Wonkette
So apparently nobody went to any stimulus parties this weekend, which explains why every mortgage in America went into foreclosure at 12 o’clock sharp today. The best you people could manage was standing around in sad clumps and bitching about Republicans, which is not quite the same thing. Anyhow, after the jump you will find a brief description of a half-legitimate stimulus party, courtesy of Wonkette poverty operative “Katie.”
I kind of went to a stimulus party last weekend. It was a friend’s birthday, so we were hanging out at his house before dinner. Everyone talked about how they couldn’t find a job, were scared they would lose their job, or had to hold on to a job that sucked ass because there was nothing else out there. Then we moved on to how much we hated the Republicans right now, because some of us work in industries that would directly benefit if Obama’s stimulus package passed.
Finally we went out to get drunk, but none of us did because we didn’t have enough money for decent booze, so we ended up drink $2 PBRs all night.
$2 PBR!?! That shit would stimulate my stomach to puke. That’s not the kind of stimulus I want.
oh dear dog, the bleakness of this suggests it is pretty much what happened and what we can all look forward to once the Republicans have gotten that wasteful spending under control.
I went to an indian casino in southern California and overheard some guy in a cowboy hat complaining about how all the Mexicans took everyone’s job and that is why the economy is fucked. So, that kind of counts?
ManchuCandidate: Elitist, also.
Some other beer choices for these financially strapped times: Meister Brau, Pearl, Lone Star & Keystone. We used to drink the uppity Coors Light–can’t afford the good stuff anymore, though. Pretty soon, we’ll be down to draining rubbing alcohol through a paper towel & drinking it. Me so sad….
Drinking two-dollar PBRs and then not getting drunk? That would make The Little Match Girl cry.
JeffGoldblum: I think the question that should be asked is “what the fuck were you doing at an indian casino?”
Texan Bulldoggette: In New Orleans, and pretty much only in New Orleans, Dixie beer tastes great. It tastes weird outside NOLA.
Texan Bulldoggette: Thank you for not saying Shiner Bock, also.
shortsshortsshorts: Maybe JeffGoldblum quit smoking and wanted a second-hand-smoke contact high.
Kev-O-Tron: Texan Bulldoggette: You know the difference between [fill in brand of tasteless American beer] and two people having sex in a canoe?
They’re both fucking close to water.
Well, la-dee-da, Miss Fancy Pants Elitist. Too good to get drunk on PBR?
Texan Bulldoggette: How about Rolling Rock? I remember that being the best of the cheap beers when I was in college.
Kev-O-Tron: Actually Shiner is pretty damn expensive here (esp. for a local company) in comparison to the other fine gutter swill I previously mentioned. It might be cheaper outside of here.
I thought I was going to a ’stimulus’ party. Somehow I came home with two suitcases full of vibrators and crotchless panties to sell at a party for my lady friends.
if i get laid-off I’ll be sure to take all the sharpies i can get my hands on so even whens I can’t afford a $2 PBR I’ll still have a marker high to enjoy.
Some of my friends had foresight. They had a ‘1929 (Before the Great Depression)’ party in May 2008… if that counts. But that’s here in Australia, where we won’t get our major stimulus package until April. $950 for almost everyone, to make us calm, happy, relaxed and… well, drunk.
People, we need to pay attention to our sacrificed now, so that we can rub them into our grandchildren’s faces!!! If you had to go without cable for a whole three months, remember that, and your grandchildren will be amazed that you even survived.
PBR is now America’s greatest, and only, financial asset
Recipe for PBR: pour a half pound of sugar into a toilet bowl. Let it sit for two weeks and ferment. Drink.
I’ve been waiting for the moment Achewood and Wonkette would come together for so long! The use of italics, some of the phrases, I always knew you all read it, but it’s nice to see the proof. Also, this is the greatest Philippe strip ever. Oh yea, stimulus parties. V. sad, about those.
There was a stimulus party in my pants but no one came.
I’ll be here all week.
grevillea: So that’s where my luggage went!
era: You’ve had proof, man; Achewood is on their blogroll.
I’m movin’on to MadDog 2020 in honor of our first ever black president…. it’s what I used to drink in Tacoma with the Panthers, before the police chopped up their house…
Well, we did have TWO birthday parties for a six-year-old this weekend. The first one at Build-a-Bear workshop was kind of a Wall Street junket — three hundred bucks so 20 kids could “build” bears and then be sad that we weren’t paying for all the most expensive outfits and accessories. Then we had kind of a sweet Norman Rockwell 1940s family party with multiple generations (from great grandma’s down to brand new babies) where we amused ourselves by passing around the babies and making googly faces at them.
were these $2 PBR’s at a little place in Old Town called the Lizard Lounge? Cause that was the preferred method of brain damage when i worked there. Also, i haven’t really had a beer since highschool, but even i know that if you want to get fucked up cheap you go with The Beast or Natty Ice. sheesh.
I’m guessing if you want a first hand account of a serious Stimulus Party you’ll have to go to Kos. Nobody that earnest here.
A case of “Bavarian” in 1986;$5.00
Achewood, woot woot!
That party sounds like every other conversation I have recently with my friends.
Only with margaritas.
Deepthroat: No, it was at a bar in SF called Lucky 13.
I come home from work and sit quietly in a corner. Weekends are very long.
In honor of the Pittsburgh Steelers, we really should all be drinking Iron City Beer.