• February 7, 2012

Too old.A full two thirds of the most recent Georgetown University Public Safety Reports have involved an unknown male entering someone’s home and hovering in or around the resident’s bed until being “asked” to leave.

MPD has reported seven similar intrusions since the first weird assault in January 2008.

“The suspect in many of the cases is described as a white or Hispanic male, approximately 5′10″ – 6′0″ in height, with a medium build, wearing dark colored pants and a collared shirt.”

Is the “Cuddler” up to seven Georgetown assaults? [Vox Populi]

{ 25 comments }

Red Zeppelin February 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Damn, Bill’s loose again!

Texan Bulldoggette February 16, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Yay, Cheney has a hobby that does not include pulling shooting people or starting wars with hapless countries.

Texan Bulldoggette February 16, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Doh!

Yay, Cheney has a hobby that does not include shooting people or starting wars with hapless countries.

Serolf Divad February 16, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Hmmmm. This is very similar to the 1998 Curien case… except without the flesh eating Zombies.

mylesfromnowhere February 16, 2009 at 1:36 pm

he had a wide stance and the toe-tapping is what woke them up.

SayItWithWookies February 16, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Ew, ick. Unfortunately people who do this tend to escalate the level of assault. I hope they catch him before he does something worse than he already has.

The Unfairman February 16, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Elizabeth, can I call you “View”? Cause then your name would be View Askew, which is significant for some reason.

Gallowglass February 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm

So is he the big spoon or the little spoon?

Mr Blifil February 16, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Wow, Norm Coleman is really having difficulty managing his unstructured time.

HipHopOpotamus February 16, 2009 at 2:21 pm

I KNEW he was real… my friend told me about him when I decided to be super snazzy and show off my riches by takin’ the metro to visit her in Georgetown. DURING RUSH HOUR.

hobospacejungle February 16, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Are all the residents women? Cuz I’d imagine if the cuddler tried this on dudes at least one of them has a baseball bat under the bed (my parents did, for some reason) and would gladly use it Robert DeNiro-style on his ass. And his skull. But I’m guessing he just does it to chicks cuz that’s how these weirdos get their start up the sexual assault ladder.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 16, 2009 at 2:34 pm

my parents did, for some reason

Bondage play is a complex and beautiful thing.

Peanut Inspector February 16, 2009 at 2:47 pm

What’s Hispanic for “Santa”?

Serolf Divad February 16, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=244450]Peanut Inspector[/re]:

Either Santa Ana or Santana… I forget which.

bitchincamaro February 16, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Under which category does this qualify for Wonkabout? Food? Art? I’m guessing Drink?

WonkaBee February 16, 2009 at 3:53 pm
StupidGeek February 16, 2009 at 3:59 pm

LNS

Min February 16, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Could be Bill. Especially if the Cuddler made a sandwich and had a piece of cake before he left.

Bruno February 16, 2009 at 6:07 pm

The above did not mention if the target was male or female. America needs to know!

hobospacejungle February 16, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=244436]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Ewwwww. Just ewwwwww.

Elizabeth Askew February 16, 2009 at 7:42 pm

[re=244375]The Unfairman[/re]: You can refer to me however you like! I am sure there are worse fates in the world than being nicknamed after the entity responsible for ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’.

Bruno February 16, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Tonight, I will lull myself to sleep in the hopes I shall awake face to face with the Cuddler. I hope he’s into handcuffs.

Red Door Cuddle King February 16, 2009 at 9:49 pm

This guy sounds amazing!!!! I wish I had super powers to inexplicably sneak into peoples’ places, sneak a free cuddle, and then completely disappear once asked to. If he came to my pad for a cuddle, I would certainly let him in, cuddle, and then make him pancakes, that’s right…pancakes. He’s so much better than that sneaky, breaking & entering, tooth fairy lady that I near beat to death with a sack of her own nickels. And Annette, yes, this person may actually be me judging by the matching description. I think I’ve got a split personality I’m just not aware of yet. Or maybe I just really get lost and do things when I sleepwalk.

mei0023 February 16, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Props/partyvan on Wonkette for using the Pedobear graphic on this one. I’m sure most of the “victims” were of consenting age.

Hagar77 February 17, 2009 at 9:06 pm

I was going to say, based on my extensive Law & Order: SVU-based knowledge of the sex perverts, that he probably won’t keep it at “cuddling” for long, but I flipped over to the underlying article and saw that he’s already attempted rape once and actually raped if he’s the “Maryland Cuddler,” so laff value = significantly decreased.

Pedobear is an epic win.

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