Wonkette
Wonkette queer memorabilia operative “Laura” has excavated the D.C. equivalent of a full velociraptor skeleton: “I was just cleaning my room and found Larry Craig’s signed Senate business card in my underwear drawer (along with other mementos from a high school trip to DC). Holy crap! I don’t know what to do with it! What do you think…eBay it or frame and hang it on my bathroom wall?” Laura for god’s sake, IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM. And take good care of it, it is probably deteriorating after years of being surrounded by Craig Kryponite.
Hang on to it till he self-destructs for real. Then it’ll bring in the bucks. Too old to be ’sticky’ or anything, yes?
Can I say that’s the only time Larry Craig has been near girl’s underwear?
“it is probably deteriorating after years of being surrounded by Craig Kryponite.”
Is Craig Kryptonite a euphemism for Larry’s love juice?
Oh and he is in the “Hart Building!” Isn’t that cute?
I would just show it to people and say, “Whaddya think of that?”
Check it for taint.
Oh, the bathroom wall, definitely. Near the baseboards.
Texan Bulldoggette: I think Craig Kryptonite is a girl’s underwear. Destroys his magical powers.
This is priceless! Washington Monthly reports that Andrew Card is having a hissy fit over Mr. Hawaii’s lack of respect for the appropriate attire befitting the WH: “…I found that Ronald Reagan and both President Bushes treated the Oval Office with tremendous respect. They treated the Office of the Presidency with tremendous respect. And some of that respect was reflected in how they expected people to behave, how they expected them to dress when they walked into the symbol of freedom for the world, the Oval Office. And yes, I’m disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems to be taking place in this White House and the Oval Office.”
Is he fucking kidding me – didn’t he work in the administration that basically wiped their asses with the constitution. Who is he to talk about respecting the office.
How did Laura forget that Larry Craig was in her underwear? I would think that would be something someone would remember.
This Laura must have a really butch haircut, or have that androgynous thing goin on to be gettin the attention of a stallion like Craig. So jealous, you guys…
That is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away for nothing.
definitely deserving of a frame and prominent display in your bathroom, perhaps under the toilet lid or better yet as some sort of “tap foot here” marker.
Laura, first and foremost wash your hands in bleach. Then handle that thing with gloves.
I’d preserve it in acrylic or an airtight case.
Also, burn all of your unmentionables.
Keep the card, sell the underwear.
Hound: Damn, beat me to it.
kingofnothing: So SHE’S the one that turned him into a toe-tapper. Tsk-tsk, Laura.
Just slide it under the stall divider and it’s “magic time.”
Call me totally naïve and my sympathy misplaced but I actually feel sorry for Mr. Craig. You gotta feel sorry for someone who is driven to this level to deny his nature. He grew up in a bigoted place and he internalized that hate.
Mr Blifil: Rip the sig and put it on every road sign in your respective city. People would shit themselves.
The loops in that signature tell the whole story.
Dreamer: If he stopped at internalizing it, I’d feel sorry for him. It’s his subsequent externalizing of it — to gays wanting to get married, etc. — that earns him the deserved scorn.
Make copies, preserve the original in a block of Lucite, and then paper the town!
If you scratch the card, it smells like the fifth stall on the right.
The letters forming the “arry” “Craig” are trying to appear straight, but the way he flubbed on the “a” and had to backtrack and rewrite it clearly shows that he is a fraudulent straight guy who can’t help himself when he thinks about tight a-holes. On the other hand, his “L” and “E” are bold and symmetrical, almost as if they were “tapped” out rhythmically, and boldly announce his loopiness.
j6n: OOps, just saw that our great minds think alike.
Dreamer: No kidding. Bush & Reagan both shit all over the Presidency. Obama is actually working rather than sitting around waiting for the dinner bell.
If he showed up in workout clothes he’d still get more respect from us ‘American’s than either of those 2 fake asshats.
I remember reading once that Bill Cosby went into a restaurant that was ‘tie only.’ They offered him a tie for his shirt, he took it, and then tied the tie around his forehead.
After reading Mr. Denby’s well-researched book, I must conclude that this post is an example of psychological male cock-fight syndrome. Also.
Frame it in a toilet seat and hang in the bathroom. Duh!
Dreamer: Yeah really……..W on the Constitution: “It’s just a god damned piece of paper!”
Dreamer: Fuck the Fucking Fucker!
crikey_booya: Keep the card. Give ME the underwear!
Wow, this card find is great, and the card should clearly go into the Smithsonian, along with all the jewels and mummies and stuff.
A grateful nation owes Laura our thanks for sharing.
But humor me. Two small questions: How, exactly, did the card find its way into your underwear drawer, Laura? What, pray tell, were you doing on that “high school trip” to DC?
Remember, this may be important for the health and safety of you and those you love.
You may expect a call from the Centers for Disease Control shortly.
If you can get Chris Mathews’ signature on the back of that card its value will double.
So….since when did the bath houses put in underwear drawers?
What, no one’s mentioned her fingernails yet?
Don’t be fooled. “Laura” is a 16-year old boy named Larry. Craig’s words upon meeting Larry: “Hey little fella, my name is Larry too!! Here’s my card. Give me a call sometime, hotcakes.”
joezoo: Those nails prove my theory. And that 16-year old Larry is emo.
If Larry was named “Rudy” you would all be clapping for him right now. You people are bigots against gays. Larry, while he doesn’t know it (like Tom Cruise and stuffs) does not know that he is FIGHTING ALL OF YOU. YOU BIGOT BASTARDS. THE SHAME.
If someone put a gun to my head (via anti-social disorder) and forced me to go to sexy-boning-town with either Ted Hagrid from the Church of Slytherin Gay Ministers, and Larry Craig from the Page Boys Band, I would choose Craig in heartbeat. Stop hating, you guys would do it too.
Colander: That’s A heartbeat. A, also, heartbeat.
Also.
I think you got the wrong card. I went to that “craig.senate.gov” website and all they had were a bunch of half-dressed firemen and soldiers.
Dreamer: So in other words Barry’s people are actually working rather than being stuffed shirts?
The author ought to just come out and say what he feels about Kangol’s, Fubu wear, Air Jordans, etc he fears are being worn. And how is he such a judge of what is being worn every day there? Only your Barry is in there enough to get a valid assessment.
Do you suppose Larry has a private pick up card with just personal cell & email?
He’s probably give him self a title like “International Man of Mystery” or “Senator Stud” etc
Laura: so, ah, he signed his card and slipped it into your underwear? While you weren’t looking, eh? Bikinis or thongs? Also, I confess I’m also curious about these other DC ‘mementos’.
But wait! I have a dynamite idea for a line of DC souvenir panties printed with ‘memorabilia’, like the senatorial eagle on the crotch or logos like ‘Larry Craig wasn’t here’.
Oh, well, it’s probably already been done.
TGY: Ahem. My DC souvenirs are printed with Wonkettini trucknutz cherries. All rights reserved.
And Larry Craig has NOT been there.
That card needs to come out of Laura’s closet and go into another one - one with men’s underwear. Only then will it be true to itself.
stopmebeforeitypeagain: It’s a lesson to all those high school kids in the audience: if you’re visiting our nation’s capital, don’t dress like a boy around members of Congress.
The card should be forwarded to Security Operative Walter Sobchak, so he can present it to “Little Larry” and ask a very important question.
Both Larry Craig and Andrew Card are morons. They deserve an uncomforatable marooning on an island!
That’s right, fuck those fuckers, ya hear? very well then.
I call fake. How could a woman get her hands on that card without entering a men’s room?
I’m also pretty sure the bearer of that card is entitled to a Super-Tuber gift basket. Hah. I said “basket.”
Yes, but not at all deterior-rated. As Reeves and this card demonstrate, Kryponite makes any susceptible thing less smug—far more handsome, as after a session of interval training.
And can we have the pretentious ‘lapel standard’—as seen in his mugshot—be known as a ‘glory pin’?
(Real unions used them for braking a breaker, something serious, as Hopey seems to appreciate.)
crikey_booya: win. Pictures would suffice. also.
I would keep it in my actual underwear. At all times.
SayItWithWookies: Win! You rule are this commenting thing.
crikey_booya: When the jaws of life extract only your wallet successfully, the question will not be “Did he have on Laura’s underwear?”
…but, rather, laughter.
Laura, I’m surprised that hearing showtunes coming from your underwear drawer didn’t give you a clue to look in there long ago.
Totally OT, and not terribly snarkful, for which I apologize in advance, but I would just like to mention that tomorrow is Groundhog Day (insert your own favorite line from the film here…mine is “flapjacks.”), February 2nd, which is also the day that Karl Rove has been subpoenaed to testify in front of somebody or other. Well, he’s ignored subpoenas before and he’ll probably choose to ignore this one.
Which brings me to my point. Change I can believe in would include seeing Karl Rove arrested, and compelled to testify. If that happens, Barack Obama becomes the best president ever.
If not, he’s a sleazy weasel like all the rest, and we are probably totally doomed as a species.
Tomorrow, I say. Also.
Oh, and hey, Laura, could we at least get some pix of the underwear?
gurukalehuru: Not quite yet.
gurukalehuru: I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I think either the administration or Congressional Democrats just delayed the deadline of the Rove subpoena by three weeks.
Or maybe there’s more than one, in which case happy days, and “never mind.”
SayItWithWookies: Yep.
TGY: “I have a dynamite idea for a line of DC souvenir panties printed with ‘memorabilia’, like the senatorial eagle on the crotch or logos like ‘Larry Craig wasn’t here’.”
yes, comes in a two-pack with one with the presidential eagle that says “…but Obama was”
gurukalehuru: They’re hicks, Rita. That’s my favorite line.
I ‘ll trade my Sen. Blanche Lincoln card for your Larry Craig card.
It definitely does belong in a museum, this is the King Tut of gay memoribilia.
Someone call Indiana Jones to go rescue this priceless treasure from the greedy hands of this artifact-monger “Laura”.
I wish there was a way for people to know what the macro button on their camera does.
Ok you guys. The pandering is starting:
“The newly elected chairman of the Republican National Committee, the first African-American ever to hold that position, says his party must do a better job of courting candidates and voters who support gay marriage and are pro-choice.
“I think that’s an important opportunity for us, absolutely. Within our party we do have those who have that view,” Michael Steele told Fox’s Chris Wallace Sunday morning.”
Link
I’ve got a Congressional Gallery pass signed by Mel Reynolds. Where does that rank on the scandal-o-meter? Do I win the Lotto?
Its been alluded to, but that much badly brushed polish on such a bitten-off nail?
The card has the above obvious, but that thumbnail is indeed a thumbnail of somebody’s (i.e. “Laura” )subconscious. Is “Laura” even his real name.
Colander: THAT is funny. Good quote from article:
“His victory incensed former Republican Louisiana State Representative (and founder of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan) David Duke, who called Steele a “racist.” “
Dreamer: Really. What a card. As in Andrew, as in total Dick.
j6n: Damn, way quicker on the draw than I am today.
Colander: Someone should find out what company makes that pancake makeup Steele’s using so that we can all buy stock in it.
Forgive the OT, but I saw my first pair of non-ironic Truck-Nutz yesterday, on a gleaming Toyota Tacoma pickup belonging to a landscape contractor. So they’re real! What a sweet moment….
I would frame it and hang it on the bathroom wall — at foot level.
Let me get this straight: Larry Craig put a signed card in Laura’s underwear drawer without her knowledge? No, that’s not creepy at all.
V572625694: Yeah, I’ll never forget my first (and so far, only) time either.
sezme: I wouldn’t use “straight” and “Larry Craig” in the same sentence.
I’m watching David Brooks interview Gwen Ifill. He’s comparing being a conservative in Washington to being a black candidate in nationwide electoral politics.
Eat a corpse’s ass, David Brooks.
I just checked my underwear drawer and I found some antique rubbers but no Larry Craig calling cards. I suggest everybody check their underwear storage.
It’s possible that Larry might have gone off the deep end and now thinks he’s some sort of perverted offshoot of the tooth fairy. Underwear Fairy Larry Craig? Hell, if he can make living at it who am I to criticize?
I know a friend that knows a friend that has one of Vitter’s diapers. And it’s signed!
Monsieur Grumpe: I took your advice and checked my drawer. My arraignment is on Tuesday. THANKS.
Let me say, I am glad to say Wonkette is a Sooperbowl free zone. That being said, I am watching (nothing else on). And I’m sure when I’m in Muzzie-land tomorrow, it will be a hot topic of conversation. Well, at least something to deflect the Gaza talk.
Get it FRAMED, dammit.
shortsshortsshorts: Hahahhah…
And how do we know “Laura” is woman?
Hey, I have a couple of autographed business cards from uhh . . . you know, what’s his name . . . the “I Am A Gay American” former governor of NJ. You think I could unload that for some change? Even hobo peanuts get expensive.
Andy, unless GHWB and GWB were both ornament boxwood, it’s “Bushs” not “Bushes.” Then again, you did master your language skills in a Republican White House and stratergerize with the best.
It’s cool the way that ‘i’ on the signature was dotted with a tiny smiley face.
Lock your doors, Laura. Lock them damn tight. And no opening when you hear tap-tap-tap. Instead of Newell asking for your latest edition of “Elle”, it could be Larry gone Gonzo hetero.
OT, but my “girlfriend” just arrived in D.C. I haven’t been to your city in WELL A LONG BIT OF AWHILE, so I was wondering what the best bar to go to is. By the way she loves it so far. She is staying on L Street near what appears to be an H&M. ANY HELP. KTHNXBIE.
That card shure has a purty L.
shortsshortsshorts:
I don’t know about DC but when I’m in a town that’s new to me I just get out in public, dress in something very inappropriate and start screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. Good time have always ensued.
Monsieur Grumpe:
Good timeS have always ensued.
Trust me I’m drunked.
El Pinche: In what?
S.Luggo: He was doomed from the beginning. Larry has officially made me a Calvinist.
shortsshortsshorts: Try Chuckie Cheese. But be careful to step lightly over Dick Cheney’s quivering body. He still has Secret Service protection.
S.Luggo: shortsshortsshorts: If the Chuck E. Cheese in D.C. is anything like those in PA, then, definitely yes, you should go.
http://articles.lancasteronline.com/local/4/233056
“eBay it or frame and hang it on my bathroom wall?”
Do you really need to ask? BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL BATHROOM WALL