BOMB THE INTERNET  2:16 pm January 29, 2009

Rick Sanchez, CNN Did Not Give You A Twitter Account For This Nonsense!

by Jim Newell

Here’s America’s most celebrated Twitterer(?), Rick Sanchez of CNN’s afternoon team, writing a number of ludicrous things. “Knee operation soon,” he announces out of the blue, to the entire Internet. And he wants to have sex with the nurse, but his wife is supposedly with him. He’s just at some hotel having an affair, isn’t he? [Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 51 comments }

ManchuCandidate January 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Glad it wasn’t a vasectomy.

“Hey everyone, they just shaved MY BALLS! My BALLS!”

Electric Zen January 29, 2009 at 2:23 pm

That is awesome how Mrs. “Dirty” Sanchez reads his Twitter, and makes him type “Wife w me” 3 minutes after he awakes from surgery.

PerhapsSo January 29, 2009 at 2:25 pm

I just call them twits. Shorter, more efficient, more accurate.

Mr Blifil January 29, 2009 at 2:26 pm

“She’s young, beautiful, and about to do her country a solid by euthanizing me…”

masterdebater January 29, 2009 at 2:26 pm

“…young, beautiful, and about to put me under.”

Damn, some people go their whole life without ever being able to write that! Only in America!

contentsunderpressure January 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Twitter is for twits, check my account!

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

I’m pretty sure he’s having a baby. Probably mine.

Nerdalicious January 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

This diatribe from Sanchez makes the narcissist Blago look like a humble monk.

“Dr. Gupta walks in with scalpel & mask. Gupta sez I don’t need to operate anymore I’m friggin Surgeon General of the U.S of A. I’ll get you a great resident that just graduated from Med School yesterday to operate on you Rick, hold on one minute, K?”

SayItWithWookies January 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Wait until he gets to the part where they take out his catheter. And if he didn’t have one in, they should put one in just for the Twitter.

bureaucrap January 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Hospitals are now letting you take your Iphone into the operating room so you can type “zzzzz…” as the general anesthesia takes effect? And so you can type “where am I?” when you regain consciousness?

I find the whole thing quite suspicious. Then again, I don’t twitter — I only declaim.

blader January 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm

He’s such a fucking moron for not doing the epidural. The general anesthesia will probably kill him

tunamelt January 29, 2009 at 2:29 pm

OH GOD I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

I hate reading the twitters, too. This guy ruins my lunch break every time.

Doglessliberal January 29, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Just because we have the technology to narrate our lives, does not mean we MUST. Please, please, enough with the inane Twitters and Facebook postings. “….well, this morning I pooped”. We do not care! Why not go spend time with the actual people instead of narrating your lives for them electronically?

[shuffles off to her Luddites' and old folks' home from her soapbox]

Mr Blifil January 29, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Seeing white light want to go toward it
2 seconds ago from txt

Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop
15 seconds ago from txt

Don’t! Stop!
2 minutes ago from txt

Is that Wolf behind that surgical mask?
5 minutes ago from txt

Feeling pressure near my butt
12 minutes ago from txt

Going to surgery now
22 minutes ago from txt

shortsshortsshorts January 29, 2009 at 2:32 pm

***Just took a shit. Thinking about murder-suicide.***

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 29, 2009 at 2:33 pm

[re=231864]blader[/re]: The general anesthesia will probably kill him

Maybe he’ll tweet the afterlife.

Godot January 29, 2009 at 2:34 pm
shanemacgowan January 29, 2009 at 2:34 pm

“About to go into pre op.”

Isn’t that the plot of “Transamerica?”

Nerdalicious January 29, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“They made a big oops. It’s not my shoulder. I have to have an emergency colonoscopy without anaestesia because I swallowed my gum. Ouch. That resident that just graduated from Med School yesterday is really smart, thanks Dr. Gupta!”

Delicious January 29, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I get all my news from other people who watch TV and make 10-word summaries on Twitter.

Internally valid January 29, 2009 at 2:37 pm

I have never, and will never, look at Twitter because of this guy. But that’s probably what he’s going for. Sanchez might be intentionally trying to destroy all “new media” to help out CNN and whatever newspaper is paying him. Someone should look into that, k?

bitchincamaro January 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Rick Sanchez: Twitting for all the world’s pre-ops because it’s the right thing to do.

Reefpilot January 29, 2009 at 2:42 pm

I don’t really like this guy, but this shit is six flavors of awesome.

Larry McAwful January 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm

My brother got me to start a twitter account. I’ve posted a few times on it, each time about doing the laundry. The thing is, every time I’m using a computer, that’s what I’m doing. If I’m doing something else, then I’m not using a computer. I’m not going to post about how I’m using a computer because who cares. I’ll post about doing laundry because the washing machine can be washing while I’m using the computer, so it’s like I’m multitasking, which is very “in” these days, I hear.

Dernyul January 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Shaving you say…

Lucas Burch January 29, 2009 at 2:47 pm

@drnick: Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?
1 minute ago

freakishlystrong January 29, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Shit, I hope KKKarl twats about being arrested when he ignores another supboena..

heroinmule January 29, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Speaking of surgery/CNN flunkies, how come we didn’t get a post about Glenn Beck/spanking?

CankleBiter January 29, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=231856]Mr Blifil[/re]: For the win!

shortsshortsshorts January 29, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Someone could make millions doing a Twitter knock-off about Twittering. We could finally resolve this illustrious need for “reality.”

ladymacbeth January 29, 2009 at 2:56 pm

i think i speak for all of us when i say we would welcome giant campbell brown ads if we could get rid of sarah and tummy fat lady.

actually i would subscribe to wonkette if we got rid of sarah and tummy fat lady.

Doglessliberal January 29, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=231882]Godot[/re]: Judging by the number of people who talk on their cellphones WHILE IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS, using those restrooms, I am sure someone has sunk to that level and actually done it already. I heard someone having a business conversation on her cell in the ladies’ room the other day. I, of course, flushed and hoped the person on the other end heard it.

shanemacgowan January 29, 2009 at 3:11 pm

[re=231918]ladymacbeth[/re]: seconded.

FMA January 29, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Man, Rich Sanchez’s life is like a bad ’70s porn flick.

Iggy Plop January 29, 2009 at 3:15 pm

pre op? so he’s already got the titties? they must be awful small. and i think the therapists say you need to be living and working in your chosen gender before the choppy-choppy.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 29, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Please, none of this is real. He obviously is just composing a letter to Penthouse and accidentally sent it out over Twitter.

actor212 January 29, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Twitter is for twits.

Neon Trotsky January 29, 2009 at 3:34 pm

FYI, it’s sad that I know this, but there’s an insane bitter lady who posts “RICK SANCHEZ KILLED PPL IN DUI CRASH” on every YouTube video of him that I encountered yesterday. Personally, I hope this provokes another wave of furious posting from her…

Jukesgrrl January 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm

[re=231918]ladymacbeth[/re]: [re=231931]shanemacgowan[/re]: Thirded.

And just wondering: is twitting what our President is doing with his Crackberry?

glamourdammerung January 29, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Actually, I do not fault the guy for commenting on the nurses. If I were about to be put under and operated on, I would make a point of laughing at their jokes and complimenting them.

JGB January 29, 2009 at 4:22 pm

I hope he finds that ATM, that side of Pittsburgh gets really dark at night, if you follow me.

bhosp January 29, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=231902]Dernyul[/re]: Yeah lots of shaving? For a knee operation? I mean clearly there’s shaving, but if you’ve got significant knee hair you’ve clearly got some kind of hormone issue.

finland January 29, 2009 at 4:58 pm

wait this is real? i thought this was gonna end with “and that’s what someone who hacked into this teevee person’s twitter account sent to everyone.” the olds and mentally handicappeds with the twittering…it is too much!

assistant/atlas January 29, 2009 at 5:26 pm

My boss had been hounding me that our company should start twittering so I sent this as an example and now he’s not so sure we should do it at all.

Thanks, Rick Sanchez, for being so completely inane!

Seriously though, thank you.

2druk2phluq January 29, 2009 at 5:41 pm

I’d rather see Sanchez naked than read his twitter, and that’s in the bottom ten things I’d like to see in my lifetime.

slinkimalinki January 29, 2009 at 6:35 pm

yeah, it’s all fun and games until the young, beautiful nurse shaves a backwards B into your chest.

gliberal January 29, 2009 at 10:31 pm

Rick Sanchez is the most egotistical sack of shit that ever walked the planet. You fucking hump. STFU.

FlownOver January 29, 2009 at 10:38 pm

Screw the epidural. Just tase me, bro!

sanantonerose January 29, 2009 at 10:47 pm

And I say verily, Twitter is the ruination of everything.

Floggy Bottom January 29, 2009 at 10:56 pm

Shoulda put him under w/ cont’d Tasering to his incisors

Floggy Bottom January 29, 2009 at 10:58 pm

…and we’d be in for a treat if he scores an interview with Blago’s hairdresser.

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