Wonkette
Today each of your editors was obliged to tender their own reflections on the tragic expiration of Bill Kristol’s tenure as Token Lazy Chucklehead on the New York Times op-ed page. It seems Ken does not care for this fellow, and Jim is working on some epic rant, so now your SKS will review Kristol’s most grievous sin, which is foisting the demoness Sarah Palin upon an innocent and unsuspecting populace.
You will recall that Bill Kristol was the droolingest of the drooling dorks who went over to Sarah Palin’s house for a crabcake orgy while he was cruising the frigid waters of Alaska with all of his National Review and Weekly Standard friends, who up until that point were all virgins. After this transcendent crab-fucking fest, Kristol decided that Sarah Palin had to be the vice president, and he badgered a feeble-minded old war veteran into nominating this succubus under the theory that the only thing Americans like more than a pretty lady is a pretty lady who snarls angrily about “big city values” in an election that will be decided by urban voters.
Sarah Palin, who might otherwise have settled into a long and uneventful career as a muklukked mother of eleven living on the tit of Alaska’s oil lobby, was unwittingly thrust into the national spotlight, where she failed repeatedly to formulate a single sentence with proper subject-verb-object agreement. She was an offense to intelligent two-legged mammals everywhere, particularly ones with breasts.
Thus! Bill Kristol has been wrong about everything, ever, but he was particularly wrong about Sarah Palin, who turned out not to be a shining light for the future of American conservatism but instead was the delusionally self-important and willfully ignorant little maggot who crawled out of American conservatism’s festering corpse, wearing a pair of red pumps and winking naughtily as she tap-danced on its bones.
Bill Kristol will be writing monthly columns for the Washington Post, because he is like Satan: unstoppable.
Sara without the “H” no likkee the Sarah with the “H.” Whyzzat?
You forgot to add that she charged the corpse for the pumps.
The jizz-frothed mouth seems harsh, but accurate.
SKS, where’s the Also? Also.
Or you can look at it this way: For once, Kristol Meh served US America best by being wrong.
Guys, what if Bill Kristol is secretly a librul muslin, destroying the Republican party from the inside out?
I mean, we’ll have him to thank when Hopey wins 589 electoral votes over the Palin/Plumber ticket in 2012. Of course, I guess Occam’s razor says he’s probably just a colossal idiot.
also.
John and Bill went up the hill
To fetch a Palin of water
John fell down
And broke his crown,
And Bill came tumbling after.
Does this mean WaPo has re-evaluated their no-wanking at work policy?
“Sarah Palin, who might otherwise have settled into a long and uneventful career as a muklukked mother of eleven”
Actually, only nine of them are hers. The other two are animatronic polar bear turds stolen from Piper’s FisherPrice “Wild Alaska” playset.
One of the best SKS screeds of all times.
Anyway, hesakillerqueen: Win.
LEAVE SARAH PALLIN ALOnNE!!1!!
hesakillerqueen: Probably stole them off the lifeless body. You know the GOP is the party of grave robbers — has to be.
Best picture of Palin. Ever.
Dunno about, y’all, but I’m gonna start kissing Palin’s ass now. If she’s out Emam President in 2k12, wanna be on her side. Vamp’s don’t drink the bloods of those closest to them, right?
Kristol meth-odology was to get Sarah to ignite the racial wars the neo-cons hoped would bring then victory.
The bath tub blew up was all. Kristol is now in search of a new corpse.
assistant/atlas: Bill Kristol is unconsciously involved in a oedipal struggle with the conservative movement, using it in the place of his father. By causing its failure and destruction, Billy is finally released from his father’s shadow and becomes his own man rather than continuing on as an idiot boy.
Brava SKS!
magic titty, it’s not accurate at all; clearly from her progeny she considers that a waste.
This post was disturbingly lacking in the world “also”, also.
first up on his wapo column (in keeping with the quest for freshness): naming contest for the all new abu ghraib prison.
It’s no wonder Kristol idolizes Palin — she’s a gun-totin’ poseur with a proven inability to figure out birth control, and he an armchair tough guy with a Baby-Wipe fetish. Match made in heaven.
Nice work, SKS. Though I’m not convinced that we’re innocent and/or unsuspecting. We got what we deserved.
Kristol was a mighty Palin fan
of her he was cock-sure
So his neocons set sail that day
on a veep vetting tour, a veep vetting tour
Bill’s diamond starting looking rough
‘til he got their salads tossed
If not for the glands of this feckless crew
Obama might have lost, Obama might have lost
Kristol was a mighty Palin fan
of her he was cock-sure
So his neocons set sail that day
on a veep vetting tour, a veep vetting tour
Bill’s diamond starting looking rough
‘til he got their salads tossed
If not for glands of this feckless crew
Obama might have lost, Obama might have lost
To give Kristol — ahem — credit, once the election was over, he was pretty quick to disavow having anything to do with the Palin candidacy:
For all our great closeness”—perhaps Mr. Kristol was referring to Jane Mayer’s report in The New Yorker about his and other Standard editors’ visit to the Alaska Governor in June 2007— “I barely know her.”
So we’ll know the Iraq was is truly over when Kristol swears he’s never heard of the country.
Scandalabra: word!
It’s late and all I can get out of this is Kristol Fist Fucking Krabs.
grendel: Lacking in what respect, Grendel?
Bill the Columnist.
Is Bill Kristol related to Billy Crystal?
Who is Bill Kristol?
springfield_meltdown: But when does he start the serial killings?
dougbob: “first up on his wapo column (in keeping with the quest for freshness): naming contest for the all new abu ghraib prison.”
Ooh! Dibs on “Kristol Palace.”
Epic Sara column, also.
Can someone translate the Japanese on the Vampire Sarah poster?
Unemployment exploding and this shithead gets a job?
CHANGE,brothers and sisters.
President Beeblebrox — it just says “event kit” — I think the idea is if you order the poster you can print whatever you want on it. Trucknutz!
If Ann Coulter can get away with saying terrorists should have blow up the NY Times building then I can get away with saying they should kidnap, anally rape, and cut the tongue out of Bill Kristol AND Sarah Palin.
Also, Karl Rove.
President Beeblebrox
It says “Event kit”. It’s transliterated English, so that’s it’s exact meaning.
Watchreader: I read it as “Wasabi for the eyes”.
Knucklebumps and bubbly for SKS.
Jesus fuckin christ , its like the movie Crank! “He can’t stop! Keep him employed with a major news media and writing shitty columns or we’re all gonna fucking die!!!!”
Also Sprach Sarahthustra
Scheiss Sprach Kristol
El Pinche: Wrong post! also FUCK!
We were hearing about Sarah Palin from Wonkette way before Bill Kristol hauled flabby ass onto Alaskan shores. You guys need to suck it up and take credit for popularizing this shameless, dopey, fertile, attention whore.
The real question is, “Who will replace Billy K. on the NYT’s Op-Ed page?”
My guess is the chimpanzee who paints abstract art with bum.
My hope is Jonah Goldberg. Chimps tend to be a twee bit too analytical.
Any other guesses?
S.Luggo: “with his/her bum.”
Bill Kristol has been wrong about everything, ever, but he was particularly wrong about Sarah Palin, who turned out not to be a shining light for the future of American conservatism but instead was the delusionally self-important and willfully ignorant little maggot who crawled out of American conservatism’s festering corpse, wearing a pair of red pumps and winking naughtily as she tap-danced on its bones.
GREAT line. That is all.
S.Luggo: It was decided last night.
Trig.
What’s my prize for getting lipstick on my thrown snowshoe?
Can’t. Stop. Looking. At. That. Picture.
WalnutsIsMyCo-Pilot: My kanji is a bit rusty, but I believe that the caption says, “Cross not Alaska borders, Soviet caribou, or I shall deaded you with a whack of my Nieman Marcus, red, whore pumps, you gosh betcha” or some such. “Red” is open to interpretation.
Sara, please let Sarah be Sarah.
There’s a reason she has an extra letter on her name, her parents can’t spell.
chascates: totally off-topic. I actually looked at Wonkette this week from within the confines of the borders of the U.S.ofA. Or within the juristiction of the Department of Homeland Security. WTF was up with the Ann Coulter ad on the Wonkettes? Did anyone else see that? (As long as you’re robbing her blind, its OK with me)
shortsshortsshorts: No, the NYT Op-Ed replacement for Kristol’s column will require someone who has never ventured beyond the bounds of basic English. I’m thinking: (a) Michelle Bachmann, (b) Malkin, (c) Stephem Hadley, (d) Gonzo, or (e) Countess de Rothschild. For starters.
S.Luggo: ROTHSCHILD FTW, also.
I hope they give the position to Ronald Reagan’s corpse.
actor212: lolololol!!!!
Bruno: Thanks to Adblock, I see neither Campbell, nor Coulter. Also.
We just signed up for an “Alaska adventure cruise” (hot travel tip: economic collapse means prices are way down), but I don’t see any crabcake orgies listed on the itinerary. Did we get gypped?
Of course, loyalty to Maryland means I couldn’t accept any foreign crabcakes, so it’s probably just as well. (Never mind that most of the crab in “Maryland” crabcakes comes from Thailand nowadays.)
Bruno: “Sara, please let Sarah be Sarah.” That would demand a simple belief in birth control before a need for amniocentesis.
F**k-me pumps and Republicans go together like white on rice.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
I liked him best as Jody on ‘SOAP.’
wickedlittledoll: Moreso if Billy the K were wearing them…
“Sarah Palin, who might otherwise have settled into a long and uneventful career as a muklukked mother of eleven”
Why have Skid, Mark, Tag, Hump, Tweak, and Cesna been kept put of the limelight?
This was my Facebook picture to encourage all my dirty, hippy, Pizza Hut eating midwestern friends to actually get off their stoned asses and VOTE! And look where it got us..
Cape Clod: We thought she was an unintentionally hilarious rural clown, and had many fun Wonkette posts starting in 2006 (!) about her goofy life. That Bill Kristol looked at this same person and had a starburst in his pants while mumbling “presidential,” well, that is all you need to know about Kristol’s brain.
Pope Cat: Starburst is a candy to some species of lady-bits. Kristol is a committed member of NAMBLA.
That´s funny, Kristol was wrong about THE WAR, THE WAR…but his biggest sin, and I wholeheratedly agree, IS PALIN….because she represents ALL WAR. A VILE CRUSADER, against people, whales and polar bears.
ALSO TOO…
Sarah Palin-Tonya Harding 2012!
She called him a Muslim terrorist. WHORE! Cum-guzzling, shoe-wearing, baby-having, gun-toting WHORE!
That´s PRADA shoe wearing……..
The divine Ms. PP…only wears PRADA shoes, that her in-bred neices sell on eBay when she is done wearing them, because she can´t be photographed wearing stolen clothes anymore………..it reflects badly on the RNC…..she can wear them in the kitchen making moosepies, but not in public, NOT ANY MORE. they got tough with her.
chascates: Don’t forget Rush Limbaugh. what a prick. also.
SayItWithWookies: “Truly I say to you that this very night, before Morton Kondracke crows, you shall deny Me three times.”
I just have to add my admiration for SKS’s rap on Cleopalin, which will remain a true classic consulted by wordsmiths a century hence for its brilliance. And accuracy also. Maybe Diddy will make a megaselling record out of it. Now, SKS, tell us true: what about Rash Lameballs?
Banished from the NYT, Dreckula lives on at the WaPo - & the Dems breathe a sigh of relief.
If there were no William Kristol, Obama would be trying to bioengineer one.
Kristol is one of the best things that ever happened to the Democratic party … everyone who loves America should be lobbying to get him his own show on FOX NEWS. Every time he sneers & spews another deranged mind-turd as if it was Gospel, another GOP voter changes their mind.
The guy gets results - just not the ones he wants.
/ snark
The Washington Post? Huh? I would think that his writing style would be more appropriate for the likes of the Washington Times.
/ end snark