Employees of the National Science Foundation are the luckiest people alive, because apparently they make buckets of money to look at porn all day, i.e., “promote the progress of science.” Or so says Chuck Grassley, an Iowa senator obsessed with two things: government waste and toilet seats. Apparently for a while there NSF employees spent their days happily downloading pornography to government servers, until eventually some buzzkills got wise and installed filtering software of some sort. Grassley wants to make sure these terrible pornographers’ days of looking at porn instead of promoting science are behind them before they get more bailout money. Grassley is a terrible prude. [Politico]
BUZZKILLS
January 28, 2009
Grassley Wants Proof That National Science Foundation Is No Longer Porn Hotbed
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{ 49 comments }
It’s just no fun to be in gubbermint no mo. Maybe there are a few open jobs in Iceland?
If that gif that SKS posted is what this newfangled thingamaggy 3D pr0n is going to look like, well, I’ll stick to old fashioned 2D pr0n.
Note to Grassley. Nerds need to get some too.
Oh hey. The NSF is across the street from my apt, and I always wondered why they were “working” so late. NOW I KNOW!
God damn that picture! I thought we wouldn’t see it again after the inauguration.
They were looking at porn because they were bored. Remember, Bush didn’t believe in science.
Grassley just wants to know who’s getting some because he ain’t getting any!
Who doesn’t look at porn while at work?! Wait, is that why I have no job…
In one particularly egregious case, the report says one NSF “senior official” was discovered to have spent as much as 20 percent of his working hours over a two-year interval “viewing sexually explicit images and engaging in sexually explicit online ‘chats’ with various women.”
Darn it, they’re heterosexual.
NSF Workers = NSFW. The Washington acronym climate is enabling these folks.
That ménage à trois of McCains is still one of the most disturbing images I’ve seen in the Web. Should you guys rename the GOP as “lemon party”?
[re=230433]Bypartizoa[/re]: You Win!
What happened to the blood-oath not to link to Politico? Or was that not taken at the editorial level, or taken under the influence? Their headlines today are particularly soul deadening.
[re=230440]cal[/re]: So let’s recap, an administration utterly guts the authority of a central intellectual discipline and the ones entrusted in its progress are so bored they spend their time engaged in online dreaming. Shocking.
I will never, ever stop giggling at that picture, it’s second only to the Zoolander gif of yore.
best mccain porno gif ever.
http://www.charlietueats.com
That photo is the single most disturbing thing I’ve seen since the photoshopped Sarah Palin/flag bikini/gun pix.
[re=230451]President Beeblebrox[/re]: That was photoshopped?
Though I may be posting this a couple weeks too late, here’s a helpful link for you pervs out there: http://www.nsf.gov/about/career_opps/
Hard drives will be probed.
I thought Politico was banned?
[re=230449]freakishlystrong[/re]: This one?
http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/zoolander.gif
[re=230458]magic titty[/re]: Not if it involves porn, obvs.
I’m sure they were just studying primitive culutural mating rituals and identifying those practices that would fall within sodomy statutes.
Carefully.
Speaking of porn, why are there so many pictures of McCain giving the cunilingus tongue? Was I not paying enough attention to the debates during the campaign?
[re=230461]bitchincamaro[/re]:*hissesThat One..
“like the employee who learned of a co-worker’s adventures in porn via sounds overheard from said co-worker’s computer speakers.”
The guy (assuming it was a guy) who let porn play over his computer’s speakers while at work probably should not have been working for the NSF.
Oh, and thank you, [re=230433]Bypartizoa[/re]:
OK, here’s my proposal for a new slogan:
National Science Foundation: We put the NSF in NSFW.
Actually, it was all just a bunch of rejected PETA Super Bowl ads.
What’s the plus/minus on days until Chuck is caught in an airport restroom with a male hooker?
[re=230484]Godot[/re]: And Wonkette.
The McCain image is an effective and AMA approved DDD*.
Though, I’m pretty sure the APA would prefer it banned.
* Discharge Deterrence Device
Since porn is 60% of the internet and 78% of our economy, it’s only right that scientists should be poring over it night and day, ….Grassley can go suck Boehner’s package….
Surfing porn on the NSF’s dime got me through graduate school. Between the porn and the heavy drinking, advanced science is a breeding ground for Wonkette commenters.
Also. The heavy drinking, violent sex jokes and Wonkette are now getting me through being a postdoc.
[re=230450]gambypants[/re]: The only thing better/worse would be if it was Dame Nooningtonshire. (please no!)
Porn is so last week. They ought to be wasting on that work time on political blogs, instead. God knows I do.
[re=230458]magic titty[/re]: That was merely a minor tantrum by Newell. Wonkette links to Drudge, after all, who’s comparatively far worse.
In conclusion: IZ IN UR POLITICOS LINKIN UR DRIVELS
[re=230454]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: mmmm, special emphasis programs… all positions.
This post is the thinnest excuse on record to use the McCain Cerebrus. Keep up the outstanding work.
That gif makes the urine pour from my tear ducts. For realz!
[re=230519]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: Spot on. Any responsible Stimulus Package should include pole-dancing and dick-measuring contests throughout the largest 10 cities. We don’t want to miss any diamonds in the rough among the available pool of talent. Then taxpayer funds could be used to stage the most massive porn placement program ever conceived in the public sector. With such a program we could ensure that every imaginable cultural phenomenon is represented by a parallel porn incarnation. It’s what FDR would have done. The Federal Pornography Administration will create jobs!
it was voted one of the best places to work in 2007…
mccain pr0n ftw
Alright, which one of you numbskulls said the words “stimulus package” within earshot of Charles Grassley, hunh? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…
please, please, please never use that picture again
They blinded me with SCIENCE! An furious masturbation, also.
[re=230600]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yes! The FPA or Pubic Works Program, as it may be known, is clearly our best hope for future stimulus!…
[re=230602]saradc[/re]: Obviously!
Scientists were the first to popularize porn with their National Geographic magazine. Them and Mr. Robuck.
*lick lick lick* Needs more salt.
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