‘Blam!’

  why the internet is still awesome sometimes

HA HA, god bless the Boston Phoenix for posting these snippets from the book-on-tape version of Dreams From My Father, in which Barack Obama impersonates the voice of his vulgar friend, “Ray.” Our favorite is “You ain’t my bitch, nigga! Buy your own damn fries!” The clearest proof so far that he is a muslin. [Boston Phoenix via Alex Balk]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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79 comments

  1. Purple Tide

    Is Ray busy? Cos we need a new Secretary of Health and Human Services, and I’m pretty sure pimps don’t have to pay taxes.

  2. Colander

    Ah, you brought back the ‘primaries photo.’

    Also I dunno if the link is down, or if Google Chrome dropped out of high school, but only the Balk link works for me.

  3. kingofnothing

    This won’t do. The grand ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of America can’t be a smoker.

  4. shortsshortsshorts

    Now things should get interesting. It seemed so hopey before.
    Welcome back partisan violence! How we missed you?

  5. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    My favorite part is where he discusses what he would do on his first day as president:

    From this day on, the official language of America will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now… 16 years old!

  6. Violenza

    That link crashed my internet explorer, but it was kind of worth it. I was hoping that he would emote more, though.

  7. Origami

    OMG!!!! HE SAID “B” AND “N”!!!

    1. I can’t wait for the Republicans to use this in the 2012 campaign.
    2. I love how even when he is trying to talk sassy he still sounds like the head knight of the Math Club (aka: A NERD).

  8. Purple Tide

    He totally Baracks it at the end. He’s about to go off into southside Chicago streetspeak and then totally pulls back into reassuring Presidential baritone on “your own damn fries.”

  9. Min

    Has Ray ever considered a stint as White House Press Secretary? It would make C-SPAN a helluva lot more interesting.

  10. AngryBlakGuy

    …wait a second! Bitches are dogs, some dogs are Pit-Bulls, some Pit-Bulls wear lipstick and Sarah Palin is a Pit-bull with lipstick! Why is Barack Obama calling Sarah Palin a Bitch?

    Just a little forecast of the Sean Hannity show tomorrow.

  11. skutre

    His Black dialect impersonation is about as good as mine. However, if that’s a Kool he’s smoking, he’s black enough to be my president.

  12. Purple Tide

    [re=237534]Violenza[/re]: Did you miss the audiobook because they didn’t release it on 8-track?

  13. SayItWithWookies

    [re=237564]regisgoat[/re]: Someone should tell Barry that Pilsner + Urquel is not a mixed marriage.

  14. secretagentgirl

    Next question: Can I make this a ringtone for my phone or will it get me into trouble and/or my ass kicked?

  15. wheelie

    First-time memoirist Mr. Obama deftly captures the nuances of the negro “street” argot in this engaging audio-book, essaying the vernacular of the roguish character “Ray” so menacingly that this reviewer leapt from her divan upon first hearing and drew her living room curtains, before mixing herself a strong drink to calm her frayed nerves. 4 stars.

  16. Purple Tide

    [re=237575]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I beat you to it, but made a (racist!?) joke about Ray’s current line of work.

  17. marioninnyc

    My new mantra: This shit is getting way too complicated for me. At least a reason to keep on living. Thanks you Wonkette.

  18. NoNewKidontheBlock

    We need to move swiftly and sign stimulus plan…. GOSHHHHH, dont you hear the best economist say that we need to stimulate the economy or another 500 million fellow American are going to loose their Jobs….. (ps ps … Mr. Barry is not 500 million … is only another 500) oh oh .. I mean 500 fellow American are going to loose their Jobs. Anyhow we need to start to do sacrifices and think BIG…. lets put people to work.

    All I’m saying this plan need to ….???? what I was saying ????

  19. SayItWithWookies

    [re=237598]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Over. And apparently they’re not streaming his Q & A.

  20. Purple Tide

    [re=237599]NoNewKidontheBlock[/re]: I’ll have what you’re having. ‘Loose’n me up a li’l bit.

  21. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=237603]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In this case, “Q&A” stands for “Qur’an and Arabic studies.”

  22. Purple Tide

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: I’d rather see Bale vs. Rahm Emanuel. Now that the Joker’s dead, maybe Rahm could pop up as the villain in the next Batman flick. “9-Fingered Ned” or something. His powers would include kicking Harry Reid in the ass and being a basement goblin.

  23. dollywould

    [re=237598]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I love that he ended the speech with “I love you guys.” Awww!

  24. CuntryFirst

    [re=237574]skutre[/re]: I like the way the word motherfucker rolled off his tongue with an almost Bernie Mac-esque ease. The rest of his performance, however, left a lot to be desired.

    It seems the vetting over whether Obama was “black enough” was inadequate.

  25. RetardoMonteblan

    REALLY? He’s a “muslin.” A cotton fabric that designers use to drape for making dresses, etc. Wow. That’s genius. So is our president going to be on Project Runway? Gah.


  26. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=237709]RetardoMonteblan[/re]: Someone remind me to ban this retard tomorrow, if it’s not done by 3 p.m.?

  27. Aquannissiwamissoo

    Barack’s reading is to authentic spade jargon as David Hasselhoff is to gay jazz fusion opera.

  28. gurukalehuru

    Are we not following the Andrew Card White House dress code bullshit story, which just totally blew up in his face cause he was stone cold lying his ass off, as usual? Photos of guys in shirts on Huffpo.

    Also, buy your own goddamned trucknutz. Also.

  29. jilly

    Fuck you, Barry. I’m out of smokes and my husband took the car. So thank you very much, I have no way to get to the store to get smokes, so again, fuck you Barry and all of you at Wonkette. The End.

  30. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=237710]Jim Newell[/re]: First give him some buttsex and then hang some Truck Nutz (TM) on him.

  31. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=237715]jilly[/re]: For that you should receive 3 whore diamonds and a Space Oscar.

    [re=237710]Jim Newell[/re]:
    Heal The World

    Make It A Better Place
    For You And For Me
    And The Entire Human Race
    There Are People Dying
    If You Care Enough
    For The Living
    Make A Better Place
    For You And For Me

  32. KristaJulieva

    [re=237726]ddukbokki[/re]: Hey, that would be depressing. Except he’s achieved a modicum of fame vicariously through President Obama! Therefore he’s more successful than me or you, despite living the life of what might be euphamistically called an involuntary freegan.

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” Lulz!

  33. NoNewKidontheBlock

    Typical Chicago Mob…. “say hello to my lil’ friend!!
    Where is Chuck N. when we most need him !!!!

  34. Mitchbailey

    Obama has attitude; he is not angry. That’s his game face. Change is serious business. I think you’ll see it again, bitch.

  35. the cold war makes me hot

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” is the new ringtone for when my man calls me. I’m saving “Sorry-ass motherfucker” for Moms.

Comments are closed.