Wonkette
You know what’s a good way to be an asshole? Here’s a good way to be an asshole: “Today at tennis, after I made a hard point, my partner offered the Obama fist bump. ‘I don’t do that,’ I said, and I gave her a stern look.” How else does this rebel from the popular conservative American Thinker website suggest we be assholes to each other because of Obama?
The site’s Joyce Capron details the small ways in which she resists Barack Obama in a remarkable Civics column today. At no point in this column does she come off as self-satisfied, because that would be petty, and that would only distract.
1) I refuse to do the fist bump. We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.
The Shocker. Next?
2) I turn His face around. Whenever I’m standing in line in a store, and find coverboy Obambi staring at me, I turn the offensive magazines around to face backwards. During Inaugural week, there was commemorative ideoporn everywhere. Obama market penetration has receded somewhat, but it’s still hard to visit a Target or a grocery store without having to look at The One. By hiding His image, I may be slightly interfering with commerce, but if I can prevent one more person from being suckered into socialism, I’ll do it.
You’re awesome. Next?
3) I send e-mails to mainstream media, urging them to wake up from their Kool-Aid stupor and report what’s going on. Sometimes, I link AT essays, the ones where Larrey gets really wound up.
Healthy, and effective. One more.
5) I send my kids out armed with ideas. They and some friends are co-founders of the Conservative Club at their high school, a public school of over three thousand students, most of them future O’voters. The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal, to the extent the Conservative Club had trouble finding a sponsor. A social studies teacher finally agreed to sign on as sponsor, although he said he does not share their views.
“The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal.” Jesus, it’s just a high school, you hear facts and then spit them back on a test.
So these are some good ways to be an asshole because of Barack Obama.
Needed: anti-Obi gestures [American Thinker]
Obama, Inventor Of The Fist Pound [Philadelphia Will Do]
1) I refuse to do the fist bump. We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.
My I suggest the ol’ “thumb up the other guy’s butt” hand gesture?
Serolf Divad: No, the “reach-around.”
And yet she still supports the socialist caliphate by paying taxes. That’s not resistance we can believe in.
Oh, Joyce, don’t you know that, if you strike “Obi” down, he shall only become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Hell yeah! STICK IT TO THE MAN, CONSERVATIVES! No more shall we be oppressed by this black man and his having been “elected” by “the people!” THIS SHALL NOT STAND. The time for petulant and ineffective protests has come!
Possibly some sort of body clutch or grab would be interesting as a ‘anti-terrorist feel-up hand sign’.
Sounds like that lady that refused to give Halloween candy to Obama kids.
I have perfect idea for your conservative hand jive…put it up your ass.
Just a step away from “I don’t use the black water fountain!” of their ideological forefathers.
Public school teaching requires a college degree. This is fundamentally unfair to conservatives. This requirement should be lifted until ideological parity is achieved.
Serolf Divad: YES, definitely the male on male equivalent of The Shocker.
Republicans don’t fist. Riiiight…
Every time you refuse to fist bump for hope, God kills a puppy.
Jesus, these people are dumber than my kid’s Webkinzs (stuffed animals). Note to Jesus Goblins: Barry did NOT invent the terrorist fist bump. George HW has been seen doing the fist bump, along with really white golfers, black & brown athletes & nerdy, drunks at the local karaoke club. Glad to see Joyce has nothing greater in this world to worry about; my life should be so grand.
1) I refuse to do the fist bump. We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.
How about thumb sucking? That seems appropriate.
wow, a young conservative club? …even the D&D club gets their knuckles lined up for those future wife beaters.
Texan Bulldoggette:
You sure are right
http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/images/deadspin/2008/06/bushkour.jpg
PUMA piss in her porridge? Try eating worms and holding your breath.
Obama Kool-aid acid test?
After an exhilarating round of tennis, I prefer to follow Dick Cheney’s example, and shove my hand up a duck’s ass.
Next wingnut motherfucker to flip over a magazine with my main man Barry will get a B carved in their face… but it won’t be backwards this time, and it won’t be no subcutaneous bruising neither.
No wonder the Conservative Club (SS for short) is having trouble finding a sponsor. The school had fired the last pederast when they caught him in a kiddie porn sting with the rest of his young republican college buddies.
6. Arrange four paper clips in a “W”.
7. Don’t drink liberally.
8. If you have to estimate anything, make it a conservative estimate.
9. Say Hussssseiiiiin real slow.
10. Remember, we are the party of ideas.
Depressing article. Very encouraging responses in the comments. Was this posted to MeFi or something?
Christ.
So is she a Fucktard, or a Jesus Goblin, or…?
Reminds me of the time during Desert Storm when a Republican Guard T-72 took a depleted uranium SABOT round right at at the turret ring.
The explosion blew the turret clean off, and about 25 meters into the air.
Incinerated the crew. What was left of them, that is.
As the M-1A Abrams drove past, the gunner was yelling, “HOMEY DON’T DO THAT!”
:::Sigh:::
But that was an earlier, gentler time, I suppose.
“I send my kids out armed with ideas.” Hmm, she sure does sound like a woman with ideas to spare.
Dan
thewhitehouseplumber.blogspot.com
If she was really serious she’d move to Alaska and join the succession movement
“a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.”
Rub your cocks together? It feels awesome.
All conservatives live lives of quiet desperation.
President Obama wears clothes and speaks English. She should stop doing those, too.
Great job, Joyce! We have the House, the Senate, and the fucking White House, and you’re turning People magazine backwards at Wal-Mart. You win. Also.
I’m guessing that she actually turns violent if you wish her “Happy Holidays.”
5) I send my kids out armed with ideas. They and some friends are co-founders of the Conservative Club at their high school, a public school of over three thousand students, most of them future O’voters. The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal, to the extent the Conservative Club had trouble finding a sponsor. A social studies teacher finally agreed to sign on as sponsor, although he said he does not share their views.
…am I the only one that has a feeling that either her daughter is the senior class slut bucket or her son will grow up to be a flaming cross dresser?!
Clearly, this is another failure of Barack Obama’s to reach out to Republicans in an effort of bipartisanship.
Joyce Capron? Nice lame pseudonym attempt, Senator Mitch McConnell! We know this is your only plan against Obama from day one!
slavojzizek: Hey Slavoj! Nice to see some good Slovenian commentators around here. Cheers!
i wish i had something snarky to say. what a friggin’ idiot. her kids probably use the “conservative club” as a front to deal smack.
“The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal.” Jesus, it’s just a high school, you hear facts and then spit them back on a test.
Christ, you have to go to college, then get a job that helps kids, to become a teacher. Good luck finding a conservatard for that job.
I wish she would come shop at my Safeway here in Oakland. They somehow manage to stock only magazines with Obama’s picture on the front. Her efforts to turn those magazines around would end poorly for her.
so good i had to post at livejournal with props to Wonkette of course
http://community.livejournal.com/talk_politics/38323.html
rag: You got another one. I’m Slovenian too (grandparents came from Kranj and Rogaska-Slatina)
I change the channel on any of the TVs at the gym when I find some right wing troglodyte has left it tuned in to Fox News.
her kids are going to get their asses kicked all the way through high school, and then they’ll be the ROTC pricks who spank the fraternity pledges with the board…cool; now I’ll spend the rest of the day rehashing Animal House…
whiskey tango foxtrot: The comments are awesome. They are near 100% opposed to Joyce Claptron, or whatever.
I love the one from the clerk:
“I just wanted to say on behalf of all retail employees out there - please stop turning around materials that you do not like (and that goes for magazines/nooks/CDs with conservatives on them too). You are only creating more work for the employees, and it does not reduce sales of those items. People look for them if they want them, and it usually draws MORE attention to the item. People turn them around in curiosity.
In an effort to reduce sales of Obama items, you are just annoying the employees who have to clean up after you. We don’t go to your office and move your stapler, phones, and trash cans around, so please be respectful of us.”
Wow, that was just unbelievably stupid.
facehead: Fuck, if they would be QUIET for a second instead of whining like angry four-year-olds, this would be a much nicer country. And world. Also.
FMA: I was thinking they could use the “cock-slap”
Rodney Badger: And of course, “We don’t go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth.”
“The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal.” Jesus, it’s just a high school, you hear facts and then spit them back on a test.
I laughed out loud at this and spurted the dirty tidal creek water that I now have to drink (NO MONIEZ!!!!) out my nose.
Target? I thought “right thinkers” shopped exclusively at Walmart and from the back pages of Soldier of Fortune magazine.
Also, guys, be fair: we shat on President Bush for eight years, and he did an awesome job!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA nah nah NAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
“The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal.” DUH! That’s because their real income has plummeted like a dead bird for the last decade or so and they’re tired of being reviled simply because they work in the public sector, educating your kids.
Oh, and they’re supposed to be teaching your kids to think for themselves. Also.
Joyce should be sent to Gitmo for unpatriotically refusing to support our President.
future O’voters
That was mighty white of her not to use the “n” word.
KTHXBAI: See, if it was me — and I’m just thinking aloud here — and I were unhappy with the brand new bright Obama day in which we find ourselves, I think I’d try to purge the Republiturd party of the various morons at every level who seem to be running the show (and designing its Valentine’s Day cards — don’t even get me started). I might try to develop ideas and programs that make sense in light of the current (and coming) demographics and trends of the nation. Hell, I might even educate my own stupid self about why the other party actually won so big in back-to-back election cycles. But then, if I were that smart, I probably wouldn’t be on the losing side of things these days.
Hahahaha!
The American “Thinker”masthead features a picture of Uncle Sam sitting on the toidy!
Mustn’t that be a metaphor or analogy or symbol or something?
PS: I don’t suppose the nice lady pictured along with this post is really Joyce “Hard Point” Capron herself, is she?
Whatever, that is the wrong flavor Kool-Aid. It was Grape.
Remember when we were complaining about Bush when he first got into office, and all the conservatives said we were anti-American for being against our President? Just wondering.
Bitter women that Joyce. I think she needs a hug or is that one of those things she won’t do because she’s seen Obama doing the terrorist hug. My sympathy goes out to her husband and kids.
interfering with commerce is that a crime?
My God, the comments section is comedy gold!
“True enough, we are in a deficit position; but, the perfect opportunity exisits to rid the Conservative Movement of undesireables (Rinos). We should view these crucial events as a means or an opening; thankfully, BHO has already exposed himeself to be weak and vulnerable; waiting and timeing is crucial, when an opening appears, be prepared to slash wide and deep. Our pens and keyboards are mighty weapons, use them well; for the enemy is just beyond the perimeter and darkness is upon us.
The enemy is just beyond the perimeter and darkness is all around us.
Loose Horse Steve
Semper Fidelis”
How about we ramp up energy independence by rendering her fat ass for fuel? I’m pretty sure my house could be toasty for years from just one of her sausage-y fingers
“We also fired our black housekeeper and now employ out-of-work white, middle class christian folk to clean the shit stains out of our clothes.”
It’s nice to hear racial hatred put in such useful and cogent terms. Thanks Joyce!
Memo to asswipe: all 5 members of the Young Republicans club in my high school were closeted homosexuals, and angry ones at that. Might wanna take your kids down to your local homo reformer before it’s TOO LATE.
i wore a black armband to high school when Reagan was re-elected. it didn’t go over so well with those “liberal elites” who ran the joint
“The opposite of a fist is an open hand, so we need something involving an open hand gesture. “Live Long and Prosper” comes to mind, but does not involve touching the other person.”
Ahahaha what. They’ve already tried to steal Lord of the Rings, and now Star Trek! THIS WILL NOT STAND.
And hasn’t the human race in the Star Trek universe completely abolished money, and they all live in a socialist utopia with no war (except with the Klingons) and no poverty?
Plus, Captain Kirk is a charming horndog who sleeps with many alien women, so he is clearly a Democrat. If he were trolling the universe for underage boys, then maybe they’d have an argument.
magic titty: a moran.
dogscantlookup: You beat me to it…although, I think the technical name is ‘Restraint of Trade’. Not sure if it applies when you just turn the magazines around, though. Guess we’ll have to arrest her, book her, and get her in front of a judge to find out!
Hey Joyce,
What Would Mary Magdelene Suck?
In small ways I resist. I have my kids say the Pledge of Allegiance backward.
Ideoporn & market penetration? Sounds like Barry! If any of these tight asses were getting either ideoporn or penetration - they wouldn’t be Obama stalkers! Trying to avoid Obama is a defeating purpose when 3 mil Americans would do Hopey on a moments notice!
Hello the fist bump has been around for several years, before most people knew anything about Obama.
White people are so un-hip (I know I am one)
Anti-Obi gestures… Let’s see, they could chop off their head & mail it to the White House.
Well, she could try responding to her eager fist-bumpy friends by giving them the finger. It would be honest, and lead to really entertaining games along the lines of rock/paper/scissors, when her fist-bumpy friends followed through with a face bump.
As for the magazine business, what the hell? Are you 4? Do we need to have your children taken away from you since 4 year olds shouldn’t be raising children?
BobLoblawLawBlog: Your executive powers are weak, old man!
AngryBlakGuyher son will grow up to be a flaming cross dresser?!
Flaming cross-dresser
or Flaming-cross dresser?
The second would be the guy who douses the cross the KKK are going to burn with gasoline before the light it. Probably a pretty good chance he would turn out to be either. Or both, considering some of the outlandish garb of the Klan.
AngryBlakGuy: “…am I the only one that has a feeling that either her daughter is the senior class slut bucket or her son will grow up to be a flaming cross dresser?!”
Frankly, ABG, I’m confused by your use of “or” in that sentence, rather the more realistic conjunction - “and.”
I’m so tired of this “Obama fist bump” thing. Come ON, people. It’s called ‘Speck Knux, cuz you’re showing respect by bumping the knuckles.
Jesus.
Who’s face is redder, Joyce or the happy pitcher guy? I used to love me some red Kool-Aid. Now I can’t even imagine mixing that crap with my Skyy vodka. Thanks a lot Joyce Whatsherface (and Dane Cook).
Dan: ““I send my kids out armed with ideas.”
Armed with crazy wingnut proposhit that has made them the most unpopular kids in school.
I do like the sound of O’Voters, though.
Is it just me, or are Republicans simply evil?
Jeezus, someone please throw momma from the train.
“We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.”
Here’s a suggestion: Why not do as the Zealots did at Masada and commit mass suicide rather than succumb to the oppression you must otherwise endure?
You could just “hand-jive” by pointing a gun to your skull, which is non-verbal, and by pulling the trigger kill three birds with one stone: illustrate your commitment to NRA values, register the ultimate protest against socialistic tyranny in a Hale Bopp [not to be confused with genius Andy Bopp] kinda way, and demonstrate just how serious you are about this.
After all, you’re a waste of skin and space anyway. And I’m sure your “Gawd” will forgive you once he knows the good cause you were furthering with your protest. Once you’ve done this, everyone will KNOW that you’re not just some pathetic RINO. And if you don’t do this, everyone will know you’re just some upper-crusty twat filling column inches with whatever happens to dribble from your under-used cranium.
BTW: American Thinker? Right Thinkers? Is that just oxymoronic or intended to be post-ironic?
I have a good one… when you see pro-Obama images, pull out a gun and blow your brains out!!! That’s a powerful statement of disapproval.
lumpenproletariat: Great minds and all that….
However, unlike the Zealots at Masada, these prats don’t have the courage of their convictions. Just empty space to fill….
whoa–Canuckledragger–I promise I didn’t read your post before stealing your idea…
apparently. I’ll have to be more careful in my expressions of hater-hatred
I thought it was a Tiger fist bump. Since when does Obama trump Tiger? Politics over sports as whitey sources for trendy ten-year-old habits?
This country is going down the crapper. .
Cedar: nose picking would also work.
Personally, whenever I hear some librul talking about Obama, I just say to them “did you know that God is a girl and his name is Eris?” That usually stops ‘em !
For starters, if that’s “Joyce Capron,” she hasn’t “played tennis” in 30 years, let alone “made a hard point.”
The “American Thinker” picture that comes up when you click on the link looks very much like it should be the “American Stinker”.
Sassette: Yes! Scores of the greasy-haired obese riding in their scooters, carrying their powered cheese stained picket signs with pride!!!111ONE!
AngryBlakGuy: Taking bets right now.
I think we should just start the internet meme of calling them “Republikids.” Consveratards isn’t working and we need results, people!
Monsieur Grumpe: Obama also has sex, sure she gave that up long before he was elected.
Schadenfried: Republitards?
” I refuse to do the fist bump.
We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive,
a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’.
I’m open to suggestions. ”
Why not grab your crotch, gansta rapper style and —
Oh no, that would never do. Well THIS is an old
tried and true “righty hand jive”:
- _
( )/ —-
|/ |
| | |
| ——–
| | |
| |
| —-
–
..that is
- - —-
( ) / | |
| / |___|____
|/ | |
| ____|
|
|
|
|
—
..-……-………………..—-
.(.)…/………………|…|.
..|../………………..|___|____.
..|/……………………..|….|.
..|…………………..____|.
..|
..|
..|
..|
..—……
..
Wingnut does not do the “fist bump” because Obama once did the “fist bump”
Hmm…
Barack Obama wipes his ass after he shits, maybe Joyce should cease wiping her ass.
Barack Obama speaks aloud, maybe Joyce should cease speaking–it’s what a true patriot would do.
Barack Obama is a living person, perhaps Joyce should cease to live–afterall, what’s the point of living when Barack Obama is your President?
Just like in Hellboy. For every Obi that falls, two more will rise in its place.
Why don’t the Right Thinkers master the Rusty Trombone as a gesture of solidarity? Or the Cleveland Steamer? The Dirty Sanchez would be too obvious…
One time, when I was drunk, I took a DVD of a Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock movie (that I was forced to sit through on a plane ride) out of the drama section and put it in horror. Not bragging about it. Just saying, also.
Canuckledragger: you give the sheep too much credit, also
Posted by: shelby
Feb 11, 04:36 PM
“What else can I do?”
Pour water and fertilizer over your head on a daily basis until you grow a brain.
———
Hahahahaha! Gold!
DustBowlBlues: Yes.
Uncle Sam taking a shit. Nice logo. Sums up the level of discourse on the site - “Things I thought while shitting”
We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’. I’m open to suggestions.
I left a comment suggesting that she place her right hand on her forehead and extend her thumb and index finger to form an “L”. Just glad I could help.
gurukalehuru: When I used to work retail and some fucktard would respond to a casual “Happy Holidays” with a pointed “Merry Christmas,” I would give them the dirtiest look I could for a half-second, then smile brightly and wish them a very Happy Hanukkah. Almost invariably, their sputtering anger made it all worthwhile.
And when I really was feeling shirty, I used to occasionally follow that up with “As-Salaam Alaykum.” Then my manager told me to stop doing that or I would be fired for intentionally antagonizing the customers. A Banana Republic indeed.
“3) I send e-mails to mainstream media, urging them to wake up from their Kool-Aid stupor…”
Some people forget where the “drinking the Kool-Aid TM” expression came from. Even after last year when we had all those 30th anniversary remembrances. Too bad all those women and children down in Jonestown couldn’t wake up from their Kool-Aid TM stupor.
During the days of the Bushocracy some of the snarkier comentators spoke about the refregerator in the basement where the kool-Aid TM was kept. They meant the bushies would be loyal until it was time to drop cyanide.
Or maybe Kool-Aid TM stupor is about how black people like to drink Kool-Aid TM.
from the comments
Fist bump? Fists should only be bumped up against a chin - preferably belonging to Axelrod or Ayers.
I don’t even tolerate “high fives”. Its a black thing, and I wouldn’t understand. Kan you dig it, Bro?
And though a Viet Nam vet, I will consider “buddy hugs” only under the most exceptional circumstances.
“Civilized” men shake hands.
grevillea: That was one of my favorites too.
Why don’t you do something really meaningful? Like giving up lattes and drinking only good, American milk. And get an education. The reason the majority of teachers seem to be liberal is because they are educated, and as we all know, facts have a liberal bias. And I’m glad you don’t want to fist-bump me. I don’t want to fist-bump you, either. Any kind of touching. I’m sure you have some kind of communicable disease from regurgitating all that bile. And it’s ok if you turn around some magazines, but keep your hands off the ladies’ mags, like Cosmo. Or Self. I need my little soft-core porn jolt while waiting in line at the store waiting one more goddamn time for that reactionary hag who won’t get with the times to begin to stop fuming about having a wasted life and realize that that number on the little tv is the amount she has to pay for her Metamucil and drag her goddamn checkbook out and search for a pen and oh yeah I got a coupon from the Penny Saver just a minute it’s here somewhere and why are all those people scowling at me and just shut up it’s all the Liberals fault anyway.
By hiding His image, I may be slightly interfering with commerce, but if I can prevent one more person from being suckered into socialism, I’ll do it.
THIS IS AN OXYMORON! HOW CAN U STOP SOCIALISM BY INTERFERING WITH THE FREE MARKET?!?! THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE SOCIALISM STARTS–WHEN MAGAZINES R TURNED AROUND BY ANARCHIST OPERATIVES TO INFLUENCE BUYING HABITS!!1
With reference to “Wasting Indoor Court Time is a Sin” and “Nice Person Who Just Doesn’t Get It” she also implies (as she is the subtle type) that unnecessary capitalization of the first letters of each word in various phrases is a critical weapon in the fight against The Socialist Agenda of The One…
I get even with 2) by putting Obama’s books on top of or in front of Ann Coulters.
Serolf Divad: Wet willies might work for them!
Is that Joyce in the photo? No wonder she’s pissed!
she needs a good vibrator.
Gee, the Witch of Wasilla, Joe the (Bogus) Plumber, Rush Limpdick, now Joyce Crapon- The intellectual capital of the GOP justs keeps on growing, doesn’t it? …Sort of like the balance sheets of the banks under the wise stewardship of this latest dunderhead’s heroes.
Baggaratz: ha ha, you beat me to it.
What a small-minded, petty, stupid turd of a woman. Who cares if you ‘fist bump’ lady? Talk about people who don’t get it! Grow up.
nestor: Are you Nestor as in Nestor Machnow? Very cool reference.
And I bet she lost that tennis game too.
DustBowlBlues: Uhh, it’s not your imagination……
Check this out guys…
http://www.the-latest.com/new-ways-of-resisting-obamania-by-right-wingers