Wonkette
All of the important DC people are at the Fiscal Responsibility Summit, being eaten by lions, so we have rounded up exclusive insider information about famous-for-DC types being spotted in other places, such as glamorous Naples, Florida back in 2006, or in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago. Click the clicky to learn how Fred Thompson once reacted to an inappropriate joke!
This comes from reader “Heroinmule,” who accurately describes Naples as “a 1950s dystopia built by Midwestern, WASP millionaires who retired instead to Florida’s west coast to avoid the Jewish people on the east coast”:
My father was standing in line at a grocery store back in 2006. He turned around to find ol’ Fred Thompson. I really, really wish he remembered what Fred was buying. One hopes it was arugula and mineral water. Though my father is well-meaning, unfortunately he occasionally says inappropriate things about minorities. He told Fred some terrible joke about Jesus telling the Mexicans to not do anything until he gets back. Let’s be kind and say he was “star”-struck. Despite his send-them-there-Mexicans-home rhetoric, he just looked befuddled. Clearly Fred Thompson is a Mexican-loving fraud. And unfortunately, I have to deal with the fact that Fred Thompson is less of a racist than my father. I’ll give him a pass since he eventually came around and voted for Obama.
Also, my grandmother administers a wonderful job-training program for mentally handicapped students at a prominent Naples hotel (she’s kind and doesn’t tell racist jokes). In March 2006 the hotel was hosting Cheney as part of “Victory 2006.” The employees were forced to park over a mile away due to the security, and on the walk in, my grandmother made a comment about the inconvenience to a secret service dude, to which he replied, “don’t look the vice president in the eyes.” Cuz she’s sassy, she said, “what is he, a god?” Luckily she was not sent to Guantanamo.
More recently, our readers have chanced upon such celebrities as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and the inventor of the Axis of Evil, Michael Gerson.
- Last Sunday, I was out on a bike ride with 40 other liberal hippies training for the Aids Ride and saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in a restaurant next a Starbucks in Westwood, CA. He was sort of staring off into space, possibly contemplating how he could put the entire state on furlough and look like a good guy.
- I saw Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz at the Good Stuff Eatery last night. She was there with her family, looked like she had just come from work (was the House in session yesterday?). I didn’t recognize her until she had already gone by - glad that one of DC’s best new restaurants is getting attention.
- I just saw former Dubya speechwriter Michael Gerson walking out of Starbucks near Waterfront park in Old Town looking quite annoyed and hurried. Also I thought all Republicans believed Starbucks and their fancy lattes to be the work of the devil, hmmm?
Have you seen somebody vaguely important-looking wandering around your town? Somebody who maybe you saw once on Rachel Maddow’s show, or talking to the little squirrel-faced man on C-SPAN’s ‘American Perspectives’? Send your report to tips@wonkette.com or be forever known as a traitor to your nation.
“don’t look the vice president in the eyes.”
….at least if you would mind him devouring your soul & leaving you a mindless husk.
My ex-wife lives in Naples, by choice. This explains a great deal.
The only good Coffee Shops are the Amsterdam variety.
Crow T. Robot: Yeah, I take it the Secret Service statement as prudent advice, not a warning.
I grew up in Naples. It’s a hell hole.
I ate a Grandslam at Denny’s in Austin with conspiracy overlord Alex Jones last week. I think he wanted to go get high and talk about bohemian grove, but it was getting late.
V572625694: Oddly, most people who live there can’t leave even if they choose to, since their houses (which they purchased for seventy jillion dollars, no matter when they bought them) are now worth two dented cans of hobo beans.
Gerson was the chief Bush apologist Matt Frei’s rundown of the Bush years on the BBC (which I can’t find at the moment, but watched last night). Anyway, he’s got the most ridiculous haircut — a short, pouffy thing that accentuates his long oval head. He should give his mom a break and let a professional handle the job.
More importantly, how does that Jesus Goblin up yonder make $5000/month from the comfort of her own home?
Crow has it right. I’m pretty sure the Secret Service man was trying to protect grandma, not Cheney, with that instruction. For god’s sake, don’t look at the man without a crossbow loaded with a silver-tipped, oak-shafted bolt. Or fire. You’re always good with fire.
Crow T. Robot: Cheney is actually a key figure in Greek mythology.
Crow T. Robot: “don’t look the vice president in the eyes.”
….at least if you would mind him devouring your soul & leaving you a mindless husk.
Ah, so that’s what happened to Dubya!
With Starbucks as (or more) pervasive as McDonalds, what is a suitable Republican place to get coffee? Where is it morally acceptable to get my caffine (and don’t tell me tea, that is for the hated British)
Duh, you never look a Death Eater in the eye, unless you have some mighty Patronus, which is how Obama protected himself.
Links: The odd thing was that Obama’s Patronus was Willie Horton.
Bruno: One of Nate Silver’s statistics was the “Walmart : Starbucks ratio”. Presumably “Real Americans” get their coffee there.
Everybody walks out of Starbuck’s annoyed and hurried. Isn’t that the point?
iwillsavethispatient: Hmmm…maybe that explains why they’re so bitter.
Headlines! “FRED THOMPSON: STILL BEFUDDLED” Send us a line when he becomes merely ‘fuddled’.
ooo! ooo! ME! ME! I saw Al Franken at the gym! I work for The University of Minnesota and we have an enormous rec center and as I was leaving he was chatting on his cell phone in the lobby. He plays squash, apparently. And my friend who works at the Men’s Warehouse TOTALLY trumps my sighting. She sold Al Franken three suits!
El Pinche: I ate a Grandslam at Denny’s in Austin with conspiracy overlord Alex Jones
*in best Jon Stewark goofy voice with elbows on desk & both hands holding up chin* “Go on…”
PsycGirl: Cheney is actually a key figure in Greek mythology.
Cheney has many names. The Greeks knew him as Thanatos and the Romans knew him as Mors. The Germanic tribes knew him as Grimnir, from which the word ‘grim’ is derived. The Celts knew him as Angeu or Ankou, a scythe-carrying figure in a usually-black robe. The former vice president is named Yama or Yamaraj in the Hindu scriptures, Yanluo in Chinese traditions, and Enma in Japanese ones. The Canaanites knew him as Mot, and in the Abrahamic traditions, he’s known as the destroying angel Azriel, a smiter of the enemies of Israel. The Aztecs knew Cheney as Mictlantecuhtli, whose worshipers were known to practice human sacrifice and ritualistic cannibalism, while he’s known as Baron Samedi amongst practitioners of voodoo. The ancient Babylonians named him Nergal, and described him as the “raging king” or the “furious one.” Cheney indeed has many names known throughout history and in many cultures. His aliases and his works can be found in any books of daemonology or rogue deities. But Cheney is consistent in his many forms; he is the personification of Death, the harbinger of doom, the devourer of souls, the enemy of hope.
I actually saw Arnold Schwarzenegger at the Starbucks on 13th and Pennsylvania in DC today. He was with his whole posse of aids and secret service. It was weird because as I was waiting, I saw the secret service and wasn’t sure who was there. Then I saw Arnold step out of the bathroom. Don’t ask me why he was using the bathroom at Starbucks.