exotic folkways

Canadian Natives Greet Visitor From South With Ritual Portraiture

Thank you Canada!Faithful commenter “Norbert” sends us this touching image from Canuckistan. President Obama will be visiting in a few days, and the Canadians are quite excited! “Here is a kind of lousy photo of a great restaurant window in my hood in Toronto (a city here in Canada),” our commenter instructs us. “Maybe he will like the painting better than the mixtape.” Hmm, maybe! Wherever they go, Americans love to be greeted with portraits of Marky-Mark and the White House social secretary.

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  1. BillyClubb

    “Here is a kind of lousy photo of a great restaurant window in my hood in Toronto…”

    They have ‘hoods’ in Canada?

  2. norbizness

    What’s Humphrey Bogart left out too long in the sun doing with Eartha Kitt? Y’all are dead, dammit!

  3. magic titty

    People will be masturbating outside of that window all the time now. As opposed to the usual ‘every once in a while’.

  4. BillyClubb

    And why do they have a picture of the guy on the “Uncle Bens” rice box? And who is that woman with him — Vanessa Williams?

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Actually what I love is the fact that Barry’s going to meet Fatty McGoo aka our Imperious Leader Stevie Harper and make him feel extremely inadequate like back in elementary school when Barry asks Canada City to help reduce CO2 emissions to new US standards (!?!) instead of Steve’s “We won’t do fuck all till 2020 Plan.”

    I can see Steve torn between having feelings of inadequate jealous rage at a man who is by all accounts smarter, wiser, better looking, thinner, charismatic and would be elected PM of Canada City with an overwhelming majority in Parliament AND the strong urge to lick the shoes of any US American leader.

  6. chascates

    [re=245848]S.Luggo[/re]: Shit!
    “But critics charge this tolerant and open society has also created an opening for terrorists who have their sights trained across the border at the United States.”

    What we need is less tolerant and open neighbors.

  7. hockeymom

    Eritrean and Ethiopian food.
    Valentine’s Day.
    Barack Obama and a random Asian woman?
    People wrapped in plaid, riding Caribou?

    Have I stepped into a David Lynch movie?

  8. Canuckledragger

    Hopey won’t be hitting Torontotown to see this Bloor West institution, but were he to travel to the other end of Bloor [Danforth], he could visit a restaurant called “Obama.” In his absence, perhaps secret Canuckistani Wonkette operatives Norbizness or Manchu could provide a photo of that place, just to let the Hopester know that Canuckistanis didn’t wait for his stimulus package to jack his likeness for a quick buck. ‘Tis the North American way.

    And Hopey: while you’re in Ottawatown, could you please kick Stephen Harper in the nuts, or at least punch him in the cock? It’s something the vast majority of his constituents would LOVE to do, but the prick comes out of his bunker less often than Punxatawney Phil [or Wiarton Willie for CanCon obsessives.] Puh-leeze!?!?!

  9. President Beeblebrox

    Weirdly, I know exactly where the restaurant is in T.O. that features this portraiture. It’s a great restaurant.

    [re=245849]Servo[/re]: Ethiopian/Eritrean food is awesome, srsly. It’s just those damn dictators in that area who fucked things up. Kinda how like Texas B-B-Q is awesome but eating it reminds you of various despotic Texans like LBJ and W.

  10. ChernobylSoup

    Won’t the restaurant owners be arrested (and be given a very stern talking to) for not writing the window greeting in English and French?

  11. rocktonsammy

    Maybe more colored people are moving to Canada because of the themed diners, that has to be some sort of stimulus for someone somewhere.

  12. Norbert

    Check it out, bitches, I’m famous. Not Kev-o-Tron famous, but pretty big for Canadia.

    All of the comments have warmed the cockles of my heart. With their accuracy.

    stalkingly yours,


  13. SayItWithWookies

    In honor of President Obama, they’re changing February’s designation to Not Black Enough History Month.

  14. chascates

    [re=245874]Norbert[/re]: OT, but how is the cannabis movement up there? Last I heard the government was trying to get more Amerika-like.

  15. frumious_bandersnatch

    I am sorry, but my snark fails in the face of the profundity of cuteness that is Canada’s crush on Hopey McChangeypants. It’s like kittens and sunbeams with tiny dust-motes of glee.

  16. Servo

    [re=245859]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
    I had a baked, curried fish in Mombasa, Kenya. One of the tops on my list. It pisses me off that, twenty years later, I still can’t find any place in the US that can duplicate it.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    Principal Skinner?

    “I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can’t get the spices right…”

  18. thefrontpage

    Actually, that’s a nice gesture in the store window. It’s sincere, it looks good, and it’s complimentary.

  19. supremecourtjester

    You guys and gals need to learn Photoshop. I cleaned up the photo with a couple clicks of the “enhance” menu.

  20. sezme

    Weird… I’m not ‘Norbert’, but I pass this restaurant every morning on the way to the subway (Ossington). Not only have I eaten there and enjoyed it (Take that, Malaka!) but I even sent in a photo of the display they had before Xmas to tips@wonkette.com which (sniff) never ran. Here it is in all its glory:

    And a big shout-out to my neighbour ‘Norbert’!

    By the way, Barry is totally president of Canadian hearts this week.

  21. Servo

    The best way to learn a culture…through their food. You also garner a lot of respect and appreciation for being interested in them, especially if you’re an American. It’s the simplest way to spread goodwill.

  22. Norbert

    [re=245892]chascates[/re]: In Canada, the government is more concerned with providing a stable banking system (OH SNAP!) than busting you for a single seed found in the back seat of your rent-a-car when you’re driving through Abilene in 1977 (Ron Paul 2012 !!!1! but I digress). So c’mon up, I’ll hook you up. Baked curried fish abundantly available too.

  23. Norbert

    [re=245980]sezme[/re]: [re=245858]Canuckledragger[/re]: WHAT?!? Here I thought Wonkette was all exotic-like, and now you’re telling me the commenters are just my neighbours (With a ‘u’) !?! That’s it, I’m moving over to The Corner.

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