why the internet is still awesome sometimes

‘Blam!’

HA HA, god bless the Boston Phoenix for posting these snippets from the book-on-tape version of Dreams From My Father, in which Barack Obama impersonates the voice of his vulgar friend, “Ray.” Our favorite is “You ain’t my bitch, nigga! Buy your own damn fries!” The clearest proof so far that he is a muslin. [Boston Phoenix via Alex Balk]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://joshreads.com Josh Fruhlinger

    NEERRRRRRRDDDDDDDD

  • Purple Tide

    Is Ray busy? Cos we need a new Secretary of Health and Human Services, and I’m pretty sure pimps don’t have to pay taxes.

  • Colander

    Ah, you brought back the ‘primaries photo.’

    Also I dunno if the link is down, or if Google Chrome dropped out of high school, but only the Balk link works for me.

  • NoWireHangers

    Oh man…There are gonna be some horrific mash-ups of this on YouTube real soon.

  • magic titty

    Haha. Hardcore Barry. Good God this was depressing.

  • kingofnothing

    This won’t do. The grand ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of America can’t be a smoker.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Now things should get interesting. It seemed so hopey before.
    Welcome back partisan violence! How we missed you?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    My favorite part is where he discusses what he would do on his first day as president:

    From this day on, the official language of America will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now… 16 years old!

  • Violenza

    That link crashed my internet explorer, but it was kind of worth it. I was hoping that he would emote more, though.

  • Origami

    OMG!!!! HE SAID “B” AND “N”!!!

    1. I can’t wait for the Republicans to use this in the 2012 campaign.
    2. I love how even when he is trying to talk sassy he still sounds like the head knight of the Math Club (aka: A NERD).

  • Purple Tide

    He totally Baracks it at the end. He’s about to go off into southside Chicago streetspeak and then totally pulls back into reassuring Presidential baritone on “your own damn fries.”

  • daisy chain

    Oh dear God, Barry is never whiter than when he’s pretending to be black.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=237550]daisy chain[/re]: Story of his life.

  • regisgoat

    Not since Urquel. But I love his non-threatening ass anyway.

  • Min

    Has Ray ever considered a stint as White House Press Secretary? It would make C-SPAN a helluva lot more interesting.

  • tallulah

    [re=237534]Violenza[/re]: what is this “internet explorer” you speak of?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …wait a second! Bitches are dogs, some dogs are Pit-Bulls, some Pit-Bulls wear lipstick and Sarah Palin is a Pit-bull with lipstick! Why is Barack Obama calling Sarah Palin a Bitch?

    Just a little forecast of the Sean Hannity show tomorrow.

  • skutre

    His Black dialect impersonation is about as good as mine. However, if that’s a Kool he’s smoking, he’s black enough to be my president.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …has Ray paid his taxes?

  • Purple Tide

    [re=237534]Violenza[/re]: Did you miss the audiobook because they didn’t release it on 8-track?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=237564]regisgoat[/re]: Someone should tell Barry that Pilsner + Urquel is not a mixed marriage.

  • secretagentgirl

    Next question: Can I make this a ringtone for my phone or will it get me into trouble and/or my ass kicked?

  • wheelie

    First-time memoirist Mr. Obama deftly captures the nuances of the negro “street” argot in this engaging audio-book, essaying the vernacular of the roguish character “Ray” so menacingly that this reviewer leapt from her divan upon first hearing and drew her living room curtains, before mixing herself a strong drink to calm her frayed nerves. 4 stars.

  • Purple Tide

    [re=237575]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I beat you to it, but made a (racist!?) joke about Ray’s current line of work.

  • twoeightnine

    So tempted to turn that into a ringtone.

  • jagorev

    [re=237580]wheelie[/re]: I give you 5 stars for the Peggy impression.

  • Links

    I want my Hopey v. Bale mash-up right now.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=237580]wheelie[/re]: Win. Brilliant.

  • marioninnyc

    My new mantra: This shit is getting way too complicated for me. At least a reason to keep on living. Thanks you Wonkette.

  • SayItWithWookies
  • NoNewKidontheBlock

    We need to move swiftly and sign stimulus plan…. GOSHHHHH, dont you hear the best economist say that we need to stimulate the economy or another 500 million fellow American are going to loose their Jobs….. (ps ps … Mr. Barry is not 500 million … is only another 500) oh oh .. I mean 500 fellow American are going to loose their Jobs. Anyhow we need to start to do sacrifices and think BIG…. lets put people to work.

    All I’m saying this plan need to ….???? what I was saying ????

  • stew

    “Cheney should leave country!,” Olberman.

    Yeah, but who would take this devil dog?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=237598]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Over. And apparently they’re not streaming his Q & A.

  • Purple Tide

    [re=237600]stew[/re]: Alaska!

  • Cicada

    [re=237599]NoNewKidontheBlock[/re]: Wha? Also.

  • stew

    [re=237604]Purple Tide[/re]: Nah, Turkish prison. Reportedly, Satan now refuses to take him.

  • blackdontcrack

    thats my new ringtone! thanks wonkest

  • Purple Tide

    [re=237599]NoNewKidontheBlock[/re]: I’ll have what you’re having. ‘Loose’n me up a li’l bit.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=237603]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In this case, “Q&A” stands for “Qur’an and Arabic studies.”

  • skutre

    [re=237589]Links[/re]: “I want my Hopey v. Bale mash-up right now.”

    Here ya go, in Stereo:

    http://acksisofevil.org/audio/Barack-Bale.mp3

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: I fucking love the end of that. Awesome.

  • Purple Tide

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: I’d rather see Bale vs. Rahm Emanuel. Now that the Joker’s dead, maybe Rahm could pop up as the villain in the next Batman flick. “9-Fingered Ned” or something. His powers would include kicking Harry Reid in the ass and being a basement goblin.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=237628]Purple Tide[/re]: Tony?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=237623]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Damn. I guessed Queer and Atheist.

  • magic titty

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: Jesus H. Christ. That was bloody absurd. And heroic. Thank you.

  • Uncommon Nonsense

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: DOUBLE-YOU. EYE. ENN.

  • Uncommon Nonsense

    Is it just me, or is Barry kind of a slightly cleaned-up, lighter Frank Pembleton?

  • dollywould

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: I just giggled like a teenager. Thank you.

  • dollywould

    [re=237598]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I love that he ended the speech with “I love you guys.” Awww!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=237660]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s when Hillary is speaking.

  • CuntryFirst

    [re=237574]skutre[/re]: I like the way the word motherfucker rolled off his tongue with an almost Bernie Mac-esque ease. The rest of his performance, however, left a lot to be desired.

    It seems the vetting over whether Obama was “black enough” was inadequate.

  • RetardoMonteblan

    REALLY? He’s a “muslin.” A cotton fabric that designers use to drape for making dresses, etc. Wow. That’s genius. So is our president going to be on Project Runway? Gah.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=237709]RetardoMonteblan[/re]: Someone remind me to ban this retard tomorrow, if it’s not done by 3 p.m.?

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    Barack does black a lot better when he’s not doing black.

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    Barack’s reading is to authentic spade jargon as David Hasselhoff is to gay jazz fusion opera.

  • gurukalehuru

    Are we not following the Andrew Card White House dress code bullshit story, which just totally blew up in his face cause he was stone cold lying his ass off, as usual? Photos of guys in shirts on Huffpo.

    Also, buy your own goddamned trucknutz. Also.

  • jilly

    Fuck you, Barry. I’m out of smokes and my husband took the car. So thank you very much, I have no way to get to the store to get smokes, so again, fuck you Barry and all of you at Wonkette. The End.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=237710]Jim Newell[/re]: First give him some buttsex and then hang some Truck Nutz (TM) on him.

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: Motherfucking WIN

  • bhosp

    I really need him to say, “As-salaamu ‘alaykum, motherfucker.”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=237715]jilly[/re]: For that you should receive 3 whore diamonds and a Space Oscar.

    [re=237710]Jim Newell[/re]:
    Heal The World

    Make It A Better Place
    For You And For Me
    And The Entire Human Race
    There Are People Dying
    If You Care Enough
    For The Living
    Make A Better Place
    For You And For Me

  • ddukbokki

    sorry everyone, but ray is a homeless bum wandering the streets of los angeles.

    http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3045281&page=1

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=237624]skutre[/re]: Fucking awesome WIN.

  • KristaJulieva

    [re=237726]ddukbokki[/re]: Hey, that would be depressing. Except he’s achieved a modicum of fame vicariously through President Obama! Therefore he’s more successful than me or you, despite living the life of what might be euphamistically called an involuntary freegan.

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” Lulz!

  • Bearbloke

    …and who said having a Black president wouldn’t be any fun?…

  • Bearbloke

    I think I’m gonna cut some ringtones outta this…

  • Sweetpiece

    Obama is hot!
    .

  • TGY

    Today, we are all Barry’s bitches.

  • TGY

    …or maybe his father. Yeah. Today, we are all Barry’s father. Hm.

  • NoNewKidontheBlock

    Typical Chicago Mob…. “say hello to my lil’ friend!!
    Where is Chuck N. when we most need him !!!!

  • NoNewKidontheBlock

    [re=237724]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: is that his new MANTRA ?

  • InsidiousTuna

    Today, we are all Barry’s bitches, and he is buying us french fries.

  • Campbell Brown

    Dudes on YouTube have been making Obama soundboard calls using Dreams From My Father clips before he was even elected. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_-_klsHgsw

  • Mitchbailey

    Obama has attitude; he is not angry. That’s his game face. Change is serious business. I think you’ll see it again, bitch.

  • Godot

    This is change I can believe in!

  • d4g33z

    [re=237710]Jim Newell[/re]: But the pathos is so refreshing!

  • stink, but

    I think that “Ray” is actually a just code-name for Joe “The Big Gaffer” Biden.

  • the cold war makes me hot

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga; buy yo’ own damn fries!” is the new ringtone for when my man calls me. I’m saving “Sorry-ass motherfucker” for Moms.

  • SporkyIIe