Dems Will Take Birth Control Spending Out Of Stimulus Bill, Which Will Still Fail

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John Boehner's mom.Everybody laughed at liberal S&M fetishist Nancy Pelosi defending the inclusion of family planning programs in the economic stimulus bill, because seriously, who thinks we could possibly improve poor people’s financial situations by helping them have fewer children? Think about it, there is absolutely no correlation between the number of children a lower- to middle-class family has and the amount of disposable income that family has available to spend on goods and services. This is because our decadent social services organizations already reward breeders with blocks of government cheese and other valuable goodies.

So anyway, after days of John fucking BONER chuckling over the “size of the package” and wondering how birth control can “stimulate” the economy, Democrats have finally removed the punch line from this bill, which Republicans will vote against anyway.

Officials: Family planning money may be dropped [My Way News]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • actor212

    So Boner is against stimulation?

    Next, you’ll try to tell me he’s not ever going to soften his stance on stimulation.

  • hockeymom

    Seriously, why remove this portion of the bill if Republicans will vote against it anyway? Are there dems who were balking over this as well? If so, they should immediately be brought out back and impregnated, poste-haste.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    We will ship our condoms over there to keep them from being here.

  • Mr Blifil

    I work at an upscale fertility clinic (not really).

    This morning I had left over blastocysts in my oatmeal, with a touch of cane syrup. Delicious, but a bit of a pain if they get stuck right between the teeth. The specialists are not happy when I tell them I need the oral procedure performed again.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Republicans have given up on this generation. They’re going to start a new one bigger and dumber than box of Palin’s children.

  • Darehead

    Explication thru film:

    Pelosi position: “Idiocracy”
    Missionary position: “Demographic Winter”

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Repubs don’t like family planning because it means fewer kids they can bad touch down the road.

  • shanemacgowan


    he he he. Stimulus. He he.

  • El Pinche

    We can fix this. Someone take out the AM radio out of Boner’s car and steal his buttplugs. Without Rush Limbaugh and profuse anal leakage (yes, it’s redundant!) , this will take the obstructionism right out him.

  • pondscum

    [re=229343]ManchuCandidate[/re]: And fewer kids they can send to fight their next war. They are all about the right to life until it’s time to kill brown people.

  • Colander

    I don’t see how a political party can have as one of it’s platforms ‘raw-dog fucking.’ That makes no sense to me.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=229336]hockeymom[/re]: …and the forced to have an abortion, of course.

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    Well, proof for the 3 billionth time that Republicans prefer Coitus Interruptus.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=229339]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: While continuing to deny the Law of Natural Selection. Ironic.

  • freakishlystrong

    Why the fuck are Democrats still caving to these fucktards? WE WON, weenies…

  • magic titty

    Sean Young looks like shit.

  • MathewBrooks


  • The Cold Sea

    1. Who cares what the Republicans think. They lost. Epic Fail. Lost on all fronts. Steamroll those useless fucks.

    2. McDonalds thanks the Republicans and Democratic chicken shits in the House. McD’s earnings are already up 80% last year and now fat ass hobo Americans can have more fat children and feed them fat McD’s so they can all take up billions of dollars in health care at the emergency room, ’cause universal health care is socialists and we don’t’ want that shit ’round here. Yes, America, let the poor have more chidrens they can’t afford or feed or educate. Oh well, we have endless war to keep them employed.

    3. Pelosi and Reid need to go out and borrow some nut sacks. Big sale on nut sacks!

  • Darehead

    Inadequate Blackmail — but that’s only when they do it with someone who is vaginated. For doin’ it with alter boys, no birth control is necessary.

  • MathewBrooks

    [re=229358]magic titty[/re]: WIN WIN WIN…

  • AfghanVet

    Well, unfortunately, this part of the bill and some others are a typical Democratic over-reach. I think it’s coming out because Hopey told them to take it our and rightly so. It LOOKS bad and is only marginally related to the goal of recovery. Dems better keep their freakin’ heads screwed on straight or they are going to give Obama a black eye and confirm every wingnuts worst fears.

    Focus on spending for recovery, not social programs that are unrelated to relief from the economic crash. Yes, they are good things, but we are operating under constraints that force us to choose and Dems better choose wisely.

  • lazyb

    God what weenies. Shall we skip this tedious ‘negotiating’ phase and just announce the giant Republican-stimulating Tax cut bill this thing is inevitably going to turn into?

  • honkeyman

    Heh. I take MY block of government cheese and trade it for exotic fertility drugs in the ghetto. Yesterday I had octuplets. Meaning even more cheese for me. Whitey don’t understand the underground economy.

    I’m a welfare queen
    Do you know what I mean?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=229358]magic titty[/re]: HAHAHAHAHA!

  • Servo

    Plan B
    Lace McDonald’s food with RU486 for a period of no less than 5 years.

  • El Pinche

    [re=229357]freakishlystrong[/re]: I believe it was Hopey who called Waxman :
    And I thought Obama said ,”I won.” to the GOP recently.
    Yeah, WTF gives ?

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    [re=229362]Darehead[/re]: True. The Republican opposition should picket with signs that say “Why Buy Condoms When Assfucking is Free?”

    Talk about your Trickle Down Economics…

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Wow, Newell’s mom is hot.

  • Darehead

    [re=229367]honkeyman[/re]: btw,that reminds me, it’s Chinese New Year. Happy Year of the OX! (with your octs)

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    did you hear about the octuplets that were born today? second set ever that has survived…

  • heroinmule

    These people lead us — theoretically.

  • Serolf Divad


    My sentiments exactly. When will these fucking bunch of losers grow a spine. They’re acting like a minority party who’s been graciously allowed to introduce a bill by the majority. But they’re not. They control the legislative and executive branches of government now. And every time they capitulate to a GOP demand they send the message: the GOP is right, we crafted a bad bill because we hate America, and they caught us.

    This is bullshit, Pelosi. Complete fucking bullshit.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=229370]El Pinche[/re]: WTF gives is Weenie Dems…they need some TRUKNUTZ up in there…

  • Mighty Rex

    You’re all laughing now. But when the big spaceship comes, you’ll be glad there was an entire extra fucktard population to give the aliens, for their egg mcMuffins, the end.

  • Woodwards Friend

    Free Norplant with every purchase of TruckNutz!

  • BigDupa

    Will Boner introduce a counter measure to pay for all the laid off abortionists and clinic bombers who will have no place to go? Perhaps the bombers could go to Kashmir to apply their skills?

  • kudzu


  • Internally valid

    I don’t know guys. Just think of all of the political capital the democrats would have to spend to get through such CONTROVERSIAL legislation. I mean something so hot button as . . . what, birth control for poor people? Didn’t we stop talking about whether the pill is abortion in like 1957?

    Nobody actually cares except for crazy fundies! And they’re not going to vote for you anyway, because you eat raw feti.

  • El Pinche

    [re=229382]freakishlystrong[/re]: Maybe there’s a sex ring involving Democratic Congressmen, hookers, sex slaves, and gimps and the GOP (who are only into fucking little boys) blackmail the Dems everytime to get their way?
    Or maybe the Dems have battered wife syndrome from the last 8 years? I need answers. there has to be an explanation for this rampant democrapic weenieism.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Thank you Congress for propagating a generation of narrow minded imperialist lousy lays. As Thomas Hardy said, “We are met upon a darkling plain Where ignorant armies fuck by night.”

  • Sassette

    What? Pelosi made a big show of talking something up and then ultimately backed down? HOGWASH. That would never happen!

  • Larry McAwful

    Okay, we all need to write our congresspeople (especially the Democrats) and tell them we want a separate contraception-funding bill passed. We can do it, too. If we do, I’ll forgive our leaders this transgression.

  • Servo

    [re=229388]Internally valid[/re]:
    I like my feti marinated in French wine, wrapped in an Amerikin flag, and seared over an open flame.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=229394]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Dammit. Matthew Arnold.

  • ph7

    Drudge, love him or hate ’em, still can move the 24 hours news cycle with considerable success.

  • nonbeliever7

    I think I smell Palin on this one. Have we ever seen her and boner in the room together?

  • Cape Clod

    This is a party whose only tactic is to call in an air strike on their own position no matter what the circumstances are.

  • the cold war makes me hot

    As someone who works with the poors, I can tell you there have been numerous time when I have considered getting my tubes tied. I have had to listen to triflin’-ass whores talk about feeding the kids cough syrup to get them to go to bed, teaching them about sex by having sex in front of them, and selling them for crank. Just give them their damn Pills and rubbers already! You can easily make it one of the benefits of having a Food Stamps card or being on WIC.

    If we can’t starve them away, maybe we can sterilize them away.


    [re=229379]Serolf Divad[/re]: Agree, agree. Act like the fucking winners. That’s why I voted for you dammit to stop these thugs from ruining our lives.

  • undermedicated

    Two hundred million dollars of contraception makes no sense as a stimulus package. Few little ones, especially the brown ones, threatens the exponential growth of the prison system, which is what is keeping our economy afloat. That and torture. Democrats clearly don’t understand market fundamentals.

  • undermedicated

    Fewer, that is.

  • Rodney Badger

    Good. Let them vote against birth control for poor people as a stand alone bill. Debate it on its own merits. And look, the Democrats compromised on the stimulus bill, so the R’s should quit bitching.

  • Hooray For Anything

    We’re all Duggars now

  • tunamelt

    [re=229438]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Win.

    Horrifying win.

    But win.

  • Mr Blifil

    The field is clear so I may say it: I would hit that.

    Thank you.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Does this mean I can have unprotected sex with Nancy Pelosi now?

  • sarahconnor

    Contraception should all be under the umbrella of stimulus package, and sex as something not to be afraid of, when Putin raises his head, also.

  • DeLand DeLakes

    God fucking dammit, the Dems are so willing to bend over and grab their ankles on the issue of birth control, they’re keeping me from enjoying the same!

  • blader
  • assistant/atlas

    Wait, the guv’mint gives out free birth control to poors? And then if that fails when you have kids they give you cheese?

    Uhh…can white people sign up also?

  • jarais

    Don’t the Republicans know these babies will grow up to vote against them?

  • BruceLee5000

    Goddamn, Fucking Republicans, RUINING EVERYTHING that’s good and planned out and THOUGHTFUL!!! I thought we elected Barry to put an end to this shit!!! He needs to get over the capitol and start slamming motherfuckers up against the wall, Liberman style, again. AHhhhhhhhhh!!!!11eleventybillion!!!11

  • Cape Clod

    [re=229517]jarais[/re]: You mean poor, ignorant turds automatically vote Democrat?
    Explain Joe the Plumber, then.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=229497]assistant/atlas[/re]: Let them eat cheese

  • Woodwards Friend

    So much for the ‘Better Roads, Fewer Poor People’ slogan for the Obama ’12 campaign.

  • ToeCramps

    [re=229497]assistant/atlas[/re]: White people are already signed up you idiot! Palin’s Alaska state has the highest welfare receipents in the nation! How many blacks do you think reside there? I need to slap your ass in your snark!

  • recharged95

    “Think about it, there is absolutely no correlation between the number of children a lower- to middle-class family has and the amount of disposable income that family has available to spend on goods and services.”

    Tell that to WalMart. Obvious they have a lot of disposable income… to buy a lot of crap.

  • jarais

    No. I meant people who take family planning seriously, but might be helped by teh government monies. As for Joe the Plumber, I don’t know. Is he the result of budding?

  • honkeyman

    I’m a welfare queen
    Do you know what I mean?
    Everyday for breakfast I eats
    peaches and cream.
    I’s the bodacious queen
    of the whole Negro race
    And you can tell Mr. Bill Kristol
    he can sit on my face.
    When I have sex I say no condoms Pleeze!
    Cause babies is how I gets me my
    government cheese.
    I rides first class up to Hymietown
    in my mink upholstered dressing gown
    When i needs more dough I jest calls Uncle Sam
    He say “The check’s in the mail!” yeah you know who I am

    I’m a welfare queen
    Do you know what I mean

  • canadasteve

    I think I read somewhere that John Boner is a result of using the rhythm method.

  • assistant/atlas

    [re=229551]ToeCramps[/re]: Yeah….I’m aware of that. That is why this is what’s known as a “joke”. A bad one, perhaps, but one just the same.

  • loislane1939

    Abortion, birth control, welfare – you can only be against two of these things.

  • loislane1939

    Ahhh, it’s letting the states use Medicaid money to fund birth control without asking first, that’s not really a huge deal. I am all for both sides working together, but the Republicans vowed to thwart the democrats at every turn, and here they are harping on a small unimportant issue that will help cut down on unnecessary births. You can say it won’t help people get jobs, but it will help the people that are already unemployed and can’t afford birth control.