What kind of monsters would ban this monument to freedoms?Downtrodden Americans have little to cheer them in this new Depression, but we still enjoy what simple pleasures we can: a piping-hot bowl of rock-and-lettuce soup at the end of a long day; the sweet sound of a grown man suckling at a woman’s breast in a barn; and of course our beloved Truck Nutz. Now a godless South Carolinian town — the birthplace of America’s greatest hero, Strom Thurmond — is trying to fine citizens for displaying their beloved Nutz.

“We’ve probably had 10 or 15 complaints in the last 2 to 3 weeks and that drew enough of our attention to start looking into it and trying to correct the issue,” said Edgefield Police Chief Ronald Carter.

[…] “I think there’s room for the freedom of expression but when it comes to indecency, the community has to step in and say this is indecent and we’re not going to tolerate it. It all falls back to each community deciding what’s decent and what’s indecent,” said Chief Carter.

[…] For now the town is only issuing warnings. But if they ask the driver to take them down and they don’t, they can be fined as much as $200.

Strom Thurmond, who himself became the very human embodiment of a Truck Nut by the time he expired, must be rolling in his grave.

Offensive car decor could get you ticketed in Edgefield []

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  • Mr Blifil

    This cannot stand. When the state puts it’s mighty finger on one persons NUTZ, it’s pressing the collective urethra of freedom for all of us.

  • Serolf Divad

    WAKE UP AMERICA!!!! They’re coming for the plastic ones now, but soon they’ll be here with a pair of hedge clippers looking for the real deal!

  • Colander

    Well, I’ll just have to wear them as earings when in South Carolina.

  • shanemacgowan

    They need to define “indecent vehicle ornaments” more precisely. I believe that the ordinance, as currently written, could include “W ’04” bumper stickers, or anything with Sara Palin’s name/ likeness on it.

  • V572625694

    What do they do about all the dogs and bulls’n’stuff? Diapers?

  • One Yield Regular

    Dastardly. However, I am cheered by the presence, next to this story, of an automatic Google ad for the services of an indecent exposure attorney.

  • Peanut Inspector

    South Carolina has a tax holiday on gun sales on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

    They can buy GunNutz to dangle from gun racks.

  • Scarab

    But those cartoon ‘pissing Calvin’ stickers are still cool, right?

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Outrageous. Someone alert Hannity via The Twitters, post-haste. The Libtard Armageddon is upon us.

  • Aurelio

    Eleven steps to fascism:

    1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy.
    2. Create secret prisons where torture takes place.
    3. Develop a thug caste or paramilitary force not answerable to citizens.
    4. Set up an internal surveillance system.
    5. Harass citizens groups.
    6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release.
    7. Target key individuals.
    8. Control the press.
    9. Treat all political dissents as traitors. (Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. George Bush)
    10. Suspend the rule of law.
    11. Ban Trucknutz.

  • Yaybuls

    MUCH better.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Remember Wonketteers, you are warbloggers, You know what to do.

    We shall fight on the beaches,
    we shall fight on the landing grounds,
    we shall fight on teh internets
    And in the emails,
    Using all caps, and misspelling easy words.
    We shall never surrender,
    Until every citizen in Edgefield, SC
    Has received a free set of TruckNutz
    Paid for by Edgefield municipal taxes.

  • operation limey

    Today we are all Truck Nutz!

  • GlennBecksFelch

    Live Free or Die Trucknutz

  • The Station Manager

    Listen, people! Just because they’re taking these delightful little hicks’ NUTZ now doesn’t mean they won’t come for your Prius Nipplez next. SOLIDARITY!

  • PrairiePossum

    Please Mr. Police Chief – post the 10 to 15 complaints about the Nutz. We desperately need the comic relief.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I find that some inadequate dumbass driving a truck for transport instead of using the truck as our lord FORD intended (one can tell because the dumbass’ truck is spotless clean and shiney) is more offensive than hanging a pair of what they don’t have on the trailer hitch. But that’s just me.

    I think the Nutz offend the fundies (it has to be them) because it torments them of the very thing long for.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    this is in a state where coeds wear t shirts that say, “I <3 COCKS.”

  • dougbob

    i regret to say i only have one set of truck nutz to give for my country

  • chascates

    Hang a miniature black person from your truck’s hitch instead and no one will complain, tho.

  • Red Zeppelin

    Kudos to SKS for finding the ultimate man bites dog story.

  • actor212

    They can take my Nutz when they pry them out of my cold dead hands…

  • Red Zeppelin

    What is Bobby Jindal’s take on symbolic castration? I know he supports the non-symbolic kind!

  • Cape Clod

    Once again, our own government cedes control of a remote region of the country to a bunch of religious fanatics.

    I hereby rechristen the name of the town to Swat, South Carolina.

  • TGY

    They shall take away our TruckNutz when they pry them from our…our…our…tailpipes!

  • RobPetrified

    OK, in Florida its illegal to put this ornament on your truck.
    Can I still hang a pair under my woodie station wagon?
    I’ll put them way under, just behind the rear axle, just to be anatomically correct.
    As cold as its been lately, it’ll shrink so much no one will even notice it ’till next month, anyway.

  • Lucas Burch

    First they came for the Muslins
    Then they came for the Banks
    Then they came for the Nutz…and there was no one left to Speak.

  • CrazyDrumGuy

    Here’s some authentic South Carolina offensive head gear for ya

  • Servo

    They don’t want Aunt Bea teabagging herself on the corner of Main and Church.

  • Mustang

    [re=245109]Lucas Burch[/re]: First they came for the truck nutz and I was silent because I have no nutz.

  • mdotsota

    This should have been posted with the “Is this tomorrow” poster, because this is MARXISM.

    *21 Nutz salute*

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=245054]One Yield Regular[/re]: Yeah, I got that too–glad I’m not the only one.

  • TGY

    [re=245062]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Indeed, we shall take them by Strom.

  • shanemacgowan

    The first comment posted on the SC news site is actually quite interesting:

    Posted by: C Location: augusta on Feb 17, 2009 at 09:10 AM
    There comes a point when your freedom of expression needs to be reigned in by your own common decency and politeness for other people. If every person in this world would think about someone else every once in a while, before themselves and their “rights”, imagine what a wonderful world it would be. Common decency has long been missing from this world.. maybe its time we all start adding a little bit of it back in again?

    I’ll try to carry this message in all of my doings (outside of Wonkette).

  • markm

    You can pry my Truck Nutz from my cold dead…hands?

  • Suds McKenzie

    was there some sort of official “truck nutz” memo?, and can I get a copy of it for my museum?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Where’s Kevin Bacon when you really need him?

  • Squish

    “They’re very realistic looking. I think that’s the biggest problem,” said Chief Carter.

  • Portugal (The Man)

    It’s time for those proud Nutz warriors of SC to unite and form The Union of The Secret Scrota!

  • operation limey

    [re=245133]Suds McKenzie[/re]:

    yeah, it’s called the Confluence.
    PUMAs love the Truck Nutz. You can find it here:

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=245126]shanemacgowan[/re]: Not bad, and apart from the reign/rein confusion, fairly well written. Must have gone to school in another state.

  • Lucas Burch

    [re=245116]Mustang[/re]: They came for Lance Armstrong’s Truck Nutz and he could only speak half as loud.

  • takes12no1

    [re=245164]Red Zeppelin[/re]: actually Augusta is in another State. Georgia. But I won’t call you on it…because that’s not the way we hang down here.

  • glamourdammerung

    And once again, the “government is bad” crowd is back to using the government to enforce their views on the population.

  • TestRat1

    Damn. Now every truck i see am looking for Truck Nutz.. Thanks

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    If NUTZ R Outlawed, only Outlaws will Haz NUTZ.

  • Mustang

    [re=245075]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: I have fewer than 3 cocks?

  • Come here a minute

    [re=245075]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Is having had less than three cocks considered a “South Carolina virgin”?

  • actor212

    [re=245130]markm[/re]: Copycat!


  • groove

    [re=245126]shanemacgowan[/re]: If every person in this world would think about someone else every once in a while, before themselves and their “rights”, imagine what a wonderful world it would be.

    New context: White slave owner lamenting the possibility of black emancipation.

  • takes12no1

    [re=245195]Mustang[/re]: I believe the tshirt was actually “I love my ‘Cocks”. Then there was the one that said “My Cocks are Smelley” (after the quarterback who did indeed turn out to be quite smelly.) And, in case you were wondering, ‘cocks is short for Gamecocks, the Univ. of SC mascot.

  • mjwilstein

    Watch a hilarious local news report about this phenomenon here:

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Come here a minute: yes, fewer than 3, and none from immediate family members.

  • BigBrainOnBrad

    When Truck Nutz are outlawed only outlaws will have Truck Nutz.

  • Guppy06

    [re=245245]mjwilstein[/re]: Less TruckNutz, moar news bunny!

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Just imagine if (angry) black guys were into Truck Nutz. There would be at least 100 state troopers setting up roadblocks right now.

  • saggyboobedhag

    You can eat rocky mountain oysters but you can’t display naked human-looking ones?

    I guess that’s no different than babies being able to suck on naked female tits but it’s obscene to do so in public or even look at not-being-sucked-upon-tits.

    You know, now I understand why Amurricins are dying from eating peanut butter and spinach and tomatoes and in mine accidents and post-Lockerbie airplane hijackings. Or why the gubmint bailed out bankers who just robbed us blind. The gubmint justifiably couldn’t be distracted with safety inspections or better regulations.

    They were too busy protecting us from fake naked balls and real naked tits.

  • saggyboobedhag

    [re=245245]mjwilstein[/re]: Did you see the Sheriff’s name is RONAD? I kid you not.

    I guess it could be a typo of Ronald. But that’s close to forgetting the L in PUBLIC which the AP once did in a lead about “pubic outcry”. Now having Ronad talk about pubic outcry would be a perfect storm of missed Ls.

  • misterfixit


  • torera

    And none of these numskulls has thought about what they’re advertizin here? Let’s all sing along with Roger Miller: “My balls for sale or rent…” I had no idea SC was so gay. Edgefield–the right coast SF!

  • Numbat Dundee

    They came for the Paultards
    And I said nothing because I was sane.
    They came for the Trucknuts
    And I said nothing because I had fluffy dice.
    They banned the use of capslock
    And I said nothing because I prefer italic.
    They came for the Cheetohs (?) eaters
    And I said nothing because I’m Australian and we don’t have that brand.
    Then they came for me
    And all I had left to defend me were a bunch of librul muslins!


    [re=245045]Mr Blifil[/re]: It gets worse when they press on your pancreas. Oi! That a sensation you will remember.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=245193]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: For the win: “If NUTZ R Outlawed, only Outlaws will Haz NUTZ.”

  • StoneAge

    Oh, so big government is only bad when the liberals pass laws? I see now.

  • goodluck/badluck
  • Scandalabra

    They simply HATE us for our precious freedoms.

  • Aurelio

    [re=245462]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Win!

  • Captain Swing

    Clearly, no-one has ever told the good folks of Edgefield that the best way to make just about anything de rigueur is to try banning it.

    Libtards and democrat college professors will get them to piss off the god botherers and the republicans (even if they do look out of place on their Priuses)

    God botherers and republicans will get them to piss off the feminists, the Libtards, and the democrat college professors with their sissy Priuses.

    The snootiest preppies and the roughest rednecks will have them, just because some buffoon tried to tell them they couldn’t.

    How long before Paris Hilton has a set (from Tiffany & Co, of course) hanging proudly from her Mercedes-AMG?

    Friends, I believe we are about to witness a glorious blooming of Truck Nutz across the nation, nay, across the World.

    Indeed, it has already been well said: Today, we are all Truck Nutz.

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