Michael Steele To Reinvent GOP With Hip-Hop And Youthiness

  OK good luck with that

Rockin' the suburbsGOP Chairman Michael Steele is proving to be pretty goddamn tiresome already and he has been running the party for what, minus five minutes? After explaining to George Stephanopoulos how “jobs” are different from “work,” he then gave this big long interview with the Washington Times that was likewise so jam-packed with mockable bullshit that it is hard to see what a person with a satirical blog-writing “job” is supposed to do with it.

To wit:

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

The RNC’s first black chairman will “surprise everyone” when updating the party’s image using the Internet and advertisements on radio, on television and in print, he told The Washington Times.

Of course he doesn’t say how exactly he is going to convince a bunch of young black and Hispanic city-dwellers that the party of the white rural South really has their interests in mind (Truck Nutz?), but whatever, you don’t need a plan when you are CRAZY.

 
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Also he says this terribly offensive thing about amputees and little people: “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.” Why is Michael Steele so full of hate?

Steele: GOP needs ‘hip-hop’ makeover [Washington Times]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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102 comments

  1. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    I shudder to think what the GOP image of “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” is. This will be the most unintentionally offensive thing ever.

  2. V572625694

    He needs those shades because the future is sooooo bright for the GOP.

    How did the Whig Party die again? This is a great opportunity for Gary Bauer or Alan Keyes to get them back on the path to righteous righty-ness!

  3. Dave J.

    On a non-satirical note, he doesn’t really care if they get any young black or Hispanic kids to vote GOP, the entire point of what he’s doing is to give the 65 year old white GOP voters a semi-plausible line of defense when some Obama 2012 supporter accuses them of being racist.

    On a satirical note, I really cannot fucking wait to see what kind of music they’ll play at these events. “Ok, you dope cats, here’s the lastest phat beats and dope lyrics from the jiggiest rapper out there, Young MC!”

  4. gjdodger

    One thing that’s status quo–”Republican National Committee Chairman” and “offensive” in the same sentence.

  5. gjdodger

    [re=247069]V572625694[/re]: How did the Whig Party die again?
    Bob Ney stopped wearing one when he went to jail. HEY-YOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…

  6. Lemming Caution

    “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

    Step one: stop saying “midget”

  7. norbizness

    Maybe they can offer MC Hammer some day-old bread in exchange for his cutting a rap medley declaring that John McCain is 2 Legit to Quit, telling people that he knows Lindsey Graham will get it started, and responding to the issue of holding Bush Administration members accountable for international war crimes with a simple “U Can’t Touch This.”

  8. Gopherit

    Poor Sara. You really need more challenging assignments. Why do the republicans write their own material?

  9. Red Zeppelin

    [re=247072]Dave J.[/re]: I think the GOP notion of with-it urban music is the Village People. (The ones who attend the basketball games around here all know the hand signals for YMCA).

  10. 4tehlulz

    Fuck tha libruls
    Comin straight from Georgetown
    Young nigga got it bad cuz I’m brown
    And not the other color so libruls think
    They have the authority to help a minority

  11. SayItWithWookies

    “People who said I can’t make the trains run on time never gave a reason.”

    Zey didn’t mean it, Michael — zey vere only following orders.

  12. ManchuCandidate

    Yo Non white Bros let’s kick it

    Steele Steele baby (x2)
    All right stop collaborate and listen
    Steele is back with my brand new Republican
    Failure grabs a hold of me tightly
    Flow like a foot tap daily and nightly
    Will it ever stop yo I don’t know
    Turn off the lights and he’ll blow
    To the extreme I’ll wreck the party like a vandal
    Light up a stogie and rape a chump with a broom handle
    Placate Rush or the fat ass will boom
    I’m killing your brain like a lead filled toy
    Deadly when I say a dopey
    Anything we do will be a felony
    Love it or leave it you better gain weight
    You better spread bullshit so the kid don’t play
    If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
    Ignore the racism as my staff spins it

    CHORUS
    Steele Steele baby Republican (x4)

  13. tencuidados

    gunna git us somma that hippity hoppity all them kids talk about, then we can be cool like that obama asshole.

    also

    some of michael steele’s best friends are black.

  14. One Yield Regular

    “I’m representin’ for the right wing all across the world (Steele!)
    Hittin’ them corners in them 3-piece suits, girl – whoops, I mean, woman (Steele!)
    Takin’ my time to perfect the roll-out of my high impact marketing campaign,
    But I still got love for the urban-suburban hip-hop settings.
    It’s the R.N.C.”

    FAIL.

  15. norbizness

    In the words of Professor Murder on Mr. Show’s Summer Camp sketch: DAMN! His science is too tight!

  16. ToeCramps

    Michael Steele is an ass clown! A Repug ass clown – mind you! How will this idiot teach a bunch of old, fart happy bigots how to drop it like it’s hot? Bleh.

  17. Canuckledragger

    Steele’s joining Akon’s posse so he can be next in line to bitch-slap Suge Knight.

    Street cred, yo!

  18. Mr Blifil

    I’m sure when the GOP was voting on the Party Chairman, these were the sort of bold initiatives they were hoping for. The problem could come when the NRA supporters show up for outreach in the inner city neighborhoods and attempt to carry out tarring, feathering, hog-tying and lynchings. Might muddy the message Steele is hoping to send. Which is basically “if you work at Mickey D’s and sent Obama $10 last year, could you do the same for us kthanxbai…”

    OK GOP operatives, you covered your asses, now back to the cocksmoking.

  19. kikawaks

    GOP has hit a pinnacle of cynicism putting this guy up front. Amazing he is okey with the whole farce.

  20. Violenza

    My god, that’s embarrassing. Reading that made me blush, and not in a Lexington Steele-type of way.

  21. WagTehGod

    Does this mean we can look forward to Palin entering the convention in fo’ years to accept the nomination while “99 Problems” is playing?

  22. Violenza

    This is like when every commercial on TV, including like “stranger danger” warnings and Smokey the Bear was made into a rap in the 90s. The GOP has finally caught up to the early 90s. They’re nipping at our heels!! Now if Michael Steele could do Homey the Clown, I might think about switching parties.

  23. Mustang

    First, why is there a picture of a devil whore pig on Wonkette? Second, let us all remember that the RNC did a fine job of fooling people into thinking they gave a shit about anyone besides rich white people when we elected Ronald Reagan and the both the Georges Bush.

  24. The Cold Sea

    Republicans = Clarence Thomas
    Democrats = Thurgood Marshall

    You can apply this formula to everything the Republicans do.

  25. KilgoreTrout_XL

    So line about one-armed little people wasn’t a joke. Huh. I think I kinda like this guy.

    I wonder how many gigs of tentacle pron he has on his work PC.

  26. Red Zeppelin

    I think Steele had a previous career as a model appearing on inner-city billboards for Kool cigarettes.

  27. Gopherit

    [re=247090]ManchuCandidate[/re]: No one should know that song well enough to write a parody. I pity you.

  28. Scarab

    So Michael Steele sees the GOP problem being fixed by public relations not policy change?
    May I suggest creating a cartoon character for the campaign, ‘Negrito, the Republican Dog.’ You won’t believe the crazy situations he gets into.

  29. One Yield Regular

    [re=247135]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Ygad! Believe it or not, about a week ago I just found that CD and listened to it all the way through. It’s bad, but whatever Todd’s rapping sins, he has enough good works behind him that he doesn’t deserve being thrown to the RNC.

  30. loquaciousmusic

    [re=247160]One Yield Regular[/re]: Oh, it’s one of my secretly-favorite Todd albums. And for some reason, I don’t think Todd Rundgren is a Republican. Call it a hunch.

  31. Joshua Norton

    I shudder to think what the GOP image of “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” is.

    Think “Applebee’s”.

  32. yellowdogdem

    [re=247090]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Nice lyrics. But nothing will ever compare to Jim Carey’s performance on In Living Color. “White, white, baby. So very white, white baby.” How appropriately Republican is that!

  33. pfft..nah

    Couple things:
    1. The GOP’s gonna teach black people to disenfranchise themselves?
    2. Who would be the celebrity spokesmen? Mike Tyson? JJ Walker? Flava Flav? (j/k. Flav’s got too much self respect for that)
    3. Speaking of Flava Flav: the GOP could do a reality show where they get a bunch of trashy, desperate women to vie for a chance to marry the party (spoiler: Since none of the contestants is an underage boy, the GOP will not be interested. But they will choose the one with no visible emotions, crazy eyes, and a large inheritance.)

  34. Cold War Unicorns

    He said “one-armed midgets,” but he meant “one-eyed jews.” It was a shout out to the only other black Republican ever, Sammy Davis, Jr. You libruls ain’t even giving Mr. Steele a chance. Why y’all so racist?

    Sincerely,
    The Party of Lincoln AND Malkin

  35. Reefpilot

    Goddamn, “midgets.” He may as well have said Cosmo Kramer’s favorite word. Extremely offensive term… it’s “little people.”

  36. No Words

    Seriously?? What the GOP needs is a list of things not to say. Starting with phrases that include “magic” or “one-armed”. And what exactly is an “urban-suburban hip-hop setting”? North Jersey? Perhaps a move away from the intolerant and ignorant southern base of the party would be a better start? Or not. I’m sure all the black and hispanic urban-suburban hip-hopinites will get along fine with Rush and the rest of the party. And what about the gays? I hear they tend to live in these urbanish areas. Oh right – fuck them.

  37. Atheist Nun

    Well, according to Wikipedia, there are only 102 African American Republicans, surely one of them must still own some HammerPants™?

    I really, really hope the results of this endeavor include some clunky, embarrassing lyrics and at least one old white man pouring out a 40 on the steps of the Capitol building…

    We’re The GOP and we’re here to say
    That black people shouldn’t run the other way
    But instead embrace our outdated policies here today
    la la la something that rhymes with today!

  38. norbizness

    [re=247135]loquaciousmusic[/re]: The GOP rank and file need to be acclimated slowly into rap, starting with Rappin’ Ronald Reagan novelty song of the mid-80s, proceeding through Jackie Mason, that French toddler Jordy, and then onto somewhat dodgy white people, like Debbie Harry (Rapture) or Adam and the Ants (Antrap). Finally, they can break the color barrier with The Fresh Prince and the fat guy from the Blu-Blockers ad.

  39. TeddyS

    And he launches his campaign to attract young people and minorities with an interview in the Washington Times, which is widely read within the Washington Times newsroom and among those married en masse by the Times’ owner, da Rev Moonie. Real breakout thinking, there, Steele.

  40. PrairiePossum

    So the GOP is embracing the lipstick on a pig strategy.

    I hope they don’t abandon the “The Magic Negro” songs. They went over really well with young black and hispanic voters.

  41. CivicHoliday

    The one black republican with any self-respect and dignity is Powell. Powell endorsed Obama, and was cursed by Rush and the rest of his party. Ergo, young black Americans will flock away from this man of strength and experience to Steele and his midget-slammin’, happy-rappin’, money hoardin’, water boardin’ ways. Oh yeah. This white girl can rhyme.

  42. Tra

    Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters …

    “Off the hook.” You mean like “unhinged,” only more so?

  43. Mr_Sundayschool

    Oh, I suppose just because he’s black you assume he has a “…big long interview…” You people sicken me.

  44. Colander

    But seriously, nobody likes republicans. The nerdy loser can’t just invite the cool kids to his house and expect to be cool because of it.

    He’s gotta pay the hottest girl in school (Rahm Emmanuel) to go out with him for a week, then do African dances at the spring formal. Only then will he be cool.

  45. Aquannissiwamissoo

    But I thought the hispanics don’t like the blacks and that’s why Hopey lost the election.

  46. Zadig

    I’m sorry, I temporarily went blind and deaf, and vomited for about five minutes as soon as I read ‘off the hook’. I can’t remember anything that happened in the past week except those words and their assault on my senses. I’m too scared to read the rest of the game plan.

  47. whiskey tango foxtrot

    Only Washington Times readers/writers could experience this and take it with any seriousness.

  48. Zadig

    Oh wait, he said “I don’t do ‘cutting-edge’, that’s what Democrats are doing. We’re going beyond cutting-edge.”

    Wow. ‘Beyond cutting-edge’ would be bleeding-edge. As in unsustainable growth, and billion-dollar technology that would have been fifty dollars next year. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised anymore that no Republicans think about what they say.

  49. Atheist Nun

    [re=247246]Tra[/re]: “Off the hook.” You mean like “unhinged,” only more so?

    Naw, it’s “Off the hook” as in: “Oh shit, the GOP is calling again, just let it go to voicemail, then we’ll take the phone off the hook.”

  50. Mr Blifil

    [re=247285]Colander[/re]: That’s who Steele reminds me of, especially his Blingee portrait! Krazee Eyes Killa!

  51. assistant/atlas

    [re=247059]jagorev[/re]: Agreed. As is, though, I still give this Blingee four out of five whore diamonds.

  52. NunnaTheSOBs

    To (mis)quote Trotsky:

    “a soporific for an aging,
    geriatric [party]…
    comic relief for the death
    rattle of a [philosophy]“…

    At least Louis XVI and
    Nicholas II had good looking
    wives.

  53. Sherry in "

    I swear to God when I read this on CNN.com I thought I had accidentally navigated over to wonkette. Michael Steele is very obviously trying to put you out of business…

  54. OReillysVibrator

    Nas said hip hop is dead, so the GOP building its voter outreach around it actually makes sense.

  55. Jewdishoowary Square

    The most offensive part? Using “uptick” as a transitive verb. WHY DO YOU HATE ENGLISH, MICHAEL STEELE?

  56. myheadsexploding

    [re=247074]norbizness[/re]: doing the humpty dance,

    [re=247059]jagorev[/re]: …and with a big fat cigar in his mouth too.

  57. President Beeblebrox

    Epic thread.

    This is the political equivalent of a random white guy walking into a South Side Chicago bar and saying Y HLO THAR, MY HOMIEZ! hoping the brothas will heap love on him.

Comments are closed.