HANDOUTS  12:57 pm February 18, 2009

Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope

by Ken Layne

JESUS CHRIST GET IN THE CAR IT'S A LANGE.It was only a matter of time before liberal blog The Daily Kos switched from documenting Obama’s campaign and election to begging him for jobs. Kos blogger “mjgl” (“liberal” in Klingon) wants the new President to know that “mjgl” has always loved those picture books about the Great Depression, so maybe, uhm, a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for “mjgl” would be good, from Obama, so that “mjgl” could also take pictures of the Great Depression we’re having right now!

I want to be hired by our Government to photograph and document what is happening to overlooked and disenfranchised individuals along with the emerging seeds of change I am expecting in our culture. I want an opportunity to tell Americans stories as I hear them, unhampered by commercial goals.

Ho ho, “unhampered by commercial goals,” of course. Well, you know, “mjgl,” the only “seeds” of change you’re going to find are at the bottom of your marijuana baggie. Go plant them, now, because Commercial Goals are sort of integral to this whole Fixing the Economy deal.

Also, it’s not like you need to buy film or whatever. Take your Best Buy digital camera down the street and shoot some pictures of your neighbors clearing out of their foreclosed house, at 2 a.m., and then you can post them on Flickr, the end.

Dream Job.. please Pres. Obama! [Daily Kos]

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cal February 18, 2009 at 1:02 pm

“unhampered by commercial goals” = free to masturbate at my computer in my pajamas

PerhapsSo February 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Michigan Journal of Gender & Law, is that you?

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 18, 2009 at 1:05 pm

You know, under FDR, you would go work ten hours constructing a dam, and then do your photography in the evening on your own time.

And, think about it, mjgl, if you do that, you will actually be in contact with the people you want to document. So go seek out a job laying rails between LA and Vegas. It will give you your dream job, and you will know how good it feels to really work.

Cape Clod February 18, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Chirst, Time Magazine labels you one of the five most overrated blogs and the first thing you know, all your people start looking for government hand outs.

Serolf Divad February 18, 2009 at 1:08 pm

I want to have lots of meaningless sex with Hollywood starlets… unhampered by commercial goals, of course.

Servo February 18, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Two words mjgl: Starving Artist.

user-of-owls February 18, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Anyone know which blog Dorothea Lange posted to begging FDR for a job?

ManchuCandidate February 18, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Wasn’t this the BushCo plan for Iraqi Reconstruction? The days of politically reliable incompetent and inexperienced home schoolers to waste billions of dollars are over, Kosbot. Be prepared to fight for your dinner of hobo beans and government cheese like everyone else.

One Yield Regular February 18, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Sorry, “mjgl” – the only “stimulus payment” you should expect for that sort of work is getting to suckle the withered breast of Rose-O’-Sharon Joad.

Internally valid February 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Um . . . there’s this thing called teh NEA. You can apply for a grant to do “art” unhampered by commercial goals, funded by the government. That’s sort of what you’re looking for, except they don’t take applications through Kos and you probably have to not suck at art.

magic titty February 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

So neither edge of the nutball fringe can compose sentences in English? How bipartisan.

bureaucrap February 18, 2009 at 1:14 pm

You know, Andy Warhol made lots of money by making movies featuring people he picked up off the street. So you can still “do good and do well” mjgl, if you just photograph the hottest street urchins you can. Without compensating them, of course (they’re grateful just to have the exposure, natch).

Gopherit February 18, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=246064]Serolf Divad[/re]: I think that’s one of the pars of the bailout bill the republicans really objected to.

Seriously, if he wants to be unfettered by commercial or government interests, all he has to do is get a bindle, a cheap camera, and be able to beg for enuf change for weed, cheap booze, batteries, and hobo beans. Kids these days expect everything handed to them.

ManchuCandidate February 18, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=246064]Serolf Divad[/re]:
I think Scott Baio has that job. Bastard.

SayItWithWookies February 18, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Working with no expectation of getting paid is unhampered by commercial goals, isn’t it?

Anonymous Office Zombie February 18, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Due to his stupid request, mjgl is now required to make bricks with no straw.

actor212 February 18, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Oddly enough, I asked my congresscritter if the NEA would be funding grants for just this kind of photography.

After I picked all the asphalt shards out of my suit…

JadedDIssonance February 18, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Mr. Juggles Giraffe Labia, flickrrati like you are responsible for this crisis. It’s exactly like what happened to the Ottoman Empire! People got all sad and corporately introspective about “What Is Happening To Us,” and pretty soon there wasn’t anything left for anything to happen to. Paid-Navel-Gazing is pseudonym for “Welfare Queen.”

Gorillionaire February 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm

A dude I went to college with actually pulled this off. He got a sweet gummit paid job doing what he dreamed of. Except it wasn’t the Obama admin, it was the Cheney admin, and it wasn’t taking arty photos, it was ripping off the American taxpayer by overcharging to ship useless crap to military cafeterias in Iraq. P.S. he is still not in jail.

Woodwards Friend February 18, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Back in the Depression if you wanted to photograph the poors you had to purchase expensive film, flash bulbs, dark room supplies, etc. etc. Today you can buy a 14 megapixel digital camera, tripod, and 4 gig memory card all for under $1000 and you’re set. Other than maybe a bus ticket to the new dust bowl known as “Detroit” there’s no other overhead for this photograph the poors project. Thanks to this magical Internet invention “Wordpress” you don’t even need photo paper anymore. Actually if you’re begging the government to pay you take pictures, I assume you alrady have that stuff.

In other words, just go take some fucking pictures already and leave the government out of this. They have bigger problems then your douchey art project.

Gregory_of_Nazianzus February 18, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Forsooth, I, too, would like to be hired by Our Government to document the poverty of Our Government’s subjects who dost suffer greatly defpite the finest intentions of His Majefty President Barack of Obama. For in mine commercial interefts, I have as yet been unable to support myself, as the people of Our Government’s great lands have not yet learnt to appreciate mine arts.

Hooray For Anything February 18, 2009 at 1:25 pm

I too would like a government grant to write my new book, “The McMansions of Wrath” in which Tom Joad loads his family into a soon-to-be-repossessed SUV and drives the family to find cheap rental apartments in Fresno where he will try and land work at a WalMart. I am picturing George Clooney to be the star of the inevitable movie.

Sussemilch February 18, 2009 at 1:25 pm

“mjgl” can camp out on a streetcorner with pirated hobo wifi and browse Shorpy.

Lascauxcaveman February 18, 2009 at 1:25 pm

I love it how every schmuck who gets a camera for his b-day is suddenly a great artist. Reminds me of me, about 30 years ago.

Mr Blifil February 18, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Here’s a plan guaranteed to provide a stimulus, while ensuring government gravy train jobs: all these people can suck my balls. For moneez.

Mr Blifil February 18, 2009 at 1:29 pm

[re=246064]Serolf Divad[/re]: Sounds good in the abstract, but I don’t see you getting out of there without having to listen to some story about the part she should have got, or about the dude in her two-bit hometown out west who she still misses and was a “good guy.” So while you might be fucked, you’re still fucked.

Serolf Divad February 18, 2009 at 1:30 pm


I never knew I could draw until I got a camera.

Servo February 18, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Mother Just Got Lucky?

user-of-owls February 18, 2009 at 1:36 pm

[re=246091]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Actually, no one seems to have pointed out yet that the sequel, Raisins of Perturbance, will see a reverse migration. Think I’m kidding? Current unemployment rates: California=8.4; Oklahoma=4.7

“Oklahoma is the garden of Eden, a paradise to live in or to see”

EricSaeger February 18, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Libtards. They seriously *are* from the same gene pool as those six-pack book-phobic Palin-centerfold-beater-offers, except they’re like friendly Ewoks. Yes, it’s like mean Jawas vs nice Ewoks, as the world burns and we edge closer to civil war and the only thing that might save us is Bob Newhart wakes up and it was all just a dream about getting fanny-blasted by the Bushes, with Nancy Reagan pulling our hair back and giving us shotguns from a crack bong. I hate this, man.

bitchincamaro February 18, 2009 at 1:40 pm

[re=246084]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Srsly, and if you must document our demise, please don’t do it in Detroit. It’s been done to death. Haha, just like “death” and “Detroit” in the same sentence.

Colander February 18, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Mr Obama, I want a job with your government, taking pictures of house cats, then writing funny captions on them, in the style of a secondary-schoolers text messages, unfettered by taste or necessity.

cal February 18, 2009 at 1:47 pm

[re=246110]user-of-owls[/re]: I think the title actually is “Raisins of Regret.”

Hooray For Anything February 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=246110]user-of-owls[/re]: Good point. According to the latest states, the states with the lowest rates for jobs are Wyoming and the Dakotas. Woo hoo! Bismark here I come!

Mr Blifil February 18, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=246121]cal[/re]: For consistency’s sake the sequel’s going to have to be something like “Loose the Fateful Lightning!” or “Terrible Swift Sword.” Or “Tom Joad Plants His Seed.”

tunamelt February 18, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=246110]user-of-owls[/re]: :(

TGY February 18, 2009 at 2:19 pm

I always thought “sumthin’ sumthin’” meant hot sex.

operation limey February 18, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Make this fucktard work in a Truck Nutz factory. That’ll knock the idealistic, hippie bullshit outta him.

Cape Clod February 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm

To hell with pictures. I’m going to pack up my guitar, hit the rails, and write a whole bunch of socialist patriotic songs that inspire the future Bob Dylans and Bruce Springsteens of America.

Mustang February 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm

How do you spell mjgl? She’s just earned a primo spot on the big fat queer list. I can just picture her hanging around the Walmart parking lot her with her big expensive camera asking some guy with a sign, “Sir…sir, will you tell me your story of disenfranchisement? I am compelled by a spirit to record it, not for commercial goals, nay, but because I have been appointed by Jesus to witness the seeds of change. And because I will receive fat check from the Feds.” What a maroon.

Mustang February 18, 2009 at 2:37 pm

I just actually read that whole thing. Holey. Moley. “I was homeless before it was fashionable???” TF?

TimeCubist February 18, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=246114]Colander[/re]: You can haz win for that!

hobospacejungle February 18, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Disenfranchised? Ugh. You’re either franchised or disfranchised. Is something fire-proof disenflammable? No. Not that it has anything to do with franchising, but still.

Yeah, I know both are acceptable usage, but I retain my right to complain about the dismemberment of meaning in the English language, like the increasing use of disinterested to mean lack of interest rather than impartial.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 18, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=246084]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Not only that, but What cost $1000 in 2007 would cost $66.83 in 1935.

Dean Booth February 18, 2009 at 8:40 pm

Any photograph of the poors is liberal propaganda. Honor the Fairness Doctrine and avert your eyes, or occasionally toggle over to Vogue.

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