handouts

Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope

JESUS CHRIST GET IN THE CAR IT'S A LANGE.It was only a matter of time before liberal blog The Daily Kos switched from documenting Obama’s campaign and election to begging him for jobs. Kos blogger “mjgl” (“liberal” in Klingon) wants the new President to know that “mjgl” has always loved those picture books about the Great Depression, so maybe, uhm, a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for “mjgl” would be good, from Obama, so that “mjgl” could also take pictures of the Great Depression we’re having right now!

I want to be hired by our Government to photograph and document what is happening to overlooked and disenfranchised individuals along with the emerging seeds of change I am expecting in our culture. I want an opportunity to tell Americans stories as I hear them, unhampered by commercial goals.

Ho ho, “unhampered by commercial goals,” of course. Well, you know, “mjgl,” the only “seeds” of change you’re going to find are at the bottom of your marijuana baggie. Go plant them, now, because Commercial Goals are sort of integral to this whole Fixing the Economy deal.

Also, it’s not like you need to buy film or whatever. Take your Best Buy digital camera down the street and shoot some pictures of your neighbors clearing out of their foreclosed house, at 2 a.m., and then you can post them on Flickr, the end.

Dream Job.. please Pres. Obama! [Daily Kos]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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45 comments

  1. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    You know, under FDR, you would go work ten hours constructing a dam, and then do your photography in the evening on your own time.

    And, think about it, mjgl, if you do that, you will actually be in contact with the people you want to document. So go seek out a job laying rails between LA and Vegas. It will give you your dream job, and you will know how good it feels to really work.

  2. Cape Clod

    Chirst, Time Magazine labels you one of the five most overrated blogs and the first thing you know, all your people start looking for government hand outs.

  3. Serolf Divad

    I want to have lots of meaningless sex with Hollywood starlets… unhampered by commercial goals, of course.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Wasn’t this the BushCo plan for Iraqi Reconstruction? The days of politically reliable incompetent and inexperienced home schoolers to waste billions of dollars are over, Kosbot. Be prepared to fight for your dinner of hobo beans and government cheese like everyone else.

  5. One Yield Regular

    Sorry, “mjgl” – the only “stimulus payment” you should expect for that sort of work is getting to suckle the withered breast of Rose-O’-Sharon Joad.

  6. Internally valid

    Um . . . there’s this thing called teh NEA. You can apply for a grant to do “art” unhampered by commercial goals, funded by the government. That’s sort of what you’re looking for, except they don’t take applications through Kos and you probably have to not suck at art.

  7. bureaucrap

    You know, Andy Warhol made lots of money by making movies featuring people he picked up off the street. So you can still “do good and do well” mjgl, if you just photograph the hottest street urchins you can. Without compensating them, of course (they’re grateful just to have the exposure, natch).

  8. Gopherit

    [re=246064]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think that’s one of the pars of the bailout bill the republicans really objected to.

    Seriously, if he wants to be unfettered by commercial or government interests, all he has to do is get a bindle, a cheap camera, and be able to beg for enuf change for weed, cheap booze, batteries, and hobo beans. Kids these days expect everything handed to them.

  9. actor212

    Oddly enough, I asked my congresscritter if the NEA would be funding grants for just this kind of photography.

    After I picked all the asphalt shards out of my suit…

  10. JadedDIssonance

    Mr. Juggles Giraffe Labia, flickrrati like you are responsible for this crisis. It’s exactly like what happened to the Ottoman Empire! People got all sad and corporately introspective about “What Is Happening To Us,” and pretty soon there wasn’t anything left for anything to happen to. Paid-Navel-Gazing is pseudonym for “Welfare Queen.”

  11. Gorillionaire

    A dude I went to college with actually pulled this off. He got a sweet gummit paid job doing what he dreamed of. Except it wasn’t the Obama admin, it was the Cheney admin, and it wasn’t taking arty photos, it was ripping off the American taxpayer by overcharging to ship useless crap to military cafeterias in Iraq. P.S. he is still not in jail.

  12. Woodwards Friend

    Back in the Depression if you wanted to photograph the poors you had to purchase expensive film, flash bulbs, dark room supplies, etc. etc. Today you can buy a 14 megapixel digital camera, tripod, and 4 gig memory card all for under $1000 and you’re set. Other than maybe a bus ticket to the new dust bowl known as “Detroit” there’s no other overhead for this photograph the poors project. Thanks to this magical Internet invention “WordPress” you don’t even need photo paper anymore. Actually if you’re begging the government to pay you take pictures, I assume you alrady have that stuff.

    In other words, just go take some fucking pictures already and leave the government out of this. They have bigger problems then your douchey art project.

  13. Gregory_of_Nazianzus

    Forsooth, I, too, would like to be hired by Our Government to document the poverty of Our Government’s subjects who dost suffer greatly defpite the finest intentions of His Majefty President Barack of Obama. For in mine commercial interefts, I have as yet been unable to support myself, as the people of Our Government’s great lands have not yet learnt to appreciate mine arts.

  14. Hooray For Anything

    I too would like a government grant to write my new book, “The McMansions of Wrath” in which Tom Joad loads his family into a soon-to-be-repossessed SUV and drives the family to find cheap rental apartments in Fresno where he will try and land work at a WalMart. I am picturing George Clooney to be the star of the inevitable movie.

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    I love it how every schmuck who gets a camera for his b-day is suddenly a great artist. Reminds me of me, about 30 years ago.

  16. Mr Blifil

    Here’s a plan guaranteed to provide a stimulus, while ensuring government gravy train jobs: all these people can suck my balls. For moneez.

  17. Mr Blifil

    [re=246064]Serolf Divad[/re]: Sounds good in the abstract, but I don’t see you getting out of there without having to listen to some story about the part she should have got, or about the dude in her two-bit hometown out west who she still misses and was a “good guy.” So while you might be fucked, you’re still fucked.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=246091]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Actually, no one seems to have pointed out yet that the sequel, Raisins of Perturbance, will see a reverse migration. Think I’m kidding? Current unemployment rates: California=8.4; Oklahoma=4.7

    “Oklahoma is the garden of Eden, a paradise to live in or to see”

  19. EricSaeger

    Libtards. They seriously *are* from the same gene pool as those six-pack book-phobic Palin-centerfold-beater-offers, except they’re like friendly Ewoks. Yes, it’s like mean Jawas vs nice Ewoks, as the world burns and we edge closer to civil war and the only thing that might save us is Bob Newhart wakes up and it was all just a dream about getting fanny-blasted by the Bushes, with Nancy Reagan pulling our hair back and giving us shotguns from a crack bong. I hate this, man.

  20. bitchincamaro

    [re=246084]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Srsly, and if you must document our demise, please don’t do it in Detroit. It’s been done to death. Haha, just like “death” and “Detroit” in the same sentence.

  21. Colander

    Mr Obama, I want a job with your government, taking pictures of house cats, then writing funny captions on them, in the style of a secondary-schoolers text messages, unfettered by taste or necessity.

  22. Hooray For Anything

    [re=246110]user-of-owls[/re]: Good point. According to the latest states, the states with the lowest rates for jobs are Wyoming and the Dakotas. Woo hoo! Bismark here I come!

  23. Mr Blifil

    [re=246121]cal[/re]: For consistency’s sake the sequel’s going to have to be something like “Loose the Fateful Lightning!” or “Terrible Swift Sword.” Or “Tom Joad Plants His Seed.”

  24. operation limey

    Make this fucktard work in a Truck Nutz factory. That’ll knock the idealistic, hippie bullshit outta him.

  25. Cape Clod

    To hell with pictures. I’m going to pack up my guitar, hit the rails, and write a whole bunch of socialist patriotic songs that inspire the future Bob Dylans and Bruce Springsteens of America.

  26. Mustang

    How do you spell mjgl? She’s just earned a primo spot on the big fat queer list. I can just picture her hanging around the Walmart parking lot her with her big expensive camera asking some guy with a sign, “Sir…sir, will you tell me your story of disenfranchisement? I am compelled by a spirit to record it, not for commercial goals, nay, but because I have been appointed by Jesus to witness the seeds of change. And because I will receive fat check from the Feds.” What a maroon.

  27. Mustang

    I just actually read that whole thing. Holey. Moley. “I was homeless before it was fashionable???” TF?

  28. hobospacejungle

    Disenfranchised? Ugh. You’re either franchised or disfranchised. Is something fire-proof disenflammable? No. Not that it has anything to do with franchising, but still.

    Yeah, I know both are acceptable usage, but I retain my right to complain about the dismemberment of meaning in the English language, like the increasing use of disinterested to mean lack of interest rather than impartial.

  29. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=246084]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Not only that, but What cost $1000 in 2007 would cost $66.83 in 1935.

  30. Dean Booth

    Any photograph of the poors is liberal propaganda. Honor the Fairness Doctrine and avert your eyes, or occasionally toggle over to Vogue.

Comments are closed.