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FOR ANYONE WHO STILL CARES

  • HA HA HA WHOOPS: “U.S. Sen. Roland Burris, who repeatedly denied anyone tied to disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich solicited him for cash in exchange for his seat, now acknowledges Blagojevich’s brother asked him three times to help with fundraising… In a statement released Saturday, Burris said he didn’t disclose the facts because he ‘was not given the opportunity to’ during the impeachment committee hearing.” Because of racism. [Chicago Tribune]


4:53 PM on Sat February 14 2009
By Jim Newell
2289 Views

  1. V572625694 says at 4:56 pm, February 14th, 2009

    He told the truth, he told nothing but the truth, but he didn’t tell the whole truth. Is that a crime?

    Oh, perjury? Well, technically, yes. But he’s a nice man!

  2. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 5:01 pm, February 14th, 2009

    This is obviously all Obama’s fault.

  3. Bearbloke says at 5:01 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Will he have the room on his Ziggurat to engrave this disgrace?

  4. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 5:02 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Then again, I am starting to believe that no one in Illinois has escape Blago’s taint.

  5. Lionel Hutz Esq.: I would have quite a difficult time stopping myself from licking his taint.

  6. american mutt says at 5:09 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: It is. If Obama hadn’t killed racism forever, we would never have to deal with this Burris dork and Steele creep.

  7. Lionel Hutz Esq.: IMPEECH THE MUSLIN FRAUD!1!

  8. Serolf Divad says at 5:49 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Let me be the first to say what we’re all thinking but no one has brought himself to say… the 800lb gorilla in the room, as it were: TAINT,TAINT, TAINT!!!!!

  9. rocktonsammy says at 6:10 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Maybe Gov. Quinn could get an Illinois republican to replace Burris except, most of the them are either in jail, under investigation or in hiding.

    Alan Keyes apparently is from Illinois since he ran for Illinois senator against Barry in 2004, he seems nice.

  10. ManchuCandidate says at 6:12 pm, February 14th, 2009

    I guess Burris can put TAINTED LIAR on his mausoleum.

  11. I read the tribune article and I still don’t get it. Is fundraising something bad? It didn’t imply the fundraising was for an extension on his house or some fish statue or Nordstrom clothes or anything…

  12. Can someone summarize all this in a bullet point suitable for a famous tomb?

  13. sarcasticusername says at 6:22 pm, February 14th, 2009

    haha he’s awesome, and kind of my new hero for talking up a blizzard of self-infatuated nonsense and race baiting until they gave him a senate seat; and now that they aren’t about to take it back he goes for bonus points and is all like yeah i might be a little tainted. win.

  14. Colander says at 6:25 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Bruno: I think sometimes news reports are written in such a way as to make you think there is a point, or an angle at which to be outraged, but really it’s to fill up space/meet a story quota/roschach test on which you project your beliefs.

  15. Bruno: *First black Illinois senator to lie about bribing the governor for a senate seat.

  16. chascates says at 6:34 pm, February 14th, 2009

    This is Burris’ third account of the matter so it’s time for the Feds to put in a wiretap. Even if he isn’t guilty of anything it’ll make him think twice. In fact, threatening the House & Senate with wiretaps might be a good idea.

  17. windupbird says at 7:03 pm, February 14th, 2009
  18. shortsshortsshorts says at 8:12 pm, February 14th, 2009

    At least it went to the highest bidder. You don’t just give something like that away.

  19. bitchincamaro says at 8:21 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Hot Damn! Raw meat to distract us from the gruel of the Stim-Pack. Taint. Also.

  20. DustBowlBlues says at 10:38 pm, February 14th, 2009

    chascates: The Feds can wiretap anyone they want, just as long as they don’t read wonkette.

  21. ifthethunderdontgetya" says at 10:40 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Blagojevich’s brother asked him three times to help with fundraising…

    Knock Tres Times, Beaches!

    Because there’s not enough Tony Orlando and Dawn on Wonkette (and you’re gonna get it, even if it takes the Sims).

    Also.
    ~

  22. Monsieur Grumpe says at 10:43 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Blagojevich was Burris’s scab. He just couldn’t stop picking at it.

  23. 1. Withdraw Rollo 2. Appoint hairpiece

  24. OK, he’s a corrupt tool. At least he represents his constituency well.

  25. operation limey says at 11:01 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: It’s insane this guy’s taint.

  26. Mr Blifil says at 11:03 pm, February 14th, 2009

    Given his creepy mausoleum, I’m surprised he has enough money left over to play Powerball more than 5 times a year, let alone buy a Senate seat. Unless Blago was fucking with his persecutors, and did give the shit away for nothing.

  27. donner_froh says at 11:44 pm, February 14th, 2009

    rocktonsammy: Get Jack Ryan, the guy that Keyes replaced Ryan married 7 of 9 so he could take her to seamy sex clubs and have strangers watch as he showed his hetero side.

  28. What goes “Ha Ha Ha Plop” ?

  29. WindbagCity says at 1:23 am, February 15th, 2009

    donner_froh: Forget Jack, why not go for Jeri?

  30. Mama Grizzly says at 1:40 am, February 15th, 2009

    Amazing: Blago was soliciting campaign funds even after he was thrown in jail and knew he was being surveilled.

  31. comradepaulson says at 1:45 am, February 15th, 2009

    Ah, the Burris monument: the tomb of taint.

  32. gjdodger says at 2:03 am, February 15th, 2009

    I guess this makes Blago “Martin Luther King,” “Gandhi” and “Nelson Mandela,” and Burris “Pinochio.”

  33. gurukalehuru says at 2:29 am, February 15th, 2009

    He just said they ASKED him for money, he didn’t say he gave them any (or maybe he did, I didn’t actually read the article)
    btw, don’t forget: February 23d is Turdblossom Day.

  34. Gallowglass says at 2:35 am, February 15th, 2009

    “I didn’t have the opportunity to tell the truth, on account of being constantly busy lying. Sorry guys!”

  35. Double Scorpion says at 2:49 am, February 15th, 2009

    “Burris said he made the recent affidavit after reading the transcripts of his sworn testimony and realizing his answers were incomplete.”

    So he only realized that he lied when it was printed on paper and shown to him?

  36. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:41 am, February 15th, 2009

    *First Black Illinois Senator to be Impeached After Being Appointed by a Impeached White Governor.

  37. C’mon now. Everyone knows that Illinois laws have “air quotes” around them.

  38. mjwilstein says at 10:56 am, February 15th, 2009
  39. SayItWithWookies says at 11:21 am, February 15th, 2009

    What’s the big deal? I don’t see how a guy is supposed to remember every conversation he’s had with an impeached governor or his associates about a Senate seat the guy has long coveted and would be the pinnacle of his lapidary bio. Anyway, he says he never gave any money to Blago, which should probably remain the final truth for at least a few days.

  40. Bruno: BURRIS PROMISES CONGRESS NO CONTACT WITH BLAGO OR AGENTS. NOT!

  41. V572625694 says at 12:29 pm, February 15th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Really. This whole concept of “truth” is overrated. Just because you say something is “true,” after you took an “oath,” and maybe had your “lawyer” look at the “affidavit” before you affixed your “signature,” doesn’t mean they can crucify you just because you misremembered some trivial detail.

  42. you cannot be serious says at 12:49 pm, February 15th, 2009

    He must have been taking lessons from Fredo Gonzales.

    If you don’t ask, Burris don’t tell. And if you do ask, Burris doesn’t recall.

  43. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:01 pm, February 15th, 2009

    V572625694: I think my firm is hiring. We could use your valuable defense abilities. While we are in California, we only represent politicians from Illinois, because it is such a lucrative industry.

  44. V572625694 says at 1:29 pm, February 15th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: As it happens I’m in CA too, but, having been raised on Chicago’s glamorous South Side, I have the necessary moral flexibility. How’s the health insurance? Or, more important, how’s the E&O insurance?

  45. problemwithcaring says at 1:35 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Finally a political sibling who actually down for the cause!

    Also. I don’t see what Burris did wrong besides being born Black in a white man’s world.

  46. nader paul kucinich gravel says at 1:44 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Left and rights of passage,
    Black and whites of youth.
    Who can face the knowledge
    That the truth is not the truth?

    Obsolete.
    Absolute…

  47. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:27 pm, February 15th, 2009

    V572625694: While there is no E&O Insurance, there is still E&O assurance.
    Also.

    And BOY HOWDY. I am also from Chicago, but the great white North side of Chicago.

  48. shortsshortsshorts: V572625694:

    you chicago guys make me sick with your taint and everything. and your
    governor and scandel. also.

    thank god that here in jersey we don’t have to put up with that crap.

    chicago seven was right. [left, actually, but you know what i mean]
    taint. also.

  49. Canuckledragger says at 4:12 pm, February 15th, 2009

    WTF is WRONG with you peeples? Fuckin’ guy was fuckin’ offered a fuckin’ valuable fuckin’ thing and you fuckin’ think he shoulda fuckin’ declined just fuckin’ because some fuckin’ Blago fuckin’ boyo had fuckin’ approached him for a fuckin’ fundraising fuckin’ donation? You fuckin’ crazy or fuckin’ what? Buncha fuckin’ dim fuckin’ fucks.

    And fuckin’. Also.

    Fuck. Y’all.

  50. Wait, does that mean the cost of an Illinois Senate seat is having Blago’s brother ask you to help with fund-raising three times? ‘Cuz I could totally do that! Unless the guy has really bad breath, or something.

  51. MegsOfMegs says at 4:50 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Wait, he couldn’t even mention it offhand during the impeachment hearings? Was he drowned out by Blago’s poetry, or was it some sort of wacky sitcom device where everytime he tried to speak, someone would talk over him or stick something in his mouth?

  52. Worlds End says at 4:57 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Is anyone watching him on CNN?

  53. Twitter users, you know what to do…

    InsultComicDog RT @toddbeeton ” #cantor in your tweet goes directly to GOP Whip website’s Twitter stream.” http://tinyurl.com/7mono4 #cantor sucks

  54. V572625694 says at 7:25 pm, February 15th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: 108th Place and Western Avenue. Couldn’t have been whiter if it were Stockholm.
    tsunami Didn’t you love that Onion headline: “Gay man admits to being governor of New Jersey”?

  55. shortsshortsshorts says at 8:03 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Canuckledragger: SRSLY WTF!1 FUCKIN’ CHICAGO TRUBUNE KEEPS FUCKIN’ WITH THE WRIGLEY THING. Burris should parachute him in there.

    V572625694: East Elm Street and Lake Shore Drive (ELITIST FATHER). He swims through a river of debt. Also.

  56. DangerousLiberal says at 8:03 pm, February 15th, 2009

    I kan haz indictment now?

  57. wickedlittledoll says at 8:13 pm, February 15th, 2009

    Another 10,000 Reasons Why Roland “No Taint” Burris Deserves To Be Senator…
    http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/02/another-10000-reasons-why-roland-no.html

  58. V572625694 says at 8:23 pm, February 15th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Wow, right at the Oak Street Beach. Were you there when they shot “Things Change”?

  59. shortsshortsshorts says at 8:40 pm, February 15th, 2009

    wickedlittledoll: I have fucking refrained from posting the site I paid for and Jim (because Pope Cat is busy brokering the future of your economy) didn’t post, and you (Mr. Wicked) have been getting away with this bullshit for far too long. For that, you should be burned and sent to Oklahoma. Fuck off. If you cannot be burned, then I hope you are banned.

  60. 2druk2phluq says at 8:49 pm, February 15th, 2009

    DangerousLiberal: Win.

    The new Chicago tourism campaign:

    Visit Chicago, you tourist fucks. Because we said so, and because we have a fucking art museum. Spend your fucking money here, or else we send a couple of goombas to your fucking house. You’ll enjoy your visit if you know what’s good for you, or maybe we cut a hole in the ice and sink your ass.

    [[[also]]]

  61. rocktonsammy says at 9:02 pm, February 15th, 2009

    donner_froh:

    Wasn’t he, [Ryan] married to that Star Trek chick with huge rack and wanted her to have secks in some high fluent secks club?

    Creepy pervert.

  62. Playaz Ball says at 9:07 pm, February 15th, 2009

    This is stunning news.

    What Burris did not say is he came to claim this Senate seat via an email Blagojevich sent to him, telling him he won it via “lottery” - he needed only to provide the governor with his name, age, occupation, SS#, and bank information (to transfer the salary that goes along with the Senate seat).

  63. PsycGirl says at 9:41 pm, February 15th, 2009

    The Republicans have even taken time away from a valuable task to complain about Burris.
    The valuable thing is bitching about the stimulus package and is only valued by Republicans, of which there are fewer every election cycle, but that’s another story.

  64. Jukesgrrl says at 11:52 pm, February 15th, 2009

    2druk2phluq:

    To Chicago
    From New Jersey

    Youse stole our fuckin campaign, pubic relations sluts. You got a fuckin art museum? We got that in Newark. And the most malls per square mile of all 50 states if you’d rather have NEW stuff, which who wouldn’t? And youse gotta cut a hole in the ice to ice somebody? Shit, we got swamps for that and they don’t freeze because of chemicals and shit. And when we got tired sending money to Vegas we built our own, thank you very much. Finally, too, how many exits y’got, big shots? And Bruce Springsteen. Also.

  65. Bearbloke says at 12:19 am, February 16th, 2009

    Perhaps this is the best time for Sen. Burris to take A Very Special lesson from GI Joe, or rather Joe’s secret ski-bunny gay boyfriend “Snowjob”… and yes, the carpet matches the drapes…

    The lesson ends with a big slice of Dead Clown cake… Eat up, Senator!

  66. a man laughing his head off.

  67. snideinplainsight says at 9:00 am, February 16th, 2009

    I wish I had a ziggurat.

  68. IceCreamEmpress says at 3:55 pm, February 16th, 2009

    TAINT NOT SO CLEAN AFTER ALL

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