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WHY THE INTERNET IS STILL AWESOME SOMETIMES

‘Blam!’

HA HA, god bless the Boston Phoenix for posting these snippets from the book-on-tape version of Dreams From My Father, in which Barack Obama impersonates the voice of his vulgar friend, “Ray.” Our favorite is “You ain’t my bitch, nigga! Buy your own damn fries!” The clearest proof so far that he is a muslin. [Boston Phoenix via Alex Balk]


7:37 PM on Thu February 5 2009
By Jim Newell
17756 Views

  1. NEERRRRRRRDDDDDDDD

  2. Purple Tide says at 7:41 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Is Ray busy? Cos we need a new Secretary of Health and Human Services, and I’m pretty sure pimps don’t have to pay taxes.

  3. Colander says at 7:43 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Ah, you brought back the ‘primaries photo.’

    Also I dunno if the link is down, or if Google Chrome dropped out of high school, but only the Balk link works for me.

  4. NoWireHangers says at 7:48 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Oh man…There are gonna be some horrific mash-ups of this on YouTube real soon.

  5. magic titty says at 7:48 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Haha. Hardcore Barry. Good God this was depressing.

  6. kingofnothing says at 7:51 pm, February 5th, 2009

    This won’t do. The grand ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of America can’t be a smoker.

  7. shortsshortsshorts says at 7:54 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Now things should get interesting. It seemed so hopey before.
    Welcome back partisan violence! How we missed you?

  8. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 7:57 pm, February 5th, 2009

    My favorite part is where he discusses what he would do on his first day as president:

    From this day on, the official language of America will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now… 16 years old!

  9. Violenza says at 7:57 pm, February 5th, 2009

    That link crashed my internet explorer, but it was kind of worth it. I was hoping that he would emote more, though.

  10. OMG!!!! HE SAID “B” AND “N”!!!

    1. I can’t wait for the Republicans to use this in the 2012 campaign.
    2. I love how even when he is trying to talk sassy he still sounds like the head knight of the Math Club (aka: A NERD).

  11. Purple Tide says at 8:07 pm, February 5th, 2009

    He totally Baracks it at the end. He’s about to go off into southside Chicago streetspeak and then totally pulls back into reassuring Presidential baritone on “your own damn fries.”

  12. daisy chain says at 8:07 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Oh dear God, Barry is never whiter than when he’s pretending to be black.

  13. daisy chain: Story of his life.

  14. regisgoat says at 8:16 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Not since Urquel. But I love his non-threatening ass anyway.

  15. Has Ray ever considered a stint as White House Press Secretary? It would make C-SPAN a helluva lot more interesting.

  16. tallulah says at 8:21 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Violenza: what is this “internet explorer” you speak of?

  17. AngryBlakGuy says at 8:24 pm, February 5th, 2009

    …wait a second! Bitches are dogs, some dogs are Pit-Bulls, some Pit-Bulls wear lipstick and Sarah Palin is a Pit-bull with lipstick! Why is Barack Obama calling Sarah Palin a Bitch?

    Just a little forecast of the Sean Hannity show tomorrow.

  18. His Black dialect impersonation is about as good as mine. However, if that’s a Kool he’s smoking, he’s black enough to be my president.

  19. AngryBlakGuy says at 8:26 pm, February 5th, 2009

    …has Ray paid his taxes?

  20. Purple Tide says at 8:26 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Violenza: Did you miss the audiobook because they didn’t release it on 8-track?

  21. SayItWithWookies says at 8:26 pm, February 5th, 2009

    regisgoat: Someone should tell Barry that Pilsner + Urquel is not a mixed marriage.

  22. secretagentgirl says at 8:28 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Next question: Can I make this a ringtone for my phone or will it get me into trouble and/or my ass kicked?

  23. First-time memoirist Mr. Obama deftly captures the nuances of the negro “street” argot in this engaging audio-book, essaying the vernacular of the roguish character “Ray” so menacingly that this reviewer leapt from her divan upon first hearing and drew her living room curtains, before mixing herself a strong drink to calm her frayed nerves. 4 stars.

  24. Purple Tide says at 8:29 pm, February 5th, 2009

    AngryBlakGuy: I beat you to it, but made a (racist!?) joke about Ray’s current line of work.

  25. twoeightnine says at 8:29 pm, February 5th, 2009

    So tempted to turn that into a ringtone.

  26. wheelie: I give you 5 stars for the Peggy impression.

  27. I want my Hopey v. Bale mash-up right now.

  28. shortsshortsshorts says at 8:38 pm, February 5th, 2009

    wheelie: Win. Brilliant.

  29. marioninnyc says at 8:41 pm, February 5th, 2009

    My new mantra: This shit is getting way too complicated for me. At least a reason to keep on living. Thanks you Wonkette.

  30. SayItWithWookies says at 8:45 pm, February 5th, 2009
  31. NoNewKidontheBlock says at 8:45 pm, February 5th, 2009

    We need to move swiftly and sign stimulus plan…. GOSHHHHH, dont you hear the best economist say that we need to stimulate the economy or another 500 million fellow American are going to loose their Jobs….. (ps ps … Mr. Barry is not 500 million … is only another 500) oh oh .. I mean 500 fellow American are going to loose their Jobs. Anyhow we need to start to do sacrifices and think BIG…. lets put people to work.

    All I’m saying this plan need to ….???? what I was saying ????

  32. “Cheney should leave country!,” Olberman.

    Yeah, but who would take this devil dog?

  33. SayItWithWookies says at 8:54 pm, February 5th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Over. And apparently they’re not streaming his Q & A.

  34. Purple Tide says at 8:54 pm, February 5th, 2009

    stew: Alaska!

  35. NoNewKidontheBlock: Wha? Also.

  36. Purple Tide: Nah, Turkish prison. Reportedly, Satan now refuses to take him.

  37. blackdontcrack says at 9:10 pm, February 5th, 2009

    thats my new ringtone! thanks wonkest

  38. Purple Tide says at 9:20 pm, February 5th, 2009

    NoNewKidontheBlock: I’ll have what you’re having. ‘Loose’n me up a li’l bit.

  39. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 9:26 pm, February 5th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: In this case, “Q&A” stands for “Qur’an and Arabic studies.”

  40. Links: “I want my Hopey v. Bale mash-up right now.”

    Here ya go, in Stereo:

    http://acksisofevil.org/audio/Barack-Bale.mp3

  41. shortsshortsshorts says at 9:30 pm, February 5th, 2009

    skutre: I fucking love the end of that. Awesome.

  42. Purple Tide says at 9:32 pm, February 5th, 2009

    skutre: I’d rather see Bale vs. Rahm Emanuel. Now that the Joker’s dead, maybe Rahm could pop up as the villain in the next Batman flick. “9-Fingered Ned” or something. His powers would include kicking Harry Reid in the ass and being a basement goblin.

  43. shortsshortsshorts says at 9:56 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Purple Tide: Tony?

  44. SayItWithWookies says at 10:21 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: Damn. I guessed Queer and Atheist.

  45. magic titty says at 10:52 pm, February 5th, 2009

    skutre: Jesus H. Christ. That was bloody absurd. And heroic. Thank you.

  46. Uncommon Nonsense says at 10:54 pm, February 5th, 2009

    skutre: DOUBLE-YOU. EYE. ENN.

  47. Uncommon Nonsense says at 10:55 pm, February 5th, 2009

    Is it just me, or is Barry kind of a slightly cleaned-up, lighter Frank Pembleton?

  48. dollywould says at 11:01 pm, February 5th, 2009

    skutre: I just giggled like a teenager. Thank you.

  49. dollywould says at 11:16 pm, February 5th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: I love that he ended the speech with “I love you guys.” Awww!

  50. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 11:46 pm, February 5th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: That’s when Hillary is speaking.

  51. CuntryFirst says at 12:23 am, February 6th, 2009

    skutre: I like the way the word motherfucker rolled off his tongue with an almost Bernie Mac-esque ease. The rest of his performance, however, left a lot to be desired.

    It seems the vetting over whether Obama was “black enough” was inadequate.

  52. RetardoMonteblan says at 12:30 am, February 6th, 2009

    REALLY? He’s a “muslin.” A cotton fabric that designers use to drape for making dresses, etc. Wow. That’s genius. So is our president going to be on Project Runway? Gah.

  53. JimNewell says at 12:33 am, February 6th, 2009

    RetardoMonteblan: Someone remind me to ban this retard tomorrow, if it’s not done by 3 p.m.?

  54. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 12:48 am, February 6th, 2009

    Barack does black a lot better when he’s not doing black.

  55. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 12:52 am, February 6th, 2009

    Barack’s reading is to authentic spade jargon as David Hasselhoff is to gay jazz fusion opera.

  56. gurukalehuru says at 1:02 am, February 6th, 2009

    Are we not following the Andrew Card White House dress code bullshit story, which just totally blew up in his face cause he was stone cold lying his ass off, as usual? Photos of guys in shirts on Huffpo.

    Also, buy your own goddamned trucknutz. Also.

  57. Fuck you, Barry. I’m out of smokes and my husband took the car. So thank you very much, I have no way to get to the store to get smokes, so again, fuck you Barry and all of you at Wonkette. The End.

  58. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 1:09 am, February 6th, 2009

    Jim Newell: First give him some buttsex and then hang some Truck Nutz (TM) on him.

  59. Vanity Smurf says at 1:24 am, February 6th, 2009

    skutre: Motherfucking WIN

  60. I really need him to say, “As-salaamu ‘alaykum, motherfucker.”

  61. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:46 am, February 6th, 2009

    jilly: For that you should receive 3 whore diamonds and a Space Oscar.

    Jim Newell:
    Heal The World

    Make It A Better Place
    For You And For Me
    And The Entire Human Race
    There Are People Dying
    If You Care Enough
    For The Living
    Make A Better Place
    For You And For Me

  62. ddukbokki says at 2:14 am, February 6th, 2009

    sorry everyone, but ray is a homeless bum wandering the streets of los angeles.

    http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3045281&page=1

  63. hobospacejungle says at 3:22 am, February 6th, 2009

    skutre: Fucking awesome WIN.

  64. KristaJulieva says at 4:04 am, February 6th, 2009

    ddukbokki: Hey, that would be depressing. Except he’s achieved a modicum of fame vicariously through President Obama! Therefore he’s more successful than me or you, despite living the life of what might be euphamistically called an involuntary freegan.

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” Lulz!

  65. Bearbloke says at 4:12 am, February 6th, 2009

    …and who said having a Black president wouldn’t be any fun?…

  66. Bearbloke says at 4:13 am, February 6th, 2009

    I think I’m gonna cut some ringtones outta this…

  67. Sweetpiece says at 4:31 am, February 6th, 2009

    Obama is hot!
    .

  68. Today, we are all Barry’s bitches.

  69. …or maybe his father. Yeah. Today, we are all Barry’s father. Hm.

  70. NoNewKidontheBlock says at 7:13 am, February 6th, 2009

    Typical Chicago Mob…. “say hello to my lil’ friend!!
    Where is Chuck N. when we most need him !!!!

  71. NoNewKidontheBlock says at 7:18 am, February 6th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: is that his new MANTRA ?

  72. InsidiousTuna says at 8:14 am, February 6th, 2009

    Today, we are all Barry’s bitches, and he is buying us french fries.

  73. Campbell Brown says at 8:20 am, February 6th, 2009

    Dudes on YouTube have been making Obama soundboard calls using Dreams From My Father clips before he was even elected. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_-_klsHgsw

  74. Mitchbailey says at 9:32 am, February 6th, 2009

    Obama has attitude; he is not angry. That’s his game face. Change is serious business. I think you’ll see it again, bitch.

  75. This is change I can believe in!

  76. Jim Newell: But the pathos is so refreshing!

  77. stink, but says at 4:25 pm, February 6th, 2009

    I think that “Ray” is actually a just code-name for Joe “The Big Gaffer” Biden.

  78. the cold war makes me hot says at 8:44 pm, February 6th, 2009

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” is the new ringtone for when my man calls me. I’m saving “Sorry-ass motherfucker” for Moms.

  79. SporkyIIe says at 11:15 pm, February 6th, 2009

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