Wonkette
Hey it’s Abraham Lincoln’s birthday on Thursday, so Barack Obama is giving a commemorative primetime news conference right now! (He would do it on Thursday, but that would preempt Survivor. It’s never too early to ruin one’s reelection chances.) Here’s Ken’s “pre-game blog,” but now let’s see what the man himself has to say. Will he promise us all gold, like Ron Paul did?
8:00 — This will be about 10 minutes of Obama talky and then FORTY-FIVE minutes of questions. How courageous of Obama! Usually these things are held at like 10 a.m., so no one can watch them.
8:01 — The theme on CNN has been, “Can Obama SELL his package?” Yes??
8:02 — Obama’s here, talking!
8:02 — “I went to Elkhart, Indiana today. You have no idea how much that place sucks.”
8:02 — He says the teevees there tell people where to find the local food banks, which are empty. Elkhart is insane!
8:03 — We Are All Elkhart.
8:04 — He says if someone is still in denial about this economic crisis, they are probably employed, and don’t count.
8:05 — We’d give money to the private sector instead of spending public money, but the private sector is basically just a couple of Taco Bells on the interstate at this point.
8:05 — The plan would give money to people who would spend it immediately. They are called “poors.”
8:06 — Tax cuts can’t solve everything. Outrageous.
8:07 — My package — now listen, this is clutch — my package will create wind turbines, wind… cars, solar whatevers, green androids, death robots, computerized trees, electronic medicine, roads, lasers, and abortions.
8:08 — There is no pork in this bill! Enough with the pork, HMM?
8:09 — So um pass it.
8:09 — Pass it.
8:09 — Pass it.
8:10 — Pass it for our Children. Do you LOVE your kids?
8:10 — Pass it. QUESTIONS.
8:10 — Jennifer Love with the AP!
8:10 — JenLove: “What is money, what are you talking about, who are you (wasn’t Hillary supposed to have this job??) and why do you keep talking smack about the economy behind its back?”
8:11 — Obama: Jennifer. No. You’re kind of dumb. Have you heard of Japan? Little island nation in China? Well they had these same problems in the ’90s and now look.
8:12 — He mentions that the stimulus package should be passed, to prevent rabid Wolf-Dogs from inheriting the Earth and issuing “scrip.” This happened in the Great Depression. You don’t want to know.
8:13 — He seems intent on explaining a high school textbook version of 20th century American History. It’s very interesting. We’ll have to google this “1930s” thing he says was so bad.
8:14 — “Also, all economists agree with me. They are called economists because it is literally their profession to study the economy.”
8:15 — Christ man, maybe just send the rest of this information to the AP reporter in an e-mail?
8:16 — Ooh, a new question! Sounds like “Karen Boner” from Reuters.
8:16 — “I’d like to shift this to foreign policy.” WHAAAAAAA? Does Karen Boner know *why* this press conference is being held?
8:17 — She asks about the situation with Iranian leaders. WHO? Do we have problems with them still? We thought they were just a country John McCain made up during the election, while on Ambien.
8:18 — Obama: “Uhhh… diplomacy? Tough diplomacy? Working with them, toughly?”
8:19 — He’s got to be excited with this question. Why else would he call on Karen Boner! He can repeat campaign points about Iran for like five minutes. Anything to avoid talking about MUNNIE.
8:20 — A CBS fellow has to ask a question. Ha he is sitting next to Helen Thomas. Who knew she got invited to the fancy nighttime press conferences?
8:21 — CBS guy wants to know about what the stimulus debate portends for the possibility of bipartisanship, now and later. No. “Are you moving away from the emphasis on bipartisanship on the stimulus plan?” CNN captions it.
8:22 — The real answer here is, “Why do you care?” But Obama says he would love to work with everyone in Congress. Also, he adds, everyone is Congress is basically useless.
8:23 — Some people in Congress oppose the stimulus, he says, because of their principles. He promises to keep Gitmo open just for these people.
8:24 — Then there are the CHILDREN, who only oppose the package because it is “pork,” or a “waste,” or Soviet Communism. What is wrong with them? CBS guy, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?
8:25 — Oh here we go. He is furious. This is good. He is going on tangents now. “Did I mention that we have the most inefficient health care system??” And have you seen what young women wear on teevee shows these days?
8:26 — And have you heard about this old schoolbuilding in South Carolina? It’s falling down!
8:28 — Hey it’s new NBC News WH correspondent Chuck Todd, here to ask about the delay in Lake County, Indiana primary returns.
8:29 — No! Chuck Todd asks instead, is it insane that we are forcing consumers to buy stuff in order to save the economy when excessive consumer spending was the problem in the first place? OH CHUCK TODD… you and your… silly… fundamental, perfect and spot-on questions.
8:30 — Obama: NO IT WAS WALL STREET. You raise a good point, and we should restructure our economy, but look… we gotta fix this thing. Look.
8:31 — OK the rambly is getting a little old now.
8:32 — “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” He’s just throwing around arbitrary colloquialisms now.
8:33 — *****ALERT ALERT STOP READING THIS DUMB LIVEBLOG***** — Sara is starting a new liveblog HERE, so go post your comments. There. So long, poor people!
Ha ha, he threatened to fire every single worker in the state of Maine, I think. Suck on that, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe.
I like how there are people who legitimately hearing these things for the first time.
Oh good, he’s wearing his jacket.
Why did he go to Indiana of all places? Jesus, even Ohio is a step up.
Elkhart 2/9. Nevar 4get
SayItWithWookies: The better to hide the suicide bomb vest underneath (Hannity will have an expose on this later)
What is the deal with the creepy cult temple candles?
Retards still won’t get this. Aren’t political republicans the only ones against this?
I’m so broke I’m trying to keep up with this liveblog on dial-up.
“More than 90% of the jobs created…will be in the private sector.”
Oh dear, he feels he has to fight every Republican talking point. They’re going to go all kitchen sink on talking points tomorrow.
No pet projects! He’s going against his promise to Sasha and Malia. I knew it.
Ha ha, here’s the obligatory kneecapping of Bush.
http://www.pork.gov?
“Failure to act will only deepen this crisis…” So SUCK IT, David Vitter. Wait, wait…not literally, Senator.
“We inherited this deficit.” Where’s yr death tax now, W Junior???
SayItWithWookies: yes, it would be impossible for me to listen to him without his jacket, since his lack of jacket would be just like a slap in the face to the integrity of all Americans anywhere ever throughout all time. And space.
“All countries are watching and waiting for us to lead.”
Especially Indonesia.
If you don’t care about the president you can still watch Gossip Girl. He’s on every channel except that one.
Barry’s pissed.
He just wants to start yelling at reporters already. he’s probably made this speech like a hundred times already.
jennifer loven needs to brush her hair
eastcoastliberal: Damn. No snark here. That just sucks.
Jennifer Levin or Jennifer Lovin’? W would would have had a field day with this reporter’s name.
maybe he should just show eveyrone his package first.
What about the food riots at Denny’s last week? He should mention that.
eastcoastliberal: had dial up for years because I live in the country. It’s hopeless. Give me a secret mailbox name for you, I’ll go there, get your phone number then put you on speaker as I read this aloud to you and you tell me what to say.
Or will that take too long?
Did Ms. Loven really think the recession was going to be permanent?
Things are so bad there are weeds growing around the stage.
Oh cute…the reporter from the AP has decided to question THIS president about inflammatory language and if he’s trying to scare people.
bookish_lesbian: Seriously.
What is Joe the Plumber’s opinion on this whole economy thing?
There’s no pork in this bill… proving he’s a Muslin!
SuperRounder: Not really broke…just live in the middle of the woods…no tv either.
oh…barry, please lay down the smack on the dumb-ass, obstructionists who hate our country.
I googled press conference live blog and this is what I got:
http://kotaku.com/5057867/liveblogging-the-nintendo-press-conference-liveblog
Hey, he can acknowledge that his critics are sincere, if out of the mainstream of economics. This is why it kicks so much ass to have a UChicago prof as Prez. He knows the wingnuts better than almost any liberal politician.
[800 billion dollars] wasn’t just some random number that I plucked out of a hat.
So why do you hate Hank Paulson?
take that laissez-faire economics! Barry called you a stupid philosophy
stumpycuse: He sez it’s just sopped up but tax cuts will flush out the clogs.
He just almost said “some number I pulled out of my …. ass”
why is he talking about stool? that’s gross.
“I thought those issues were decided long ago.”
“That’s not some random number that I plucked out of…”
and you know he wants to say “out of my shapely and godlike ass”
“…of my hat.”
For God’s sake, Barry, stop answering this question already.
“That wasn’t just some random number I plucked out of my ass . . . oh I mean a hat.”
Tim Geithner shout-out! Gawd, we’re so poor y’all. He’s rubbing that shit in.
When he said he didn’t just pull this out of . . .pause. He so wanted to say, What do you think? That I pulled this number out of my ass?
Wow. Longest answer EVER. Welcome back, Bill.
“What I won’t do is return to the failed theories of the last eight years that got us into this fix in the first place.”
Smack!
mmmkay?
GOD THAT WAS A LONG ANSWER.
Huh? Foreign policy? This is about the stimulus package, you stupid Reuters whore.
Hey, Hilary, get over here and help me answer. Iran is… a country. Stop while you’re ahead.
C-Span keeps showing Chuck Todd in every shot!
Iran? WTF…I want to get back to when I get $$$$ in the mail.
I am watching this press conference because I was led to believe promised that Hopey will show his package. So far I am not seeing the package.
He just said “bellicose” Did W ever say bellicose?
hockeymom: Maybe we’ll get Iranian money in the mail.
I miss George Bush. “Iran is evil. Next question”?
rocktonsammy: To be fair, C-Span is known for their ginger fetish.
“Looking at areas where we can have constructive dialogue…”
You better hurry, Mr. President — you’ve already got twelve angry badmintoners on your hands.
simetrias: Damn. You type faster than I do.
simetrias: Damn you, you swift typist!
stop….talking…sooooo….sloooowly
Imagine how drunk we’d all be if John McCain was doing this.
I keep wanting to like him,
but then I keep thinking he is a half-breed muslin commie. Didn’t we learn anything from FDR!!!!
Never Again! Never Again!
He needs to go back to debate reviews. KISS, Barry.
Fuck me, Iran! I’d been mugging up on abortions and the stimulus package!
I hope they ask him about Tom Daschle next.
wheelie: Ah, I just plucked that typing out of my… hat.
LOL
OMG I CAN SEE HELEN THOMAS.
She’s still alive? I hope she gets to ask a question.
Chip: “Why is your administration characterized by failure?”
I didn’t MISunderestimate it….
Chip? Really? The administration is moving away from bipartisanship? Eat a dick.
hockeymom: Yeah really. I just tried to watch this on cnn.com, because I can’t afford my cable bill anymore. Also I moved into a different unit in my building this weekend and my couch wouldn’t fit through the front door. So I have a tv with no cable, and no couch. I need my munnies asap!!!!!11!!!!!
Overtures over time. How poetic.
Phew bi-partizanship question. Thank fuck for that!
barry sounds like he’s scolding the house + senate before they get their spanking
As for FDR haters, Barack practically bitch-slaps Amity Shlaes by name.
Elkhart is the new Joe the Plummer.
OK Chip Reid….listen up. Do NOT focus on whether or not Barry failed on the bipartisan thing. People in “real america”…ie, outside the Beltway…do not give a shit about that.
They care whether or not they can send their kids to college.
They care that they are no longer able to retire at 65.
They care that they did everything right, paid their taxes, worked 70 hours a week and now, have very little to show for it.
They do NOT care if assholes in DC are getting along or not.
He just laughed a little. It was cute.
SayItWithWookies: Haha. I tried to type that but didn’t know his name so mine woulda sucked.
Can we talk about Jessica Simpson’s weight now?
I LOVE MY LEFT-HANDED BLACK MUSLIN PRESIDENT!
Shorter Barack Obama: I’m being bipartisan: the Republican’ts are being childish asshats. Sincerely childish asshats.
“Why didn’t we get more votes?? Because some of these people are ASSHOLES, that’s why. Next question.”
Barry, I am NOT worried about the mix in your package, huh huh
Is his plan basically to bore us with lectures until we vote for his package just to make him shut up?
Did W ever say bellicose?
Not on purpose, no.
Go barry…nail them on this Pork talking point.
Thank you, Chip Reid, for proving how totally fucking clueless 99% of the Press Corps is.
Just wish Barak Obama would say “Hey, it is a bi-partisan bill. We put in tax cuts, we listen and change things based upon what the Republicans have said. If they were not afraid of the loonies on their right like Sean Hannity, they would say they actually liked it.”
And, yeah, he is wearing his jacket, but is he wearing his pants?
“There’s no earmarks, Chip. Why am I even talking to you?”
NOT the nomination, NOT the election, NOT even the inauguration!
THIS is what is awesome!! A press conference!!
This is not pork. The pig is a filthy animal.
windupbird: You know, you can get an antenna, and get beautiful digital broadcasts of the major networks.
Wow. Almost miss the Bush monkey. This muslin’s really hard to make fun of.
ok let’s just get one thing straight bitches: i inherited this. did you hear that? if not i’ll say it again: i inherited this deficit from the last eight years
Ay, Barry, please. Weatherize my home. Personally.
Nurses can’t read prescriptions. Oooh, boy, that was a close call with a laugh line!
Lord he is long winded. Maybe he is trying to drown them with words so that they won’t ask about Daschle.
Medical records? This is one boring episode of “House.” Omar Epps cannot carry an episode by himself.
Shakin’ schools. Nail it.
the stimulus package will SAVE NURSES FROM DOCTOR’S BAD HANDWRITING!!!
MUCH BETTER answer, what with the prescriptions and the schoolhouses. Stick to anecdotes and stories. Stay away from the theories and history lectures, Barry.
“This is America! Have we lost the ability to reroute a train so it doesn’t bother the children?”
I can’t work out if Barry’s pissed at the Republicans or Chip Reid. Maybe both?
19th century learnin’ for 21st century skills.
Wait, is he complaining about handwriting? Next he’ll complain about fonts.
“Why wouldn’t we want to build state-of-the-art schools with science labs?”
(rolls eyes) Because God hates science. Really.
Damn doctors can’t write proper. Send them to the gulags in Indiana.
Haha… Obama is calling the CBS “hair guy” a dumb ass, eloquently.
Chuck Todd BONER PARTY! “What kind of TV should I buy with my stimulus check?”
Shakin schools, shaky assssss etts…. this conf is HOT
Poor Chuck Todd. His first question as a new WH guy was lame and Barry almost laughed at him.
Chuck’s face looks like ex’s bush after I made her trim that hairy beast.
This is all the fault of Wells Fargo.
Gotta admit, I fucking love that we have a Preznit who has a grasp of basic economics.
What a dumb question from Chuck Todd. I thought he knew something about the economy, and he asks if consumer spending got us into this mess in the first place. Who has he been listening to?
Rabid Wolf Blitzers?
This guy seems to know things about stuff . . .
4tehlulz: Hopey is trying to show how brave he is, getting right up close to those unemployed barbarians. And it’s workin’ for me.
The party’s over. Whaaaaaaa. He didn’t sound too sure about that.
The party is over, Chuck.
Put down your drink.
NBC dude is being owned for not understanding current economic mess. Fucktard, come to Barry prepared next time. Or ask him a question about NAFTA or some such.
Dude, Chuck Todd has a fucking pompadour. He also apparently has a pink cadillac, a pack of Luckies rolled up his sleeve, and a date with the devil at makeout point.
Obama is talking like he’s reading this from a Berenstein Bears book and they’re all too dumb to get it anyway. This is the best, is what I’m saying.
Chuck Todd puts the blame for the crisis squarely where it belongs — on all us whiners, with our reckless buying of “food” and “clothing” and “medicine” and “housing.”
Party is over. Keg is kicked. Please exit through the rose garden.
He’s not calling of folks so he doesn’t have to take Helen’s question. That’s cuz she knows more about FDR that he does…. she interviewed him.
Thanks to Wonkette, every time I see Chuck Todd on TV, I think “hahaha, vagina face”.
“Ginned up”? That sounds vaguely racist.
What? Obama is ginned up? Gin and Juice maybe?
Obama ginned up. Party back on!
Nah, I didn’t come in ginned up… that was W.
He’s ginned up, I’m ginned up….
He already looks more gray.
Right now the Pharmas are vying for the audio rights to the last answer. Better than Ambien!!
Whitey Did Katrina: Ready in case the lights go out. In case nobody mentioned it to you WE’RE IN A CRISIS.
acmkhatib: I beg your pardon… I never promised a party in the Rose Garden
Confused…so many facts…this is not what happens at a pres conference….
Did he just say “ginned up” or did I hear that wrong?
ooops…Barry’s droppin the G’s.
This kid looks 15.
I am trying to listen, really I am, but I keep falling into this sort of wondering trance over having a president who can string words together into sentences. I don’t know how to function anymore without the president doing a self-congratulatory head-bob every time he pronounces a difficult word.
is it just me, or did chuck todd just stump the president? he’s not answering his question at all, just meandering nonsensically around it.
did someone freaky-friday switch barry with WALNUTS! ?
And here’s a shout out to that little intern at Bloomberg!
$198 million in payments to Filipino World War II veterans, two-thirds of whom live outside of the U.S. … what?! Maybe they’ll come to Elkhart and buy an RV.
don’t sit down baby until I
m done with your question
Chick from Bloomberg asks a good question.
Barry should just get the rest of the money from her boss.
Oh hi, Juliana Goldman — damn, I thought the fake networks had all the econ hotties.
He says billl-yun nearly as well as Carl Sagan.
My first task is to make sure my undies are clean. Wait, that’s my valet’s job.
That Bloomberg person wants Barry in the worst way. And we all know what that is.
simetrias: She also, shall we say, made FDR into a man.
eastcoastliberal: Yeah but he thinks it’s a food additive.
SKS has a new liveblog.
Tapper? I don’t even know her!
Can you still afford to buy food? It’s working.
Jake Tapper, best name ever.
Hehe. He said stool.
bookish_lesbian: Nope, Chuck Todd got owned, I think. This crisis was NOT caused by consumer spending. That’s ridiculous.
How will people know is working. Jesus, dude: CUZ THEY’LL HAVE FOOD!
“…the legs of your stool.” Is that Jake Tapper or David Vitter?
Step 2. Normalize credit. Everyone buys RVs . . .
****GO HERE CLOWNFACES:****
http://wonkette.com/406099/liveblogging-barack-obama-patiently-answering-press-questions-for-45-minutes
Saving the RV industry is a priority? He’s lost me. Let the geezers drive Priuses.
rocktonsammy: “C-Span keeps showing Chuck Todd in every shot!” They don’t have enough money for booms. They have to sit the camera on top of a chest of drawers. But it was only President Tyler’s chest of drawers, so it’s OK.
No pork? The Israel lobby strikes again!
That Bloomberg person is married to David Schuster BTW.
Barry seems to have a bit of an 8th grade mustache going on this evening.
uh oh. Uncle Joe screwed up again.
OMG I can’t believe they brought up ARod. You can just about hear the exasperation in Barry’s voice.
Baseball?
Show him your tits Helen!
Helen Thomas: “So-called terrorists. Where are the nukes?”
jagorev: I just went to the bathroom and they’re talking about ARod?!?! Who asked that stupid question??
The correct answer to this question is Israel. Just say it Obama. Say it.
Whoo, hoo. Huffington Post just got called on. Liberals are taking over! What’s next — the EVIL Kos??
Huffington Post?
Wonkette….get your asses down there. Clearly, he takes questions from any idiot off the street.
Jukesgrrl: WaPo, obviously.
I can’t believe they let someone from HuffPo into the press conference. If they can get in, why can’t our Wonkette?
bookish_lesbian: That totally made me laugh, but in a puzzled way. Was it more “Office Space,” or “South Park?”