Communist Soviet Union Elected Barack Obama President (of America) In 1992

  Final Secret of the Illuminati

Man will not be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.A wingnut jesus-freak lady from our favorite online newspaper, World Net Daily, would like to share something with you — something she withheld from the American Public throughout the presidential campaign, even though she knew it was true, because she got some forwarded email saying it was true: At a business dinner in 1992, some Russian capitalist’s wife said the Communists had picked a new American president, a black guy from Hawaii/Africa named Barack!

Exactly 17 years later, guess who we have as president? THAT ONE.

What prompted this anti-American wingnut lady to finally reveal this awful International Communist conspiracy, now that it’s too late? Uh, she saw the cover of Newsweek, which makes the uncontroversial observation that the United States is finally beginning to move towards a European-style wealthy government with expansive social services. You know, like Labour or Social Democrats … Socialism.

Confronted by this Newsweek cover, the wingnut lady finally broke down and Ctrl-V’d this incredible tale from her Hotmail.

“Yes, it is true. This is not some idle talk. He is already born, and he is educated and being groomed to be president right now. You will be impressed to know that he has gone to the best schools of presidents. He is what you call ‘Ivy League.’ You don’t believe me, but he is real and I even know his name. His name is Barack. His mother is white and American and his father is black from Africa. That’s right, a chocolate baby! And he’s going to be your president.”

 
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She became more and more smug as she presented her stream of detailed knowledge and predictions so matter-of-factly – as though all were foregone conclusions. “It’s all been thought out. His father is not an American black, so he won’t have that social slave stigma. He is intelligent and he is half white and has been raised from the cradle to be an atheist and a Communist. He’s gone to the finest schools. He is being guided every step of the way and he will be irresistible to America.”

We sat there not knowing what to say. She was obviously very happy that the Communists were doing this and that it would somehow be a thumbing of their collective noses at America: They would give us a black president and he’d be a Communist to boot. She made it quite obvious that she thought that this was going to breathe new life into world Communism. From this and other conversations with her, she always asserted that Communism was far from dead.

She was full of little details about him that she was eager to relate. I thought that maybe she was trying to show off that this truly was a real person and not just hot air.

She rattled off a complete litany. He was from Hawaii. He went to school in California. He lived in Chicago. He was soon to be elected to the Legislature. “Have no doubt: he is one of us, a Soviet.”

At one point, she related some sort of San Francisco connection, but I didn’t understand what the point was and don’t recall much about that. I was just left with the notion that she considered the city to be some sort of a center for their activity here.

Well, duh, San Francisco? GAY GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL, that’s the “San Francisco connection.” And the “activity” is called “men’s dicks in men’s butts, and ladies’ hoohaas on the other ladies’ hoohaas,” and the “Stimulus” bill is all about TEACHING CHILDREN how to put what where, in the butt, starting at age Six, right after Satanism Service and memorizing Mao’s Little Red Book, in Russian.

Oh guess what else, lady? Your beloved Jesus was the worst socialist of all! The only thing he loved more than socialism was hookers and high taxes. “Render unto Caesar,” indeed! He must be rolling in his grave, listening to you False Christians shit on the Christian Theology. Cultural Revolution, NOW! WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! VIVA CHE YOU FUCKS.

Socialism Communism scheduled for a vote in Senate [World Net Daily]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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106 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Well you know what? I heard this from my friend “Ivan” who was a “cultural” attache down at the USSR embassy in Ottawa. It was about a Soviet plot built around a drunken loser first son of a prominent CIA director. Their plan was to get him to fail upwards by losing money at Oil and baseball then using their sleeper agents named Karl and Dick, to get him into the most powerful office in US America where he would destroy US military power by getting them involved in failed wars in Asia and destroy the US economy via dupes on Wall St.

    Pardon me while adjust my hat and take a sip of my recycled urine.

  2. Serolf Divad

    Is that article Snark? ’cause it certainly wasn’t journalism, as I don’t think they were checking their sources a la David Denby.

  3. Kev-O-Tron

    HA! I’ve been following that idiot for months! She links from Malkin’s site and regularly posts the most retarded stuff available. If only she enabled comments…

    Can the wingnuts please reach a consensus on whether he’s a “marxist”, “muslin” or just good ol fashioned “socialist”? This is a little hard to follow and I need my talking points when I talk to various idiots around town.

  4. Deepthroat

    The “Stimulus” bill is all about TEACHING CHILDREN how to put what where, in the butt, starting at age Six, right after Satanism Service and memorizing Mao’s Little Red Book, in Russian

    I will start disseminating this vital information post haste!

  5. NoWireHangers

    Finally, the Soviet Union gets its revenge on America by giving us free health care, good schools, and healthy living!

  6. lenorecutie

    Well that proves it. Obama is a Commie. Now excuse me while I forward this e-mail to everyone I know using my aol account.

  7. frumious_bandersnatch

    I miss having a decent Satanism Service to attend. The local ones are all full of white folks, and are therefore insipid and starchy.

  8. Violenza

    Then somebody ate the choco baby and they had to find a real quick replacement. That’s right, Barack’s a clone made from stem cells, which is why he wants more abortions so he can replace his stem cells he sheds every night.

  9. lorne

    Oh, but this is all just some e-mail scam.
    Wait, no, she says “Tom Fife is a real guy – not some e-mail scam. I’ve talked to him.”

    In that case, I’m sure that conversation in 1992 was just some idle talk.
    Wait no, in the story the Soviet woman from the then non-existent Soviet Union says “This is not some idle talk.”

    OH MY GOD! It’s all true!

  10. NoWireHangers

    It’s all been thought out. His father is not an American black, so he won’t have that social slave stigma. He is intelligent and he is half white and has been raised from the cradle to be an atheist and a Communist. He’s gone to the finest schools. He is being guided every step of the way and he will be irresistible to America.

    Yes, those sly Socialist DEVILS! They knew to put up a candidate that was likable and electable! The dirty tricksters! The foolish Fascists wanted to run a former American “war hero” who couldn’t raise him arms higher than his shoulders. Those socialists, so clever!

  11. Serolf Divad

    [re=240440]jagorev[/re]:

    Holy crap!?!?! How in the world did Obama ever get elected with batshit crazy nutjobs say batshit crazy nutjob things about him?!?!?!

  12. cal

    Ha ha, good stuff:

    “Since I had dabbled in languages, I knew a smattering of Arabic. I made a comment: “If I remember correctly, ‘Barack’ comes from the Arabic word for ‘Blessing.’ That seems to be an odd name for an American.” She replied quickly, “Yes. It is ‘African,’” she insisted, “and he will be a blessing for world Communism.”

    This stuff will be making the rounds of wingnut emails for months.

  13. Mustang

    So, just like every other disappointed parent with rebellious kids, “the communists” had the heartbreak of watching their little Barack go against everything he’d been taught as he grew up to become a capatalist Christian. Oy.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe

    As my Uncle Nemus used to say “Well, the cat’s in the apple sauce again!” Uncle Nemus was insane. So I’m sure his saying relates to Ms. NuttyKooKoo somehow.

  15. freakishlystrong

    “And the “activity” is called “men’s dicks in men’s butts, and ladies’ hoohaas on the other ladies’ hoohaas, and the “Stimulus” bill is all about TEACHING CHILDREN how to put what where, in the butt, starting at age Six”

    Jeebus help me, I’m repeating out loud AND crying AT MY FORMER JOB!!!

  16. space stout

    oh noes! someone already ate the ears off my chocolate baby bunny. i hope the eyes are still left…

  17. steve

    Also, couldn’t the wingnuts who say he’s an atheist and the wingnuts who claim he’s a Muhammadein fight it out before bugging us?

  18. jagorev

    [re=240453]Serolf Divad[/re]: Because Americans have been injected with mind control serum disguised as “polio vaccine”. The vaccination program was started just before the time Obama was born. IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE!!!

  19. FMA

    [re=240471]jagorev[/re]: Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this shit. Everybody knows it’s the fluoride that has contaminated the purity and essence of our precious bodily fluids.

  20. shortsshortsshorts

    STRANGE ISN’T IT. ITS LIKE ALL OF IT WAS DESIGNED AND NOTHING WAS FABRICATED AT ALL AND IT CONTAINS EVERY STEREOTYPE MADE IN THE LAST 5 YEARS ABOUT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I ASS FUCK, ER BELIEVE IN. BUT I AM SOMEHOW CONVINCED. ESPECIALLY WITH THE SF CONNECTION. THAT WAS SPOT. IT MIGHT BE THE ONLY PART THAT’S SPOT ON, BUT MAN I LOVE GETTIN’ A LITTLE BIT O’ THAT SWEET WANG IN MY WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING. MY GIRLFRIEND DOESN’T KNOW THIS, BUT HEY THIS IS SAN FRANCISCO. LETS FUCK. DOES THAT MAKE ME A REPUBLICAN? I’M NOT SURE BUT I HAVE TO AGREE WITH SOME OF HER IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!11!!

  21. mdotsota

    And she could tell this lady was a real communist because she had a backwards M, for Marx, carved into her cheek by murderous chocolate babies.

  22. Woodwards Friend

    So Angela Lansbury is Barack Obama’s mother? I hope Frank Sinatra can stop this fiendish plot in time.

  23. Larry McAwful

    I didn’t realize you could commit journalism by copying stuff out of your Hotmail spam folder. I’ve got plenty of journalism to share with the world, like this breaking story about a fleeing Nigerian general who’s trying to move $20 million dollars out of the country through the checking accounts of private American citizens like myself. (I probably shouldn’t say this, but he’s promising me a cut if I help him out. Would it compromise my journalistic ethics and such if I took the money?)

    Anyway, I’ve got a bunch of stories, most of which are about moving large sums of money out of Africa. I’ve got a career in journalism ahead of me! I’m going to write World Nut Daily right now and see what the job pays!

  24. bitchincamaro

    “…he was…raised and groomed Communist…”. Somehow I hear this with Fred Thompson’s voice.

  25. One Yield Regular

    [re=240425]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Substitute “Chinese” for “Soviet” and you’ve pretty much nailed it.

  26. Lascauxcaveman

    ladies’ hoohaas on the other ladies’ hoohaas

    Whoa! New one on me! For reals? I’d like to know if there is some video of this San Francisco place.

  27. AngryBlakGuy

    …all of this crap is funny and all, but the people who read this shyt are the same ones that stockpile weapons in their basements and and drink moonshine with “Draino” as chaser.

  28. WIDTAP

    [re=240502]Larry McAwful[/re]: Shoot. You get all the good news leads. My entire assignment sheet is nothing but penis enlargement pills.

  29. ManchuCandidate

    [re=240516]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
    I hope you mean Preposterously ‘Tarded Shithead Disorder rather than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because otherwise that would assume they served in Iraq or something.

  30. WIDTAP

    By-the-by Ken, the source for that is not Word Net Daily.
    It is an essay over at americantownmeeting.com by some schmo named Tom Fife.
    Janet Porter just can be bothered to even make up her own shit.

  31. Joey Ratz

    [re=240475]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Wow. Is that guy serious? The rest of his website doesn’t really give the impression that he’s, you know, ‘funny’. Also, funny people don’t cite the “Left Behind” books.

  32. Neon Trotsky

    [re=240572]rag[/re]: “That’s right, a chocolate baby! And he’s going to be your president!”

    She was obviously just referring to Afro-Russian pop star Шоколадный заяц (“Chocolate Rabbit”) who will be our next “President of Pop”…

  33. superfecta

    Does this whole ‘chocolate baby’ thing mean that playing Kobalds Ate My Baby was some sort of secret training program? (I’m not sure if it was pro- or anti-Commie, in that case).

    Also, I was under the impression that David Hasselhoff had defeated communism in 1992 with his magical singing.

  34. Neon Trotsky

    Additionally, I heard this once and methinks it applies since Barry O’s New Deal is just a giant Soviet plot:

    “The Soviet Union created the workers’ paradise, but not in the USSR, in Finland the United States”

  35. Red Zeppelin

    Well, Duh! Why do you think we commie elitists from the “Ivy League” voted/gave money/had orgy parties for him?

  36. Mavky

    [re=240425]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That wasn’t “Ivan.’ That was Ira Levin.

    [re=240527]WIDTAP[/re]: and he’s got a telephone call from Istanbul. . .

  37. MegsOfMegs

    Wasn’t the “San Francisco Connection” a movie about a communist plot to install a muslin president while simultaneously staging the world’s greatest wacky diamond heist caper? OH MY GOD!!!!11!!!!

  38. Toomush Infermashun

    I can’t remember this far back, but…does a “raised and groomed Communist” have their hair parted on the left or right?…

  39. swarm of bees

    [re=240423]EnBuenOra[/re]: Chocolate babies would fit in nicely with my chocolate bunnies for Easter!

  40. Jukesgrrl

    Did you say starting at age Six or starting at Page Six? I need to get this right.

    [re=240527]WIDTAP[/re]: Tom Waits used to be my god, too, but that is so last year. I am now worshipping at the Church of David Denby.

  41. The Station Manager

    [re=240454]cal[/re]: Months? Please. These fools are all on AOL. It’ll be sent around from tard to tard well into the next administration.

  42. AxmxZ

    Fail on research. No real Soviet ever calls anyone a “Soviet” – there is in fact no noun for that concept.

  43. AxmxZ

    Anecdote:

    Obama and Putin are meeting behind closed doors in the Kremlin. They send away the interpreter, and once they are alone, Obama stands at attention and salutes.

    “Vasilij Ivanovich,” says Obama, “please, take me off the assignment! It’s exhausting!”

    “Sorry, Petka,” says Putin. “Your duty to the Motherland is sacred.”

    Well, Obama would have laughed.

  44. AxmxZ

    [re=240585]Neon Trotsky[/re]: The truth is that Barry is actually from Karelia, the wild borderland between USSR and Finland. It’s a land of myth and legend, the ancient homeland of the Elves, and the UFO capital of the world.

    But sshh…

  45. JohnnyMeatworth

    [re=240422]Origami[/re]: maybe it’s a chocolate-dipped strawberry baby…you know, what with it being so close to valentine’s day and all?

  46. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=240731]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: ANNIE YOU ARE CORREKT. I MEAN JEEBUS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR FREEDUMBS???

  47. Marlowe

    From the article:
    “One of the men in charge on the Russian side was named V. M.; he had a wife named T.M.”

    And a mistress named S&M.

  48. Zorg

    [re=240755]AxmxZ[/re]: Wouldn’t Barry address Putin as Vladimir Vladimirovich because, you know, that’s kinda his given name and patronymic? And why is Pooty-Poot addressing Barry as “Petey?” Wouldn’t he coin some affectionate diminutive such as “Barakchik” or “Barakushka?”

  49. Zorg

    [re=240577]Neon Trotsky[/re]: Good God, Neon! That video is more precious than rubies to those of us who know the great Russian love for all things African.

  50. AxmxZ

    [re=240856]Zorg[/re]: See, this is why you’re not a Soviet – a Soviet would have immediately understood that I was giving an example from a vast stockpile of “Chapaev” jokes. (Wiki has a huge section on Russian humor I like to occasionally edit – check it out!)

  51. Jobbotch

    [re=240578]Zorg[/re]: I like the Russian-style courtesy of capitalizing “You” in “We will bury you”

  52. Zorg

    [re=241036]AxmxZ[/re]: Since you know Russian, perhaps we should start a contest amongst Wonkette operatives to see who can come up with the best affectionate diminutive form of the name Barack… Just so we’ll be ready when he reveals his true Soviet nature.

  53. AxmxZ

    [re=241195]Jobbotch[/re]: Well, no duh, second person respectful plural “Vy” is capitalized in Russian.

  54. AxmxZ

    [re=241450]Zorg[/re]: Well, his mom did a great job with “Bar” – palatalize that “r” and you have a vocative form of “Barry.”

    Oh my God, I think I just proved that wingnut’s theory. Now it all makes sense. His mom wasn’t no anthropologist – she was a KGB agent! And Obama is just waiting for the opportune moment now to patch through to the Kremlin and give them the Indonesio-Soviet code phrase: “The elephants are going north.”

  55. Johnny Zhivago

    This is amazing. Back in 1993-94 or so, I was also dining in Soviet Russia and some high party officials told me the exact same story. I thought nothing of it until now.

    They also said his SECOND official act, after socializing the entire economy would be to switch America to the Metric system, take away all guns and SUV’s and invade Canada.

Comments are closed.