MILESTONES  5:18 pm February 16, 2009

Sam Donaldson To Retire

by Sara K. Smith

'I will make love to you slowly.'Youngsters know Sam Donaldson as one of the geezers on This Week who’s always yelling at George Will. But those of you over the age 15 might also recall that Sam Donaldson has been in the news business for several centuries and is prone to marvelous, sweeping and generally wrong predictions, like how Bill Clinton would leave office in like minus two seconds if the Monica Lewinsky rumors were true. He also enjoyed shouting at Ronald Reagan a lot. Here is a loving tribute from Cokie Roberts: on an overnight flight to France, Sam Donaldson once “had the flight attendants literally on their knees at his seat.” This American Hero will retire next week at the age of 74. [Washington Post]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 61 comments }

bitchincamaro February 16, 2009 at 5:24 pm

The hairpiece has another 6 years before retirement, according to ABC.

Numbat Dundee February 16, 2009 at 5:27 pm

I’m trying to work out why he would have more than one fligh attendant on their knees. Does he have more than one penis or something?

Texan Bulldoggette February 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm

[re=244646]bitchincamaro[/re]: I was going to ask if he was going to take his eyebrows with him, because they’re bushy enough to sit at the table by themselves. God only know what’s growing out his ears & nostrils.

Hooray For Anything February 16, 2009 at 5:30 pm

I find this post highly insulting to Spock.

chascates February 16, 2009 at 5:34 pm

David Broder, take this as a hint.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Cokie has had too much cokie. When will she be retiring so she has time to learn her 50 states?

Lascauxcaveman February 16, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Cokie dokie.

bitchincamaro February 16, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I totes read the alt header as MILLSTONE.

persiflage February 16, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Live long and fester.

honkeyman February 16, 2009 at 5:44 pm

Speaking of Cokie, back when I was 15 I thought of her as one of the ultraliberal voices on what was called “Pubic Radio”. Now I discover she’s a right-wing whore who grew up in the deep South served by slave mammies and such.

Also, having flight attendants, what we used to call stewardasses on their knees on a transatlantic flight is no big achievement. Once on my way to the NOrmandy invasion I had them literally rolling in the aisles. Suck it up Donaldson.

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Sayonara Sammy D, the man who looks like Spock but the charm of a Klingon and “hair” of Kirk.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 16, 2009 at 5:50 pm

But those of you over the age 15

The only people over 15 reading Wonkette are old pervs like me trying to date* the ones under 15.

* fuck

operation limey February 16, 2009 at 5:59 pm

He and Blago should form a band now that they are both retired: The helmet-haired asshats.

hornblower February 16, 2009 at 6:02 pm

Live long and prosper but not on my television.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 16, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Cokie Roberts story just proves that Donaldson was a liberal. If he had been a Republican, he would have had all the young boys on their knees in front of him.

TeddyS February 16, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Sam is only retiring from the ABC. He will now go door to door, shouting the headlines. Yesses for Mr. Sam.

Rush February 16, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Replaced by Luke Russert?

psilage February 16, 2009 at 6:04 pm

- You never told me your first name, Mr Samdonaldson.
- You wouldn’t be able to pronounce it.

bitchincamaro February 16, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=244671]honkeyman[/re]: She and Juan Williams have been baptized in the waters of the MsM. Plus, Cokie’s brother heads one of DC’s biggest lobbying shops, Hale Boggs. Say no more. She infamously gave BHO shit during the campaign for vacationing in Hawaii. She can suck it.

http://mediamatters.org/items/200808100001

slavojzizek February 16, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Fun fact: Sam gets bucketloads of taxpayer money for raising goats:

http://www.policytoday.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=66&Itemid=40

comradepaulson February 16, 2009 at 6:20 pm

But who will shout at George Will now? Say what you will about his Vulcanesque features and his goat activities, but I believe our nation can only prosper if someone is screaming at George Will every Sunday. And making completely inappropriate analogies about pissing out of tents. (As he did one Sunday, in reference to, of course, the Clintons. They can’t leave the Clenis’s dirty parts alone, can they?)

Lascauxcaveman February 16, 2009 at 6:24 pm

[re=244671]honkeyman[/re]: When I first started to listen to NPR back in the 1980′s, I used to think, “She’s pretty smart for a congressman’s daughter.”

Nowadays I hear her and think, “She’s pretty stupid for an NPR Senior Analyst.”

you cannot be serious February 16, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Cokie, you ignorant slut.

(I always think of Dan Akroyd on SNL when I hear Samdonaldson speak.)

rocktonsammy February 16, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Didn’t this Sam guy shoot Reagan?

Good for him.

MortSinclair February 16, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Aaaack! Cokie Roberts makes me want to clear her throat for her. I HATE her voice–like sandpaper on my front teeth.

And I’m surprised no one has mentioned yet Sam’s uber-unnatural posture. It’s like he didn’t have any articulating joints. He moved as one fused mass, sort of like his genuinely hair-like toop.

Uncle Al February 16, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Remember the time Sam was badgering some Senator, Hollings I think it was, about a “buy American” bill, and the Senator asked Sam what country his wig came from. Priceless.
I don’t belive Sam is only 74. He looked 74 back in 1980 when he was being all cute with Reagan. Maybe he’s 104.

V572625694 February 16, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=244684]operation limey[/re]: Other candidates for the Helmet-Hair Club for Men:

* Jack Kemp
* Trent Lott

operation limey February 16, 2009 at 7:40 pm

[re=244725]V572625694[/re]: They should all form a barbershop quartet!

hobospacejungle February 16, 2009 at 7:44 pm

[re=244649]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Does he have more than one penis or something?

Perhaps. Maybe he is descended from George Washington, who literally had penii growing all over his fucking arms and legs, not to mention 4 where most men have but one.

Mitchbailey February 16, 2009 at 8:14 pm

The hairpiece should go straightaway to the Smithsonian in a sealed, glass case with inert gas for the benefit of future generations.

smellyal8r February 16, 2009 at 8:23 pm

Will retire? He’s not retired? The only thing I see him do is This Week (which again had various fossils arrayed yesterday…TW needs to take a page from Meet The Press and bring in some new round table folks). But, g’bye Sam. Your day in the sun was ovah when Clinton got elected.

comradepaulson February 16, 2009 at 8:36 pm

[re=244743]smellyal8r[/re]: Stephenuffagus dyes his hair. So they’re trying to reach that youth demographic… maybe they should take a page from Eric Cantor and book Aerosmith on the show. Certainly, it would be more astute and insightful to hear from Steven Tyler on what stimulates and what doesn’t.

psilage February 16, 2009 at 8:45 pm

Cokie Roberts once told Sam Donaldson: “I know now the great joy you felt when you joined minds with Kollos”. I think it was her.

Crapola February 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… human.

d4g33z February 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Whoa, dude! The Tholian Web was on at lunch hour today…

Oh yeah, Donaldson. Didn’t he inspire a muppet or two?

liz February 16, 2009 at 9:06 pm
momus February 16, 2009 at 9:24 pm

It would be more proper to say that Sam has ben in the news business for millennia, The second and third to be exact…

kingofnothing February 16, 2009 at 9:24 pm

I used to have a crush on Cokie.

Neilist February 16, 2009 at 9:43 pm

[re=244759]liz[/re]: Jez, Liz, he is soooooo trying to get into your pants.

I know, because I talk to cute young things exactly the same way.

With, alas, about as much success.

:::snob:::

rocktonsammy February 16, 2009 at 10:10 pm

Greta sure is beating up Bristol.

Mr Blifil February 16, 2009 at 10:19 pm

He was also the ugliest guy on camera in the pre-Murdoch era of TV news. So there’s that.

VTBen February 16, 2009 at 10:20 pm

Sam Donaldson delivered the knockout blow to the Bush Administration when he told Bush during a press conference, “Better to be a has-been than a never-was!”

honkeyman February 16, 2009 at 10:27 pm

[re=244649]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Reminds me of the old Fugs song, “Nine Prong Dong”. Even if I could call back the lyrics into my drug damaged frontal cortex, they would be NSFW

Monsieur Grumpe February 16, 2009 at 10:31 pm

Sam Donaldson is real? I always thought he was a cartoon character. What about Fred Flintstone? He’s real right?

revhatchell February 16, 2009 at 11:31 pm

‘I will make love to you slowly.’

spocks alt text.

WagTehGod February 16, 2009 at 11:44 pm

I loved Weekend Wonkette, but this new “SKS After Dark” feature is even awesomer.

Thatcher February 17, 2009 at 12:08 am

Until just now I was convinced that “Cokie Roberts” was that cute little blonde sidekick from Murphy Brown (who it turns out is named Corky Sherwood (and I feel like there should be a “Forrest” on the end of that?)). Imagine my disappointment when I wikied and found the real Cokie (who was named thus by a sibling who couldn’t pronounce one of her many first names. Ugh.)

S.Luggo February 17, 2009 at 12:19 am

Sam retire? That would allow Bill Kristol to hire somebody to push Billy’s aluminum walker to the Miami Beach canasta tables rather than screaming headfirst down the stairs of El Flamingo.
I expect that Sam would refuse … the former rather than the latter.

Aurelio February 17, 2009 at 12:21 am

[re=244810]Thatcher[/re]: People in Cokie’s social class have cute little names for each other, such as Cokie, or Muffy or Poppy. Isn’t that adorable?

S.Luggo February 17, 2009 at 12:24 am

[re=244702]comradepaulson[/re]: Point.

Thatcher February 17, 2009 at 12:28 am

[re=244814]Aurelio[/re]: Indeed. Called a sobriquet (I had to look THAT up too). So not only do people in her class get cute little names, there is actually a cute little name for such cute little names.

sati demise February 17, 2009 at 12:47 am

Do Samdonaldsons eyebrows have a life of their own?
Did he shave them or draw them on, paste them on, is it mascara, they are so odd I cant figure it out.

S.Luggo February 17, 2009 at 1:16 am

[re=244814]Aurelio[/re]:
Robert’s father, Hale Boggs, was from Long Branch, coastal Mississippi, pop. 15000, the “Radish Capital of the World” and not exactly the Athens of the South. She can speak English almost like a white person because she attended Wellesley College

“Cokie” is a slur on Corinne.

hobospacejungle February 17, 2009 at 1:53 am

[re=244831]S.Luggo[/re]: Mary Martha Corinne Morrison Claiborne Boggs Roberts. Also.

Anyone with more than 3 names should, like the CEOs of each Fortune 500 company, be lined up against and a wall & shot at dawn the day after the revolution.

TGY February 17, 2009 at 5:55 am

[re=244663]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Okie dokie, Cokie.

Now they’ll have to find somebody else to yell at George Will, which should be easy.

Cape Clod February 17, 2009 at 7:00 am

Cokie is a trailblazer. She was the first to do a stand-up piece in front of a green screen wearing a heavy coat with a picture of the Capitol projected behind her. The technique is now used by all other fake journalists everywhere.

Kerry February 17, 2009 at 8:34 am

Insert hairpiece-Smithsonian joke here.

norbizness February 17, 2009 at 8:55 am

“Just throw the ball, George! Throw the ball!”

Sussemilch February 17, 2009 at 9:50 am

Ah, one of the greats. He had all the warmth of Ben Stien and the good looks of Tim Russert.

Min February 17, 2009 at 10:50 am

Live long and prosper, Sam.

Aurelio February 17, 2009 at 11:42 am

[re=244831]S.Luggo[/re]: Let’s not forget that Cokie’s poppa was the House Majority Leader, which does not put him in the ruling class, but which makes him a highly valued lackey of same.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: