Wonkette
Well here is yet another reason for Charlie Crist, the conquering hero of the mosquito-infested stucco slumtown crawling with felons and homeless real estate agents called “Florida,” to run for Senate. A new poll shows him winning this thing by a mile against a variety of minor state politicians whom nobody, not even Floridians, has ever heard of.
If Crist doesn’t enter the race for the seat Mel Martinez will leave vacant next year, Floridians will be completely undecided and will have no choice but to vote for the person with the best name — which means the race could be blown wide open by a completely unqualified entrant named, say, “Chauncey Dingleberry.”
Obviously everybody in the Republican party wants Crist to run for this Senate seat; that’s why Jeb Bush, who should have been president by now, opted not to run.
Or we could just give Florida back to Cuba and not have to worry about stupid elections anymore.
Florida Senate poll shows Crist annihilating field [The Hill]
Poll Results — FL [Strategic Vision]
Never underestimate fear as a great leveller in politics. Also, their afraid of Crist, because he’s a real man’s man, also. You can tell by the number of men he sleeps with. Also.
Orange you going to run, Charlie?
All the nuts roll down to Florida.
I’d like to cede my remaining time to Mr. Hosegrabber of Florida.
If Charlie Crist chooses not to run, I think this is an excellent pickup possibility for the Lizard People.
Katherine Harris will not let this happen.
Screw you guys! There’s plenty of good things about Florida!! Like, beaches (when they are not closed down because of red tide), and hurricane parties (until you run out of ice and the toilets don’t flush anymore), and warm winters (except we just had a hard freeze - thanks global warming), and 12% unemployment (thank god I have TWO jobs!), and squatter’s parties in all the deserted McMansions (next door to my Mom!)… oh fuck, just kill me now.
Vaal is…Vaal.
Since Charlie is a closet…*Democrat*…I say more power to him.
I, for one, welcome my new Cuban overlords. I hope they bring sandwiches.
The big question is: how can this event screw up everything else in the country. Because that’s what Florida does.
About the “best name” thing… the leading Democrat for the office right now is named “Meek.”
What, our illustrious former House speaker Ray Sansom won’t be running for Martinez’ seat? Surely the man represents everything the Beloved Party aspires to be!
A few more years of global warming the only constituents of Florida will be gators and manatees.
And they are a whole lot smarter than the current constituents. So none of this senate thing matters snyway.
I pick Dingleberry. And also, such as.
Delicious: Seriously, he’s tall, fit, tanned, ideologically moderate and so very very ghey.
Run, Charlie, run!
Isn’t that how Barack Obama won, by having the coolest name?
All together now–Yes, She Can!
Florida will never vote for a bearded politician.
actor212: don’t you mean B. Hussein Obama?
I thought Chauncey Dingleberry was a Senator from Georgia.
That’s a good Southern name, right there.
Merry Christen: hey, we are traveling down in a few weeks for our annual Pilgrimage to the Temple of Spring: Spring Training. Plus, we will kayak around in some wildlife refuges, see some manatees and roseate spoonbills, and otherwise absorb what nature is left.
PAbitter: to be really southern, he’d have his name parted on the left, so “H. Chauncey Dingleberry”, and he’d have a numeral, so “H. Chauncey Dingleberry, III: ‘Trip’ to his friends”
“the mosquito-infested stucco slumtown crawling with felons and homeless real estate agents”
Best description of Florida ever.
well it looks like that fake marriage may still come in handy after all.
Kev-O-Tron: My error. I’m still brainwashed by the liberal media.
which means the race could be blown wide open by a completely unqualified entrant named, say, “Chauncey Dingleberry.”
Elwyn Tinklenberg!
Doglessliberal: That’s Senator W. H. Chauncey Dingleberry III, named for Wade Hampton, Confederate hero and one-time richest man in South Carolina.
But he runs for office as Sen. Trip Dingleberry, to appease the Yankee transplants, who just don’t understand that a name isn’t really a name unless 1) it’s been passed down for generations and 2) it contains the name of a Confederate general.
PAbitter: Don’t be ridiculous; no one in Georgia has a name as silly as Chauncey. They have solid, normal names like Newt and Saxby and Zell.
PAbitter: you got it. We could create this guy, hire an actor, run him, and he’d win.
We deserve a fabulous gay Senator here, to show those
ignorant hicks from Idaho how it’s done. The best they
could come up with was Larry Craig. We can do sooo
much better.
tehbenton: Whoa, Nelly! Future Sen. Carlo Criste has ordered his campaign never to use the phrase, “could be blown wide open.” It makes the Cuban donors tan mucho nerviosas.
Come on Florida! I’m sure you’ve got a stripper cum porn star with the qualifications to challenge Crist in the primary!
See sounds like his “straight marriage” will be useful afterall.
I’d think the older, more Jewish retirees would cancel out the Castro-haters and Redneck Riviera crowd but the Navy’s ‘hello, sailor’ semen may cancel that out.
Which way to the area’s underpaid amusement park workers vote?
Doglessliberal: No no no. Everybody knows he would be Trey to his friends. THAT’s a real Southern name.
And Florida is not a “mosquito infested stucco slumtown”. It’s a “mosquito infested cinderblock slumtown”. You must have only been to the fancy parts, Sara.
Is he going to have to pretend to get married to a female again?
This is why I’m glad I’ve got Wonkette to keep me up to date on Florida politics. See, here in Florida, our damned white kids can’t seem to keep themselves from getting abducted and killed. It’s all we ever hear about anymore, actually.
CorkPopper: there were two Trips and a Trey in my law school class at UVA. Two from SC and one from VA. All very Republican. There were also two Chips and a Chap, though one of those was a Dem (though a VA Dem, so more of a moderate Repub). All drove nicer cars than most of the professors, but that was typical of all the UVA law students (except me–10 year old Honda with body damage and rust. I loved that car).
Doglessliberal: Of course, the big question is: Methodist or Southern Baptist?
I am a Florida resident, and I take issue with…absolutely NOTHING any of you have said.
PAbitter: Baptist, though Georgia or VA Episcopalian gets you into the Big Money, Old South Network.
Doglessliberal: Chap? Seriously? Wow. I had an actual Biff in one of my undergraduate classes at Duke, who was a typical southern Republican, but the Trey I knew was president of the college Democrats. So go figure.
CorkPopper: here he is:
http://www.fairfaxsenator.com/
Doglessliberal: He was originally an Episcopalian, but switched to Southern Baptist due to the National Episcopalian Church’s acceptance of “liberal, secular humanist values.” Those bastards.
Besides, he’s only W.H. Chauncey Dingleberry the third, not W.H. Chauncey Dingleberry the fifth. He’s not really old money anyway. Truth be told, there were some whispers that his Great-great granduncle was a Scalawag.
When a coworker was relocating to Florida and looking at homes on the internets, I noticed they all had these huge screened-in enclosures in the back yard surrounding the pool area. Apparently humans there live in cages while their masters, the mosquitoes, roam free.
chascates: Walt Disney World is technically a sovereign country and therefore the folks that work there don’t get to vote in US elections.
I thought that Chauncey Dingleberry was the guy that landed his plane in the Hudson.
Charlie Crist, on the other hand, simply landed on a guy name Hudson.
Doglessliberal: Yes, and the UVA law faculty was also a haven for the heavily closeted. A virtual macrocosm.
In the words of Michelle Tanner: “How Rude!” What short-term memories we seem to have. Whilst Fl. may be brimming with ignorance, racism, and poverty, we did turn blue this year: the only blue state in the south I might add. Certain parts, o.k. most parts, of Florida may be ripe with stereotypes, but I feel it is my civic duty to address these unfair perceptions and defend a state where Kerouac and Hemingway lived, drank, wrote, and died and where all of my friends, family, and enemies voted for Barry. We choose to expand our cultural and intellectual horizons in the hope that we will inspire those reading this comment to think of Florida as more of a neutral and independent state rather than a humid, insect-laden wasteland. I have been and lived all over the world and yet I continue to make my home in Tampa,Fl.
Tell Spain that the whole thing was just a big miscommunication and they can have it back for an assload of seafood paella. Also, if Mexico would like to revisit the question of Texas, we’re open to that as well.
Hagar77: But all Bushes-in-residence have to go with the land — it’s a package deal or no deal at all.
Hey I know a guy thats not gay, and definitely going to give Crist some real competition for senate. You know what he is mad as hell about whats happening to this country and so am I. Visit http://www.electbernie.com to learn more about this awesome character… What do you think?