Wonkette
Back when George Bush was the 36th best president of the United States, he suggested that the incoming administration appoint a Benevolent Despot Emperor of Automobiles, colloquially known as a “car czar,” to tend to the heaping pile of unsold inventory and feces that is the American automotive industry. And it seemed like Barack Obama would appoint this czar, in deference to tradition.
But now it looks like he won’t, and instead he’ll just have Tim Geithner take care of it. Not like that guy has anything better to do, besides cheat on his taxes and dump trillions of dollars into failing banks! Geithner will be aided by a restructuring expert named Ron Bloom. Together these two, aided by a vast cadre of nameless advisors, will ensure that the auto industry dies a truly spectacular Death by Committee and will strive to make it as lengthy, public, and expensive an ordeal as possible.
White House Won’t Appoint a ‘Car Czar’ [Washington Post]
Sounds like a job for Click and Clack to me.
That last paragraph tiptoes the line of satire ever so expertly. If I sent this to a repug friend, they’d be all like, “SEE WHAT I’M SAYING??”
Is Tim Geithner FINALLY going to put trucknutZ on all American cars? The public DEMANDS this.
Colander: Satire?
Don’t underestimate Sara’s power to see into the future.
They’ll never escape the taint of the Chevy Cavalier.
At least the stimulus bill allows anyone who itemizes their taxes to deduct the sales tax of a car purchase of less than $50,000 which should take care of things nicely.
I feel I should be this new car czar. I have a lifelong love of funny hats, and it seems to me this job would require one.
Additionally, I have driven a car, which makes me equally as qualified as anyone on this earth to help auto industry idiots figure out why they’re idiots, and to try to help them not be idiots. Additionally.
Since CZAR is pronounced ZAR does that mean that from now on CAR will be pronounced AR?
Snark aside, we should send all that overstock to Australia. Have you seen the footage of all those burnt cars? One guy lost 40 cars!
Serolf Divad: Correct, as in: ar-dee-ar- ar.
Perhaps an executive field trip to salvage yards to inventory the Big Three occupants is warranted.
Serolf Divad: Only on International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Which reminds me, February 23rd is Turdblossom Day.
Also, I hope Barry just takes this opportunity to let the silly “Czar” title expire over the next 4 years. It doesn’t really mean much and it is, of course un-American. I much prefer the terms “Head Honcho,” “Big Cheese,” “Top Banana,” “Big Kahuna” or even “HNIC.”
And this is good, since a car Tsar (I nominate Putin!) would just sit behind the wheel of every model of American can and make vroom-vroom noises. NB: this is just as effective as anything the government can do with auto manufacturers.
Some suggestions:
Ron Paul for Liberty Czar.
Larry Craig for Bathroom Czar.
Lindsay Graham for Closet Czar.
Bill Bradley for Low Post Czar.
Jeff Gannon for Electronic Media Czar.
V572625694: The Cavalier is a magic carpet compared to the homely, ungainly, utter failure that is the Pontiac Aztec.
Obvs, it should have been called “Auto Autocrat.”
supremecourtjester: I was thinking Cal Worthington.
SayItWithWookies:
But…but GM’s expensive and exhaustive research has shown that is what young, hip, outdoor-oriented car-buyers wanted. Yeah, right.
Winsome:
Uh no. GM’s Holden division actually makes cars the people want. They have been sneaking them into the US as various Pontiacs and such, read G8. Oz doesn’t want any Yankee tanks, thanks!
Servo: Which made it the Edsel of our times.
What they should really make is a comfortable, fuel-efficient standard-transmission (auto’s okay too, but I prefer standard) car that doesn’t cost $3,000 to have its motherboard replaced. They could call it the Civic.
J-Man: Second that nomination: Cal knows how to move those babies off the lot.
SayItWithWookies: Never driven (or knowingly been within 100 feet of) a Pontiac Aztec, but it certainly was too ugly to live.
After looking at that article, did anyone else notice that WaPo changed their masthead to the print edition look? It’s almost as though they’re embracing this whole internet thing and not treating it as the redheaded stepchild of the paper anymore. No offense to the gingers, of course.
The Unfairman: I too am running for the position of car czar. While I live no where near Detroit, I can see a huge car lot from my house. I’m also sure I may have one or more kids that are questionable as to who is the mother, and I’ve been practicing winkin (notice missing g) and I know Tim Geithner pals around with terrorists and may have been seen in a Prius..so he could be gay, also. And sentences. I’m not completin some, youbetcha, don’tcha know. And jobs. it’ll be about jobs, mostly mine.
Perhaps they could force any CEO of a failed bank that took TARP funds have to work on the Save Automakers of Detroit (SAD) Committee. That would motivate the hell out of me.
It gets even sillier when they appoint women to these posts and call them “czarinas”. I’m for mavens — it’s Yiddish “expert” and I would rather have an expert in charge of something than a despotic anti-semite whose so worried about the crazy wife and her priest and the hemophiliac son that he doesn’t notice that people hate him and he’s not doing a good job.
HuffPo currently has the best pic of these two failure ghouls on their home page:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
Motown is dooooooooooomed!
Damn, and I was so looking forward to the pogroms. Czars love pogroms.
The question now is: Is Geithner as hung as Rasputin? And will Krugman have to poison, stab, shoot, and throw him into an icy river to kill him?
I can haz Chevy Caesar?
No, the problem with the whole “Car Czar” thing is the inbreeding and the haemophilia. Like the Romanovs, Detroit has not been aware of the outside world for the past half century, and cannot stop the damn bleeding. Barry’s one erudite guy, and would not stand for such an obvious historical allusion.
I’m all for this, because being given the title of czar means it’s pretty much impossible to fail at your job.
It’s kind of a Barney Fiefdom, if you ask me. BTW, excellent alt.text SKS!
mylesfromnowhere:
According to TGY: the new car dude/ette will have to make “Vroom vroom” noises. I have been doing this since I was very, very young, and continue to do it to this day. What you don’t seem to understand is how the vroom noise works, nor how I’ve been working on it for five and a half years. This would best be resolved by holding 500 town hall style debates, where will both appear in our shirtsleeves.
chascates: In my state, that translates into $2580 back on a $30K vehicle, so it certainly helps, esp since the dealer is already rebating back an additional $2500.
(Not that I’m shopping, the high end vehicle in my household is a 18-year-old Saab)
Serolf Divad: In my family that wouldn’t be pronounced “AR.” It’s be more like “Arrrgh!” when the Saab’s electric windows/electric door locks/electronic heater controls/ ABS/ ATC/ whatever goes on the fritz again.
Hell, maybe I should be shopping. The new Honda Insight looks like a pretty good buy…
How about the “Auto Archduke”. or the “Kar King”.
All you people just hatin’ on the Pontiac Aztek, you don’t get it do, you? This is car is a car that is so ugly that it’s cool.
The corporate version of of an old 1980’s GM sedan donked up rolling on 22’s, a Cadillac with chrome all redone in gold, a Pinto rolling on a jacked-to-the-sky Bronco 4×4 chassis.
Also, I’ve never driven a Chevy Cavalier but I see dozens of them, mostly early 90’s vintage, roaming the streets of my town, and they have been neglected, thrashed and abused. And yet, they live. That’s what a Chevy Cavalier is.
Lascauxcaveman: That’s what a Chevy Cavalier is.: Worst. NYC cab. Ever.
J-Man: And his dog spot?
We need a Cock Czar and we need a Cunt Czarina. And we need to get them together, immediately.
The Unfairman: by proposing the “McGrumpy” gambit (townhall meetings) all I have to do is execute the Hopey move, which is no move at all..never attending, thus automatic WIN
SayItWithWookies: Let’s not be saying too many nice things about the Civic. When the starter contacts on her 10-yr-old Civic ignition switch went out I had to shell out $550 for a switch assembly, all while the dealer (I had to get this done for her quickly and from 1000 miles away) was telling me what a sweet discount he was giving me. I tried begging them to just reroute the starter contacts to an externally mounted pushbutton but that was against their religion.
bitchincamaro:
Were the shit-smellin’ seats an option?
Mr Blifil: You mean Cindy McCain and that gorilla/black man of the Walnuts joke?
Lascauxcaveman: Plus it turns into a tent! When we are all homeless the hobo king with a Pontiac Aztec is going to fucking rule.
Someone update me on Cal Worthington and his dog, Spot!
I loved those ads as a student at UCI in the 70’s.
Dear mylesfromnowhere:
You are obviously UnMercan, and a muslin.
Chevy Cy-TAYYYY-tion.
Colander: “…tiptoes the line of satire ever so expertly…” yeah, like the phrase “repug friend.”
One word … Billy Mays!
tehbenton: Pograms against the German cars or the Japanese cars? Just wondering…
DemmeFatale: Older than dirt and still on teh tee-vee….
Isn’t overthrowing the Czar sort of commie?
Sorry…
COMMIES OVERTHROW CZARS. WE WARNED YOU PEOPLE!!!
I’d like to be a Car Baronette.