Obama To Get Congress Wasted After Vote On Stimulus

  you're not invited

This guy, Obama. He’s arranged to host a sexy beer party at the White House tonight, presumably after the House votes on his famously porky abortion-loving moneybomb, The Stimulus Package. Leaders of both chambers of Congress, and of both parties, have been invited. So the House Republicans, who will probably all vote against this bill, should probably pre-game with grain alcohol on the limo ride down Pennsylvania Avenue because it will be awwwwwkwaaaaaard.

May we just use this opportunity to mention, again, how very pleasant this all is? Last night Obama goes to the Hill to answer any and all questions the House Republicans had (they didn’t change their minds, but they sure liked him!), and today he basically says, “look friends, busy day, I know, but if you get this done later today, then I’ll get everyone drunk at my house, the White House. Fuckin’ Biden over there’s been drinking all afternoon, so it should be hilarious.”

And yes, this is to a certain extent just some superficial ploy Obama’s always been a master at, in Chicago and at the Harvard Law review when he dared befriend some of the conservatives without capitulating into a neocon oil-drilling racist. But friendship’s a good thing, damnit! The Republican party so often derives its strength by hiding from the Democratic party entirely and calling them French terrorist-lovers — or any other gay- and Muslim-sounding label — on the teevee, because to actually engage in ideas, openly, would be to lose.

Obama’s a good man, and a smart man, and it’s apparently impossible to deny these things after you’ve met him. It’s nice to have that sort of presence in Washington. Bush would never go out of his way to talk to the opposition party in person; he’d simply go on teevee and call the Democrats stupid loser faggots who’d better pass whatever unconstitutional thing he wanted on his desk at any given time, lest the blood of dead Americans be on their hands. And as soon as the Democrats caved, in shame, he’d force them to come to the Rose Garden for two minutes, just to rub it in, as he signed off on the latest law that gave him new powers with which to destroy the country.

Will Barack Obama ever let us have our disastrous city of shame back?

 
Related video

Obama Holds Reception for Congressional Leaders [The Caucus]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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107 comments

  1. ToeCramps

    Will Hopey be addin any ruffies to his drink-a-thon with the reuglicans? maybe not. But this won’t stop those horney buttsecks luvin repugs from pretendin to be ruffied & strippin from their clothes to invoke an orgy.

  2. quoth teh Raven

    I hope the fucktard Repugs all vote against this bill. It will ensure the Dems a majority for decades.

  3. Texan Bulldoggette

    Jim, this is surprisingly snark-free. If Eric Cantor is there, I will personally donate a large sum of money to any Senators’/Reps’ campaign coffers with the TruckNutz to give him a swirlie, wedgie or an ass whipping. Or they can just piss in his drink if they want to be passive aggressive pussies.

  4. yorktronic

    And to think, George Bush was once the President that people “would like to have a beer with.”

  5. CollegeStudent

    They’re all gonna get drunk and celebrate Obama’s package?
    That’s IS change i can believe in

  6. L Urchin

    Providing yet more evidence that he’s a lapsed Muslin. But I’m loving “The Stimulus Package” and can’t wait to get mine this weekend.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Hopey’s gonna drink the senators under the table, and when none of the Republican leaders show up for the cloture vote tomorrow he’ll praise their bipartisanship. If Osama and Saddam could play ‘em for rubes, President Obama certainly can.

  8. shortsshortsshorts

    On November 5, 2009, after a night of drinking and celebration which ended, oh say, never, I got into an argument with a dood when, as an extremely drunk and obstinate prick, began this drunk pair of shorts being absolutely convinced that the first year of Obama’s Muslin presidency should be a direct hit back at the conservatards. Putting them into Guantanamo and all that. But I am convinced at this stage of the game that the reason for my anger was justifiable. We lived in a nation of INFIGHTING and SHADOW GOVERNMENTS and all that. Now I realize why Barry will be an incredible President, even if he lacks U.S. citizenship.

  9. BillyClubb

    Ooh, “The Stimulus Package” you say? Sounds like a sex toy or a porno flick — either way Jim, D.C. will love it.

  10. S.Luggo

    [re=230990]Larry Fine[/re]: Ripple, straight from the brown paper bag. Then Kareoke until midnight.

  11. The Cold Sea

    This Hopey fellow is really starting to ruffle my partisan feathers. Basically, I want him to treat the Republitards the way Bush did the Defeatocrats. Payback, motherfuckers! The Big Payback and the GFOS would say.

  12. Lemming Caution

    [re=231011]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: well, he’s just going to be all upset once everyone gets drunk enough to start laughing hysterically at his name and mocking him mercilessly.

  13. Rodney Badger

    The Wonkette commenters have shown fantastic restraint by avoiding the obvious malt liquor joke.

  14. 4tehlulz

    [re=231005]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You’re posting from the future? Holy shit!

    Now who’s going to win the Superbowl?

  15. V572625694

    [re=230992]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Heard that slime weasel Eric Cantor on the radio this morning, and couldn’t agree more. Is he the only Jew in Virginia, do you suppose?

    [re=230999]dennymcden[/re]: That would have been your Budweiser, made in union plants in the old city center of St Louis. Except they sold out to Brazilians, the weanies.

  16. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=230997]Jim Newell[/re]: Denby sounds like someone in dire need of a swirlie, wedgie and an ass whipping as well. He sounds like a right fine prick to me.

  17. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=231011]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “David? It’s John. Get out the Huggees I’m comin’ over.”

  18. Gnaeus

    A classic ploy, get the Repubs wasted, let them wake up with a few dead (male, obviously) prostitutes, and offer to help them out of a tough situation.

  19. S.Luggo

    [re=231017]The Cold Sea[/re]: Barry wants to treat them real nice, so that each time they stab him in the back, they’ll feel extremely sad or some such.

  20. Rodney Badger

    [re=231005]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I think you are right. Republicans seem like they would be angry drunks. Maybe Eric Cantor will try to sucker punch Barry after a few High Lifes. Cantor will throw one of those lame-ass semi-closed fist punches and totally break his hand on Barry’s Iron Jaw.

  21. TJBeck

    “The reception will take place in the Red, Blue and Green Rooms of the White house”

    Do the members of each party have to stay in their respective color rooms? We’ll put Lieberman by himself in the green room, because there are no Green Party members, or at least none that matter. I’d imagine the blue room will have kegs of awesome microbrews, top shelf vodka, strippers* and PPV on the plasma screens, while the red room has two cases of warm Beast Ice and a stained pool table with a missing 12 ball.

    *male and female, we don’t want to be sexist

  22. NoWireHangers

    [re=230997]Jim Newell[/re]: I liked this Jim. It’s good to see your tender, vulnerable side every now and then. We know you have a boner for Barry anyway (don’t we all), so it’s not like you ever fool us.

  23. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=231028]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: …”Larry? This is the Boner! Widen that stance, cuz I’m on the way over!”

  24. facehead

    [re=231029]Rush[/re]: Actually they are all going to take the train back to Biden’s, where Snoop Dog, Paris Hilton, and Tom Hanks will host a devilish after party replete with candy and whores.

  25. NoWireHangers

    By the end of the party, the Congressional Republicans will be so taken with Our Barry, that they’ll roofie their own beer for the chance of spending the night at the White House.

  26. ladymacbeth

    jim i said this very thing an hour ago to the guy i shack up with.

    o’bama: great for the world, shame about the snark.

  27. randomsausage

    I hope Barry knows white men can’t dance when he starts his Kayne West playlist on the iHome

  28. The Cold Sea

    [re=231019]Nerdalicious[/re]: With Boner it would be more like, “Do you have Prince William in the Can. You do? Blow him!”

  29. sati demise

    [re=231004]SayItWithWookies[/re]: har har har. I bet the Republicans have trouble holdin’ their liquor, what with livin’ under teh John Birch rules in their home states.

  30. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=231017]The Cold Sea[/re]: Our man Barry just wants to get shit done. (And look good doing it.)

  31. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=231035]Rodney Badger[/re]: Liberal Fighting Words— “The Republican party so often derives its strength by hiding from the Democratic party entirely and calling them French terrorist-lovers — or any other gay- and Muslim-sounding label — on the teevee, because to actually engage in ideas, openly, would be to lose.” – JAMES NEWELL, FELLOW, WONKETTE JOURNALISTIC TECHNOLOGIES, INC.

    Convervative Fighting Words—”OBAMA HAS CONDUCTED THE FIRST SIT DOWN INTERVIEW OF HIS PRESIDENCY. NOT WITH AN AMERICAN NETWORK, NOT WITH FIXED NEWS, NOT EVEN WITH THE COMMUNIST NEWS NETWORK …”
    - Michael Savage. That’s right. Michael fucking Savage. They are getting the fear.
    http://michaelsavage.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=3807

    As this post (Savage’s Post) is comedy gold… I have to paste a little more of it.
    “THE HOPE AND CHANGER IN CHIEF THINKS THAT THE POWER OF HIS PERSONALITY AND THE FLASH OF HIS PEARLY WHITES ARE GOING TO CONVINCE THE IRANIANS TO GIVE UP THEIR NUKES. SURE.
    HE IS EXTREMELY NAIVE. MILITANT ISLAM HATES US BECAUSE WE ARE SUCCESSFUL AND THEIR COUNTRIES RELY ON THE USA. OBAMA ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE THAT WITH WORDS. GUNS? MAYBE….
    THIS IS REALLY SAD. IT SHOWS HIS LACK OF FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE. HE WILL BE A BACK ROOM JOKE FOR OTHER COUNTRIES. WE WILL PAY FOR HIS LACK OF FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE.
    THE US IS SO SAD TODAY… BUT DON’T YOU FEEL DIVERSE?
    THE ROAD TO HELL IS BEING PAVED BY OBAMA’S GOOD INTENTIONS.”

    I did not even put that in caps.

  32. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=231055]Mitchbailey[/re]: Shit I wanna do a line with the man! Me, Barry and Larry Sinclair can GET DOWN!

  33. FamilyLost

    Hopey will not let them stop at a few beers. He’ll tell them they need to be all “flinty” like people in Chicago; be a man and drink more. Then they’ll pee, writing their names in the snow. The End.

  34. qwerty42

    I think members of both parties (and sometimes members of the administration) used to get together in Sam Rayburn’s office and have a drink or two. Don’t know if that still goes on, but it wasn’t unusual to denounce a guy’s proposal on the floor and get together for a drink in the afternoon.

  35. HipHopOpotamus

    This is suspiciously lacking in overt cynicism…sure it’s got some jibes in it, but it lacks substance.

    I’m worried about the Newell. Has he been drinking the Hopey juice?

  36. WadISay

    Barry is violating the first rule of drinking good beer: don’t do it with assholes. Can’t blame Jim for having the snark whupped clean out of him for three paragraphs, though fortunately he threw in a penis joke at the end to tell us he’s all right.

  37. hockeymom

    I hope Cornyn gets drunk, hits on a male page and there are pictures.
    In a purely bi-partisan way, of course.

  38. pondscum

    Jeebus, people. It’s Prince Albert in a can, not Prince William. Didn’t any of you engage in prank phone calls as children?

  39. ManchuCandidate

    Let’s hope that Hopey throws a Delta House like Toga Party instead of an Omega Frat Spanking Party involving paddles and human sacrifice.

  40. blinky_twinkie

    [re=231011]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Not with Rahm standing by the phone with a Maker’s Mark and a baseball bat.

  41. OReillysVibrator

    Just get the Republicans drunk, have Sasha bring home her best male friends at her new school, hide cameras around the White House, and Obama will have the votes he needs on anything.

  42. atsegga

    The Borgen Project has some good info on the cost of addressing global poverty.

    $30 billion: Annual shortfall to end world hunger.
    $550 billion: U.S. Defense budget

  43. grevillea

    What kind of tiny sissy glass is that in the pic anyway Barry? Looks more like Mooslim sherry than beer, also.

  44. Red Zeppelin

    [re=230990]Larry Fine[/re]: Yeah, and blunts, cuz that’s how they roll in Kenwood. (I know, I used to live there).

  45. Hooray For Anything

    I’m thinking in an effort to help out all this bi-partisanship, Barry’s real plan is to unleash the gay bomb on everyone and then sit back and watch the love

  46. psilage

    Repuglican drinking game:
    every time you agree with Obama, take a drink.
    every time you don’t agree with Obama, take a drink.

  47. problemwithcaring

    Will the Obama have to pay for this – or is this covered under the White House food budget? If Barry’s paying he needs to be serving they asses Paul Mason and Trader Joe’s Buck Chuck.

  48. qwerty42

    [re=231061]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: can’t forget teh crazy. In the RNC election, it now seems that Herbert Hoover sold the whole country down the river and got them ready for FDR. So it isn’t even an anti-New Deal group that is in there; cripes they are against Hoover too. Was Calvin Coolidge ok or was he another proto-New Dealer? It has become all but impossible to parody them. The statements they are making are comedy gold, but politically – not so good.

  49. Nerdalicious

    [re=231074]pondscum[/re]:
    Oops! No, absoultely not! BTW, is your dishwasher or refrigerator running?~Boner

  50. Atheist Nun

    WASHINGTON — In a swift victory for President Barack Obama, the Democratic-controlled House approved a historically huge $819 billion stimulus bill Wednesday night… The vote was 244-188.

    Those must have been some good, strong drinks.
    Also: 188 who will never be invited to the “good” parties…

  51. Bruno

    This Barry is such an elistist. That looks like one of those fancy Belgian 9% alcohol beers served as part of some 10 beer sampler tray in some urban brewhouse.

    Please please don’t give the Rethugs Chimay, they are in-the-closet fruity enough. They only get Bud. Oh shit, isn’t that also owned by the damn Belgians now too? OK, Miller, Fuck! Black South Africkans

  52. Welshman

    Mon Dieu! How very sophisticated and adult. All a bit “Londonish” for a rural Welsh boy like me. If we suggest the boyos getting together for a drink, we normally propose meeting at the Gaerffon pub – we cannot guarantee whether the result will be leaving with our arms over eachother’s shoulders swearing undying friendship (until at least next Thursday) or smashing furniture over the heads of one another. We prefer in here in the Celtic fringe, if it is the latter, for it to be the landlord’s furniture. I believe the White House has some quite nice gear so Barry may be placing the nation’s heritage at risk.

    But really, I understand Wonkette’s snark disability. I can’t tear myself from the Hopey Reality Show. Within six months I swear he will turn me into a born again Christian or something. Thank heavens that the Six Nations rugby starts on Saturday. Wales plays the Scots at Murrayfield while the wussy English play the Italians at home. All a lead up to that good healthy feeling of watching Gavin Henson tear the limbs off a few English forwards later in the series. Although, come to think of it, it is traditional for the two teams to get together over a large number of pints afterwards as if the eye-gauging and occasional punches had never occurred. There’s civilised for you. He’s in good shape, maybe Barry could be the new Welsh Fly-half?

  53. snideinplainsight

    Oh for goodness sake – what the Hell was that? NOOO, I don’t think Barry is going to sign up to be a Welsh Fly-half, that’s not the way they do it down in Chi-town.

    Word now is that, to a man, no single Republican in the House voted in favor of the stimulus. Part of me really wants to believe this is a prelude to the end of Repluglicans as we know them – like the last 5 minutes of a Godfather flick – they’re going to go home to their districts, the voters will smile slightly, the light is going to fade, and when the sun comes up again, all Replugs are gone (and just some unfortunate red marks left on the walls and carpets. Red state indeed!)

  54. DustBowlBlues

    The normal politician would hold his (or her, Hills) breath and explode before he was decent to the opposition who voted, to a person, against his giant piece of legislation.

    Instead, Barry invites them in for a nice beer and a little relaxation. Cordial, yes, but also a demonstration that the Repubtards don’t intimidate him a jot. If Obama wants to completely flummox these name calling retards, what better way to do it than to remain cool and cordial?

    When Walnuts car maybe it’s that tlled off his campaign to zoom to DC and save America, indeed, the WORLD! these guys didn’t learn a thing. God forbid they would figure out working with a Democrat might save their lame ass party, hence their collective prayer that his stimulus passes the senate and the world immediately falls into the Greater Depression and everyone resorts to cannibalism, which they call “Barakabeef.”

    Expect Repubtard hysteria to increase exponentially when they find out that Mr. Nice is the smartest guy in the room–any room.

  55. DustBowlBlues

    [re=230992]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You mean Dixie Jew? I hate that guy’s whine. Southern whine.

  56. dennymcden

    [re=231022]V572625694[/re]: Bud is now as American as Pomme Frites, Coldplay, day laborers and Canada. So… kind of American, but more gay and liberal. Way to go, Hopey. I guess we all knew you would eventually sell Our Beer to the Belgians.

  57. DustBowlBlues

    [re=231061]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: A warning to all: the better Hopey does at healing all the worlds’ ills, the more vitriolic this bunch is going to get. He is going to drive them nuts and eventually they’re going to look like male dogs doing, well, you know what male dogs do when they’re intimidated.

    And what makes it incredible, is that Obama doesn’t break a sweat, neither on the bball court nor mentally.

  58. postulantk

    I bet this little cocktail shindig goes over like a lead zeppelin, especially with the Rahmster starring daggers at ‘em. Imagine, they ate at HIS little dinner party last night and then they f*#k him over like this! Who has FAIL written in sharpie on his forehead now?!

  59. DustBowlBlues

    [re=231349]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “When Walnuts car maybe it’s that tlled off his campaign to zoom to DC”

    Good grief, I don’t even drink. When Walnuts CALLED off his camppaing and zoomed to DC”

    Sometimes it’s like I don’t pay attention.

  60. Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    [re=231335]Welshman[/re]: I don’t give a fuck about who win the rugby thing but I agree with you on all the other opinions. We are all Obama’s whores now.

  61. Joe McArthy

    Prez- No-brainer is taking money from the working class, to give it to the NO-CLASS. I guess it’s time to buy stock in Kool’s and Malt liquor.

    You Numb-nutzs had better hold onto your wallets, if you’ve got one, cause the No-Brainer sayz he’s gonna give your money to the poor folks. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

    This stimulus is just the start to have the government take over the private businesses of the country, and with that your freedoms. Oh, he’ll probably let you smoke dope and snort some coke, so everythings gonna be real Kool, huh?

  62. beam8

    Here is why we should be pro-choice: It is only for women that pregnancy may represent a health risk. It is only women’s career, which is put on hold, that pregnancy and the ensuing maternity leave affect. There are important questions to be debated, such as whether a pregnant woman in a significantly bad health condition should carry the unwanted pregnancy to term, or whether only healthy women in their child-bearing prime should anti-abortion legislation be targeted at

  63. beam8

    Here is why we should be pro-choice: It is only for women that pregnancy may represent a health risk. It is only women’s career, which is put on hold, that pregnancy and the ensuing maternity leave affect. There are important questions to be debated, such as whether a pregnant woman in a significantly bad health condition should carry the unwanted pregnancy to term, or whether only healthy women in their child-bearing prime should anti-abortion legislation be targeted at.

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