Firebug Peter Orszag Nearly Burnt Down Office

by Sara K. Smith

One of the lesser-known members of President Obama’s cabinet is a young hipster with clever glasses named Peter Orszag. As the budget director, he does things with numbers and money. And he has shown that despite his heavy math nerd cred, he is also capable of conversing with other humans in a pleasant manner, which makes him an invaluable Congressional negotiator. In other words, Peter Orszag is proving to be quite the catch! Except that he already tried to destroy his office.

In it, a small red sofa and two hard wooden armchairs face a marble fire place. When Orszag arrived for his first weekend of work on a snowy January day, there were logs neatly stacked.

“It still seemed a little suspicious. So I lit a piece of paper to see if it vented,” Orszag said. The smoke went up the chimney.

“So then we lit a few logs. It was venting. It was fine,” he said. The only problem: The Secret Service had capped the building’s chimneys. Smoke alarms started going off upstairs, and the building was evacuated.

Let’s clone this guy and use the extra to replace Larry Summers.

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IslandGirlFL February 19, 2009 at 10:42 am

He’s really Nate Silver….

JadedDIssonance February 19, 2009 at 10:43 am

Does this guy know Nate? Are they lovers yet?

Advn2rgirl February 19, 2009 at 10:43 am

Didn’t he see this on West Wing?

EnBuenOra February 19, 2009 at 10:45 am

Actually, he tried to kill all the upstairs people with smoke inhalation.

OffTheRecord February 19, 2009 at 10:49 am

President Bartlet is going to be pissed.

V572625694 February 19, 2009 at 10:50 am

WTF? The Secret Service capped the chimneys? That’s not life safety you can believe in!

PerhapsSo February 19, 2009 at 10:51 am

This was on an episode of the West Wing! Except then I think that it was in the Mural Room.

madtowngooner February 19, 2009 at 10:54 am

As most people have already noted, this happened on the West Wing. Just how much of this administration is going to mirror that show? Is Michelle injecting steroids into Barry’s bum? Is Rahm an alcoholic? Is Nancy Pelosi John Goodman?

pundid February 19, 2009 at 10:56 am

Just give the man his stapler back before he gets really mad.

madtowngooner February 19, 2009 at 10:57 am

And WTF is Mann Coulter doing on this page? Is she there just to piss us off?

Mr Blifil February 19, 2009 at 10:58 am

Get a brain, moran.

I suppose he availed himself of the chamber pot and the bedpan as well, just to allay his natural suspicions. And he probably uses lamb skin condoms, for when the mulled wine and mutton break down the resistance of his quarry.

Come here a minute February 19, 2009 at 11:00 am

Cheney did the same thing in the OEOB, except it was with memos about illegal wiretapping, detention, and torture.

SayItWithWookies February 19, 2009 at 11:01 am

Burn the night, WIN THE MORNING! Way to score, Politico!

actor212 February 19, 2009 at 11:02 am

As much as I admire the guy’s spunk and self-reliance, couldn’t he have asked if the damn fireplace worked first?

Doglessliberal February 19, 2009 at 11:04 am

Orszag?? Clearly Middle European, probably Croat Muslin, and thus, clearly, a Muslin terrorist trying to burn down the USA.

Doglessliberal February 19, 2009 at 11:05 am

Or, and this seems more likely, it was the raccoons. Has anyone seen them lately? They could well be conspiring with those renegade beavers that were loose around the Tidal Pool last year.

Are raccoons and beavers Muslin?

WadISay February 19, 2009 at 11:05 am

Nate Silver does not take heat, light and energy as we do; he plugs himself directly into the wall socket, and probably contains his own power source.

frumious_bandersnatch February 19, 2009 at 11:14 am

Does this mean I’ve already missed the episode where Obama cusses out the religious right and then tells Dr. Laura to eat a bag of dicks? ‘Cuz I’ve been waiting for that!

Serolf Divad February 19, 2009 at 11:16 am

I simply refuse to believe that a bong was not in some way involved in this little escapade.

Links February 19, 2009 at 11:19 am

Ah, I don’t know if I can trust a Democrat who hasn’t seen every episode of the West Wing to work in the White House. On the other hand, if that means we have a real Josh (not Sam, please) in the WH and he will relive every Josh storyline in real life, I cannot wait for him to visit his own fan website, call his fans morons and fall in love with his cute assistant while crushing Congressional Republicans day in and day out.

gjdodger February 19, 2009 at 11:21 am

He’s just preparing for his post-White House career as he runs for Governor of Illinois.

gjdodger February 19, 2009 at 11:22 am

Actually, this reminds me of one of Dave Barry’s greatest one liners–”A Democrat is someone who’ll stop to help you change a tire and end up setting your car on fire.”

PerhapsSo February 19, 2009 at 11:33 am

[re=246957]Links[/re]: If he is Josh, he also gets shot by white supremacists.

102415 February 19, 2009 at 11:37 am

I dream of a WBF. Sometimes I have to light some small sticks and papers on fire in a frying pan to relieve the pressure when the burning log video stops working.

pondscum February 19, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=246954]frumious_bandersnatch[/re]: I love it when he crushes Dr. Laura. We refer to that as the crab puff episode.

madtowngooner February 19, 2009 at 11:52 am

[re=246957]Links[/re]: Morans, please.

Links February 19, 2009 at 11:57 am

[re=246966]PerhapsSo[/re]: you had to go ruin my fantasy, didn’t you? I had wilfully ignored that part! Alright then, this is Josh with a twist, he doesn’t get shot or dye his hair.

Links February 19, 2009 at 12:00 pm

[re=246991]madtowngooner[/re]: excuse me for the muslin-librul typo. Also.

operation limey February 19, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Is this Peter Orszag character with the hipster glasses the creepy dude in the LifeLock ad below the story? If so, that’s creepy.

Cape Clod February 19, 2009 at 12:07 pm

[re=246966]PerhapsSo[/re]: He’s not Josh, he’s Sam, the brainy one who sleeps with hookers.

loquaciousmusic February 19, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Listen, guys. He was just bringing a little hipster Talking Heads reference to the White House. Next thing you know, he’ll be walking around asking everyone, “Qu’est-ce que c’est?”

sati demise February 19, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=246956]Serolf Divad[/re]: ditto.

BadKitty February 19, 2009 at 12:19 pm

He didnt start the fire
It was always burning
Since the worlds been turning
He didn’t start the fire
No he didnt light it
But he tried to fight it … ad nauseum

lennixlewis February 19, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I needed a sexy hipster looking picture of this Peter Orszag character, Wonkette, the wikipedia one is BORING.

(can we scrap the West Wing references and think about if there was a spinoff of just his character and maybe Nate Silver as his sidekick solving political riddles using the numberz?)

heroinmule February 19, 2009 at 1:10 pm

That’s kind of adorable. He seems like a lovable nerd. I think this also an episode of The Office (“Ryan started the fire!!!”).

cal February 19, 2009 at 1:10 pm

He lit a few “logs”? More like he lit a few joints, liberal hippie.

Doglessliberal February 19, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=247029]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Well, we already had a Psycho Killer, and he might still be in an underground bunker on Observatory Hill.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 19, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Didn’t he get the memo that the sacrifices to Ba’al would be done en masse in the court yard, and that there was no need to do one in his office?

S.Luggo February 19, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Orszag has pocket-protectors for his pocket-protectors.

That piece of paper he used to test the chimblee came from the Stimulus Bill. Tough titties, Oklahoma.

bitchincamaro February 19, 2009 at 3:09 pm

His mentor, Mr. Rubin, was allowed to burn down Citigroup, the least BHO can let him destroy is his own office. And he’s ugly.

beeann February 19, 2009 at 5:56 pm

[re=246932]Advn2rgirl[/re]: my thoughts exactly. I guess this really is season 8

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