Wonkette
JUST GIVE US ALL OF YR MONEY NOW: Peter Wehner of America’s favorite blog, The Corner, soon will be either broke or a chickenshit: “Bill Kristol… is easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America—a fact, upon which I would be willing to bet a large sum of money, is what troubled the Times.” Well we’re willing to accept that bet! Count your assets, put a number on the table. Then we can call the Times to ask if they fired Bill Kristol because his perfection scared them. [The Corner]
He’s great, except for all those durn facts!
Think the collective pinheads at NRO will explode when they try to comprehend the fact that the Washington Post hired Kristol just so angry/drunk libtards will go to their homepage just to laugh at him?
How large of a bet? I’d be willing to throw some cash down (even if it is Canada City Funny Money.)
Run away from the bet, Jim, it’s a trick. Kristol “is easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America.” And, if you worked at the Times, you be troubled by the fact that the movement that was brought to prominence based on the writings of Safire and Buckley has been reduced to that?
It would be like if I bet you that Jenna Bush is by far the most sober of the Bush children.
Give a man a dildo, and he’ll cum for a day… Teach a man to be a dildo, and he’ll fuck us all.
“…while there [Kristol] offered views and facts to its readers that they otherwise didn’t get…”
…Didn’t get because none of those facts could be corroborated by, like, other news organizations or journalists of repute.
“easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America”… what would that even look like?
JEEBUS CHRIST WHY ALL THE KRISTOL? This is beginning to scare me.
“…Kristol fills a much-needed gap…”
Who are the OTHER intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America?
[ ]
I thought so.
If Bill Kristol is truly “among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America”, then I would think it’s the conservatives who would be “troubled”, not the Times.
Put lipstick on the swine and it still opines. Shit.
Ah. That’s why the Illinois legislature is trying to impeach Rod “Worst Ever Hair Day” Blagojevich. It’s not because he’s a microcephalic clod who tried to auction off the Land of Lincoln. It’s because he’s among the most intelligent, creative and articulate corrupt governors they’ve ever had.
honkeyman: In the “D” page of the op-ed section. DOPED.
The rest are on page “H.” HOPED.
It’s like seeing a beautiful flower and taking a long drunk piss on it.
Bill Kristol… is easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America
I’m willing to entertain that notion. I mean, think about it: Guy’s up against Sarah Palin, Joe The
war correspondentPlumber, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh… etc.I mean, face it: the contemporary Right is basically little more than a colony of diseased rats dining hungrily and insatiably upon a stagnant cesspool of putrid human refuse.
Why would you want to take that bet? Clearly you will only end up with about $12 and a santorum smeared cum towel.
And Rush Limbaugh is claiming that President Obama is scared of him. I’ve often thought a dose of psychedelics would cause these neos to see the light but they may drugs even I haven’t heard of.
That’s the guy, huh? I always assumed there must be some guy who thought Kristol wasn’t an ignorant nazi asshat (other than Kristol himself). Huh. Fuck that guy.
Well, the market (or the investing class) seem to support Billy K’s move to the Washington Post, which went up today in comparison to the NYT:
http://finance.yahoo.com/echarts?s=NYT#chart1:symbol=nyt;range=1d;compare=wpo;indicator=volume;charttype=line;crosshair=on;ohlcvalues=0;logscale=on;source=undefined
However, a 1-day result is not a long-term indicator. NRO, please tell all your fans to put 100% of their portfolio into the WPO to support Billyboy. You can’t go wrong!!!*
*NYT shares down 60+% over last year, while the Kristol-free WPO down ONLY 40+%. Let’s hope there are an abundance of Mexican billionaires ready to bail them out.
(for the rest of us, SHORT WPO NOW!!!)
“Obama will be out of the race by April”
- Bill Kristol, NYT, 03/10/08
“Christmas will take place this year on December 29th”
- Bill Kristol, NYT, 06/16/08
“How about that Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie, that will win a lot of Oscars, for sure.”
- Bill Kristol, NYT, 10/06/08
“I am looking forward to next February, when my contract with this paper will be renewed”
- Bill Kristol, NYT, 10/12/08
“Bill Kristol… is easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America”
Not setting the bar too high, I see.
Serolf Divad:
“the contemporary Right is basically little more than a colony of diseased rats dining hungrily and insatiably upon a stagnant cesspool of putrid human refuse.”
And of course, our shit don’t stink anymore, so they will all become rotting rats for the cockroaches to nibble at.
Yeah, the guy’s a dick, but he was pretty funny in The Princess Bride.
Analyze this you prick!
Kristol/Bristol 2012
With a name like “Lightning Rod Conservative” you’d think he’d take the time off to do porn.
shortsshortsshorts: Obviously Wonkette is trying to court another intern.
I would buy a copy of the New York Times if they ran a publisher’s editorial about why they got rid of BillK. They’d have to talk about his purity, his blinding clarity…
“Bill Kristol’s vision–his blinding pure sense of The American Way–was too much for the tattered pages of this daily to contain. Each morning we beheld his uncanny clarity and shuffled to our offices to drink away the shame of shackling him on these unworthy pages.
William Kristol is too good for this fallen world. We sincerely hope the Post can erect the podium for his brilliance that we were unable to provide.”
tunamelt: You’re more than a woman, to me.
facehead: I’m pretty sure Wonkette has been vying for Meaghan McCain since last February. She is the future face of the Palin Party.
chitrade: +500,000
If Billy the K would write editorials prognosticating the exact opposite of whatever his instincts tell him to say, his perfection would scare all of us. Him most of all.
“Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.”
What a winner.
There is more talk about kristol around here than there is in Wasilla on a cold night in February.
He’s easily the most articulate because his competition is Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. A trained chimp would also contend for that title.
Holy Crap! Prez Obama had a double secret late night meeting tonight with the Muslins & Prez said he wants to listen to what they have to say. Tomorrow Limbaugh’s head will esplode.
I thought it was a known fact that Kristol was fired because his striking resemblance to a circumcised penis was freaking out all the normal human beings at that time honored institution. He was ribbed for the pleasure of the female Titans, Rhea, Dione, Tethys, Mnemosyne and Coeus. He was cast aside and returned to the mortal world of today because he wasn’t even a good dildo.
Bill Kristol, defective dildo.
Limbaugh looks like a severely bloated Kristol, who loses some of his wrinkles as his face gets fatter. They could be related. Still, I pre-emptively beg our Wonkette to never show the real face of either of them in this blog.
This paves the way for my fantasy: New York Times columnist Michelle Malkin.
You know you want it.
He was a good Oscar™ host, also
jarais: *slashing wrists and puking all over floor*.
I agree wholesomely.
Newell, while you’re ranting and raving about the colossal failure that is William Kristol — President love a terrorist gave his FIRST interview since he became president to the terrorist network Al-Arabiya. Yes the same one that Rumsfeld said was “openly hostile to US interests”. Hopey even bragged about his terrorist heritage and that he is in fact a citizen of Indonesia (it was implied).
After reading all of these boxes with words in them, I actually fucking believe that reading Kristol is worse than being stuck in an 80’s bar, in the 80’s.
Atheist Nun: Wise words, wise words…
Darehead: I was thinking the same thing. Huffpo has both of them in the same page and I was thinking maybe they are related or sharing stupid ideas makes one morph into this bloated ugliness.
Giant Robot: Dreadful Gate: Is there something about this joke that I am missing? Specifically, how it is still funny, now, after the 800th time?
“Rather than commenting on Bill Kristol’s provocative New York Times column today”, because “provocative” is beyond wee Billy’s ability to spell and because the last time Bill heard the word “provocative“ was as a come-on to attend a Harvard smoker to see salacious celluloid films of an unclothed William Buckley ….
Yet, I digress.
Oh, yeah. Because this has not been picked up by Wonkette, “Gonzo Agonistes”:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99864126
Ex-AG Gonzales: ‘I Should Have Been More Engaged’
NPR, January 26, 2009
S.Luggo: If that fuckhead had been more engaged it would have resulted in a conviction. You’d think Blago would be a lesson.
S.Luggo: He meant to say, “I should have been more engorged. All that torture still did not give me the hard-on of my dreams.”
p-Sludge: Needed by whom?
Hey you jerks! I wish you’d just shut up about this jerk and pay more attention to me. I’m easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices whose name begins with ‘Lascaux’ and ends with ‘man’ commenting on Wonkette.
Is the middle of my Venn diagram bigger than NRO’s? Possibly!
Lascauxcaveman: Here is all of my money.
Darehead: At the end of the article, “… Gonzales has begun to re-emerge on the public stage. In fact, Gonzales, Ashcroft and Clinton administration Attorney General Janet Reno are scheduled to appear together April 20 at Radio City Music Hall in New York City as part of a speaker series called ‘The Minds that Move the World.’”
Me have aneurysm.
Atheist Nun: LOL, thanks…
2druk2phluq: +1 for advanced Titanology.
Do you think this Peter Wehner fellow (never heard of him until now) sucked Bill Kristol’s cock at the NR Christmas party? My guess - yes. But he probably didn’t swallow, he spit, as he is a right-winger and not one of those libertines who hate America.
shortsshortsshorts: It’s because, unlike Count Blagula, Gonzo had to live in meany-mean D.C. From the NPR article:
Dealing With ‘A Mean-Spirited Town’
In [Gonzales'] wide-ranging conversation with [NPR Reporter] Martin, during one of only a handful of interviews he has given since stepping down under pressure on Aug. 27, 2007, Gonzales retained his usual low-key demeanor.
But [Gonzales] frequently returned to what has become his recent coming-out theme: that he has been targeted by critics of the Bush administration’s most controversial policies — from torture policies that violate the Geneva Conventions to secret surveillance of citizens — because of his close relationship with the president. And that Washington is a “difficult town, a mean-spirited town.”
“Sometimes people identify someone to target. That’s what happened to me,” said Gonzales, who served as President Bush’s White House counsel before becoming attorney general in 2005, replacing John Ashcroft.
“I’m not whining,” [Gonzales] said. “It comes with the job.”
***
QED.
tunamelt: “taking a long drunk piss on it.”
Point taken, as Freud might say.
“Bill Kristol… is easily among the most intelligent, creative, and articulate conservative voices in America—a fact, upon which I would be willing to bet a large sum of money, is what troubled the Times.”
Now let’s take a look at that post-hyphen clause.
a fact, upon which I would be willing to bet a large sum of money, is what troubled the Times.
And remove the aside in the commas.
a fact… is what troubled the Times.”
“A fact is what troubled the Times.” But which fact this is, he does not say, or even give any indication. Perhaps he meant to say “a fact WHICH is what troubled the Times”? No, surely no one who could see the literary eloquence of Bill Kristol would miss such a necessary word. So the fact which troubled the Times was probably NOT the greatness of Kristol’s writing. As such, we are left merely to guess and what the fact that so troubled the Times might have been. Truly a puzzle!
S.Luggo: If he had just gone with Oprah everything would be fine.
jarais: You forget, they are looking for the “lightning rod” conservative columnist, not the “bat-shit crazy” conservative columnist.
All though after Kristol, I can see how one can make that mistake.
Godot: The fact which troubled the Times was that Kristol wrote like high school student and that it could get the same talent at far less.
Back to my original question: who will replace Kristol at the NYT?
S.Luggo: There are plenty of able bodied people! Like Joe the all of a sudden Israeli. I epeak for ‘merica when I say fuck you. You can deny Michel Creighton (spall check off) and Trig as much as you deem necessary, but when Jesus denies you, you’re fucking 21.
Not that you asked, but in my my opinion Bill Kristoff’s penis just wasn’t big enough. Or his balls. He talked smack, like he had a pants-load of Cisco Adler, but in the end it turns out his pee-pee was not up to snuff. I don’t care how many five dollar words he used - everyone at the Times saw his junk at the gym and got disgusted. That is that.
Anyway. I have a bad governor cartoon at my blog, if you care:
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2009/01/ello-guvnah.html
My blogs will make your stuff larger.
And seriously, Kristol really is ‘creative’ — some of his analyses, conclusions and even facts are evidence of a very vibrant imagination. If only he would invent some sort of elven dialect for his columns, I bet they could be wonderful fantasy literature.
themightysea: That is a damn good idea. Bill should write sci-fi fan fiction.
jarais: MIchelle Malkin and Maureen Dowd nude jello wrestling on the Op-Ed page? SIGN ME UP!
Ergh. Now my wee-wee is all shriveled.
S.Luggo: It’s ‘fact is what’. Use proper English, as per Wehner.
I’m beginning to think that the proper definition of ‘conservative’ is ‘the pathological ability to completely reject verifiable facts and make incorrect inferences about external reality.’
Who is Bill Kristol?
Bill Kristol will be heard from again and again, above all, of course, from his current perch at The Weekly Standard, but also, I gather, from a new perch at the Washington Post (where he will have a monthly column), as well as from his seat at Fox News and in other venues.
“as well as from his seat” - See, even they admit hs talks out of his ass.
thefrontpage: Who cares?
Peter, say this 3 times really fast “Polish it in The Corner.”
Godot: Perhaps the fear was of facts in general? “Factophobia”, you might say. Probably associated with excessive hallucinogen use.
Oh noes! Krystal is the best contrarian indicator around! Consistently dead wrong. A great indicator.