The Washington Times writes with great exuberance today about how congressional Republicans are “winning” when it comes to Twitter, the terrible Internet thing. “Republicans finally get it,” the Times ominously opens, “and have jumped on Internet technology in hopes of dominating it in the same way they used talk radio in the early 1990s to build a following.” Hmm, it’s just not the same if you can’t hear the host’s spittle fly into the mic.

The Times notes that 49 Republicans in Congress use Twitter, compared to 27 Democrats. Seven of the 10 most active accounts are Republican. This would make sense, because the Democrats are busy running the country right now, while Republicans have nothing to do except show up and vote “no” every now and then.

That means more time for Twitter! Because the newspapers said once in an article that the Internet has a new robot or whatever that all the kids love and that basically made Obama become president. So the congressmen find lowly staffers, tell them to “start printing one of those Tooter web newspapers” and write it in their voice. Delegating work like this allows Republican congressmen to fill their time with the more important work of constant masturbation.

Because does it sound to you like this guy has ever used a computer in his life? Or any electrical product, for that matter?

“Every time I send out a tweet, I’m throwing another shovel of dirt to help bury the old media,” said Rep. John Culberson of Texas, a 52-year-old Republican who became one of the most quoted speakers at the Republican National Committee tech summit Friday.


Mr. Culberson said technology is “the next revolution that’s going to take back the Congress,” suggesting it enables Republicans to “bypass” the traditional liberal media that “for so long was the only way we could communicate with people” and predicting, “They will become obsolete, like buggy whips and horse and carriages.”

Ha ha, this guy thinks that his office Twitter is “the media” now — that Republican Twitter accounts will do to the mainstream media what the CAR did to the HORSE AND CARRIAGE.

GOP surpasses Dems on Twitter [Wash. Times via Steve Benen]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    The Washington Times also noted that the Repubs had an unusually large number of under voting age followers, but figures its just men mentoring boys into being “good” Republicans.

  • Delicious

    Culberson sucks donkey balls.

  • CaliforniaMike

    But Larry Craig was always good at Flitter, er, Twitter.

  • off-white working class

    makes sense most ole repubs can’t type more than 160 characters on these crazy new fangled computer machines anyway w/o taking a nap soon thereafter.

  • Hooray For Anything

    Just when you think the Republicans can’t get any more retarded, they manage to pull something else out. Bravo, GOP, Bravo.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “Bill O Riley is gay”? On behalf of respectable homos everywhere, NO. NO. A thousand times, NO. And that goes for you too, Lindsey Gramm.

  • HipHopOpotamus

    Somehow I doubt messages like “John Boehner is taking a shower” and “Mitch McConnell is le tired” will bring revolution to the party.

  • snideinplainsight

    Your typing skiwws are no good! You should type dragon-style!

  • tehbenton

    Please, like any of those antediluvian numbskulls have ever been within ten feet of the Internet, let alone Twitter. They pen their missives with quill & papyrus, the way Baby Jesus intended, and they hand them off to some hapless page who actually knows what an “AOL” is.

    What kind of tech was at this “tech summit”? Steam-powered arithmetic devices?

  • tehbenton

    queeraselvis v 2.0: Seconded and carried.

  • GreyPanter

    Good luck to them. They still need something to say and someone who wants to listen to them.

  • pondscum

    [re=245276]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Somewhere, there is video of old Linds in a beaded, floor-length gown…

  • El Pinche

    [re=245279]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: hahaha!
    ‘Lindsay has anal leakage AGAIN. Forgot buttplug!!1! more later! ‘

  • Come here a minute

    Of course the winning on the twitters: Republicans are the it getters!

  • qwerty42

    this can’t mean the Republicans are aware of all internet traditions?

  • springfield_meltdown

    A tweet sounds like a term used to describe a wee little fart. Which is sort of what twitter is in the first place.

  • Mr Blifil

    Someone better tell them to stop using photos of their dicks as their user avatar pictures. That’s no way to go mainstream GOP. It’s also a good idea to avoid the temptation to Tweet about your exploits at your preferred highway rest stops. Also.

  • WalnutsIsMyCo-Pilot

    Unless the person Twittering is Cut Nut, then I don’t want any part of it.

  • V572625694

    [re=245284]GreyPanter[/re]: Here’s what they say: Noooooo! Noooooo! Nooooo!

    Who doesn’t want to listen to that?

  • Electric Zen

    Oh dear Lord, Culberson is my Rep, I can guarantee you he doesn’t know how to use the Internet.

  • TGY

    Verb: ‘to twit’. Says it all, basically.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Eh. Twitter was practically made for the Republican brain. What better medium is there for talking points and terse marching orders?

  • GreyPanter

    The Republicans dominated AM radio when nobody under 30 knew that it existed. I hear they are stealthily buying up IBM Selectric typewriters.

  • snideinplainsight

    Maybe they could twitter while California’s debt rating goes through the floor and it defaults on all its debts! That’d be great!

    And then they could twitter while every last thing of value in Detroit is either forclosed on or put in receivership! Oh, I’d love to know what Cantor is doing right now!

    And then they can twitter away while they vote no on Obama’s housing relief, before anyone in America has actually seen the plan. And health care! And extended unemployment benefits! Twitter is so cool, with conservative twits!

  • assistant/atlas

    Twitter is one of the few things on the Internet that makes me want to bash my head into a wall. Figures the Republicans are all about it.

  • Iggy Plop

    Their political philosophies and strategies can be summed up in a single tweet to be communicated to their followers and they see this as a good thing? This is even more clueless than that Cantor/Aerosmith video.

  • GreyPanter

    [re=245279]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: John McCain is logging out of his Twitter session to save the economy.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …of course the Republican spend more time on the internet! How else do you think all those M4M “No strings attached” posts end up on Craigslist?!

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    This is great news — the more Repubtards play with toys that do not have nuclear warheads, the safer we are. The more they Twitter, the more inadvertent personal embarrassment they will spread, all of it documentable. I suggest a new GOP slogan, “More Facebook, less NRA.” Let’s get them out of government and back to the country club where they belong.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    it enables Republicans to “bypass” the traditional liberal media

    Ah, I see why they lost. They’ve started believing their own propaganda. That sooo explains Palin, too.

  • Hooray For Anything

    Here’s what their twitters will read like:

    ….unemployment up, Rush says economy doing fine so I’m not worried
    ….no Republicans vote for Hug a Kitty Day, Cantor to release another video in celebration to tune of “Hells Bells”
    ….health care vote scheduled. Hannity says only ACORN will receive health care so I’ll vote no
    …..Just met Sarah Palin. She’s HOTTTTTT
    ….Stock market down to 5000, must call Rush for advice on what to do

  • Woodwards Friend

    Of course the Republicans are all about Twitter. It’s the perfect internet medium for reaching 12-year-olds. Mark Foley has like 29 Twitter accounts.

  • WadISay

    I have corresponded with these Republicans, and they will never “get” any media where they can’t forward huge piles of pre-packaged crap from Fox, or Anne Coulter, or from some think tank in Oklahoma. If they have to write their own stuff, it’s like: THIS STIMULUZ PKG ANGER OG. OG BREAK!

  • twowheeljunkie

    “tweet tweet” to you MSM

  • TestRat1

    This twitter thing you speak of. Do young boys use it? We win.

  • Servo

    Small wonder that the moranic percentage that don’t know what to do for the digital television switch is approximately Bush’s approval rating.

  • thefrontpage

    The Washington Times just fired its editorial cartoonist, Bill Garner, who worked for the paper for at least 20 years, according to FishbowlDC.

  • Scarab

    The RNC just signed everyone up with a brand new AOL account.
    ‘You’ve Got Fail’

  • keepinitrealyo

    I think we as a country can only benefit from Republicans sending hasty, half-baked thoughts straight outta their fevered heads. I’m looking forward to plenty of non-racist remarks in the coming months.

  • snideinplainsight

    You know, one thing that’s worth mentioning is that the really incendiary conservatives’ websites, are just smart enough to not have anything like a comments section. If they were real men, they’d take down some of the 500 Cialis ads and put up a place for people to post responses to them – I’m looking at you, Mike Savage –

  • MysteriousTraveller

    The GOP’s deep thoughts only take 140 characters.

  • Maus

    “GOP surpasses Dems on Twitter”

    Oh good, thank god. Now if only we can convince Beck to start internet petitions to “take back christmas” from those satanic Lieberals and all their other causes, we can push them into even more irrelevancy.

  • xeonwonder

    “hello this is the helpdesk” “ummm hello, ahhh ummm I am asking for a friend. Well not really a friend… just a guy I know. Can twitters be traced and do they transmit across state lines?”

  • SayItWithWookies

    Twitter was made for Republicans — it’s the ideal medium for people who are incapable of communicating in complete sentences.
    And aren’t these also the people who keep pontificating about how the internet is making people dumber and more isolaated? Do they know they’re on the vanguard of that movement?

  • pundid

    As a gesture of defiance to Obama, I will not tweet this post.

  • chascates

    Now may be a better time for the GOP to take up CB radio. Once you lose your electricity, broadband, and house you can run one of those babies off the battery of your rusting Ford pickup.

  • Woodwards Friend

    The Fairness Doctrine will force you to give equal time on your Twitter machine!

  • frabjous snark

    [re=245276]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: As an unofficial spokesperson for (most) heterosexual Vaginal Americans, please take Papa Bear. He makes our lady bits shrivel up.

  • lampadadog

    [re=245312]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Amen.

  • jmfleetwood

    If there was something like Photosynth for Twitter, say, Twittersynth, that stitched together Tweets from Republicans, You would be able to create that day’s transcripts from Rush, Sean, et. al. every evening!

  • jmfleetwood

    If there was something like Photosynth for Twitter, say, Twittersynth, that stitched together Tweets from Republicans, One would be able to create that day’s transcripts of Rush, Sean, et. al. every evening!

  • Atheist Nun

    Yeah, that Twitter thing is so revolutionary… I can’t wait until they find out about 4Chan.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=245450]Atheist Nun[/re]: Apparently some of them already know how to use /b/.

  • NotNotLickingToads

    Nice…this will allow them to circumscribe the media and disseminate complete bullshit as “breaking news.” Fox News wasn’t good enough, I guess.

  • dougbob

    can we tweet them some trucknutz?

  • facehead

    Now if they ever figure out how to take off caps lock, we’re in trouble.

  • Scottie

    Orally is currently obsessed with excusing his cheesy, ageist, sexist and, of course, juvenile attack on Helen Thomas. It seems that mocking an 84 year old woman who has been a real journalist since before Bill first found “Mr. Happy” doesn’t sit well with even his audience…

  • Suds McKenzie

    Just imagine how many of these “tweets” can fit in that “Series of Tubes”.

  • populucious

    Great! Now our ‘publican legislators can forward their constituents the daily dish from I Can Haz Cheezburger while doodling in the margins of their failed legislation. Stay totally relevent, Pubtards!

  • Scandalabra

    Laying claim to the Twit crown is but the latest in a string of Republican triumphs.

  • badmuthagoose

    I love it. I hope they are also continuing to pursue, with all their time, energy, and resources, the whole BIRTH CERTIFICATE CONTROVERSY!!! They can do that and Twitter themselves for the next four to eight years and I’ll be thrilled.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    The problem with the article is that it fails to note that you can read “Sitting in restroom, tapping away madly. Where are the other Conservatives?” only so many times before you really get bored with it.

  • bonghitsforjesus

    [re=245281]tehbenton[/re]: “antediluvian numbskulls” FTW!

  • HughJennicks

    Cantor violated the DMCA with the Aerosmith video. From YouTube:

    “This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Stage 3 Music.”

    If it wasn’t for other people’s intellectual property, The GOP would have none at all.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=245671]badmuthagoose[/re]: YES!!1 Bless their pace-maker-powered little black hearts. I want more Twitter from these old gasbags, and I want it now!

  • WordMonger

    As a reporter at a small, southern-Indiana newspaper, you can imagine my excitement when I received this news release:

    Good morning media friends,

    This is just a heads up for those of you who “Tweet.” Indiana Secretary of State Todd Rokita is now on Twitter. You can follow him through his Twitter site here:

    Twitter is a free social networking tool that Secretary Rokita will use as another method of communicating with his constituents.

    Best regards,

    Jim Gavin
    Communications Director
    Indiana Secretary of State Todd Rokita
    201 Statehouse
    Indianapolis, IN 46204
    (317) 233-8655

  • Bruno

    Twitter became famous only due to the “Oh Noes looks like I’m in the wrong part of town” incident

    If you love carving backwards-Bs, you’ll love it even more doing it on Twitter!

  • patrickhenry

    well the marxist liberals took over the mass media they need somewhere to talk,you do remember free speech don’t you or maybe your not old enough it was when both sides of the story were equally presented then you could give a informed choice it was fun,,maybe we should go back to that

  • patrickhenry


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