BOYCOTT EDGEFIELD  12:00 pm February 17, 2009

Strom Thurmond’s Hometown Trying To Outlaw Truck Nutz

by Sara K. Smith

What kind of monsters would ban this monument to freedoms?Downtrodden Americans have little to cheer them in this new Depression, but we still enjoy what simple pleasures we can: a piping-hot bowl of rock-and-lettuce soup at the end of a long day; the sweet sound of a grown man suckling at a woman’s breast in a barn; and of course our beloved Truck Nutz. Now a godless South Carolinian town — the birthplace of America’s greatest hero, Strom Thurmond — is trying to fine citizens for displaying their beloved Nutz.

“We’ve probably had 10 or 15 complaints in the last 2 to 3 weeks and that drew enough of our attention to start looking into it and trying to correct the issue,” said Edgefield Police Chief Ronald Carter.

[...] “I think there’s room for the freedom of expression but when it comes to indecency, the community has to step in and say this is indecent and we’re not going to tolerate it. It all falls back to each community deciding what’s decent and what’s indecent,” said Chief Carter.

[...] For now the town is only issuing warnings. But if they ask the driver to take them down and they don’t, they can be fined as much as $200.

Strom Thurmond, who himself became the very human embodiment of a Truck Nut by the time he expired, must be rolling in his grave.

Offensive car decor could get you ticketed in Edgefield []

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Mr Blifil February 17, 2009 at 12:02 pm

This cannot stand. When the state puts it’s mighty finger on one persons NUTZ, it’s pressing the collective urethra of freedom for all of us.

Serolf Divad February 17, 2009 at 12:03 pm

WAKE UP AMERICA!!!! They’re coming for the plastic ones now, but soon they’ll be here with a pair of hedge clippers looking for the real deal!

Colander February 17, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Well, I’ll just have to wear them as earings when in South Carolina.

shanemacgowan February 17, 2009 at 12:05 pm

They need to define “indecent vehicle ornaments” more precisely. I believe that the ordinance, as currently written, could include “W ’04″ bumper stickers, or anything with Sara Palin’s name/ likeness on it.

V572625694 February 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm

What do they do about all the dogs and bulls’n’stuff? Diapers?

One Yield Regular February 17, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Dastardly. However, I am cheered by the presence, next to this story, of an automatic Google ad for the services of an indecent exposure attorney.

Peanut Inspector February 17, 2009 at 12:09 pm

South Carolina has a tax holiday on gun sales on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

They can buy GunNutz to dangle from gun racks.

Scarab February 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm

But those cartoon ‘pissing Calvin’ stickers are still cool, right?

Anonymous Office Zombie February 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Outrageous. Someone alert Hannity via The Twitters, post-haste. The Libtard Armageddon is upon us.

Aurelio February 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Eleven steps to fascism:

1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy.
2. Create secret prisons where torture takes place.
3. Develop a thug caste or paramilitary force not answerable to citizens.
4. Set up an internal surveillance system.
5. Harass citizens groups.
6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release.
7. Target key individuals.
8. Control the press.
9. Treat all political dissents as traitors. (Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. George Bush)
10. Suspend the rule of law.
11. Ban Trucknutz.

Yaybuls February 17, 2009 at 12:12 pm

MUCH better.

Lascauxcaveman February 17, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Remember Wonketteers, you are warbloggers, You know what to do.

We shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight on teh internets
And in the emails,
Using all caps, and misspelling easy words.
We shall never surrender,
Until every citizen in Edgefield, SC
Has received a free set of TruckNutz
Paid for by Edgefield municipal taxes.

operation limey February 17, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Today we are all Truck Nutz!

GlennBecksFelch February 17, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Live Free or Die Trucknutz

The Station Manager February 17, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Listen, people! Just because they’re taking these delightful little hicks’ NUTZ now doesn’t mean they won’t come for your Prius Nipplez next. SOLIDARITY!

PrairiePossum February 17, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Please Mr. Police Chief – post the 10 to 15 complaints about the Nutz. We desperately need the comic relief.

ManchuCandidate February 17, 2009 at 12:23 pm

I find that some inadequate dumbass driving a truck for transport instead of using the truck as our lord FORD intended (one can tell because the dumbass’ truck is spotless clean and shiney) is more offensive than hanging a pair of what they don’t have on the trailer hitch. But that’s just me.

I think the Nutz offend the fundies (it has to be them) because it torments them of the very thing long for.

Capitol Hillbilly February 17, 2009 at 12:24 pm

this is in a state where coeds wear t shirts that say, “I <3 COCKS.”

dougbob February 17, 2009 at 12:25 pm

i regret to say i only have one set of truck nutz to give for my country

chascates February 17, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Hang a miniature black person from your truck’s hitch instead and no one will complain, tho.

Red Zeppelin February 17, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Kudos to SKS for finding the ultimate man bites dog story.

actor212 February 17, 2009 at 12:31 pm

They can take my Nutz when they pry them out of my cold dead hands…

Red Zeppelin February 17, 2009 at 12:32 pm

What is Bobby Jindal’s take on symbolic castration? I know he supports the non-symbolic kind!

Cape Clod February 17, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Once again, our own government cedes control of a remote region of the country to a bunch of religious fanatics.

I hereby rechristen the name of the town to Swat, South Carolina.

TGY February 17, 2009 at 12:34 pm

They shall take away our TruckNutz when they pry them from our…our…our…tailpipes!

RobPetrified February 17, 2009 at 12:42 pm

OK, in Florida its illegal to put this ornament on your truck.
Can I still hang a pair under my woodie station wagon?
I’ll put them way under, just behind the rear axle, just to be anatomically correct.
As cold as its been lately, it’ll shrink so much no one will even notice it ’till next month, anyway.

Lucas Burch February 17, 2009 at 12:42 pm

First they came for the Muslins
Then they came for the Banks
Then they came for the Nutz…and there was no one left to Speak.

CrazyDrumGuy February 17, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Here’s some authentic South Carolina offensive head gear for ya

Servo February 17, 2009 at 12:46 pm

They don’t want Aunt Bea teabagging herself on the corner of Main and Church.

Mustang February 17, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=245109]Lucas Burch[/re]: First they came for the truck nutz and I was silent because I have no nutz.

mdotsota February 17, 2009 at 12:50 pm

This should have been posted with the “Is this tomorrow” poster, because this is MARXISM.

*21 Nutz salute*

Red Zeppelin February 17, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=245054]One Yield Regular[/re]: Yeah, I got that too–glad I’m not the only one.

TGY February 17, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=245062]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Indeed, we shall take them by Strom.

shanemacgowan February 17, 2009 at 12:52 pm

The first comment posted on the SC news site is actually quite interesting:

Posted by: C Location: augusta on Feb 17, 2009 at 09:10 AM
There comes a point when your freedom of expression needs to be reigned in by your own common decency and politeness for other people. If every person in this world would think about someone else every once in a while, before themselves and their “rights”, imagine what a wonderful world it would be. Common decency has long been missing from this world.. maybe its time we all start adding a little bit of it back in again?

I’ll try to carry this message in all of my doings (outside of Wonkette).

markm February 17, 2009 at 12:55 pm

You can pry my Truck Nutz from my cold dead…hands?

Suds McKenzie February 17, 2009 at 12:58 pm

was there some sort of official “truck nutz” memo?, and can I get a copy of it for my museum?

SayItWithWookies February 17, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Where’s Kevin Bacon when you really need him?

Squish February 17, 2009 at 1:17 pm

“They’re very realistic looking. I think that’s the biggest problem,” said Chief Carter.

Portugal (The Man) February 17, 2009 at 1:20 pm

It’s time for those proud Nutz warriors of SC to unite and form The Union of The Secret Scrota!

operation limey February 17, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=245133]Suds McKenzie[/re]:

yeah, it’s called the Confluence.
PUMAs love the Truck Nutz. You can find it here:

Red Zeppelin February 17, 2009 at 1:22 pm

[re=245126]shanemacgowan[/re]: Not bad, and apart from the reign/rein confusion, fairly well written. Must have gone to school in another state.

Lucas Burch February 17, 2009 at 1:29 pm

[re=245116]Mustang[/re]: They came for Lance Armstrong’s Truck Nutz and he could only speak half as loud.

takes12no1 February 17, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=245164]Red Zeppelin[/re]: actually Augusta is in another State. Georgia. But I won’t call you on it…because that’s not the way we hang down here.

glamourdammerung February 17, 2009 at 1:42 pm

And once again, the “government is bad” crowd is back to using the government to enforce their views on the population.

TestRat1 February 17, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Damn. Now every truck i see am looking for Truck Nutz.. Thanks

Capitol Hillbilly February 17, 2009 at 1:47 pm

If NUTZ R Outlawed, only Outlaws will Haz NUTZ.

Mustang February 17, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=245075]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: I have fewer than 3 cocks?

Come here a minute February 17, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=245075]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Is having had less than three cocks considered a “South Carolina virgin”?

actor212 February 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=245130]markm[/re]: Copycat!


groove February 17, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=245126]shanemacgowan[/re]: If every person in this world would think about someone else every once in a while, before themselves and their “rights”, imagine what a wonderful world it would be.

New context: White slave owner lamenting the possibility of black emancipation.

takes12no1 February 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=245195]Mustang[/re]: I believe the tshirt was actually “I love my ‘Cocks”. Then there was the one that said “My Cocks are Smelley” (after the quarterback who did indeed turn out to be quite smelly.) And, in case you were wondering, ‘cocks is short for Gamecocks, the Univ. of SC mascot.

mjwilstein February 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Watch a hilarious local news report about this phenomenon here:

Capitol Hillbilly February 17, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Come here a minute: yes, fewer than 3, and none from immediate family members.

BigBrainOnBrad February 17, 2009 at 2:26 pm

When Truck Nutz are outlawed only outlaws will have Truck Nutz.

Guppy06 February 17, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=245245]mjwilstein[/re]: Less TruckNutz, moar news bunny!

Botswana Meat Commission FC February 17, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Just imagine if (angry) black guys were into Truck Nutz. There would be at least 100 state troopers setting up roadblocks right now.

saggyboobedhag February 17, 2009 at 3:18 pm

You can eat rocky mountain oysters but you can’t display naked human-looking ones?

I guess that’s no different than babies being able to suck on naked female tits but it’s obscene to do so in public or even look at not-being-sucked-upon-tits.

You know, now I understand why Amurricins are dying from eating peanut butter and spinach and tomatoes and in mine accidents and post-Lockerbie airplane hijackings. Or why the gubmint bailed out bankers who just robbed us blind. The gubmint justifiably couldn’t be distracted with safety inspections or better regulations.

They were too busy protecting us from fake naked balls and real naked tits.

saggyboobedhag February 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=245245]mjwilstein[/re]: Did you see the Sheriff’s name is RONAD? I kid you not.

I guess it could be a typo of Ronald. But that’s close to forgetting the L in PUBLIC which the AP once did in a lead about “pubic outcry”. Now having Ronad talk about pubic outcry would be a perfect storm of missed Ls.

misterfixit February 17, 2009 at 3:34 pm


torera February 17, 2009 at 4:07 pm

And none of these numskulls has thought about what they’re advertizin here? Let’s all sing along with Roger Miller: “My balls for sale or rent…” I had no idea SC was so gay. Edgefield–the right coast SF!

Numbat Dundee February 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm

They came for the Paultards
And I said nothing because I was sane.
They came for the Trucknuts
And I said nothing because I had fluffy dice.
They banned the use of capslock
And I said nothing because I prefer italic.
They came for the Cheetohs (?) eaters
And I said nothing because I’m Australian and we don’t have that brand.
Then they came for me
And all I had left to defend me were a bunch of librul muslins!

WIDTAP February 17, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=245045]Mr Blifil[/re]: It gets worse when they press on your pancreas. Oi! That a sensation you will remember.

Jukesgrrl February 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=245193]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: For the win: “If NUTZ R Outlawed, only Outlaws will Haz NUTZ.”

StoneAge February 17, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Oh, so big government is only bad when the liberals pass laws? I see now.

goodluck/badluck February 17, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Scandalabra February 17, 2009 at 7:43 pm

They simply HATE us for our precious freedoms.

Aurelio February 17, 2009 at 11:42 pm

[re=245462]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Win!

Captain Swing February 19, 2009 at 8:04 am

Clearly, no-one has ever told the good folks of Edgefield that the best way to make just about anything de rigueur is to try banning it.

Libtards and democrat college professors will get them to piss off the god botherers and the republicans (even if they do look out of place on their Priuses)

God botherers and republicans will get them to piss off the feminists, the Libtards, and the democrat college professors with their sissy Priuses.

The snootiest preppies and the roughest rednecks will have them, just because some buffoon tried to tell them they couldn’t.

How long before Paris Hilton has a set (from Tiffany & Co, of course) hanging proudly from her Mercedes-AMG?

Friends, I believe we are about to witness a glorious blooming of Truck Nutz across the nation, nay, across the World.

Indeed, it has already been well said: Today, we are all Truck Nutz.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: