BEAT THE CLOCK  9:11 pm February 13, 2009

U.S. Economic Future Awaiting Flight From Ohio

by Ken Layne

The House passed the watered-down Stimulus Bill! With no Republican votes, obviously — they don’t want to get in trouble with their drug-addict talk-radio boss, what’s his name, Mr. Vulgarian. And now the Senate is voting, hooray! They’ve got 59 of the filibuster-proof 60 votes needed, so it’s all down to one guy, from Ohio. If and when he shows up for work ….

Economic Recovery — or at least a shoddy government-made parachute to slow the impact of America, into the ground — is in the hands of one fellow, so let’s see if we can find his name or some other identifying factor. Ah, it’s Senator Sherrod Brown, of Ohio! What’s delaying him, anyway? Oh, he was at his mother’s funeral? Oh.

WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE JOKES HERE, PEOPLE. PLEASE STOP DOING SUCH SAD THINGS.

Sherrod Brown must beat the clock and get back to the Senate in time! C-SPAN has apparently turned off the cameras?

Senate Voting On Stimulus Bill [C-SPAN]

 

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{ 39 comments }

Bearbloke February 13, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Let me be the first to welcome the economic wisdom of our new Socialist Muslin overlords – but only if it works…

Bearbloke February 13, 2009 at 9:18 pm

I’ll second that!

hockeymom February 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm

Maybe that nice Senator Franken can provide the 60th vote.
Oh. Right.

AngryBlakGuy February 13, 2009 at 9:23 pm

…anyone watching C-Span sees that the senate looks half empty. This may be a moment of FAIL!

Custersdeadhorse February 13, 2009 at 9:31 pm

The Senate Majority Leader allows the Senate to vote on the Stimulus Conference Report that is suppose to save the planet without having at least 60 yea votes within 10 minutes of the Capitol–we as so fucked!

rocktonsammy February 13, 2009 at 9:40 pm

We Amerkia needs to remember that the Republicans are the REAL terrorists here.

The honeymoon is over, FUCK EM!

comradepaulson February 13, 2009 at 9:43 pm

I hope, as Brown circles over in DC, someone from the airplane blasts some Wanger at the GOPers. Hey, they call themselves the Taliban, I can call them the North Vietnamese.

As in, they live in tunnels and only listen to Ho Chi Limbaugh.

Hooray For Anything February 13, 2009 at 9:44 pm

As Jon Stewart (I think) was pointing out, don’t these guys have email or web cams or scype or something? Or can’t Sherrod just sent an intern to read a note saying that he votes “yes” or just txt Harry Reid?

chascates February 13, 2009 at 9:49 pm

If Teddy would just come in and vote this guy Brown could grieve in Ohio, which is what most Ohioans are good at anyway.
And Teddy’s just running out the clock as it is. He might as well go down in history for something other than that unhappiness in Chappaquiddick.

AngryBlakGuy February 13, 2009 at 9:51 pm

…being that I’m a complete socialist(at least that is what the fascist call me) I kinda hope this whole bill goes down in flames. Just so that the whole thing can be re-vamped the way it should have been in the first place!

BillyClubb February 13, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Those Browns, always late. Oh! Did I say that?!

CuntryFirst February 13, 2009 at 9:54 pm

[re=243748]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I’m pretty sure they are required to cast votes personally.

They probably instituted that rule just to make sure that they actually show up every once in a while.

Come here a minute February 13, 2009 at 9:58 pm

[re=243741]Custersdeadhorse[/re]: They kept the vote open so the non grieving ones can get out of Dodge. Republicans won’t complain about the unusually long duration of the vote, because, duh, his mom died!

comradepaulson February 13, 2009 at 10:05 pm

[re=243756]Come here a minute[/re]: You have great hopes for the civility of the modern Republican party, I see. Since when have they missed an opportunity to whine and whinge like the great sacks of hot, putrid air they are?

Bipartisanship lives!

CivicHoliday February 13, 2009 at 10:08 pm

whatever. i’m still aglow over Rachel Maddow’s repeated mentions of his holiness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, on her show last night. swoon.

rocktonsammy February 13, 2009 at 10:10 pm

[re=243762]CivicHoliday[/re]:

Maddow and her girlfriend KO ain’t helping none!

Jim Newell February 13, 2009 at 10:12 pm

Mitch McConnell could always vote for Brown, so Brown doesn’t have to fly back from Ohio, press a button, and then fly back for his mother’s funeral in the morning. But.

shortsshortsshorts February 13, 2009 at 10:17 pm

I hope he doesn’t vote for it, the anticipation is probably much better than the end result. Also.

[re=243765]Jim Newell[/re]: Can a dood get a bump here?

DustBowlBlues February 13, 2009 at 10:26 pm

Sherrod Brown is actually my favorite senator, because of his support of working people.

This congressional partisanship just isn’t funny, is it? My husband and I are okay, but we’ve got kids shaking in their boots about losing their jobs or having their hours cut to below the level required for benefits.

Meanwhile, that bloated junkie blowhard, leader of the party of McVomit, Boner and Dixie Jew, are doing everything in their power to see the nation crashes and burns so they can say, “See. Told you so. Now vote Republican.”

They’re such bad people, I’ve run out of snark or vitriol for them. I hope a Hopey unicorn farts methane gas in their faces, not rainbows. And I feel real sympathy for Sherrod Brown.

Isn’t time for Rahm Emmanuel to go all, well, Rahmy on the Repugs’ fat asses?

WadISay February 13, 2009 at 10:29 pm

He can’t vote by absentee ballot? If he tries to vote by Diebold, it will end badly (Ds 59, Rs 163).

rocktonsammy February 13, 2009 at 10:33 pm

Sherrod/Joe the Plumber/2012

That state just keeps on giving.

Shmucky DeFukhed February 13, 2009 at 10:41 pm

The House passed the watered-down Stimulus Bill! With no Republican votes,

I like that. Now we’ll know exactly who to hold responsible when the feces hits the oscillator.

comradepaulson February 13, 2009 at 10:55 pm

Stimulus passes! Cocaine and hookers for all!

chascates February 13, 2009 at 11:00 pm

So are we all now investment bankers, or have investments in banks, or are we banking on an investiture?

AxmxZ February 13, 2009 at 11:10 pm

[re=243790]chascates[/re]: All reasonable investors have been net short the world since July.

Lemming Caution February 13, 2009 at 11:28 pm

[re=243751]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: right there with you. People keep wailing about it being the New Deal, and I’m disappointed it doesn’t look more like the New Deal. I want FDR without the anti-Semitism and bum legs.

CaliforniaMike February 14, 2009 at 12:31 am

[re=243802]Lemming Caution[/re]: Well, without the anti-semitism at least.

OzoneTom February 14, 2009 at 12:47 am

[re=243746]rocktonsammy[/re]: Not to mention RICO candidates.

assistant/atlas February 14, 2009 at 2:35 am

Man, what a jerk that Sherrod Brown is for ruining your joke. But hey, hopefully we won’t have to hear about the stimulus again until August when the inspectors general are all “Btw, in their haste, Congress wasted ur monies!” So there’s that.

S.Luggo February 14, 2009 at 3:23 am

Republican Senator F. Leghorn from the great state of Tennesucky raised a point of order because the bill wasn’t in basic Redneck. Too many verbs.

agentstinky February 14, 2009 at 6:44 am

I’m from Ohio. When I was in 4th grade he came into my classroom, still a state legislator or something, and spoke about citizenship or whatever. Now the FUTURE OF AMERICA rests in his hand.

TGY February 14, 2009 at 7:00 am

At his mother’s funeral? Well, he won’t be able to use *that* excuse again.

Bruno February 14, 2009 at 11:27 am

Did Mama Bear bother to vote? I heard she’s “in charge” of the Senate.

Brendan M. February 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=243776]rocktonsammy[/re]: [re=243830]OzoneTom[/re]: Uh, fuck you guys. We clinched the motherfuckin’ election for Obama (remember the look on Karl Rove’s stupid, fat, baby-face when Brit Hume told him Ohio was called for Obama?). Sure, we have some morans and crazies, as does any state. Ours just happen to serve in the House (“Mean” Jean Schmidt, Steve “FDR Caused the Depression” Austria, Joe the Congressman…wait a few years for that one). But we have a lot of great people, too! Dennis Kucinich (who gives out hugs on request and has always been right on the issues), Sherrod Brown (whose daughters I went to high school with and is a solid populist-progressive and whose wife is like a white, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer version of Michelle Obama), me (okay, I’m not that great, but I am very generous with the booze whilst on benders), John Glenn, eight presidents (not all awful), and the Wright Brothers! Also, considering the sorts of people on Wonkette, I’d think you all would be impressed that Columbus is the third most gay-friendly city in the country.

We’re the Heart of it All, assholes.

[re=243877]agentstinky[/re]: Thank the one, true Cylon god for that, agentstinky.

Brendan M. February 14, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Also, Rush Limbaugh once attacked Ohio Democrats for nominating Sherrod Brown for the US Senate in 2006 “solely because he is black.” Apparently, Limbaugh thought only black people were named “Sherrod.”

Brendan M. February 14, 2009 at 2:28 pm

[re=243773]DustBowlBlues[/re]: He’s not as good as Feingold, but he is up there. He is certainly the favorite of my senators.

President Beeblebrox February 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=243934]Brendan M.[/re]: Don’t forget the important fact Kucinich has a hott & sexxxy London hippie-chick wife with a pierced tongue.

Brendan M. February 15, 2009 at 1:36 am

[re=243944]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I haven’t forgotten. In fact, I think about her all the time. Her red hair. Her soft skin. Her accent, coming from those lips. I haven’t forgotten aboklnjbgjhcgmvhbmggm:kkLKNlLKbljj/l;jl?lk,/mkh/l/jbkb/kjbbjbkbbbb,m,blbl,l,kbbkjahg.jsg/jlkjsffg/lkfkgbjjbghgc,cadfkjhjlhaj;fkhad;kjfhjk;adhjfadhadfkkjadhfafdkfdakj

I’m going to go take a nap.

P.T.T. February 15, 2009 at 7:26 pm

I see Walnuts has proclaimed Hopey off to a bad start. He ought to know, having had so many of them himself. It seems that when the robototcans all vote with their little blinking red sensors in unison it’s the other team’s fault when there’s no “bipartisanship.” Gawd I hate ‘em all.

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