• May 27, 2012

Arizona Porn Attack!

by Sara K. Smith  9:16 am February 2, 2009

Run childrens the porn is COMING FOR YOUOh noes certain homes in the Tucson area saw 30 seconds of pornography instead of the Super Bowl as the game reached its exciting conclusion last night! With only three minutes left in play, viewers were shocked to see not football but instead a lady unzipping some guy’s pants, and then “he did his little dance with everything hanging out,” said one stunned resident. It looks like an adult cable channel crossed with the NBC feed into certain analog TV sets. This is a strong argument against converting to digital cable. Why does Joe the Plumber want to keep hard-working Americans from viewing occasional free porn? [Arizona Daily Star]

{ 59 comments }

Bypartizoa February 2, 2009 at 9:20 am

So, in a way, Arizona won.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2009 at 9:23 am

Better to see pr0n on the tube than to see the Cardinals D get violated by Pittsborg with less than a minute to go.

Mild Midwesterner February 2, 2009 at 9:23 am

There’s a joke about a tight end in here somewhere…

shanemacgowan February 2, 2009 at 9:24 am

Apparenlty that is how the Soppranos was really supposed to end.

cal February 2, 2009 at 9:25 am

SKS – Where oh where did you get that pic?

thongthongthong February 2, 2009 at 9:27 am

When Janet had her malfunction, the media were all to eager to tell us it was a SIZE C,
So, I call unfair! Size details please!

mighty! February 2, 2009 at 9:27 am

pr0n on the analog tv, now that’s change I can believe in…

thank you Mr. Obama!!

rocktonsammy February 2, 2009 at 9:28 am

I thought that was 30 seconds of Holmes end zone dance.

Monsieur Grumpe February 2, 2009 at 9:29 am

I rarely watch sports but if this becomes a regular thing I might change my viewing habits. So how did it end?

shanemacgowan February 2, 2009 at 9:29 am

[re=233872]cal[/re]: On just about 65% of the sites on the internet.

WikipediaBrown February 2, 2009 at 9:31 am

Damn that Tyler Durden!

WagTehGod February 2, 2009 at 9:32 am

See, a happy ending for everyone!

bdevil02 February 2, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=233872]cal[/re]: Apparently, that’s what you get when you google image “children porn.”

thongthongthong February 2, 2009 at 9:39 am

[re=233882]bdevil02[/re]: That would be 30 seconds before the feds knock down your door.

cal February 2, 2009 at 9:40 am

[re=233882]bdevil02[/re]: Yeah, but I’m kinda scared of what else I’ll get…

LordPretzel February 2, 2009 at 9:40 am

Look at the names of the interviewees. Cora King. Jeanene Piek. Clearly the Daily Star just asked 80-year-old women about the porn attack. I’d like to hear testimony from the many teenaged boys who all became men at the same time.

TGY February 2, 2009 at 9:40 am

What’s this ‘reached its exciting conclusion’ when you could’ve written ‘reached its exciting climax’? Oh, alas for missed opportunity. Mmmmm, climaxes.

Giant Robot February 2, 2009 at 9:42 am

Congrats to the 13 yr old who hacked Comcast. That’s a resume builder. But isn’t porn in high def a little creepy?

iwillsavethispatient February 2, 2009 at 9:44 am

And to think I was only disturbed by the gratuitous collision between a camera and Bruce Springsteen’s crotch.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 2, 2009 at 9:46 am

I miss the old days when I had to masturbate to talking naked frogs during the Superbowl.

WadISay February 2, 2009 at 9:47 am

Are they absolutely sure it wasn’t a Victoria’s Secret commercial?

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 2, 2009 at 9:47 am

And this is why this Superbowl was the BEST GAME EVAR!

norbizness February 2, 2009 at 9:49 am

That excerpt sounds like the Director’s Cut for The Sound of Music.

actor212 February 2, 2009 at 9:51 am

Damn. Porn would have been better than the over-hyped boring game of “Referee Decides Who Wins” football I saw last night…

rmontcal February 2, 2009 at 9:57 am

[re=233891]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: That halftime show just locked down the first 10 minutes of this week’s “The Soup”.

thongthongthong February 2, 2009 at 10:11 am

Where’s NakedBunny to weigh in on the rabbit ear thing?

Cape Clod February 2, 2009 at 10:14 am

[re=233894]WadISay[/re]: Maybe PETA hacked into the network and shoved their vegetable porn down eveyone’s throats.

Canmon (the Inadequate) February 2, 2009 at 10:19 am

[re=233891]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: I was disturbed when Springsteen told me to put down my chicken wings, even though it was evident that he hasn’t been turning down many snacks lately. I would have changed the channel if my hands weren’t covered in barbecue sauce.

quoth teh Raven February 2, 2009 at 10:22 am

It made up for Springsteen’s lame half-time show. Can we all say cheeeeeeezzzzy?

hobospacejungle February 2, 2009 at 10:32 am

Don’t you people have DVRs? I slept through the game, then woke up & watched in about an hour. 30-second FF is your friend. I saw all the plays but none of the other stuff. Unfortunately the other stuff included penis porn. Forget what I said. Damn that DVR!

Joey Ratz February 2, 2009 at 10:34 am

Bah! This Tucson resident missed the porn interlude. I was probably too traumatised after the lame-ass Springsteen halftime show.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 2, 2009 at 10:39 am

“The Super Bowl was being shown locally on KVOA.”

It’s good to see Voice of America getting the message of freedom, democracy, and porn into godforsaken places like Arizona.

Gopherit February 2, 2009 at 10:55 am

Who would have thought comcast could fuck up something like this?

That porn looks slightly more interesting than that abortion of a game.

hobospacejungle February 2, 2009 at 11:08 am

“That porn looks slightly more interesting than that abortion of a game.”

What? You don’t like watching grown men pounding each other?

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul February 2, 2009 at 11:20 am

[re=233877]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I would only assume it ended like a hunting trip with Dick Cheney: with a shot in the face.

Mr Blifil February 2, 2009 at 11:26 am

FWIW, I’ll be “doing my little dance” for the better part of the day.

Mr Blifil February 2, 2009 at 11:27 am

[re=233877]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I’m almost certain it was a happy ending.

PerhapsSo February 2, 2009 at 11:30 am

I must have called my parents immediately after it happened, because my dad was kind of shocked and trying to tell me that there was porn on his TV instead of the Superbowl. So then I thought that he was a perv for telling me that he and my mom were sitting around watching porn instead of the Superbowl. So good going, Comcast, making me think that my dad is a perv.

Woodwards Friend February 2, 2009 at 11:37 am

Coming on the heels of the endless dog humping at Puppy Bowl V makes this even worse.

InsidiousTuna February 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

Re: Phelps…
I honestly don’t care. The kid’s won 14 gold medals, and he’s 23. He could ass-fuck the Pope on the steps of the US Capitol and I’d say he’s earned it.

Hit it one time for me, Mike.

psilage February 2, 2009 at 11:52 am

Those signs are all over the highway in San Diego.
Never figured out why.

InsidiousTuna February 2, 2009 at 11:52 am

Totally meant to post that in the Phelps story post.

nestor February 2, 2009 at 11:54 am

AS a Tucson resident I am disappointed that I subscribe to Cox Cable and not Comcast. Seriously.

thefrontpage February 2, 2009 at 11:55 am

Was Al Michaels yelling, “He…could…go…..all…..the…..way!”

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul February 2, 2009 at 12:00 pm

[re=233944]PerhapsSo[/re]: I would be most alarmed if ever knew my father was watching sports instead of porn. But then again I’m from Europe.

bitchincamaro February 2, 2009 at 12:04 pm

[re=233944]PerhapsSo[/re]: I’d consider suing for mental torture. Implanting the thought of one’s parents actually doing it after viewing porn, is beyond the pale.

gurukalehuru February 2, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Touchdown!!

peachgirl February 2, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=233905]Cape Clod[/re]: From the limited description given above (if EVER a video clip was called for…) it seems no meat was eaten, so yeah, PETA.

skutre February 2, 2009 at 1:08 pm

What do you expect with Madden saying ‘good penetration’ every other minute? That’s bound to evoke some kind of digital voodoo shit.

PerhapsSo February 2, 2009 at 1:17 pm

[re=233973]bitchincamaro[/re]: Somehow, if my dad were watching the porn, it would be a little offputting, but not quite so vomit-inducing as mom-and-dad-watching-and-then-telling-me-about-it. Just go about your business. I do not need to know about it.

InEugene February 2, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Dear friends here is the offending clip, please remove the children from the room.
http://fleshbot.com/5144220/porn-invades-the-super-bowl

skutre February 2, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=234076]InEugene[/re]: There is NFW that was an accident

ALL Hail AZ Haxorz!!!!

Moar
Sauce Pleeze

Accordion-o-rama February 2, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Nameless cable systems engineer – I salute you!

mylesfromnowhere February 2, 2009 at 2:58 pm

I think comcast and NBC should be fined for the “whore-robe malfunction” and be forced to buy every Janet Jackson CD forever. also.

Bearbloke February 2, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=233959]psilage[/re]: That’s because the porn industry is also being outsourced to Mexico… so fight back! BUY AMERICAN!!!

[re=233961]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Maybe you were too wasted when you posted it? As for me, I and my fellow hopeful members of the 2010 Michael Phelps International Pot-Smoking Competition team tuned out the Tom Jones Bruuuuuce Springsteen show and watched a training film to help fine-tune our game…

Uncle Glenny February 2, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=233931]hobospacejungle[/re]: I’d probably be more interested in large men in tights banging (ahem) into each other than 30 seconds of straight, probably bad, porn. (But I saw neither…)

[i]The Star newsroom was flooded with calls from irate viewers who said that the porn cut into the game with less than three minutes left to play, just after Arizona Cardinals player Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to put the team in the lead.[/i]

See? They were upset because they were missing the game.

Mel_David February 2, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Shocked viewer quoted in story loses points for not using the phrase “Pants-off Dance Off”

mylesfromnowhere February 2, 2009 at 8:24 pm

Was this a remake of Heidi? (1968 game)

Bearbloke February 3, 2009 at 6:51 am

[re=233961]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Maybe you were too wasted when you posted it? As for me, I and my fellow hopeful members of the 2010 Michael Phelps
International Pot-Smoking Competition team
tuned out the Tom Jones Bruuuuuce Springsteen show and watched a training film to us help fine-tune our game…

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