- Mexican urban legend Alberto Gonzales is unable to find a job and is comically blaming the recession for this. After Barack Obama redistributes the world’s wealth to atheist hobos, a dog is expected to have eaten Gonzales’ new job. [TPMMuckraker]
- Howard Dean is doing that thing again, on the Internet, in which he gets all the “young people” to make blood pledges to keep creating Facebook groups until he is friend-requested as President of Hospitals. [Ben Smith]
- The evils of Bernie Madoff went unchecked for so long because of linguistically confused SEC-on-SEC fighting. One SECer used the following collection of similes, metaphors and analogies to “paint a picture” of said fighting: “The SEC roars like a mouse and bites like a flea,” “the relationship between the SEC’s Boston and New York offices is about as warm and cordial as the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry” and the ominously alogical “You need old foxes to come in and police the hen houses.” [Top of the Ticket]
- Sarah Palin has big plans to hunt romantic comedy lead Ashley Judd with guns from a helicopter. [CNN Political Ticker]
- Joe the Plumber has returned from journalist sleepover camp in Gaza! (Ahhh 8 weeks went by so fast you guys!) He will now work as an adviser to the GOP, a job for which it is required that other (non-children) humans go along with the conceit that Joe, the fake non-owner of a non-small plumbing business, has actual, insightful advice about a given topic. [Crooks and Liars]
Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War
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{ 49 comments }
Alberto is qualified to be a busboy.
I went to college. FAIL! Should have been an unlicensed plumber, then I could work as an adviser to the GOP.
When speaking to the asshats Joe the Eternal Dick-eating Fax Machine Fucker about his chances of entering politics, he said:
“I don’t know if the American public deserve me.”
Yes. He said that. He really did. I hope he gets to go back to Gaza and speak to regular Palestinian folks.
>>”You need old foxes to come in and police the hen houses”
That would explain why Chris Cox got the job as SEC chair.
Wurzelbacher…will be focusing his talk on the proposed stimulus package. He’s apparently not a fan of the economic rescue package, according to members of the group.
That’s what we love about
SamDude, wtf with the Palin ad on the left? Not cool.
But seriously, so Joe the Plumber is advising the GOP. That sounds like a winning combination there.
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN FORWARDED BY MICROSOFT OUTLOOK
KublaKahnt,
STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING! GET IN YOUR CAR! GO TO THE NEAREST ATM! EMPTY ALL OF YOUR ACCOUNTS! BUY EVERY AVAILABLE COPY OF THE 6TH DARCY NOVEL! SEND THEM TO DICK CHENEY! DO IT NOW! WE ARE WATCHING!
DARE NOT DEFY!
Love,
The TEETH
chomp.chomp.chomp.also
[re=236001]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Well, do we deserve him? I think he’s right.
ASSLEY JUDD IS ANUTHER HOLLYWIERD LIBRAL BENT ON SOCAILISM
/full-retard off
Negative ten hundred thousand cool points to Juli for mentioning Joe the Plumber again, ever.
Who better to advise the GOP on hiring of illegal aliens than an unlicensed unemployed plumber? (We’d make a joke about the common thread of being a wetback, but the Rio Grande’s dry this time of year.)
I’m surprised Dubya, or more specifically his Daddy’s friends, didn’t find Berto a job in return for all his mindless service to Dubya.
In the battle of the wits between the wingnut who flunked out of five community colleges and the Phi Beta Kappa from Kentucky, I’m betting on Ashley. Bonus points for appearing naked on film more often than anyone other than Jeff Gannon.
My new wood-chipper deserves Joe the Plumber.
Dear Karma:
Still waiting for you to go medieval on Joe the Plumber’s ass. Please explain the delay.
Yours truly,
The World
“One SECer used the following collection of similes, metaphors and analogies…”
No, no, ignorant juveniles — Markopoulos isn’t an SEC’er, he’s like some citizen-hero accountant who figured out years ago what Madoff was up to and has been investigating and writing lengthy reports and making phone calls to the SEC since forever. All the crackerjack SEC staffers apparently thought he was a nut. Or they were on the take from Madoff. Possibly both.
Anyway, this is a great story and I wish I’d thought of it.
Up next: Joe the Plumber tries heart surgery with Dr. Bill Frist. Then it’s off to play at being a lawyer with John Cornyn. It’s like a Republican bizzaro world of take your mental midget son to work day.
If Joe The Plumber does for the RNC what he did for the Gaza Strip and the McCain campaign, I will personally recommend him for the Liberal Hall of Fame.
Why all the hate, Sarah? Who cares if Ashley wants you to shoot less wolves? She was on your side during the presidential campaign. She even went to jail for you!
There are lots of HILARIOUS quotes from Medolf’s hearing today that must be shared. MUST. BE. SHARED.
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/02/sec-assassinationmadoff-congre.php
I like the line, “to you drug cartels and russian mobs, don’t hurt me. I was trying to look after your money.”
Mmmmmm. Ashley Judd. “Extreme fringe group” is an exact definition of evangelical crazies. That’s you, Sarah.
If the SEC was a massive phallus, the regulated industries would be represented by a power hedge trimmer.
“Save the Wolves” just doesn’t have the right ring to it.
Much like the failed “Keep Our Raccoons Safe” campaigns.
Obviously the Republican Party is concerned about not being ready for the conversion to digital TV.
Now if we could only get Joe the Plumber to go to Alaska dressed as a wolf…
[re=236028]El Pinche[/re]: Ok, that’s harsh but I really want to stick the entire GOP in a woodchipper right now.
Kristol: GOP Should Unite Against Economic Recovery Package Now To Help Defeat Health Care Later
republicans truly hate america
Joe the Plumber: A footnote of a footnote of a footnote of an election.
(* test* *test*) Just testing my new avatar. Don’t know why I haven’t thought of this sooner, Jane’s been begging for it for a couple of days now. Besides, I haven’t had a chick avatar since I was Campbell-On-CNN.
Also, since Mr. Denby thinks we are are girls here in this particular fraternity locker-room, who am I to disabuse him of this notion?
[re=236058]Sussemilch[/re]: Hopefully soon to be a lost citation, forever consigned to oblivion.
Yep Alberto the job market out there is just TORTURE right now I tell ya, TORTURE!
I dunno, that Ashley Judd is kinda actress tiny – not much in the way of flesh on those bones. I’d think Palin would want to hunt the Wynonna: that’d be a good mooseburger substitute. More than enough to feed that growing Palin klan.
Gonzo is finally serving a purpose. Every time my mother wants to know when I’m moving out of her basement I just say, “Gonzales can’t find a job either and he was Attorney General.” Shuts her up for another month.
[re=236075]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Win.
[re=236059]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Dude, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but your chick appears to have facial hair. Which means she probably has a nice treasure trail as well. Which is fine if you’re into that kind of thing. I speak only as a friend.
[re=236044]Servo[/re]:
And also, Ashley Judd is much more doable than Sarah…also.
Here’s an idea. I’m looking at the ad space on the left side of this page. Has anyone in the Wonkette Media Empire reached out to the makers of Trucknutz to see if they would like to run an ad here?
[re=236043]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Markoff had Madoff dead to rights, and the SEC said, “Hey, that’s interesting, we’ll get around to it after we get another cup of coffee and finish the crossword puzzle.” What I love is that bigshots at Meryl-fucking-Lynch were giving Madoff their own money! What a salesman that guy was!
No snark. Nice prose, Juli.
That said, Joe the Plummer is the Hero of Our Time à la Lermontov.
[re=236121]V572625694[/re]: Meant to say “Markopolis”
[re=236084]hobospacejungle[/re]: Just showcasing my mad p-shop skilzz!
(OK, I actually just used the “redeye” tool in iPhoto to draw in the facial hair, but it sorta works.)
[re=236157]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: They are mad, I will give you that!
[re=236025]Terry[/re]: There’s no love there. The token has out-lived his usefulness.
[re=236058]Sussemilch[/re]: Joe the Plumber: The fungus on a footnote to history.
Okay, first of all…
Joe, if you’re out there listening, buddy…you’ve had your 15 minutes. It’s time to disappear back into the crowd and leave the limelight.
As for Palin…
First Cheney shoots someone in the face, then Mrs. Alaskan Adventures starts popping off wolves from a helicopter…I’m starting to develop an innate fear of Republicans. I can only fear for what may have happened to the poor buggers if she was the Vice President.
Did Wonkette write the JTP has ‘actual, insightful advice about a given topic?’
Our Joe the Plumber?
I’m confused. More beer please.
[re=236030]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: karma will instead go renaissance fair on joe’s ass. HE WILL BE CRUSHED TO DEATH BY FAT WICCANS.
[re=236010]groove[/re]: I swear when I read that, I thought you wrote “a whining combination”. I wonder why?
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