Liveblogging Barack Obama Patiently Answering Press Questions For 45 Minutes

Well, America, this is what you get when you elect a COLLEGE PROFESSOR for president: a person who actually responds to questions, in occasionally exhaustive detail, with topic sentences and conclusions. Kinda weird, huh? But just wait till he finishes up and tries to leave the room through a locked door, and pulls a crazy goofy face and trots over to an unlocked door. Then you will remember what it's like to have theotherkind of president.

Well shit, Wordpress is blinking out, so we have lost 15 minutes' worth of posts. Oh well! Anyway, Afghanistan.

8: 43 PM -- Man, the stuff we had here, before the Internets vomited all over our Wonkette? Brilliant. Everything that follows is a pretty goddamn pale imitation.

8: 43 PM -- No timetables, but Al Qaeda and bin Laden are on notice.

8: 44 PM -- There can only be one Treasury Secretary at a time, etc.

8: 45 PM -- Major Garrett! Ah, a question about Joe Biden's whole, "there's a 30 percent chance we'll get it wrong" thing. Obama just laughs. He has no idea what Biden was referring to. Bong rips?

8: 46 PM -- What Biden meant was, there are no total solutions, only partial solutions, and not everything will work out precisely as intended. In other words, Joe Biden has been sent back to his spider hole and will emerge next year for Groundhog Day.

8: 47 PM -- Here is a 30 percent prediction: there is a 30 percent chance Joe Biden will not survive until Easter.

8: 47 PM -- Some Washington post guy asking a retarded question about steroids. The only possible answer to this question is, "Who the fuck cares?" Obama offers some head-shaking pablum about our troubled Major League Baseball industry. Message sent to kids, blah blah blah. He is not attacking this question with enough detail and ferocity! He should tell us about the history of performance-enhancing drugs, argue for and against, and then conclude.

8: 49 PM -- Helen Thomas refuses to be buttered up by Barack Obama.

8: 50 PM -- Pahkistahn, etc. Re nukes: a nuclear arms race in the Middle East would be very scary, given what those people can accomplish with friggingrocks.

8: 52 PM -- Thomas ventures some rejoinder, and is ignored.

8: 52 PM -- HuffPo's tremulous Sam Stein, their single actual reporter/journalist besides Jason Linkins! So will Obama prosecute all the war criminals in the Bush Administration?

8: 53 PM -- Look forward not backwards. Can he not appease the poor earnest libtard by saying, "yes, we will prosecute the shit out of Dick Cheney"?

8: 54 PM -- Mara Liasson wants to know, if he's having such a hard time with a slam dunk like a trillion-dollar stimulus bill, how the hell will he fix healthcare?

8: 55 PM -- Mara Liasson has crazy eyes. Eyes for radio, as they say.

8: 55 PM -- The people of Elkhart are the new Joe the Plumber.

8: 56 PM -- A ring of ferns surround his feet. That is kind of weird stagecraft. Barack Obama is not a forest sprite.

8: 57 PM -- He again reminds us that Republicans are a bunch of miserable hypocrites for presiding over a doubling of the national debt and then suddenly remembering fiscal responsibility once there's a Democrat in office. He loves hammering this one home.

8: 58 PM -- We will not blow up the public school system, with science labs.

8: 59 PM -- Evidence, facts, proof ... You know, they used to have a word for people like Barack Obama. They were called "voodoo economists."

9: 00 PM -- Ugh, "ideological blockage." He believes people respond to civility and rational argument, which is why he will fail.

9: 00 PM -- And Stevie Wonder plays, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" as he exits. Thank you President Obama for acting like a grownup!

9: 16 PM -- Oh so you want some postprandial analysis now, some sober discussion about Keith Olbermann's alarmingly orange skin? Mosey on over to Ken's post.