terms a “Chinese-American,” which could mean anything. He was the first “Chinese-American” governor of Washington, the state, from 1997 to 2005. So why will he have to withdraw? Eh, who knows, the AP is going insane about some campaign contribution controversy from back in the day. Meh. All we know is that when you google-image his name, you get not only the accompanying picture but a mirror image of it too in the first handful of results. Is Gary Locke a witch? [AP]
Withdraw? Like that ever works.
Obama is taking away all of our magick politicians…whatshisface Sims executive man, also Kerlikowski. And now? The Locke.
I feel special. But I wonder if the Seattle Times is going to run out of from Washington to Washington puns.
Whatever is going on, I just hope Rahm Emanuel doesn’t give someone else a seizure because of it.
Judging by this picture on page 3 of the google images results, yes. You must be at least a level 4 mage to survive the Clinton death stare.
GET THE DUCKING STOOL.
Locke is a really boring, wonky politician, so he will be perfect for Commerce.
Plus, so far, Senator Shelby, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and Alan Keyes have yet to question his nationality, so Obama may be able to slip him by.
Wall Street is so happy, they plan to redecorate in his honor!
A red Chinese? Mao’s minions be our new masters anywayz.
Suck it, bitches. Locke is like 1,000th person from Washington state to leave for D.C.
Looks like Barry Obama’s plan to help the ailing economy in Washington state (currently standing at a rosy $8 billion projected deficit) is to hire every single Washingtonian.
“Chinese-American” won’t fly at DHS unless you specify with “Twinkie”.
Then we know he’s truly ONE OF US…ONE OF US…GOOBLE GOBBLE, etc etc.
itgetter: What ailments would you receive if you weren’t properly protected? Stone? Silence? Toad? Curse? Where’s my remedy potion?!
chascates: He can’t be a minion-o-Mao, his name is “Locke”, not “Rocke”. See, he’s mastered the R-L pronunciation.
thatonegirlsays: He can have Kerlikowske. Fuck, he can take Nickels for all I care.
So he nominated the one who’s not the evil twin, right?
Min: “He’s f***-ing perfect for this f***-ing office! I mean, he’s f***-ing AWESOME at f***-ing math! F*** you, press corp! We are SO done, professionally!”
loudmouthredhead: I thought he was ‘ABC’, not ‘Twinkie’: that’s for those wild adopted gals you see in college all the time.
Where’s Eric Holder when you need him–I’m not a coward!
chinese american? so now that china is done buying america, and it is literally going to infiltrate the government. maybe alan keyes was right about that whole obama is a commie thing…
itgetter: To escape her grasp unscathed, he must have cast break enchantment or lesser globe of invulnerability.
Will the Costco Inventory Control department replace the GAO?
recharged95: Oh, I just always called those “Hot”, but I’m glad to know the official acronym. “The more you know…”
Good. He’s a good guy. I knew him from his days as Governor of WA, which at the time was more of an honorary title since Microsoft was really booming then. He gets high tech, he gets China. What more do we need? Sign him up.
Don’t you see the symbolism. He is the transition between American self-ownership and Chinese ownership of the US. I heard it from Ron Paul so it must be true.
smellyal8r: You wouldn’t happen to be ‘Bug’ from “Microserfs”, would you?
What? Has no one properly welcomed our new commerce overlord yet.
Then again, this is a pretty pointless position since there is no commerce to think of. I recommend a detailed study of the barter system and how it evolved to a higher level in states who decided to take the stimulus package as opposed to praying to jeebus.
“Is Gary Locke a witch?” No, he’s a warlock (male witch) thus his last name with an ‘e’ added to divert suspicion. Right?
Hey is Obama hiring this guy because of his Chinese heritage since China basically owns our treasury.
Total departure from the topic at hand but does anyone know if Joe-the-non-Plummer makes $250,000 now. I mean would he be finally affected by Obama’s tax increase.
Best Nominee Ever
As a geek I am annoyed that tech isn’t more integrated into people’s lives. It took me ten years after working at Microsoft to get my parents on broadband.
bago: I’d guess your “Microserfs” character would be either ‘Todd’ or ‘Michael’… I prefer to be ‘Anatole’, s’il vous plaît….
Governor Piyush the Impaler “Bobby” Jindal, after a suitable sacrifice of 600 goats and 1000 New Orleans refugees to the god Kali, condemned this appointment as another sign that Barry worships at the librul altar of affirmative action.
Hand jive: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:JindalsBushShakeApril2008.jpg
Bearbloke: That’s hilarious. I didn’t know about Microserfs until you sent me there. No, I’m not Bug, but he’s uncomfortably close to my truth.
I could be mistaken but that is the Westernest lookin’ Asian dude of all time. Back to you, Todd.
Bearbloke: Eeen my countwee…
gliberal: Chinese-American? The dude’s clearly from El Paso.
Mitch McConnell demands that, at the Senatde confirmation, we put one bowl of white rice and one bowl of black beans before him. Whichever bowl Locke dives for first, he should be deported.
The Repuglican Party: the Big Tent (except for dusky immigrants, but not Jindal, ’cause he won office.)
AnnieGetYourFun:
“I let thugs beat up a guy in Pioneer Square
Just to watch him die.”
Well, it’s not Johnny Cash, but Cap’n Kurliowske no Man in Black. The sign of the apocalypse will be when Hopey hires Paul Schell. “Protesters? There won’t be any protesters, man. This is groovy Seattle, where order reigns, and the cops only gas the queers on Capitol Hill.” Douche.
The state of Washington is the closest state to Alaska. Haven’t we learned our lesson about politicians from that part of the country?
We’re not talking about the guy that built the railroads, we’re talking about the guy that peed on my rug!
That’s not twin, he’s a Cylon!
He looks like one inscrutable motherfucker.
he doesn’t have the package I want…good gawd! Can’t a girl have a decent package?
At least Sean Penn didn’t win it.
smellyal8r: I remember him, when he worked for the city. Except I always mix him up with Ron Sims, who also went from city of Seattle to bigger glory–one of them filed an appeal with my commission, but like I said, I get them mixed up.
Which is really weird because Ron Sims is black. I guess that, like Stephen Colbert, I don’t see color. Or maybe I was high. It was a really boring job.
DangerousLiberal: To make matters worse during the WTO, didn’t Schell keep that police chief that dipshitiest mayor in Seattle history, Norm Rice, appointed? Gayest police chief ever. He even liked to go around wearing a beat cop’s uniform rather than a suit and tie–my hand to god, I always thought he looked like one of the Village People.
No wonder the rioters got out of control. Who the fuck is going to take a disco cop seriously?
Ron Sims=Smaller shit stain wiped from the mother of all shit stains, Central Washington University.
Gil Kerlokowske=Fucking massive cop who maybe kinda doesn’t totally h8 w33dzz.
Gary Locke=First Asian Gov evar OMG! No but seriously he’s a nice enough dude I’m shocked he agreed to another post when the reason he didn’t run for governor a third time (where he would’ve won because no matter how much the homo ass eastern part of my state hates him, us in the west liked him lots) is because wingnuts sent him death threats after he delivered the democratic response to Bush’s State of the Union.
Sorry for Rambling… in short Washington>Washington, DC.
Oh Yeah!
The Chinese are a fucking valuable fucking thing. You don’t just give them away (too easy?).
Good Gawd people. We need the Chinese to decide who gets picked up by those Chinese-created bootstraps..and dogfood….and catfood…and baby-formula…to tell us what we deserve! And what our cuntry needs. Also.
kingofnothing: As citizen who lived under the glorious leadership of Comrade Locke, let me assure you that the People’s Free State of Washington is nothing like our neighbors to the north. We are a freedom loving people. We started each day at 5:30 with an hour of Tai Chi, followed by an hour of songs in blessing of our glorious leader. Then we would all march off to the local software collective or micro-brewery to labor our days away for the collective good. At night, we would put on our flannel and sing the songs of our forefathers over heavily fuzzed guitar while smoldering herbs to our deities. We are a simple people, but through our collective work, we became strong. I can only hope that Comrade Locke can do the same for our glorious country!
Oh, don’t even start it, Lionel. Birmingham is the capital of Tai Chi and worship of the Glorious Leader. We are SO FAR MORE LIBERAL than Washington, despite the toothless idiots representing our great state of Alabamie.
Wait, I mis-spoke..we’re dedicating a statue to Chai tea, in Birmingham, at Starbucks. I mispoke. My deepest apologies from the Sen. Shelby south. The idiots of the confederacy. My bad.
So, how many illegal Taiwanese immigrant CPAs fail to pay his taxes?
Советской России, Google перевести вам. The end.
There are some important national security and anti-corporate corruption reasons Locke should be looked at carefully before being given this critical post:
http://eastmans.web.aplus.net/pblog/index.php
His families’ close China heritage and his supporting the management of the corporation currently most akin to Enron while he was Governor of Washington state is problematic–most notably for our national security.
China is an extremely fickle trading partner to the U.S. who plans militarily against us behind the scenes and has spies in place in this country.
We need a Commerce secretary who is not blinded by his perhaps overly benign and personally skewed view of the true intentions and plans of the Chinese government.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: And the biggest downside of this Commie hellhole called “Washington” by the naive peasants that are cursed to live there is that one is forced to go to monstrously foreboding gulags called “State Liquor Stores”, to serve and glorify The Party, when all one really wants is just one more plastic bottle of Victory Gin to drown the soul-murdering agony of daily life in Comrade Locke’s “Evergreen Paradise” - and Lord help you if it’s a Sunday…
Bearbloke: Dissidents like you are best dealt with by being forced to work at the coffee factories. Or sent into exile over the mountains into the forbidden zone.
Anyway, I live within walking distance of one of the cutest liquor stores in the state, and the next closest is open on Sundays. It is truly a workers paradise.
Countdown to McCain at the confirmation hearings: “Gary. Where. Is. My. AUTOMOBILE?”
I won’t chew on anybody from China after that lead thing
TheLastInspector: That’s fried rice, you plick.
What’s next, a “Me so solly!” joke? “Me Chinese, me play joke, me put poopoo in your coke?” A lot of the comments on this thread aren’t funny or ironic in any way, they’re just RACIST and REALLY FUCKING STUPID.
TheLastInspector: The man is THIRD GENERATION American. He AND his father (a WWII veteran) were born in the US, and his Mom is from that evil commie stronghold “Hong Kong”. He’s married to a beloved former local new anchor. People who ordered Chinese food in the last week have “closer ties” to China than this guy.
Having run the state of WA the one thing he does know is international business, which admittedly does include Asia, and also anywhere else on earth that has ever purchased a computer, a cup of coffee, an apple (the fruit) or something from Amazon.
I run into Gary every once in awhile in the hallways of our law firm in Seattle. The first few times he said hi I thought he was talking to someone behind me.
He’s seriously the nicest lawyer ever. Ever. I’m not kidding. Ever. Seriously. No joke. Ever. Also.
His wife is kind of hot.
1000 years later, Al Gore has to assure the Earthican public that dark wizards are not responsible for global warming.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Spoken like the soulless, doublethinking (liquor stores ‘open’ on Sundays - HAH!!1!) Inner-Party drone you are. You may be able to entomb me in the Java mines, or break my back on your Spoke-ane, or brainwash me at your re-education camp in Pullman {shudder} or make me a serf on ‘Big Google’s’ data-farms in Quincy or even bore me to death in that cursed-earth wasteland of Republicanism known as Adams County… yes, you may take my life, but you’ll never take… MY FREEDOM!!!!1!1!!!!!11!11!!