Wonkette
GOP Chairman Michael Steele is proving to be pretty goddamn tiresome already and he has been running the party for what, minus five minutes? After explaining to George Stephanopoulos how “jobs” are different from “work,” he then gave this big long interview with the Washington Times that was likewise so jam-packed with mockable bullshit that it is hard to see what a person with a satirical blog-writing “job” is supposed to do with it.
To wit:
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”
The RNC’s first black chairman will “surprise everyone” when updating the party’s image using the Internet and advertisements on radio, on television and in print, he told The Washington Times.
Of course he doesn’t say how exactly he is going to convince a bunch of young black and Hispanic city-dwellers that the party of the white rural South really has their interests in mind (Truck Nutz?), but whatever, you don’t need a plan when you are CRAZY.
Also he says this terribly offensive thing about amputees and little people: “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.” Why is Michael Steele so full of hate?
Steele: GOP needs ‘hip-hop’ makeover [Washington Times]
That Blingee needs at least one fat joint.
I shudder to think what the GOP image of “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” is. This will be the most unintentionally offensive thing ever.
And I thought MC Rove had taken care of that already.
“Minus five minutes” would be a cool name for a band. Almost.
I think they are about to unveil their new slogan soon: “The RNC: It’s the shizzle.”
Last time I saw republicans rapping.
But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”
I guess he wouldn’t be head of the GOP if he didn’t offhandedly offend some minority group.
He needs those shades because the future is sooooo bright for the GOP.
How did the Whig Party die again? This is a great opportunity for Gary Bauer or Alan Keyes to get them back on the path to righteous righty-ness!
On a non-satirical note, he doesn’t really care if they get any young black or Hispanic kids to vote GOP, the entire point of what he’s doing is to give the 65 year old white GOP voters a semi-plausible line of defense when some Obama 2012 supporter accuses them of being racist.
On a satirical note, I really cannot fucking wait to see what kind of music they’ll play at these events. “Ok, you dope cats, here’s the lastest phat beats and dope lyrics from the jiggiest rapper out there, Young MC!”
Come to think of it, he looks like one of the guys from The Gap Band. All aboard the GOP Party Train!
One thing that’s status quo–”Republican National Committee Chairman” and “offensive” in the same sentence.
V572625694: How did the Whig Party die again?
Bob Ney stopped wearing one when he went to jail. HEY-YOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…
“we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”
Step one: stop saying “midget”
Maybe they can offer MC Hammer some day-old bread in exchange for his cutting a rap medley declaring that John McCain is 2 Legit to Quit, telling people that he knows Lindsey Graham will get it started, and responding to the issue of holding Bush Administration members accountable for international war crimes with a simple “U Can’t Touch This.”
The RNC would probably buy the rights to that Blingee from you.
Poor Sara. You really need more challenging assignments. Why do the republicans write their own material?
Dave J.: I think the GOP notion of with-it urban music is the Village People. (The ones who attend the basketball games around here all know the hand signals for YMCA).
Fuck tha libruls
Comin straight from Georgetown
Young nigga got it bad cuz I’m brown
And not the other color so libruls think
They have the authority to help a minority
He should change his name to Sheik Yerbouti…The beat goes on and I’m so wrong…
“People who said I can’t make the trains run on time never gave a reason.”
Zey didn’t mean it, Michael — zey vere only following orders.
Yo Non white Bros let’s kick it
Steele Steele baby (x2)
All right stop collaborate and listen
Steele is back with my brand new Republican
Failure grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a foot tap daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don’t know
Turn off the lights and he’ll blow
To the extreme I’ll wreck the party like a vandal
Light up a stogie and rape a chump with a broom handle
Placate Rush or the fat ass will boom
I’m killing your brain like a lead filled toy
Deadly when I say a dopey
Anything we do will be a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better spread bullshit so the kid don’t play
If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
Ignore the racism as my staff spins it
CHORUS
Steele Steele baby Republican (x4)
The GOP is so fucked. I wonder how the Chip Saltsman’s and macaca’s of the country feel.
gunna git us somma that hippity hoppity all them kids talk about, then we can be cool like that obama asshole.
also
some of michael steele’s best friends are black.
“I’m representin’ for the right wing all across the world (Steele!)
Hittin’ them corners in them 3-piece suits, girl - whoops, I mean, woman (Steele!)
Takin’ my time to perfect the roll-out of my high impact marketing campaign,
But I still got love for the urban-suburban hip-hop settings.
It’s the R.N.C.”
FAIL.
norbizness: I’m sure Malkin would volunteer to backup-dance.
Two words… black trucknutz.
In the words of Professor Murder on Mr. Show’s Summer Camp sketch: DAMN! His science is too tight!
Michael Steele is an ass clown! A Repug ass clown - mind you! How will this idiot teach a bunch of old, fart happy bigots how to drop it like it’s hot? Bleh.
Steele’s joining Akon’s posse so he can be next in line to bitch-slap Suge Knight.
Street cred, yo!
I’m sure when the GOP was voting on the Party Chairman, these were the sort of bold initiatives they were hoping for. The problem could come when the NRA supporters show up for outreach in the inner city neighborhoods and attempt to carry out tarring, feathering, hog-tying and lynchings. Might muddy the message Steele is hoping to send. Which is basically “if you work at Mickey D’s and sent Obama $10 last year, could you do the same for us kthanxbai…”
OK GOP operatives, you covered your asses, now back to the cocksmoking.
GOP has hit a pinnacle of cynicism putting this guy up front. Amazing he is okey with the whole farce.
My god, that’s embarrassing. Reading that made me blush, and not in a Lexington Steele-type of way.
ManchuCandidate: Ok ok win.
Michael Steele–he’s totally in my face!
Does this mean we can look forward to Palin entering the convention in fo’ years to accept the nomination while “99 Problems” is playing?
This is like when every commercial on TV, including like “stranger danger” warnings and Smokey the Bear was made into a rap in the 90s. The GOP has finally caught up to the early 90s. They’re nipping at our heels!! Now if Michael Steele could do Homey the Clown, I might think about switching parties.
First, why is there a picture of a devil whore pig on Wonkette? Second, let us all remember that the RNC did a fine job of fooling people into thinking they gave a shit about anyone besides rich white people when we elected Ronald Reagan and the both the Georges Bush.
Please, God, let the music for the RNC’s first commercial be Todd Rundgren rapping.
I think they prefer to be called fewerly-appendaged-midget-Americans. FAIL.
Republicans = Clarence Thomas
Democrats = Thurgood Marshall
You can apply this formula to everything the Republicans do.
I think we might have found Michael Steele’s first attempt.
So line about one-armed little people wasn’t a joke. Huh. I think I kinda like this guy.
I wonder how many gigs of tentacle pron he has on his work PC.
I think Steele had a previous career as a model appearing on inner-city billboards for Kool cigarettes.
ManchuCandidate: No one should know that song well enough to write a parody. I pity you.
So Michael Steele sees the GOP problem being fixed by public relations not policy change?
May I suggest creating a cartoon character for the campaign, ‘Negrito, the Republican Dog.’ You won’t believe the crazy situations he gets into.
Gopherit:
I pity me, too.
loquaciousmusic: Ygad! Believe it or not, about a week ago I just found that CD and listened to it all the way through. It’s bad, but whatever Todd’s rapping sins, he has enough good works behind him that he doesn’t deserve being thrown to the RNC.
Songs already been written- 99 Problems, but a Bush ain’t one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flgi4qjK41M
One Yield Regular: Oh, it’s one of my secretly-favorite Todd albums. And for some reason, I don’t think Todd Rundgren is a Republican. Call it a hunch.
I shudder to think what the GOP image of “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” is.
Think “Applebee’s”.
I never really realized how dandyish the dude’s moustache is until this Blingee….
ManchuCandidate: Nice lyrics. But nothing will ever compare to Jim Carey’s performance on In Living Color. “White, white, baby. So very white, white baby.” How appropriately Republican is that!
Couple things:
1. The GOP’s gonna teach black people to disenfranchise themselves?
2. Who would be the celebrity spokesmen? Mike Tyson? JJ Walker? Flava Flav? (j/k. Flav’s got too much self respect for that)
3. Speaking of Flava Flav: the GOP could do a reality show where they get a bunch of trashy, desperate women to vie for a chance to marry the party (spoiler: Since none of the contestants is an underage boy, the GOP will not be interested. But they will choose the one with no visible emotions, crazy eyes, and a large inheritance.)
Boyz in tha Shortz, thass how we roll.
He said “one-armed midgets,” but he meant “one-eyed jews.” It was a shout out to the only other black Republican ever, Sammy Davis, Jr. You libruls ain’t even giving Mr. Steele a chance. Why y’all so racist?
Sincerely,
The Party of Lincoln AND Malkin
Goddamn, “midgets.” He may as well have said Cosmo Kramer’s favorite word. Extremely offensive term… it’s “little people.”
pfft..nah: 2. Celebrity spokesperson: I Love New York.
yellowdogdem: You mean this?
Seriously?? What the GOP needs is a list of things not to say. Starting with phrases that include “magic” or “one-armed”. And what exactly is an “urban-suburban hip-hop setting”? North Jersey? Perhaps a move away from the intolerant and ignorant southern base of the party would be a better start? Or not. I’m sure all the black and hispanic urban-suburban hip-hopinites will get along fine with Rush and the rest of the party. And what about the gays? I hear they tend to live in these urbanish areas. Oh right - fuck them.
Well, according to Wikipedia, there are only 102 African American Republicans, surely one of them must still own some HammerPants™?
I really, really hope the results of this endeavor include some clunky, embarrassing lyrics and at least one old white man pouring out a 40 on the steps of the Capitol building…
We’re The GOP and we’re here to say
That black people shouldn’t run the other way
But instead embrace our outdated policies here today
la la la something that rhymes with today!
Yes, but what would Ronald Regan think of this?
Introducing Michael Steele’s new rap group, Scum-RNC.
loquaciousmusic: The GOP rank and file need to be acclimated slowly into rap, starting with Rappin’ Ronald Reagan novelty song of the mid-80s, proceeding through Jackie Mason, that French toddler Jordy, and then onto somewhat dodgy white people, like Debbie Harry (Rapture) or Adam and the Ants (Antrap). Finally, they can break the color barrier with The Fresh Prince and the fat guy from the Blu-Blockers ad.
The Republicans: Too Illegit to Quit.
Gopherit:
LOL
And he launches his campaign to attract young people and minorities with an interview in the Washington Times, which is widely read within the Washington Times newsroom and among those married en masse by the Times’ owner, da Rev Moonie. Real breakout thinking, there, Steele.
So the GOP is embracing the lipstick on a pig strategy.
I hope they don’t abandon the “The Magic Negro” songs. They went over really well with young black and hispanic voters.
The one black republican with any self-respect and dignity is Powell. Powell endorsed Obama, and was cursed by Rush and the rest of his party. Ergo, young black Americans will flock away from this man of strength and experience to Steele and his midget-slammin’, happy-rappin’, money hoardin’, water boardin’ ways. Oh yeah. This white girl can rhyme.
loquaciousmusic: I get Todd Rundgren confused with Nils Lofgren.
That Blingee should hook up on a Zwinky! Yough!
Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters …
“Off the hook.” You mean like “unhinged,” only more so?
I don’t understand. Was Vanilla Ice not available?
How long until the base secedes?
Oh, I suppose just because he’s black you assume he has a “…big long interview…” You people sicken me.
Gawd, Larry David will do anything for ratings.
/am I too late?
But seriously, nobody likes republicans. The nerdy loser can’t just invite the cool kids to his house and expect to be cool because of it.
He’s gotta pay the hottest girl in school (Rahm Emmanuel) to go out with him for a week, then do African dances at the spring formal. Only then will he be cool.
But I thought the hispanics don’t like the blacks and that’s why Hopey lost the election.
Michael Steele EXTREME! The RNC has ELECTROLYTES!
Wait, that’s 15 years from now.
The difference between a pit bull and a black Republican?
Hammer pants.
Every day i wake up and wait for Marxist truths: thank you.
I’m sorry, I temporarily went blind and deaf, and vomited for about five minutes as soon as I read ‘off the hook’. I can’t remember anything that happened in the past week except those words and their assault on my senses. I’m too scared to read the rest of the game plan.
Only Washington Times readers/writers could experience this and take it with any seriousness.
Oh wait, he said “I don’t do ‘cutting-edge’, that’s what Democrats are doing. We’re going beyond cutting-edge.”
Wow. ‘Beyond cutting-edge’ would be bleeding-edge. As in unsustainable growth, and billion-dollar technology that would have been fifty dollars next year. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised anymore that no Republicans think about what they say.
Tra: “Off the hook.” You mean like “unhinged,” only more so?
Naw, it’s “Off the hook” as in: “Oh shit, the GOP is calling again, just let it go to voicemail, then we’ll take the phone off the hook.”
Colander: That’s who Steele reminds me of, especially his Blingee portrait! Krazee Eyes Killa!
Is that his real mustache? Or a Blingee mustache? I can’t tell.
One-armed midgets is the new black
Palin/One-Armed-Midget might just be the winning GOP ticket in 2012
Anyone taking bets until the Steele-One Armed (male) Midget sexxx scandal emerges?
I think they prefer to be called “dwarfs.”
2Legit2Legit2Quit hey hey!
jagorev: Agreed. As is, though, I still give this Blingee four out of five whore diamonds.
RNC can do whatever they like, but Tom isn’t the new black.
‘Hey, where the white women at!’
To (mis)quote Trotsky:
“a soporific for an aging,
geriatric [party]…
comic relief for the death
rattle of a [philosophy]“…
At least Louis XVI and
Nicholas II had good looking
wives.
I swear to God when I read this on CNN.com I thought I had accidentally navigated over to wonkette. Michael Steele is very obviously trying to put you out of business…
Nas said hip hop is dead, so the GOP building its voter outreach around it actually makes sense.
The most offensive part? Using “uptick” as a transitive verb. WHY DO YOU HATE ENGLISH, MICHAEL STEELE?
someone got a hold of his top secret memo: http://www.campusprogress.org/mocku/3644/you-down-with-gop
Right, like the GOP will tolerate this.
norbizness: doing the humpty dance,
jagorev: …and with a big fat cigar in his mouth too.
myheadsexploding: that would be HERE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaY1LxfKETI
Epic thread.
This is the political equivalent of a random white guy walking into a South Side Chicago bar and saying Y HLO THAR, MY HOMIEZ! hoping the brothas will heap love on him.