Larry David?Republican never-was Michael Steele just barely managed to beat a South Carolina segregationist for the GOP chairmanship on January 30, and it only took a week for the Washington Post to run a front-page story about the current FEDERAL INVESTIGATION of Steele’s latest campaign-money scandals.

It’s a long and boring story, but you’ll be fine if you know nothing beyond this summary: The latest criminal probe involves sketchy half-million-dollar bank transfers, various failed Steele campaigns, a company called “Brown Sugar International,” and Mike Tyson’s ex-wife (Steele’s sister).

Steele’s Campaign Spending Questioned: Agents Contact Sister After Ex-Aide’s Claims [Washington Post]

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  1. I thought “Brown Sugar” was Bam-bam’s hooker name back in his promiscuous, bisexual post-college years in Chicago?..

    (Well, one can dream…)

  2. As I said before, you got to love the GOP. Just when you think they might be rising from the grave, they hammer a stake back into their own heart.

    Still, this is so unfair to Michael Steele. He’s a Republican. How can you expect him not to be sleazy and corrupt.

  3. [re=238687]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Has he ever offered money and oral sex to appease a scary-looking white man? That would prove up his GOP cred.

  4. [re=238690]davesnothere[/re]: He’s downloading creepy twink porn to his hard drive as we speak. Blonds only. Also, he’s sending anthrax to his local abortionist (it’s his mom, but she deserves it), also. And also, you guys as well.

  5. At the very end of the story it mentions that back in 2001, he almost lost his house to foreclosure. Then he discovered there’s big bucks in being a token African American Republican.

  6. Alt-text WIN.

    Oh, also, this sounds way too democratty a scandal. He probably didn’t pay taxes or something boring. This thing needs to get much sexier and/or creepy or he’s going to lose his new job.

  7. Now, I hope this doesn’t sound all sexist and stuff, but the thing that really drives my curiosity is, if Michael Steele’s sister was married to Mike Tyson, did he (Tyson) ever smack her around a little bit? Just because, you know, he’s famous for that.

    Also, that little dog makes Steele look like Dr. Evil (Mike Myers, not the former vice-president).
    Also, aren’t you guys a wee bit late with this story? I mean, this story’s been out there for a couple of days, we should even have a nickname for him by now. I suggest “The Black Palin.”

  8. [re=238690]davesnothere[/re]: No problems there. It is a well known fact that black men only go to public restrooms to intimidate white guys into paying them for blow jobs.

  9. More proof this guy ain’t a real Republican. Not only has he got the worst case of permatan this side of Charlie Crist, his scandalous past doesn’t involve the words “internet,” “minor,” and “cornholing.” Meh.

  10. Corrupt politicians? Corruption is exactly the reason I don’t go into politics.

    BTW, I am building up case files on all ya alls, so if you go into politics, make sure you have a chunky ‘consultancy fee’ to hush me up.

  11. Wait, so Michael Steele’s sister is Robin Givens? That punches up the sexy meter like a heavyweight champion slapping his wife…

    And also such as…this one’s for you, Confluence, courtesy Tracy Morgan:
    “Personally, I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be President? Is it because she was married to the President?
    Because if that were the case, then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world.”

  12. Also, if Republicans ever figure out that all they really should be doing is just the opposite of whatever Bill Kristol says, the Democrats are in a heap of trouble.

  13. Did Mike ever slap Steele around? Maybe Steele should ask Mike to slap selected Reptiles around; then maybe he could *really* take charge, kick ass and take names.

    Zhu Bajie

  14. And. Vagina Dentata Organ.

    China White is better than Brown Sugar every time. But seriously, why don’t the Refucklicans just find the stupidest, ugliest most corrupt piece of shit in the United States to lead their party? They should stop pretending with quality men like Steele. Surely some child molester with a forged diploma and George Bush’s dick in their mouth is still available. I mean, that describes a large percentage of their party members.

  15. [re=238704]Bruno[/re]: I think Steele likes this kind.

    Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields,
    Sold in a market down in new orleans.
    Scarred old slaver know hes doin alright.
    Hear him whip the women just around midnight.
    Ah brown sugar how come you taste so good
    (a-ha) brown sugar, just like a young girl should

  16. [re=238715]ericblair[/re]:
    Maybe this will help your hate. Rumor has it that the dog is a puppy fucker, likes to be pissed on in public and eats cat shit right from the litter box. Yes, you guessed it, it’s a Republican dog.

  17. I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this already, but did you know that Michael Steele used to play in 1980s girl pop band The Bangles? It’s totally true! She sure has changes her look. Walk like a Republican.

  18. Already there are rumors that Mick *aka Biff* Steele has been outted as a double-naught spy by Dick *aka The Dick* Cheney to spy for Rush Limbaugh.

  19. The republican party is reduced to doing dog-buddy, straight-to-DVD, slapstick comedy and they can’t cast Ahnold in the leading role because he was born in Austria. Hahahahaha!!!

  20. in 1997, my infant daughter had a very high fever and a horrible rash all over her body. We took her to Arlington Hospital, and her attending physician was none other than Monica Turner. I had remembered that Mike Tysons’s wife was a Georgetown Med grad, and I later confirmed that this was indeed the same person. Should I turn the prescription she signed over to the feds?

  21. “…workin’ at the car wash
    workin’ at the car wash, girl
    come on and sing it with me
    (car wash)
    Sing it with feeling ya’ll
    (car wash, girl)

  22. This is something completely made up by Rahm Emmanuel to take our eyes off Tom Tax/Taxi Dashchle. There is NO WAY that any real story could connect Mike Tyson, catering/web services, “Brown Sugar,” black people, and Republicans. Further proof is to show the alleged “Negro” holding a tiny cute doggy. The illustration was supposed to be Michael VICK with a pit bull.

  23. The goddam Refugli-thuglicans, expecially Bitch McConnell and his asshole buddy Boner… Oh wait, this isn’t Kos? In that case, I suspect Brown Sugar is code for teh buttseckz.

  24. But… but… the man loves puppies!

    Here’s hoping Steele stays in touch with his ex-brother-in-law so that if Steele wakes up with a stomach virus (or gets arrested) one morning, Iron Mike can step in and give Republican talking points on Meet the Press.

  25. Wow, even his dog has sort of “oreo” coloring if ya know what I’m sayin’

    I guess in Superman/Seinfeld lingo, he’s the Bizarro Obama

  26. Honestly, I was Steele to stay as the RNC chair long enough that he’s forced to go on CNN and justify some truly crappy racist thing that one or more of his fellow GOP’ers did.

  27. This illustrates the difference living in Maryland as opposed to Alaska makes when it comes to political scandals: the Chairman’s possible venalities are no more dubious-sounding than Our Lady of the Starbursts’, but everything seems so much more up-scale chez Steele. My only suggestion to the High Flea Collar of the RNC is that he get a toupee of Blago-style audaciousness, or at least some prostiboots (thank you Urban Dictionary) to strut around in at zany press conferences or the like.

    And Diet Coke tops Diet Dr. Pepper. Also.

  28. I can’t get past the male pattern baldness on brown sugar-lovin’ Steele. No offense to all who suffer but his particular type of baldness just makes a man look dopey, untrustworthy and moronic for not shaving it all off already. Don’t matter how you dress this man up, nor how many cute dogs you pose him with, so long as he’s got that ring of hair along the back of his head he just looks like a ‘tard.

  29. From Huff Po:
    In his interview on This Week with George Stephanopoulos on Sunday, Michael Steele seemed to suggest, as he did back in January, that government jobs are not, in fact, really jobs.

    Rather, Steele said, government jobs are “just work.” (Is work not a job?) The newly-minted RNC Chairman added that when it comes to the private sector, job loss is never permanent.

  30. When will the Republicans learn that they will never be happy until the RNC chair is a radical butch half-black, half-Native American lesbian from Eugene, Oregon.

    Still, I hope that Steele sticks around long enough for him to show off his rape tables. Of course, since he is a Republican, he doesn’t use them for dog breading, just for a good, legal dog fucking.

  31. uh oh did barry get upset over not being the only magic negro on the political scene and put the feds on steele’s trail? and here i thought hopey’s reign of racial transcendence meant an end to senseless black on black crime, oh well.

  32. [re=238687]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Now he’ll be a prominent Republican for years to come.

    If only he was a segregationist too (we can dream, can’t we?).

  33. [re=238717]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: [re=238715]ericblair[/re]: There’s a really offensive joke out there waiting to be verbalized about how this photo and the photo of a dog and a raccoon share something in common. I will not verbalize said joke.

  34. [re=238748]chascates[/re]: government jobs are not, in fact, really jobs.
    I’m curious, anyone out there know who pays the salaries of military personnel, policemen and firefighters?
    Or, for that matter, Lieutanant Governors?

  35. Do the dog’s eye’s make Steal’s eye’s even more buggered?

    I do agree that being Leueff-Tenant Gov is NOT a job.
    Cutting ribbons to a new shopping plaza is not a skill for the curriculum vitae.

  36. Attn: Jane Austen addicts. Today’s meeting of the JAA has been moved to the mezzanine to make way for the William Makepeace Thackery addicts in our usual meeting space. Thank you. Cigarette smoking is encouraged on the balcony.

  37. Because of the photo, I can’t say anything negative. No matter how much we dislike, it’s never right to take it out on the kids.

  38. [re=238768]Scandalabra[/re]: With all due respekt to Wonkette’s fine advertisers who support this wonderful blog, is anyone here really a Jane Austin Addict? Please raise your hands (if you’re afraid to say so, I understand, maybe you can say so by use of a one-off account…

  39. Wish I could say this surprises me. Sadly, it doesn’t.

    Hey, if Steele had to sell out the American people, a measly LT. Governor’s salary isn’t going to cut it.

  40. You know, if The Man had ordered her to name her firm Brown Sugar it’d be a national scandal. It is such BS. Steele is a tool and a skunk. Anyone who comes out of MD politics on the GOP side is bound to be dirty since the whole thing was founded by Spiro T. Agnew.

    I believe his sister was Tyson’s second (or third) wife. Imagine what those Thanksgivings were like! I’ll bet Huckabee is champing at the bit to get the Chairmanship after Steele loses even more seats in Congress in ’10.

  41. The Republicans ought to just be honest with themselves. Instead of pushing the only black man in the party out front, just get Steele out of the way and make that fat, loud bastard on the radio their chairman.

    He’s already their king.

  42. Clearly this guy is serious disappointment to his party. Doesn’t he know that GOOD REPUBLICANS only get caught up in sex scandals involving other men and or underage girls and boys.

  43. [re=238782]smellyal8r[/re]: Spiro Agnew is an anagram for “grow a penis”. Also.

    [re=238784]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Word. Why not just go ahead and be straightforward about your goals? Eliminate poverty by making sure the poor fully starve to death. Prevent abortion and gay marriage by physically threatening anyone who appears that they might take part in either. Cut taxes entirely for the wealthy. The whole show they’re putting on right now isn’t fooling anyone – you’re not any more likable, or your goals any more fair or just, just because you’ve found a minority mouthpiece to utter them.

  44. [re=238787]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: you’re not any more likable, or your goals any more fair or just, just because you’ve found a minority mouthpiece to utter them.
    Next you’ll be criticizing that influential Constitutional scholar Clarence Thomas.

  45. This is sad news for the porkers fucking around with the stimulus. The answer for the Brand New and Improved RNC platform is “Change Name to Wal-Mart.”

  46. [re=238792]chascates[/re]: “Choose Walmart on November 4th. Always low prices. No man, woman or child spared. Always low prices, also.”

  47. [re=238741]gurukalehuru[/re]: I saw this. My big problem is that he claims they’re not “jobs” because they’re just “work.” Having known quite a few government employees, I have to take issue with the characterization of what they do as “work.” (bahZING!)

    Seriously, though, what a stupid argument against the stimulus. Claiming the private sector is a more stable employer than the government at a time of record unemployment and economic meltdown is fucking ridiculous. I hope he goes up against somebody with half a brain (i.e. not Stephanoupoulos) to make that argument.

  48. Can someone please summarize that bitch’s voter fraud scandal? I want to read the link, but I just hate her too hard to ever read her name willingly…

  49. This is no big deal. I saw about 4 minutes of Steele Sunday on that little Greek guy’s show, and he said this is a non-issue and yet another example of the liberal media elites are just attacking a hard working conservative.

    Someone should tell the Repugs that the Justice Dept’s leadership has changed hands. It could be bad news for Republicans, esp. the corrupt ones.

    Oh, great. Fucking GM might go bankrupt, according to the news this AM.

    That’s right, Steele, no big deal on helping the economy–just toe the Hoover line. History shows it works out great.

  50. [re=238687]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “As I said before, you got to love the GOP. Just when you think they might be rising from the grave, they hammer a stake back into their own heart.”

    Lessons learned by studying the Democratic party for the last sixty years. I was beginning to think this plan, wrecking ourselves to lull the Repugs into doing to themselves, was never going to pay off.

  51. [re=238775]Bruno[/re]: I’ve paid a steep personal price for my addiction to Jane Austen. Lost hour upon lost hour. Severed from friends and family. My hygiene suffered. My teeth rotted and fell out, as I began to pattern my life and habits upon those practiced in pre-Industrial England. I would stagger from library to library just for the hope of stealing in unnoticed to sneak a footnote or two before security was alerted. When my habit branched out to Sterne and Fielding, that was the end of all my dreams.

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