Hey guess what! All the news today is about the STIMULUS PACKAGE, which is too boring/complicated/serious to actually make jokes over. So it is with profound delight and relief that we find this utterly useless piece over in the New York Observer about how The Gays, as a monolithic group with a single well-defined set of tastes, all worship Andrea Mitchell, unequivocally.
Most gay experts agree it is because of that funny clip where she was killed by John McCain under an avalanche of balloons. Also she’s sassy.
The Observer was so much fun to read last winter and spring when like every week Jason Horowitz would have some new appalling 2500-word bit of gossip about how Hillary Clinton was fucking up everything and hateful Mark Penn was doing nothing but masturbating to Microtrends 24 hours a day. Good times!
This Mitchell thing lacks all the juiciness of a tart, angry Harold Ickes quote, but it is at least completely frivolous, so A+ FOR EFFORT.
Gays Go Ga-Ga Over Andrea Mitchell!!!! [New York Observer]
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I can believe this one. After all, all of us hetero boys are all worked up over Rachel Maddow.
Funny, I figured she was adored because she looked like a tranny.
“She’s the Golden Girls rolled into one: the body of Sophia, the sassiness of Dorothy and probably a sex kitten like Blanche, and most likely from the Midwest, like Rose.”
This is what gay men find attractive?
Alan Greenspan only has a small stimulus package so he’s probably a beard, anyway.
Damn, I thought that title was a SKS’ joke.
Is NYO still printing on pink newsprint? And featuring Rex Reed in movie reviews?
And
I think it’s the David Soul-hairstyle that makes her popular with teh gehz….Also.
As a paid-up member of Teh Ghays, all I have to say is “O RLY?!?” I mean, I don’t really have an opinion of her one way or another, but anyone who fucks Alan Greenspan can’t be all that fabulous. I admittedly don’t watch her much, but any time I’ve seen her, I haven’t seen “sassy” so much as “skin stretched.” Bette Davis she ain’t. (And that thing about being all the Golden Girls combined is just wrong.)
But, what do I know? I’ve never gotten why we Gays are supposed to just looooove Hillary, so whatever.
[re=230491]shanemacgowan[/re]: No. Just no.
Dear The Gays, you can keep her.
[re=230491]shanemacgowan[/re]:
The thought of Alan Greenspan having sex at all just killed my Boehner.
…does this mean she will be named the new Prime Minister of Iceland?!
Can she sing? Can she dance?
I’m not buying this. Being married to a million year old failed accountant doesn’t get you any sexy points, so where is the attraction?
guilty!
[re=230492]TGY[/re]: WIN! Isn’t her show called something gay, like, “It’s Andrea!”…
Leif Garrett has not aged well…. Also
Her hair looks like a stormtrooper helmet
She must not have much of a following among the hetero’s since she does not have a listing at http://anchorbabes.blogspot.com. The inventory goes stratight from Amy Robach to
Anjali Rao.
Looks like Harvey Fierstein has been speaking with Elton John’s coiffurist.
No. And gross. The writer’s gay friends are either 50 or B&T.
My car broke down on the freeway and a cop pulled up
Cop: “What’s wrong with your car?”
Me: “I don’t know, the engine just stopped running and I pulled over”.
Cop: “Did you check with the trans?”
Me: “But officer, Andrea Mitchell knows nothing about cars”.
[re=230512]shanemacgowan[/re]: I am eternally shallow enough to be forever grateful for this.
No.
One of the comments to that piece said it well:
“Does it have to do with the fact that she looks like a man in drag?”
I call bullshit. I mean, no one actually uses the word “sassy” anymore, do they?
[re=230517]Harvey Birdman[/re]: Yeah. The Golden Girls comparison probably should not have been printed.
[re=230524]chascates[/re]: she’s a dead ringer for a blow-dried Rod Stewart in the pic above.
I think she gets on her leopard print skin-tights and sings “if you want my body and you think I’m sexy…” to bring the chairman to attention.
[re=230500]Vulpes82[/re]: HAHA U R AXULLY STR8!!! (Time to come out of the closet, dude.)
Really? You guys can’t make a joke over something called a “STIMULUS PACKAGE”?
“Blago’s taint involved with Obama’s Package”
There. I did have the work. Pay me or I’ll sue.
In a totally unrelated question: Do you remember Terence Stamp as Bernadette in ‘The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’?
Andrea Mitchell is a good reason not to get HDTV.
I think it has to do with the huge, painful anal-dildo look she gets when talking about the economy….or politicians in general…teh geyz appreciate this…
Andrea Mitchell has secretly been replaced by the puppet Madame.
New York Knobserver
At any moment you expect her coiled tongue to zap out and snag a passing insect.
Quoth Andrea: “I can tell you his [Alan Greenspan’s) nickname isn’t ‘Mr. Chairman.’” Ow. Ick. The image… it burns.
perhaps it’s because there are parallels to be drawn between the life of a fag hag and that of a gal married to a wrinkly old asshat like greenspan; afterall he did say they enjoyed the odd downpour of misshapen balls rubbing all up on her face. either that or this guy knows a seriously bizarre bunch of gays, because honestly i don’t know anybody gay, straight or otherwise, that loves andrea mitchell.
[re=230533]Scarab[/re]: Looking back, I shoulda known I was a gayface because I was the only one of my brothers who loved watching To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar.
[re=230534]madtowngooner[/re]: Nothing a little joint compound wouldn’t help.
Girls night out for Dr. Smith! I knew he’d be sexy-sexy.
Next time I’m trying to impress my gays I’ll get into a nonchalant battle with a swarm of balloons… since it worked for Andrea.
Denied. Rachel Forever! Nate Silver also.
I think they like her because her mouth looks large enough to give a “washing machine,” which is when you have more than one penis in the mouth and roll them again each other.
Maybe these gays are onto something. They were way ahead of the trend curve when they first adopted buttsecks, way before it was big here.
So… no.
First of all, you will never be a gay icon unless you do something that can be lip-synced. So we’re talking singing, basically, and it helps if you have ever done an outrageous Vegas-style show (or at least if one can dress up as if one were in a Vegas-style show while lip-syncing to whatever it is you do). Songs that call for big sweeping hand gestures are preferred.
If you can’t do something that can be lip-synced, then you have to do something that allows you to say a lot of bitchy things that can be quoted by gay men holding cocktails and cigarettes. It helps if you yourself were holding a cocktail and a cigarette (or were drunk, at least) when you said the bitchy thing. Network news does not lend itself to lip-syncing, feather head-pieces or delivery with a cocktail and a cigarette (though, I must be said, that would make it a more fabulous experience).
You also need a level of self-confidence that is exponentially out of proportion to either your talent or your looks, or (ideally) both.
Perhaps most importantly, it really helps if you have a tragic, self-destructive private life. While there is an element of tragedy and self-destruction entailed in sleeping with Greenspan, it really doesn’t rise to the overdose-on-a-hotel-toilet-with-bill-collectors-banging-on-the-door standard that we gays have come to expect from our icons.
This lesbo says no…assuming we are considered part of “The gays.”
Surely they only love her because she looks like some Ohio librarian who moves to NY or SF for the pleasure of appearing at down in the mouth cabarets in Nancy Reagan drag. I know that’s the basis for my feelings for her.
She just seems mildly drunk all the time on tv as far as I can tell.
Likely just the look and the (pick favorite): Bea Arthur/Eve Arden/Tallulah/Brenda Vaccaro/Harvey F. voice.
I always thought that Andy would be more attractive to Necrophiliacs, zombies or Lizard People. Ah, me. Wrong again.
Alan Greenspan stole all our money to pay for Andrea’s Botox, uplifts, parings and other sandpapering and other rearrangements of her once-human flesh. She has been on the teevee for many centuries, starting out with coal-black hair and so much acne that looked like she had been kissing a porcupine. Helen Thomas just got older. Andrea is going backward in time.
it’s so obvious isn’t it? many ‘gay icon’ ladies are ‘aspirational’ – i.e. the masculine nose/features, so that they look like a guy who won 2nd prize at a drag show.
Mrs. Greenspan’s got teh Munie$$$ and no kidz. She’s an excellent candidate for needing a Walker. And she’s always well turned out so she’s bound to have a few gays on the payroll already.
I thought The Gays were so busy running Iceland that they didn’t have time for any of that other stuff.
Too funny…my guy and I were just saying the other day how we both really like that Andrea Mitchell! She’s beautiful, smart and to the point, and we gays like that (except in other gays). And we’re from Canada, where being gay isn’t illegal like it is in the US.
oh what, sorry, i missed that last part. i was too distracted watching episodes of I love lucy and designing clothing: EPIC FAIL
http://www.charlietueats.com
[re=230488]actor212[/re]: Wait, she isn’t a tranny?
It is actually because teh gays have always had a thing for Greenspan, so they fetishize the woman who gives him sloppy blow jobs, also.
My boyfriend *loves* here…but not for any specific reason-I guess it all makes sense now.
say, wait a minute – i’m gay and i’ve never heard of this person. what gives?
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