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WHAT PASSES FOR INTRIGUE THESE DAYS

Who Has Obama’s Secret Email Address?

NO SERVICEAs the first president to use email in the White House, just a dozen years after email became the civilized world’s primary form of communication, Barack Obama is the world’s greatest technological revolutionary, because of his new Blackberry featuring encryption. But who gets to forward stupid jokes and YouTubes to our Commander in Chief? Hardly anybody at all, that’s who: Gibbs, Axelrod, probably Michelle, and chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, who regularly updates Obama with all the fucking ways he’s going to motherfucking destroy that fuck John Boehner, who is fucking dead to him. [NYT/Gizmodo]


6:12 PM on Mon February 2 2009
By Ken Layne
1497 Views

  1. tunamelt says at 6:14 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    And several Nigerian Princes, one would assume.

  2. JeffGoldblum says at 6:16 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    I can’t believe that INailWhiteWomen@whitehouse.gov wasn’t already taken.

  3. tunamelt says at 6:20 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    JeffGoldblum: Scarlett Johansson, also.

  4. Texan Bulldoggette says at 6:20 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    I bet Plouffe has it because doesn’t he have every person in the universe’s damn email address?! I say this because I got an email from Barry today asking me to host an economic recovery house meeting. I hate to break it to Barry, but that meeting falls under the ‘hit my own thumb with a hammer’ on the list of party themes I’m eager to host.

  5. Rahm also frequently sends him strange blurry pictures of a pink one-eyed snake, though Barry hasn’t been able to figure out to what point and purpose yet.

  6. It’s pretty much guaranteed that Barry’s email address is going to receive viagra spam before the end of the first 100 days of his administration.

  7. AxmxZ: I thought we were all in agreement that that was “Rahm’s tenth finger,” though I could also see him calling it “Rahm’s ram.”

  8. And shouldn’t that be an Africanamericanberry in this new, transcendent era?

  9. V572625694 says at 6:29 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    I’ve got it, of course. You mean you all don’t?

  10. Well, he does need to check the order status on those Pimpstar rims for the limo.

  11. sevenrepeat says at 6:32 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    i pledge not to send spam to barry. also, i pledge. also.

  12. JeffGoldblum: Thomas Jefferson, of course, had INailBlackWomen@whitehouse.gov, while Bill Clinton had BBWLover@whitehouse.gov and Teddy Roosevelt had Furry69@whitehouse.gov

  13. grevillea says at 6:34 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    Texan Bulldoggette: Don’t do it! “Economic recovery house meeting” is code for “Amway ambush”.

  14. That hand-held device pictured could be the current Secretary of State’s “facial massager,” If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do.

    Although the latter has a much more powerful energy source.

    A microsized cold fusion generated from Sandia National Laboratories.

  15. SayItWithWookies says at 6:52 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    Also, no Michelle’s boudoir webcam. Is this the openness we were promised?

  16. assistant/atlas says at 6:54 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    God I fucking love fucking Rahm Emanuel. Also, fuck.

  17. MathewBrooks says at 6:56 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    i can haz medical tricorder?

  18. loudmouthredhead says at 6:56 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    JeffGoldblum: Who have I been sending email to at whereallthewhitewomenat@whitehouse.gov? Damn you Colin Powell! You were supposed to release that when you were kicked out of State!
    Oh well, at least Michelle’s is easier to remember: fist.bumpin.babymama@gmail.com. (Well, that’s what Fox said it was…)

  19. shanemacgowan says at 6:57 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    I for one am hoping that Barry lets Rahm be Rahm.

  20. loudmouthredhead says at 6:57 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    assistant/atlas: Anyone who loses a fucking finger for his fucking country has fucking earned his fucking post. ALSO!

  21. loudmouthredhead says at 7:00 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    AxmxZ: Barry still can’t figure out who the sender is. I guess fucker9fingers@whitehouse.gov isn’t clear enough.

  22. wallythepug says at 7:16 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    Probably the trucknutz website will sell his email info along with all of their other customers. At least he’ll stop getting those emails warning of that closet Muslim who is running for president.

  23. sarcasticusername says at 7:21 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    i’m sick of that stupid oprah question, even lauer asked that dumb crap yesterday. everyone knows she doesn’t have that shit, it’s just that nobody wants to be the idiot that pisses off the other big O by coming out and saying that the whole obama/oprah super bff thing is overblown, thus wiping off a tiny bit of her all powerful lusteriness. oprah will cut a bitch.

  24. loudmouthredhead says at 7:28 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    sarcasticusername: Oprah will EAT a bitch.

  25. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 7:31 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    Rezko?
    Wright?
    Ayers?
    Blagojevich?
    Farrakhan?
    Phleger?

  26. sarcasticusername says at 7:34 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    @loudmouthredhead: cut then eat, it makes the chewing easier. oprah doesn’t do indigestion.

  27. stopmebeforeitypeagain says at 9:07 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    assistant/atlas: I want to see a “Blago - Emanuel Potty-mouth Steel Cage Smackdown.” (’Potty-mouth Porcelain Bowl Smackdown’?)

    And I want it now. Fuckin’ A.

    Also.

  28. kingofnothing says at 9:10 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    assistant/atlas: I can’t tell whether the second “fucking” is an adjective or a verb. It makes a big difference.

  29. vintageways says at 9:40 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    assistant/atlas: I would pay good money to read Barry and Rahm’s e-mails. Or hobo beans, whichever has greater value.

  30. Bearbloke says at 10:27 pm, February 2nd, 2009

    jagorev: Appropriately enough, US Grant had DaddyBearBottom@usarmy.gov, but only his very close Emancipated menservants got to use it…

  31. I hear in the JJ Abrams version, Tim Russ will be the young pre-captaincy Obama.

  32. Rielle Hunter says at 1:15 am, February 3rd, 2009

    I don’t care how many 18 year-old asian females have livejournal entries dedicated to his sexiness…….I still would fuck him harder than any of those bitches.

    *this has nothing to do with the above entry. I just think it’s important to express oneself whilst consuming the pinot

  33. Bearbloke says at 2:00 am, February 3rd, 2009

    Rielle Hunter: He’ll drink to that!

  34. Magnus Maximus says at 5:48 am, February 3rd, 2009

    I’m not too impressed with the Blackberry. He probably just uses it to play Ms. Pac-Man.

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