Crying Eagle.So the Republicans are all for a good Economic Stimulus bill, meaning one that would stop taxing the rich and stop any corporate taxes and also, somehow, further ruin the environment and whatever. As a result of this clear “small government” philosophy the big-spending corporate-welfare closeted homosexuals adopted last week, GOP congressional leaders have found the parts they just can’t tolerate in the Economic Stimulus legislation: the parts that would create jobs and build American infrastructure. Yes we can’t!

Look, whatever anybody’s uninformed opinions about this Rescue the Economy package, you should at least be able to reconcile “support for economic stimulus legislation” with “support for legislation that will throw a bunch of money at the economy, in the form of money paid for goods and services, manufacturing and labor, and other traditional uncontroversial gears of Capitalism.”

So, here are some specific things the GOP will not condone, in this bill they’re not going to vote for, anyway:

  • A billion dollars extra for the 2010 U.S. Census, which is going to pay good money to many jobless people in every American town — and shore up Lockheed-Martin, which is getting $500 million to build the data systems and run the machinery.
  • $75 million for FBI employee salaries, because why would you want to pay America’s top cops to do law enforcement and investigations, in America?
  • $500 million for Mississippi River flood control projects, which would employ thousands of laborers and keep dozens of construction companies in business, because nothing makes Republicans happier than seeing a Katrina repeat on the teevee every other hurricane season.
  • $200 million for green vehicles on U.S. military bases and $600 million to replace the federal fleet of cars with hybrids, because only a gay communist could see the economic benefits of $800 bmillion in sales for U.S. auto manufacturers while simultaneously cutting the government’s gasoline bill by billions per year.
  • $1.4 billion for rural garbage-disposal and recycling programs, because who but an Islamo-Fascist would want to provide much-needed jobs for the Red State countryside while keeping toxic garbage out of those people’s drinking water?
  • $125 million to rebuild the broken, rotten, third-world sewer system of our Nation’s Capital. You give the blacks this, and who knows what they’ll want next! And by “give,” we mean “pay a decent wage to laborers in D.C., to rebuild their sewers.”
  • $6 billion to pay dozens of big regional contractors, hundreds of local businesses and tens of thousands of American workers to retrofit federal buildings so that they’ll be energy efficient.
  • $200 million for computer centers at community colleges, because if poor unskilled workers want to “learn the computer,” they should just go to Stanford instead of complaining.
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  1. Don’t these fucks get the fact that if you don’t pay now and get the regular folks, the Joe The Economics Profs if you will, jobs then you will pay later when said regular folks decide to have a pitchfork and torch party with the majority of the Repugs and their supporters as the main course?

  2. $200 million for green vehicles on U.S. military bases

    I thought all vehicles on U.S. military bases were green… except for Navy bases where they’re mostly gray.

  3. you do not want to let real murkins control their garbage! separating their recyclables uses valuable brain cells that are better left for them to have unprotected sex, under the umbrella of procreation, as something not to be afraid of! also.

    i’m sorry, but this blows. especially the bit about retrofitting buildings. and flood control… which probably means the MS river won’t be diverted down the Atchafalya anytime soon… and you will see Katrina again on Hopey’s watch. sorry no snark now. didn’t we win? maybe hopey should have served some hard pretzels on sunday to the thuglicans. i haz a sad.

  4. Unless there’s something in there that will create jobs for white-collar types who are looking for easy desk job that allows them to surf the web all day while earning decent money, I say screw the stimuls package.

  5. I like the part where they object to actually building a Homeland Security building.

    Al Queda has their own cave complex, and DHS gets to rent space.

  6. The Repubs are against a mere $75 million for “smoking cessation activities.”?

    Oh right, cigarettes are big business, especially overseas. If nicotine addicts stop funneling money to tobacco companies then those companies might lose money, and hospitals will lose revenue from treating lung cancer and emphysema patients.

    That’s a part of our economy we want to preserve. Healthy lungs are highly overrated.

  7. Barry, Barry, Barry. I now you’re trying to do the right thing here by being calm and giving these guys an open hearing. That’s the nice respectful thing to do, and you’re a nice respectful man. But sometimes, just sometimes, you need to unsheath your broadsword and cut some heads off the dragons. They’ve screwed us for about 40 years now. If anybody deserved a long cold winter of political exile into extintion, it’s these guys. And don’t worry, I got your back, sword in hand.

  8. [re=235256]Sussemilch[/re]: Yeah, DHS has done such a terrific job that we need to reward them with a new facility: what else but The Lieberman Building?

    [re=235249]bitchincamaro[/re]: Too bad mass transit’s “constituents” are all a bunch of poor folks, whereas every swinging dick between Ellicot City and Occoquon wants more pavement for his Chevy Suburban to occupy with traffic jams. Nothing would piss those folks off more than seeing a bunch of Mexicans whiz by on rapid transit.

  9. $200 million for green vehicles on U.S. military bases and $600 million to replace the federal fleet of cars with hybrids, because only a gay communist could see the economic benefits of $800 billion in sales for U.S. auto manufacturers while simultaneously cutting the government’s gasoline bill by billions per year.

    Numbers FAIL

  10. Nice try Socialists! Under a Republican stimulus package, tax cuts will allow our wealthier Americans to hire the unemployed as footmen, serfs or perhaps scullery maids.

  11. The part of the stimulus bill that really pisses me off is the tax cuts, which will further entrench the structural imbalance in the federal budget, setting up all hell to break loose when Hopey says in three years “hey OK so now we need to talk about taking in as much money as we spend, k?” And the Dems know this, but they’re doing it anyway to get the Repukes on board, which they never will be, anyway. Why oh why can’t they take “You win” for an answer? There USED to be ruthless kick-ass Democrats. Where did they go?

  12. [re=235270]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Yeah, I kinda like the whole “bipartisan” thing in theory but in this case, I think the Dems should just go for it, throw in a few more cool items, and then Hopey can give a speech which could be summed up thusly: “filibuster, this bitches!”

  13. It’s just like Wonkette to leave out the positive ideas of today’s GOP. Also.
    Sen. Vitter added 200 Million for “Diapering and junk-related smackings”
    Sen. Craig added 300 million for “bottom-boy hush money”
    Sen. Coleman added 500 million for “legal fees and trophy wife polish”

  14. [re=235282]SayItWithWookies[/re]: SO. CLOSE.

    The awesome thing is that within hours, if the Republicans go on the Fox News offensive, they may convince most of suburban and rural Americans that jobs are the LAST (Communist) thing that they need, thus getting most of the US population behind a stimulus bill defeat.

  15. Reporter: “Sen. Vitter, since you seem to object to large parts of the current stimulus bill, what, pray tell, would you like to see included in the stimulus bill instead?”

    D. Vitter: “I want to say one word to you. Just one word: Diapers.”

    Fuck the GOP congressional leaders. Also.

  16. It’s almost becoming painful to engage in these types of discussions with my Orange County Republican parents. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they’re still blindly allegient to a party that fucks anyone in the bum unless they make over $500K a year or more (my parents make good money, but not *great* money).

  17. Thank you for pointing this out. I was fuming while I read the items they were objecting to, and I hope the press picks this up and goes through each item 1 by 1.

  18. Republican advice for bad times:
    liquidate, liquidate, liquidate.
    plus tax cuts. oh wait, the “liquidate” would hurt friends. so just the tax cuts.

    Republican advice for good times:
    tax cuts.

  19. Didn’t Barry once play with some sort of stick with which to ‘whup’ congress into passing his legislation? Caning’s pretty painful is all I’m sayin’.

  20. I would like some money for someone to bury the damned power lines so I am not sitting in the dark and cold every time it snows/rains/wind blows. Do you hear me Mitch? It is fucking cold. You better let Barry buy us some fancy electricity right now.

  21. [re=235338]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=235341]Norbert[/re]: [re=235342]snideinplainsight[/re]: The wealthy will not be mocked, or denied their birthright. When either occurs, they dispatch David Brooks, armed with his withering sarcasm. Woe betide the snarkful now!

  22. Perhaps it’s time for plan B. Where all Republican members of Congress are shipped across the pond and stuffed into an Austrian basement for the next 30 or 40 years (we’re civilized, of course, so we’d let them keep the frequent flier miles they would accrue on the way over). Or we could save the airfare and have that little revolution we were encouraged to initiate by our founding fathers when things got just like this.

  23. I looked at CNN’s list of the items Republicans are objecting to, and totaled them up. Came out to $19.0905 billion. Now this sounds like a lot of money, but based on CNN’s “nearly $900 billion” figure, this is slightly over 2% of the stimulus package.

    Obvious Republican tactic will be to complain loudly about the OVER NINE HUNDRED BILLIOOOOOOONN!!!! total figure, which admittedly does sound rather large, and then list all the items on it they don’t like, to fool you into thinking striking off these items will make a real difference. Basically, exactly what CNN did in their article. Just don’t pay attention to the fact that, while they object greatly to a nearly $900 billion stimulus bill, they are, apparently, fine with a nearly $881 billion stimulus bill.

  24. Damn you Ken Layne! It took me years to get over Iron Eyes Cody…now I gots the crying Lady Liberty, who haz a sad because all the garbage from teh inauguration is floating at her feet. Also.

  25. I keep telling myself that Hopy Has A Plan For Dealing With All Of This, but I sure do wish he’d get on with it.

    Time is short and the water’s rising.

  26. Don’t forget the critiques of the Superfund site clean-ups! Because, you know, cleaning up hazardous waste…really bad idea, America. Everyone know hazardous waste makes you grow up big and strong.

  27. These antediluvian cretinish limp-dick Republicans have, for the past eight years, run the economy based on no regulation of banks or anything else, the poor supporting the wealthy and a tax system that was designed by Ebeneezer Scrooge.

    Which is why we up the fucking creek and taking on water fast (metaphors by Mixmaster).

    Why should anyone listen to them for more than the few seconds it takes to realize they are exactly the same?

  28. [re=235457]heartbot[/re]: Chris Elliot won many spelling bees on “Get A Life” due to hazardous waste dumped on his property.

    I won my fair share of spelling bees back in the day. Hmm….

  29. [re=235247]ManchuCandidate[/re]: They are hoping that the last years of lulling them into complacency and scaring them with terrorists threats worked. And, I believe for the most part, it did.

  30. why didn’t the pussy Dems

    You used “pussy” in a derogatory context! That makes you a misogynist, you cunt!

    (My time at Confluence has learned me good.)

  31. I haven’t read the comments yet but I have to take time out to say this: Godammit, Layne, the shit you put out on this one is way too good for some lame bloggy award, even if Sara gets to go to Austin and pick it up.

    If there were a Pulitzer for insightful, analytical political snark, you would fucking win it. Take out the profanity and this should be required reading for everyone in the pathetic state of Oklahoma. Cogent, passionate, wickedly sarcastic.

    No wonder we pay you the big bucks. I got so worked up, I started to grab the phone and read the riot act (I know the history of that phrase, btw, but forgot most of it) to my senators then remembered: Oh, yeah. My senators are such incredible douches they make Mitch McVomit look good.

  32. [re=235270]MarieDeGournay[/re]: I agree. Hopey can string them along but, eventually, he’s going to have to direct Rahm to hit the kill button.

    BTW–Chris Matthews was pushing Howard Dean for HHS. That’s one that pisses me off. Dean could get it done and Dems love him. I know we’re lulling the Repugtards into a state of tranquility before we blast them into the ozone layer where Herbert Hoover live, but it wouldn’t hurt to make Demotards happy once in awhile, too.

  33. [re=235244]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Exactly. Why is no one talking about the trillions in an endless war? I don’t get it–WWII helped our economy. Didn’t it? why is this one a money sucking vortex?

  34. [re=235271]V572625694[/re]: kinda off topic, but Suburban makes me think of it. OK is full of giant trucks, giant, giant trucks. If I win the lottery, I’m gonna’ hire a couple of big guys from Jersey, let’s call them Vinny and Lou. Whenever I walk pass one of these clowns with the giant truck, I’m going to say, “Just how little is your dick?” Then Vinny and Lou will step forward.

    That is my dream. The end.

  35. [re=235287]CorkPopper[/re]: If tax cuts and the repubtards trickly down shit worked, by now I’d be swimming in money, not debt. No. To. Tax. Cuts.

    Call me a patriot.

  36. It has become painfully obvious to me that everyone has something to do at night except for me, so I’m here talking to myself.
    And that I don’t read anything until everyone else has commented. If you snark with no one to hear, is it still snark?

  37. [re=235516]DustBowlBlues[/re]:

    I know we’re lulling the Repugtards into a state of tranquility before we blast them into the ozone layer where Herbert Hoover live, but it wouldn’t hurt to make Demotards happy once in awhile, too.

    I wish I knew that, too. I’m hoping a DLC Democrat doesn’t do the DLC thing. (Cave to Repig BS, bipartisan their way into torture and war for Halliburton, and generally do exactly what Hopey and prior Hopey, Clinton, have/will done/do.)

  38. • $500 million for state and local fire stations.

    I don’t understand why they are opposed to this? Do they feel it would further involve the federal government into local matters? Are they adding extra regulations?

    I am okay with them cutting those first six things, but what the hell is wrong with getting rid of lead paint?

  39. If you look at the purpose of this bill, then you would understand why we shouldnt spend money on these things. The purpose of the bill is to quickly stimulate the economy. Not create jobs that will effect the economy in 2 years. History shows that tax cuts work to do this as they help stimulate spending in the private sector.

  40. [re=235615]chris530[/re]: Hmmm… by doing what, exactly, with an example that you can name that is actual, not theoretical, with a proven track record, in American dollars, spent by real people that are verifiable existing in the actual world of breathing humans. And the example must be relative to the tax cut example in a direct way, as in the effect of this cut equals this increase in spending here, in this real example; for example:

    I just received my tax rebate! I’m going to go spend it on something that will stimulate the economy! Look a fridge/baby toy/gallon of gas! Alaska!

    Please provide a real example with a living human person, and articulate the effects of the sudden tax-cut-related purchase for the happiness of the good day happy. Thanks you!

  41. Lighten up folks, (or people) it isn’t that tax cuts for the top earners doesn’t actually employ people, someone in this country has to work the keyboard to wire that money to offshore accounts.

    Nothing more expensive than investing in infrastructure, not even the employment of two-man 24/7 365 security details by the top 10 percent of earners. More employment there too, for all the laid-off cops as one American city after another goes belly-up. What the heck, there’s always those private enclaves. What ever you do, don’t Google “Beaches Dubai News”.

  42. [re=235625]chris530[/re]: “The Reagan tax cuts, like similar measures enacted in the 1920s and 1960s, showed that reducing excessive tax rates stimulates growth, reduces tax avoidance, and can increase the amount and share of tax payments generated by the rich.”

    Do you honestly fucking believe that control of human behavior will help the free market? I can only hope you are being funny, but you have made two of dem der comments that indicate that you’re fucking serious. So I have this to offer you.

    =============>. Look! It’s a gigantic internet penis! MMmmmmmmMMM. NOM NOM NOM.

  43. [re=235628]MilwaukeeKent[/re]: Okay now I know Rumproast has an involvement in this. DAMN YOU WARBLAWG.

    If it works, well shit, I WILL GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN IN A BIG BLACK NEGRO BASKET. She will work around the house and perform sexual favors on your local State Senator, who is probably Republican.

  44. [re=235626]chris530[/re]: Right — and Bob the Middle Manager’s decision to take out a second mortgage on his house has nothing to do with why he’s in a world of shit now that he’s been laid off. I mean, it made him slightly more prosperous on paper for a year — so it can’t possibly have anything to do with why no bank’ll loan him some money to carry him through this rough patch. Maybe he just hasn’t worn his lucky hat in quite the right way — that must be it.

  45. [re=235633]chris530[/re]: Hahahaha BECAUSE OF THE ORBS. Or because of umm, reality things. Fer yer expirt reevuw:
    “Unfortunately, the Council could not bring itself to acknowledge the counterproductive effects high marginal tax rates can have upon taxpayer behavior and tax avoidance activities.”
    Or maybe this beautiful melon of retardation:
    “The criticism that the tax payments of the rich would fall under ERTA was based on a static conception of human behavior.”

    Fuckin’ A. The whole goddamn article is based off of a superfluous “risk factor” of free will, <just like the Reagan administration! hahaha.

    Same shit, different toilet. Eat me. I swear to you. You fail, miserably. As has the economic plan you fuckers have pushed for the last 25 years. Guess what? No. I blame you for the last 3 recessions, especially that bullshit in 1988. OOPS. So many people were convicted. So, so many.

    [re=235633]chris530[/re]: Hopefully the Patriot Act can eventually charge and control our economy, because the second Exxon starts posting profits UNDER 17 billion over a fiscal year, we will know that the terrorists are winning. You asshat.

  47. Sheesh. Free marketeers in panic mode. Scale this back; all these problems. For all the sub-prime mortgages figure half are for inner-city properties, take my bet that fourth fifths of those are on properties bought by speculators who leveraged to the hilt one property after another with first,second and even third mortgages. Boo hoo. Let them go the way of every other speculator in the past who leveraged to the hilt.

    The other half of those sub-primes? Good, hard-working(i.e. White)Americans who bought all those now-empty particleboard and styrofoam McMansions as far from the city as possible, paid top-dollar on them, and thought they’d keep their good jobs forever.

    If someone lost 75 million to Bernie Madoff ask them how much they put in to begin with. If ten million ballooned, on paper, to 75, and they got low double-digit returns for 8 or 9 years they didn’t lose 65 million; the fact is they never had it.

    Blame Phil Gramm, if anyone.

  48. [re=235625]chris530[/re]: How about in 1982 when we were in a recession and that is exactly what reagan did. Worked pretty well then.

    You must’ve been at Mr. The Plumber’s presentation today at that House Republican strategy session. I’ll bet he learned you real good.

    If anything it was Reagan’s deficit spending on useless military cargo and Volcker’s diddling with the fed rates that ended that particular recession. Tax cuts had nothing to do with it, Denby.

    Now go back to the barn and resume fucking horses. Just don’t be surprised when, according to Republican genetics, you become a father to a half-equine/half-fucktard in nine months, or however long horses take to gestate humanoid-equine foetuses.

    Also. Seeing as you are a humorless skidmark on the underwear of humanity, you obviously did not notice the other comments which contain humor or honorable attempts to make us laugh. Unfunny comments makes us want to kick you in the teeth. With a horse. While jesus masturbates in the corner. Also.

  49. Republicans: “Bi-partsianship”=Captitulate to our every whim…
    Realists, (70% of the country): “Republicanz”=Eat a bag of Trucknutz..

  50. [re=235577]chris530[/re]:
    If you would actually take a micro/macro economics class rather than subscribing to Lush Rimjob’s fantasy, you would obviously see that tax cuts will do absolutely nothing for job growth. Every credible economist knows this.
    Current inventories are astronomical and the demand for goods and services is a trickle that exists only in specialized fields. Any business owner with at least half a brain would never create jobs in this environment, especially if they have loans to pay off, inventories to reduce, and payrolls/pensions/dividends to meet.
    A company’s primary obligations are to the shareholders and/or banks. Period. The easiest way to meet those commitments in difficult times is to slash jobs. Notice how the stock price immediately jumps up afterward? Have you also noticed the massive, growing ratio between executive pay and wage-earners? Jobs are only created when the demand for a company’s goods and services exceed their supply capability. Again, period.
    My experiences with wealthy people have shown me some disturbing constants:
    1. Too much money is never enough
    2. Once they get their hands on money, they will never let go of it
    3. Human rights and dignity take a back seat to maintain their standard of living
    If you think the business world and it’s puppet, the GOP, are acting in your best interest, then may your future of destitution enlighten you as to who was the fool.

  51. How about Obama agrees to name all the new bridges and roads he’s going to build after Ronald Reagan. What’s Rush going to say about that?

  52. [re=235665]chris530[/re]: Man, you sure got all of us pegged. We are all communist minded bitches. I’m pretty sure I saw ideas like state control of media, centralized planning, gulags and no property rights in all of those quotes. So, someone who does not believe that tax cuts will make a lick of difference, short or long term, is automatically a communist?

    That’s like saying someone who believes that the only way get out of a uber-clusterfuck created by hideous regulatory malfeasence of financial markets, reliance on consumer spending and not on manufacturing, and truck size tax loopholes is less oversight of markets, more consumer spending and lower taxes is an clownfaced asshat. Wait. Shit, okay, i’ll admit i’m a communist if you are willing to admit you’re a clownfaced asshat.

  53. [re=235665]chris530[/re]: Us liberal bitches have clue. You don’t.

    Hopy’s got extra clue — if you want some, all you have to do is ask. Nicely. Also. Come to think of it, also.

  54. [re=235340]OffTheRecord[/re]: We will all have to get used to the power being out for extended periods, thanks, RR, for taking the solar panels off the White House roof and ushering in the Mourning in America! Acidification of the soils from pollution and a climate changing faster than species can migrate is FUCKING KILLING ALL THE TREES and their branches will be falling on power lines like crazy for the next few years until they’re all gone.

    Wander over to your nearest pine tree, shake the branches and watch the needles fall off if you don’t believe me.

  55. Here’s my stimulus package. Put all the Republiscums who committed crimes during the dark years in jail, and then pay the turnkeys a living wage. You don’t even have to use the waterboards.

  56. [re=235625]chris530[/re]: I’m ignoring you except to point out how well the economy did when Bill Clinto RAISED FUCKING TAXES ON RICH FUCKING PEOPLE

    The only thing that marginally saved Bush was a housing bubble that anyone who watched Sixty Minutes, once, for 15 minutes could see coming.

    Reagan buried us in dept just to pay off the fucking savings a loan debacle after he deregulated. He didn’t do crap that was positive for this country’s future–alternative energy, education, etc,–but made dumbshits like you feel good about American

    Big woopity deal.

  57. [re=235633]chris530[/re]: Because you claim that when they don’t have to pretend to pay taxes, rich people won’t have to bother cheating and we’ll all be better for it. Was it really that hard?

  58. You know what? All these Repubs voiting against the stimulus bill? They should all go home and reject any gubmint money their states receive. On principle. That way, they can tell their pissed off, poor, unemployed, uninsured constituency driving around on bridges about to collapse, “TOLD U I WAS HARDCORE.”

  59. imagine that. Republicans against helping someone else other than themselves. *sigh* pity the government FOR the people can’t help their people.

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