Wonkette
MAN does it suck to be in the Congressional minority leadership, especially when you’re the Republicans and you’ve got enraged Bitters calling your office and screaming the latest pitchfork-mob chants from Limbaugh every waking second, for no reason. The RedState blog has its own way of endlessly prodding: stunts. Hyper-masculine, masturbatory war stunts with PHOTOSHOP logos. The most ongoing of these is the “Red State Strike Force,” a juiced-up, earnest nickname for what is basically… an e-mail list. And here’s the latest, where you mail Mitch McConnell some “balls,” like “golf balls,” because there is nothing secretly gay about a BADASS STUNT where you mail gross, old Mitch McConnell a pretend set of testicles.
Mission: Locate any items that could resemble a “pair” if you catch the drift–
(PSST: LIKE A NUTSACK)
–and ship them to Mitch McConnell with a your opinion about the apparent lack of will to take a serious stand on issues important to the movement.
These items could be golf balls, novelty items (think Spencers, eBay, Amazon for inspiration), or real items such as various “dried scrotum” products found in grocery stores (make sure we can actually ship this sort of thing first). RedState has a good set of balls for sale here.
Be creative, be blunt, but most importantly… be specific in your message as to why you’re helping out by sending these.
(We’ll gladly post an video, audio, or pictures you take of this)
We look forward to the videos of “dried scrotums” people post on RedState. Sort of. Not at all.
Mitch McConnell Needs Some Balls [DontGo/RedState]
WTF no Trucknutz?!?
Mmmmmm mmmmm mmm. Dried scrotums.
What, are they selling their own version of you-know-what-NUTZ?!
Oh hey how about TRUCKNUTZ?
They should sent Mitch a chin while they’re at it.
It would have the added benefit of giving him someplace to rest all the trucknutz he’s sure to receive.
This smacks of some kind of TRUCKNUTZ viral marketing scheme.
‘or real items such as various “dried scrotum” products found in grocery stores’
Where the fuck are these guys shopping?
Now Redstate has trucknutz references.
Hmm… I’ve got something they might find useful on the back of my Truck.
Sounds like now is a good time to invest in the company who produces ‘neuticles’. Oh wait, maybe Mitch already has those. BTW: it’s delicious when they turn on their own.
He doesn’t need testicles. He needs a home to crawl back into since he looks like a poor lil’ turtle that lost his shell.
…I’m sure Mitch McConnell is no stranger to getting bombarded by balls! He is a Rethuglican after all!
Hilzoy talks about this at Obsidian Wings. One of the commenters posts this:
“Among the novelty items RS suggests sending are “truck balls” - cast plastic scroti suitable for hanging from the back bumper of one’s truck.”
TRUCK NUTZ!!! FTW!!!
cal: I’m proud of you for skipping “Fristing” for the Truck Nutz.
He needs lips too.
So have their heads exploded now that “moderate” Maryland Republican Steele is charge? This is going to be fun.
“various ‘dried scrotum’ products found in grocery stores”
What the fuck is he talking about? What do you Merkin people sell in your stores?!
…how long before “Red(neck) State” starts organizing a noose mailing stunt for Michael Steele?!
Scrotums? Scrota? Scroti? Scalia?
actor212: Bill Frist?
Red, spongy meat for the base.
It’s not his fault he’s a Ballchinian. THIS is what happens when your balls are entirely contained in your chin.
I think someone wants to unload their bulk TruckNutz.
Since he-man, overtly hyper-masculine types are Republicans only as a cover for their self-loathing homosexuality, it’s obvious that the whole point of doing this can be found in their following solicitation:
“(We’ll gladly post an video, audio, or pictures you take of this)”
El Pinche: I thought that was called a mouth full of cock?
I just mailed John Boehner a hot dog.
It’s too easy to imagine McConnell’s sad little chin wobbling in dismay as he opens box after box of dried scrotums. Why can’t they pick on someone with a strong, manly jawline, like Anne Coulter?
Kinda hard to tell from that photo. Is Mitch tryin’ to hide his balls, swallow ‘em, or cough ‘em up?
Heck, judging by the look on his face, there not even his.
Man, we so called it! Wonkette now runs ALL REPUBLICAN IDEAS, and those ideas are TRUCKNUTZZ!
Sending dried scrotums to Republicans is the new coals to Newcastle.
How ’bout I mail him some dry white powder instead?
Mr Grumpy’s money saving hint of the day!
Golf balls are expensive and these days money is tighter than the waiting list for Dick Cheney’s torture chamber. Instead of sending two balls, try sending one while making some reference to Hitler’s gonads. Not only will you be more offensive, you’ll save enough money to take your date to McDonalds and super size those fries.
MG
I’m sure I’m not the first to see the family likeness here:
http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z72/sirashlondon/38137f.jpg
All this GOP ball-fondling is sure to come (yeah puns!) full circle when Cocktober rolls around. Will Cocktober 2009 be the best ever? Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
Locate any items that could resemble a “pair” if you catch the drift and ship them to Mitch McConnell
Isn’t sending stuff to your Senator something that COMMIES do?! Smaller government!!?!!
I hate to sound like a PUMA for a moment here, but…OMG this is unbelievably offensive. I would like to “take a serious stand”, in high heels, on each of their nutsacks to demonstrate what non-testicled Americans think of the implication of their gross stunt.
On the other hand, keep it up, RedState! Way to make that tent bigger!
Oh, and other thing I missed mentioning: “RedState has a good set of balls for sale here.”
Obviously this is all just a front for conservative gay prostitution…
Forget testicles. Could someone please send him a chin?
SayItWithWookies: Win + Trucknutz!
He needs an actual chin as well but I don’t understand the problem. He is being a horses’ ass and blocks everything the Democrats try to do. He and Boehner are willing to run the country up on a shoal rather than allow anything relief for the working- and middle-classes.
I guess the Paultards are going to hang in there like the PUManiacs.
hmmm. Dried scrotum served in teabags for fullest flavor.
Jim Newell — You are making this up. This is too outrageous and disgusting. You have to stop, because people might think you are serious, and then they have to think about Mitch McConnell and balls in the same thought. Do you see why that’s bad? Okay, I’m glad we had this talk.
L Urchin: “Balls. Earl Grey. Hot.”
Give Mitch a break. He is busy trying to babysit Jim Bunning. This is not an easy job.
Audio??
qwerty42: “Scroti”? Maybe that would work if the singular were “scrotus” (Secret Service codeword for Barry’s sack). I believe the word they’re looking for is “scrota”.
cal: Him too!
In the photo, Mitch looks like he’s received his first shipment; like Shaq is coming to tea bag him.
Godot: I’ll stick with “nutsack”. It describes both the skin pouch my balls are in and the people posting at Redstate.
Hey, maroons. Mitch is not feelin’ the love from the Red Staters (hence, their ‘send McConnell some balls’ campaign) because, unlike John “Leather Face” Boehner, he is not willing to do a kamakazi on Barry’s Stimulus Plan. Yet.
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/880577.html
Someone should spam him with this:
http://www.naturalnews.com/024858.html
“Speaking of Walnuts, one of the newest products offered by LivingNutz is their mouth-watering Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Creme. The word on the street is that it’s so good, couples are skipping the foreplay and heading right for the Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Cream walnuts! (Order more than one bag, because you’ll go crazy if you can’t have seconds…)”
wtf!? Could the republicans GET any gh3yer?
I’m sure his balls are as easy to find as a google image search.
shortsshortsshorts: Goddamnit you are COLD today.
*are easy to find in a google image search.*
SHIT MAN have a Red Bull or something.
Godot: well, since the end of The Great Paultard War, I’m not really sure we can ask what they mean by any of this. I think it is all caused by teh gehy that is obviously a part of the modern conservative movement. seriously closeted, of course.
If this campaign was run by BHO and Plouffe, they’d ask me to donate $35. In return, I’d get a free set of TRUCKNUTZ with the Obama-Pepsi logo on them.
Damn, I’m hoping that those in Red State Trike Force will do a “Van Gogh” and send them their balls so there is no possibility/danger of procreation.
“Tryke Force”’s more macho symbol
http://www.background-desktop.com/hello-kitty/hello-kitty-001.jpg
qwerty42: Wow! That was before my wonkette days. I really missed out. Those were some funny fucking posts. Too bad all the comments got deleted in that changeover last Spring.
Tony Wonder: Thank you! I’ve always thought he was distinctly turtle-like. And now I have company….
ManchuCandidate: Well absolutely. I mean, if Benny Bufano can cut off his actual finger and send it to President Roosevelt to protest World War II, then the least the Red Staters can do is cut off their own actual euphemisms and send them to Mitch McConnell.
How about teabags?
cal: My very first thought. We’ve all become part of the Wonkette hivemind. Resistance is futile
And when these packages all REALLY get sent to Ohio or wherever the irradiation facility is and they melt the nuts, they’re just gonna get tossed out. Waste of a perfectly good pair of TruckNutz.
Seriously, they nuke everything these days.
Obviously, someone is thinking with his dick.
Cape Clod: Not even my local Korean market goes there. We’re talking about a place where you can buy lots and lots of frozen frogs.
After he wipes the balls out of his eyes, things won’t seem so penisy.
Redstate Strike Force is organizing a campaign to send physical symbolic representations of scrota to a Republican senator? How do I join?
Man, it’s fun watching Republicans turn into Democrats.
Is neutering a Repub PUMA tactic?
One Yield Regular: With their undescended testicles, the Red Staters will find making such a contribution to the unfortunate Mitch an almost impossible chore. What will be needed to extract their little guys for severing is a hemostat (or chrome speculum) kept in an Amana freezer overnight and two yards nylon fishing line. Volunteers?
(Or we could have K. Lopez apply her extraodinary oral talents to vacuum them little buggers out.)
GlennBecksFelch: Yes.
That is why the Repugs have no more moderates.
Cuttaxes Cuttaxes Cuttaxes Startwars Cuttaxes Cuttaxes Screwminorities Cuttaxes Cuttaxes Cuttaxes Screwthepoor. Therein lies the Way of the Repubes. But, but, but Mitch is the Big Slider, the Grand Stinkpot. He did launcheth wars, and verily he has screweth minorities and laid waste to the poor. So if we hate him, it is surely because he LOVES TAXES, and so we must LOP OFF HIS NADS AND MOUNT THEM ON A CROSS OF DOGWOOD! And through his sacrifice we shall be cleansed, and we shall prevail in 2010. So sayeth St. Ronnie, who shitteth at the right hand of the lord, amen.
Make sure to get your copy of the new Red State Trike Force recruiting poster today!
This campaign will work because RedStaters have dozens of slightly used ben wah balls to spare.
I can’t decide whether McConnell looks more like a maggot or an albino tortoise. Because I have love for all animals and he is so repellant I might have to go with the maggot.
I also agree with the person who stated earlier that they ought to be sending him chin implants or new jaw bones, not balls.
I give y’all…
THE SCROTUM SONG
performed by the Asylum Street Spankers.
Let me get this straight.
These guys have named themselves the “Red State Strike Force,” designed themselves a soldier-type patch, and are flexing their militaristic muscles by … mailing frat gag gifts to their own senators?
Red State — real men would be planning their revolution from deep in the woods of Montana by now, eating the testicles of wolves they had killed with their bare hands. Seriously, you should try it! It’ll be just like playing a video game, we promise!
bjkeefe:
LOLz.
But why was the pitcher cropped to omit showing Michelle Malkin jamming an ivory handle, fondue fork into the kid’s back?
I shall send a stern note of complaint about this to the Cato Institute. Yeah.
“Red State Strike Force” …. Wolvereeens!!
“These guys have named themselves the “Red State Strike Force,” designed themselves a soldier-type patch, and are flexing their militaristic muscles by … mailing frat gag gifts to their own senators?”
These guys are the Trekkies of political movements.
Maus: “These guys are the Trekkies of political movements.”
Except that Trekies know when to put phasers on stun.
Ask General Jack Ripper might say, they seek to preserve their Purity of Essence.
It must be very convenient to carry your wife around with you in the pouch of your jowls like that.
My face…it’s melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!
Nigerian Business Executive: I’ve never seen a supermarket-selection of dried scrotum. I have seen some weird stuff at Chinese markets, but that’s not really commonly available.
Must be stuff behind Barry’s wax figure at Jim’s local Safeway?
Can you buy them with hobo food stamps though?
Boy, those Red Staters sure can have a good time. And all while they timidly skirt around using the word ‘nuts’ (why I wonder).
Anyway, let the infighting continue. Maybe the next best Strike Force action can involve Oreos to the new RNC Chair.
Comments are open:
http://www.dontgomovement.com/blog/2009/01/30/rncchair/comment-page-1/#comment-1370
S.Luggo: A fair question, and maybe worth considering for v2.0 of the poster. When I made that, it seemed that Trike Force were more than capable of crying on their own; i.e., without need of outside agency.