Wonkette
- HEY, WE MADE THAT BLOG, YOU BASTARDS: Now what the hell? Fancy print magazine Time released its authoritative list of the 25 Best Blogs and we didn’t make it (TIME HAS NO CREDIBILITY), but freaking ~synthesis~ did, because of its “wide range of expertise” and fancy facts. Well we have no *facts* here, except for this one: we are a WARBLOG and we lifted ~synthesis~ to eternal glory, fame, and riches. You cherish that award, ~synthesis~! You cherish it real good now! ‘Cause they love you today, sure, but by morning you’re NOTHING to them… just some OLD HAG… *sobs* [Time]
I assume The Confluence was number one?
Hey now, little soldier, you just dry those tears. Tomorrow, we’ll go and take a nice dump in one of the ~synthesis~ writers’ shoes. Does that sound good? Hmm?
I will protest and use my influence as Time’s Person of the Year 2006 to change Time’s faulty list.
It’s just as well. Gawker was named “overrated” for being too SNARKY and not Zeitgeisty enough (in the “sign o the times” way, not the “movie about how Jews did 9/11″ way).
How many times did I get up before the crack of dawn to vote for that fancypants “synthesis”, before I slopped the hogs even? And this is the thanks that I get? You are deleted from bookmarks, ingrate!
So those numbskulls at ~synthesis~ ain’t paying their kickbacks, eh? Time to send them a little “reminder.”
“Mashable”???? “Slashfood”??? FTW????
Don’t be too worried about it — Time also named TechCrunch one of the top blogs — as well as naming it one of the most overrated. Also, I hear the MSM is dead.
that’s not cool yall
Yeah, snark is the new redneck, you guys. You might want to go with a different angle. Maybe become a Tumblr.
Oh, God. We’re doomed now that Time Magazine, the employer of Joe Klien, has made its infallible proclamation about blogs to its shrinking group of readers that don’t know what the fuck a blog is.
They name our boyfriend Andrew Sullivan, but he’s become a little lame–all he does these days is cut and paste from other blogs and newspapers, and the stuff is usually days old. There’s nothing original from him (so why use Sullivan when you have Google Reader), apart from the occasional “I’m a tortured gay catholic conservative who wants to fit in and keep my theology and dick-sucking consistent with each other, which is teh hardz!!!11!!”
Cape Clod: YOU ARE DESTROYING JOE KLEIN’S AUTHORITY WITH YOUR SARCASM.
BTW - Synthesis has an excellent post on “felony masturbation.”
OK, just give us the link to spam, snark, or otherwise make Time feel the cold cybersteel of real War Bloggers.
Anyone company that employs Mark Halperin as anything but a doorman or buttsecks boy cannot be taken seriously anyway.
Ahem.
one of those that create a poisonous atmosphere?
chascates: Idiot! That should have gone on the previous post about The Republic!
Original Wonkette AMC is gone from Henry Luce’s flagship now, right? That must explain the oversight. Or maybe we need more Butterstick posts.
It is impossible to express in words how much I absolutely detest the cesspool of crappy listicles, inane ramblings, depthless features, and conventional-wisdom-spouting BS that Time is now.
Seriously, FUCK OFF AND DIE, TIME, YOU WASTE OF TREES.
Hee, hee. Kos is bent out of shape ‘coz they called him “overrated” and said he parrots Democratic talking points. Can’t imagine where they got that.
That said, it’s hardly the fault of synthesis they got picked. Direct your anger toward Time. They are the Dick Cheney of newsmagazines. Or perhaps the Trig Palin.
assistant/atlas: It is impossible to express in words how much I absolutely detest the cesspool of crappy listicles, inane ramblings, depthless features, and conventional-wisdom-spouting BS that Time is now.
What was it before?
gjdodger: Time used to be an exquisitely written right-wing rag bent on avenging the “loss” of China and pushing every administration farther and farther to the right. When, inexplicably, this formula started to fail, the mag began to look and read more and more like its spinoffs, Life, People, Sports Illustrated, Fortune, etc. It’s no accident they merged with AOL.
assistant/atlas: Oh of course. The target was Time. Actually, there wasn’t any target, because I was just fucking around. I am going to eat dinner now.
Hi Jim and hello Wonkette, I wanted to thank you for your help in putting this blog on the map. Being selected for the Time thing was a total surprise - I did not seek that out - it just happened.
I absolutely thank you and the many Wonkette readers that voted for me in the Weblog awards, which is obviously how the editors at Time found ~synthesis~.
Thank you again.
Denby never talks about Time so the magazine lacks any credibility.
gjdodger: Less like that, I guess. It wasn’t terrible in the 90s…at least, I remember it being better. Of course, I was a teenager at that point, so WTF did I know?
Jim Newell: Yeah, I know. But I still plan on mailing Mark Halperin a bag of poop. Because regardless of any slight to Wonkette, they still deserve at least that.
shafeen: Awww, how sweet is that. I’m now even gladder I randomly voted for your blog like 40 times from multiple computers.
shafeen: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! MORE!! MORE!!
shafeen: You’re welcome.
I went to synthesis.com and it was some boring company selling “strategic consulting services.” Yeah … I do that, too. Then I went to synthesis.net and it looked like something some kids put together with their Dreamweaver to get free movies and CDs. WTF?
Jim Newell: But we still have U.S. News & World Report to weigh in, right? Right?
The only place I even see Time magazine is in the waiting room of my psychiatrist. As in it’s only good for calming down crazy people with the pictures and the celebrity-worshiping. Fuck Time. Long live Synthesis. Long live Wonkette.
shafeen: Listen to this guy. He’s really nice, and his blog is smart and thought provoking.
Wonketteers, do not be hatin’ the ~synthesis~. We have to concentrate our full energy into getting TruckNutz legalized in Edgefield, SC.
FOCUS.
assistant/atlas: MULTIPLE COMPUTERS? I just did it different times of the day. That’s as shadowy as I get.
Jukesgrrl: Yeah, its like hidden. You gotta google it maybe.
…and they also forgot SushiBandit.com too!!
a blog founded before that snotty nosed reviewer was born..
shafeen: Sorry, Shafeen. Congratulations.
We did not ask to be a War Blog, but now that we are one, we will not hesitate to take action.
Jim, I say it is time to put Operation Barbarossa into action!
assistant/atlas: Thanks for talking me down on getting even with synthesis. I was thinking that a bunch of wonkeratti doing regular comments would pretty much destroy their credibility, but I guess I won’t suggest that now.
~synthesis~ thinks they are all that, but just wait until they supplement their testimony and reveal that Wonkette hit them up for money before coming out in their favor in the Great Blog Wars of ‘09.
Warblog!!! ?
who do i kill ?
shafeen: God, you are such a GENTLEMAN! Best of luck to you.
Also:
“I absolutely thank you and the many Wonkette readers that voted for me in the Weblog awards, which is obviously how the editors at Time found ~synthesis~.”
If that was sarcasm, then that was GOOD sarcasm.
Colander: I have magical superpowers. If you care, you can read about them in my old blog: http://assistantatlas.blogspot.com/
shafeen: For a second, I thought that said “Shaheen,” and I was all like, “OH NO THAT BITCH FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE IS NOT POSTING ON MY WONKETTE!!!!”
But it’s just the tilde guy. Well, you’re welcome, tilde! (I hope you’re not from New Hampshire!)
People ask, why are we a war blog? I don’t want to get into detail about that. But I think peace blogging is, like — like, the — I don’t know how to put it — like, the main — everyone should be peace blogging or whatever, but it’s not realistic at all.
Because — I don’t want to get into details on this. Because it’s more and more accepted now. Among — yes, among commenters my age.
The only way to change this is to see stories like this and to see other stories of war bloggers and just — it’s something that’s — I don’t know, just — you should just wait 10 years and it’d just be so much easier.
shafeen: I hope you took the time to stop by the PUMA online litter boxes and give them a big thank you.
After all
Also
I used to like Time back in the late seventies, when every week you could rely on at least one, well alright never more than one, picture of naked boob. For a 13 year old boy, this was meaningful. TIME: you have lost all relevancy to me (plus now there’s RedTube so suck it, namby pamby titillators from the seventies).
As for synthesis, THIS MUST NOT STAND.
I used to like Time when they released Jungle Love. That song holds up, you guys.
shafeen: Please remove the comment in which I accidentally used my real name and requested that you send me your underwear. It was a while ago, but the thought of Time Magazine readers knowing my identity makes me queasy.
Mr Blifil: Yeah! They also had a gory picture mandate, a bloody soldier, slaughtered villagers, bloated animals, etc…
Good times!
Ever think of changing the name of this site to ~Wonkette~?
Hi Jim,
Foremost, thank you and your Wonkettes again (with sincerity and not sarcasm) for picking me out of the crowd and voting for ~synthesis~.
The Wonkettes are truly a force to be reckoned with, and I hope to remain in your good books always.
~shafeen
PS Love the idea of changing your name to ~Wonkette~
tiny mexican: I am really behind the curve. Time says that Gawker is too snarky. It has seemed to me that both Gawker and the commentators (maybe especially the commentators) take things very seriously.
assistant/atlas: I like to refer to it in Jon Stewart’s terms: “For those who like USA Today, but wish it were shiny.”
As for the list, meh. What is the deal with that Pioneer Woman capturing America’s imagination? That site makes me want to burn a Laura Ashley store to the fucking ground (but, really, what doesn’t?). Any site that ever uses the word “home-spun” unironically should be banished to the land of TLC forever. And never considered a comedy blog. Yeesh.
I’m on board with the overrated, though. I’ve never forgiven Gawker for selling Wonkette (never piss off an Irish person), and Perez Hilton may in fact be illiterate.
Outrage! When will people start taking ass-fucking seriously?
shafeen: Sure it’s mighty fun to peer down at us ants from your exalted perch in the rookery, but please realize the instant you slip up you will be consumed in a feeding frenzy down to the bone. Only not that bone.
BTW, what kind of liberal are you anyway? I’ve gone to your site and have yet to encounter the aphorism “Buck Fush” once. WTF? I guess you’re down with torture and keeping your thumb down on teh gayz.
No I don’t mean that maneuver with the thumb. Ew.
There are actually 25 “best blogs?”
Really?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Maybe because snark would be difficult with a peace bong, er blog? Has anyone seen the two peacefully co-exist?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hi Shafeen. Will you be our new boyfriend? Yes___ NO___ I voted for you too. Congratulations.
shafeen: “I hope to remain in your good books always.”
yes indeed, my muslin communist faux-bible has your name scrawled on the front cover with a heart around it. Also.