The Washington Times writes with great exuberance today about how congressional Republicans are “winning” when it comes to Twitter, the terrible Internet thing. “Republicans finally get it,” the Times ominously opens, “and have jumped on Internet technology in hopes of dominating it in the same way they used talk radio in the early 1990s to build a following.” Hmm, it’s just not the same if you can’t hear the host’s spittle fly into the mic.
The Times notes that 49 Republicans in Congress use Twitter, compared to 27 Democrats. Seven of the 10 most active accounts are Republican. This would make sense, because the Democrats are busy running the country right now, while Republicans have nothing to do except show up and vote “no” every now and then.
That means more time for Twitter! Because the newspapers said once in an article that the Internet has a new robot or whatever that all the kids love and that basically made Obama become president. So the congressmen find lowly staffers, tell them to “start printing one of those Tooter web newspapers” and write it in their voice. Delegating work like this allows Republican congressmen to fill their time with the more important work of constant masturbation.
Because does it sound to you like this guy has ever used a computer in his life? Or any electrical product, for that matter?
“Every time I send out a tweet, I’m throwing another shovel of dirt to help bury the old media,” said Rep. John Culberson of Texas, a 52-year-old Republican who became one of the most quoted speakers at the Republican National Committee tech summit Friday.
Mr. Culberson said technology is “the next revolution that’s going to take back the Congress,” suggesting it enables Republicans to “bypass” the traditional liberal media that “for so long was the only way we could communicate with people” and predicting, “They will become obsolete, like buggy whips and horse and carriages.”
Ha ha, this guy thinks that his office Twitter is “the media” now — that Republican Twitter accounts will do to the mainstream media what the CAR did to the HORSE AND CARRIAGE.