bomb the internet

Rick Sanchez, CNN Did Not Give You A Twitter Account For This Nonsense!

Here’s America’s most celebrated Twitterer(?), Rick Sanchez of CNN’s afternoon team, writing a number of ludicrous things. “Knee operation soon,” he announces out of the blue, to the entire Internet. And he wants to have sex with the nurse, but his wife is supposedly with him. He’s just at some hotel having an affair, isn’t he? [Twitter]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Comments

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Glad it wasn’t a vasectomy.

    “Hey everyone, they just shaved MY BALLS! My BALLS!”

  • Electric Zen

    That is awesome how Mrs. “Dirty” Sanchez reads his Twitter, and makes him type “Wife w me” 3 minutes after he awakes from surgery.

  • PerhapsSo

    I just call them twits. Shorter, more efficient, more accurate.

  • Mr Blifil

    “She’s young, beautiful, and about to do her country a solid by euthanizing me…”

  • masterdebater

    “…young, beautiful, and about to put me under.”

    Damn, some people go their whole life without ever being able to write that! Only in America!

  • contentsunderpressure

    Twitter is for twits, check my account!

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I’m pretty sure he’s having a baby. Probably mine.

  • Nerdalicious

    This diatribe from Sanchez makes the narcissist Blago look like a humble monk.

    “Dr. Gupta walks in with scalpel & mask. Gupta sez I don’t need to operate anymore I’m friggin Surgeon General of the U.S of A. I’ll get you a great resident that just graduated from Med School yesterday to operate on you Rick, hold on one minute, K?”

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait until he gets to the part where they take out his catheter. And if he didn’t have one in, they should put one in just for the Twitter.

  • bureaucrap

    Hospitals are now letting you take your Iphone into the operating room so you can type “zzzzz…” as the general anesthesia takes effect? And so you can type “where am I?” when you regain consciousness?

    I find the whole thing quite suspicious. Then again, I don’t twitter — I only declaim.

  • blader

    He’s such a fucking moron for not doing the epidural. The general anesthesia will probably kill him

  • tunamelt

    OH GOD I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

    I hate reading the twitters, too. This guy ruins my lunch break every time.

  • Doglessliberal

    Just because we have the technology to narrate our lives, does not mean we MUST. Please, please, enough with the inane Twitters and Facebook postings. “….well, this morning I pooped”. We do not care! Why not go spend time with the actual people instead of narrating your lives for them electronically?

    [shuffles off to her Luddites’ and old folks’ home from her soapbox]

  • Mr Blifil

    Seeing white light want to go toward it
    2 seconds ago from txt

    Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
    Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
    Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
    Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
    15 seconds ago from txt

    Don’t! Stop!
    2 minutes ago from txt

    Is that Wolf behind that surgical mask?
    5 minutes ago from txt

    Feeling pressure near my butt
    12 minutes ago from txt

    Going to surgery now
    22 minutes ago from txt

  • shortsshortsshorts

    ***Just took a shit. Thinking about murder-suicide.***

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=231864]blader[/re]: The general anesthesia will probably kill him

    Maybe he’ll tweet the afterlife.

  • Godot
  • shanemacgowan

    “About to go into pre op.”

    Isn’t that the plot of “Transamerica?”

  • Nerdalicious

    “They made a big oops. It’s not my shoulder. I have to have an emergency colonoscopy without anaestesia because I swallowed my gum. Ouch. That resident that just graduated from Med School yesterday is really smart, thanks Dr. Gupta!”

  • Delicious

    I get all my news from other people who watch TV and make 10-word summaries on Twitter.

  • Internally valid

    I have never, and will never, look at Twitter because of this guy. But that’s probably what he’s going for. Sanchez might be intentionally trying to destroy all “new media” to help out CNN and whatever newspaper is paying him. Someone should look into that, k?

  • bitchincamaro

    Rick Sanchez: Twitting for all the world’s pre-ops because it’s the right thing to do.

  • Reefpilot

    I don’t really like this guy, but this shit is six flavors of awesome.

  • Larry McAwful

    My brother got me to start a twitter account. I’ve posted a few times on it, each time about doing the laundry. The thing is, every time I’m using a computer, that’s what I’m doing. If I’m doing something else, then I’m not using a computer. I’m not going to post about how I’m using a computer because who cares. I’ll post about doing laundry because the washing machine can be washing while I’m using the computer, so it’s like I’m multitasking, which is very “in” these days, I hear.

  • Dernyul

    Shaving you say…

  • Lucas Burch

    @drnick: Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?
    1 minute ago

  • freakishlystrong

    Shit, I hope KKKarl twats about being arrested when he ignores another supboena..

  • heroinmule

    Speaking of surgery/CNN flunkies, how come we didn’t get a post about Glenn Beck/spanking?

  • CankleBiter

    [re=231856]Mr Blifil[/re]: For the win!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Someone could make millions doing a Twitter knock-off about Twittering. We could finally resolve this illustrious need for “reality.”

  • ladymacbeth

    i think i speak for all of us when i say we would welcome giant campbell brown ads if we could get rid of sarah and tummy fat lady.

    actually i would subscribe to wonkette if we got rid of sarah and tummy fat lady.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=231882]Godot[/re]: Judging by the number of people who talk on their cellphones WHILE IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS, using those restrooms, I am sure someone has sunk to that level and actually done it already. I heard someone having a business conversation on her cell in the ladies’ room the other day. I, of course, flushed and hoped the person on the other end heard it.

  • shanemacgowan

    [re=231918]ladymacbeth[/re]: seconded.

  • FMA

    Man, Rich Sanchez’s life is like a bad ’70s porn flick.

  • Iggy Plop

    pre op? so he’s already got the titties? they must be awful small. and i think the therapists say you need to be living and working in your chosen gender before the choppy-choppy.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Please, none of this is real. He obviously is just composing a letter to Penthouse and accidentally sent it out over Twitter.

  • actor212

    Twitter is for twits.

  • Neon Trotsky

    FYI, it’s sad that I know this, but there’s an insane bitter lady who posts “RICK SANCHEZ KILLED PPL IN DUI CRASH” on every YouTube video of him that I encountered yesterday. Personally, I hope this provokes another wave of furious posting from her…

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=231918]ladymacbeth[/re]: [re=231931]shanemacgowan[/re]: Thirded.

    And just wondering: is twitting what our President is doing with his Crackberry?

  • glamourdammerung

    Actually, I do not fault the guy for commenting on the nurses. If I were about to be put under and operated on, I would make a point of laughing at their jokes and complimenting them.

  • JGB

    I hope he finds that ATM, that side of Pittsburgh gets really dark at night, if you follow me.

  • bhosp

    [re=231902]Dernyul[/re]: Yeah lots of shaving? For a knee operation? I mean clearly there’s shaving, but if you’ve got significant knee hair you’ve clearly got some kind of hormone issue.

  • finland

    wait this is real? i thought this was gonna end with “and that’s what someone who hacked into this teevee person’s twitter account sent to everyone.” the olds and mentally handicappeds with the twittering…it is too much!

  • assistant/atlas

    My boss had been hounding me that our company should start twittering so I sent this as an example and now he’s not so sure we should do it at all.

    Thanks, Rick Sanchez, for being so completely inane!

    Seriously though, thank you.

  • 2druk2phluq

    I’d rather see Sanchez naked than read his twitter, and that’s in the bottom ten things I’d like to see in my lifetime.

  • slinkimalinki

    yeah, it’s all fun and games until the young, beautiful nurse shaves a backwards B into your chest.

  • gliberal

    Rick Sanchez is the most egotistical sack of shit that ever walked the planet. You fucking hump. STFU.

  • FlownOver

    Screw the epidural. Just tase me, bro!

  • sanantonerose

    And I say verily, Twitter is the ruination of everything.

  • Floggy Bottom

    Shoulda put him under w/ cont’d Tasering to his incisors

  • Floggy Bottom

    …and we’d be in for a treat if he scores an interview with Blago’s hairdresser.