THIS GUY AGAIN  7:03 pm January 24, 2009

Blago’s Head Attorney Quits, Because Client Is Insane

by Jim Newell

This is what all sleazy defense lawyers should look likeAttorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.”

During the trial proceedings on Monday, for example, Blago has decided not to attend and instead run his mouth on Good Morning America and then — and then! — The View, with his mean wife. These are things that defendants would only do if they literally covered their ears each time their defense attorneys gave them advice. But for the rest of us, it will be funny to watch Mrs. Blagojevich call Elisabeth Hasselbeck a whore, etc.



Hola wonkerados.

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Serolf Divad January 24, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Folks, my hat’s off to Blago. Let’s face it: it takes an awful lot to make a scandal look this fun without involving either hookers or teenage pages.

4tehlulz January 24, 2009 at 7:14 pm

The real fun begins when Blago decides not to recognize his conviction.

I’d hate to be one of the National Guardsman on duty that day.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Dude needs to upgrade his Hoveround.

That aside, I’m finally looking forward to a Monday.

BillyClubb January 24, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Blago AND his profanity-spewing wife on The View?! And I swore I’d never watch that show.

Zipperupus January 24, 2009 at 7:26 pm

Republicans, eat your heart out! This is how a scandal explodes. Blago is fuckin golden. I’m not gonna give him up foe fuckin nothin.

ManchuCandidate January 24, 2009 at 7:41 pm

The Hair does not listen to bald and/or wise men.

I fully expect Blaggy to reveal on the View that his hair is an alien symbiote that came to Earth to drive fast cars, play heavy metal music, kill for fun and to rule the world.

President Beeblebrox January 24, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Blago comes from a long line of bizarre/crazy Serbian politicians… think Slobodan Milosevic.

Monsieur Grumpe January 24, 2009 at 7:53 pm

[re=227939]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Hey, It’s not over yet. I’m hoping for underage poodles, undocumented aliens from Venus, $10,000 eyebrow trims, hoof jobs from pot belly pigs and over paid taxes.

Delicious January 24, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Having balls of steel is a fucking valuable thing.

You go, Blago!

Serolf Divad January 24, 2009 at 8:03 pm


I’m reminded of this exchange from the movie “Alien.”

Ash: You still don’t understand what you’re dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
Lambert: You admire it.
Ash: I admire its purity. A survivor… unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.

ladymacbeth January 24, 2009 at 8:04 pm

somebody better be liveblogging for the shut-ins.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm

[re=227950]ManchuCandidate[/re]: For some reason I got an image of War of the Worlds reading this. How awesome would it be if the hydraulics in Blago’s hair opened the hatch, and a fucking Martian destroyer launched the End of Days – all on The View no less!

Servo January 24, 2009 at 8:24 pm

He has an attorney just for his head? “Don’t touch the hair!”

j6n January 24, 2009 at 8:29 pm

I want all you atheists to consider the unbelievable ticking time bomb of douchetardedness this guy has always been, and the divine providence he didn’t go off before November. Proof of God if I ever saw it.

rag January 24, 2009 at 8:38 pm

[re=227964]j6n[/re]: Amen.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=227964]j6n[/re]: And if you believe that was an act of God above an act of Realpolitik, I have a Senate seat to sell you.

Smoke Filled Roommate January 24, 2009 at 8:58 pm

Monday is the beginning of the Year of the Ox..(sociopath)? Blago and Casey Anthony should get together and make a baby, kill it, sticker it and then try to sell seats at the funeral.

BadMFer January 24, 2009 at 8:58 pm

Hey, our founding father’s never explicitely forbaid auctiong off Senate seat’s. Nor do I read anything in the IL constitution that expressly prohibit’s his ebay-like auctions!

Somewhere, Dick Nixon is smiling down, so is Rosty, and Mel Reynolds is also getting a good chuckle.

Scandalabra January 24, 2009 at 9:07 pm

Awesome! He managed to pull off this scandal with nothing more than chutzpah and hair.

NebraskashireGentry January 24, 2009 at 9:10 pm

it was only a matter of time before Blagojevich decided to represent himself anyway…

I hope they allow cameras in that courtroom. I’m waiting for him to quote “Ozymandias” out of context for his closing arguments. I have a wager going with some freshmen English majors.

AngryBlakGuy January 24, 2009 at 9:13 pm

…absolutely, positively, miraculously, no snark! This motherfukker is crazier than my ex-girlfriend!

Colander January 24, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Via off-topic: I saw Southland Tales the other day, and this Hopey business is going to make a lot of librul entertainment from the Bush Years look really outdated, real quick. Unless this is all a Fail, and we all contact the Rage Virus sometime this summer, and start eating each other like the zombie hobos we were destined to become.

shortsshortsshorts January 24, 2009 at 9:20 pm


kingofnothing January 24, 2009 at 9:22 pm

[re=227972]BadMFer[/re]: I suspect the real reason Tricky Dick’s smiling is that those goddamned Kennedys didn’t get their way this week. Serves them right for stealing the 1960 election.

Andy Johnson must also be getting a kick out of Blago’s refusal to attend his own impeachment trial. This strategy worked for Johnson, but somehow I doubt history will repeat itself.

chitrade January 24, 2009 at 9:31 pm

Prediction for a Tribune headline in June 2009:

“Ex-Gov Blagojevich in standoff with local authorities”

Mention that animal control is the local authority will be below the fold.

They will be after the unlicensed weasel glued to his scalp.

SeminoleInDior January 24, 2009 at 10:07 pm

I’ve just been informed that butt secks is no longer kosher on Wonkette. I do not agree. Butt secks is integral to Wonkette. We all love the butt secks. We crave the butt secks. I NEED THE BUTT SECKS!!!!1!

shortsshortsshorts January 24, 2009 at 10:07 pm

Stop trying to buttsecks your lawyer, Blaggo.
Also, buttsecks. Also.

Anita Cocktail January 24, 2009 at 10:08 pm

[re=227974]Scandalabra[/re]: and a filthy-mouthed wife.

DoctorCulturae January 24, 2009 at 10:09 pm

The ratings for these events will be good and the MSM repetition thereof gargantuan. He and his wifely will only have to say a few cockamamie things with the promise of more goofiness to come. I suggest he bring props that aren’t people this time. Maybe a funny costume (e.g. diapers, a big cape). Or he should ride in ala Darth VP in an electric powered wheel chair with stigmata.

Next up Katie, Dave, Jay, Jimmie Kimmel might bite too.

Aurelio January 24, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=227979]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe I should parachute me there. Think about it, shorts. You really wouldn’t want to do that, would you? For one thing, you would have to represent Blago. And for another thing, see the first thing.

grendel January 24, 2009 at 10:10 pm

[re=227984]SeminoleInDior[/re]: Buttsecks was here before the Newell. Buttsecks will be here after the Newell. Buttsecks is the cockroach of Wonkette.

tunamelt January 24, 2009 at 10:11 pm

A blog divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this blog cannot endure, permanently, half butt sechs and half missionary. I do not expect the blog to be dissolved — I do not expect the blog to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.

It will become all one thing or all the other. Either the opponents of butt sechs will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the ultimately tragic belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or the butt sechs advocates will push it forward, till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South.

SeminoleInDior January 24, 2009 at 10:12 pm

[re=227985]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I can haz butt secks now?

shortsshortsshorts January 24, 2009 at 10:14 pm

[re=227988]Aurelio[/re]: All the cool kids hang with Blago. It costs a premium, but damn, what a playa of delusion. He makes Helen Keller look normal.

Buttsecks, also. Also, assfucking.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 10:24 pm

Guys, you’re better than this. You’re better than ALL of this.

Seriously your guise, seriously.

Colander January 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm

I firmly align myself with buttsechs, and plan on starting my own anthology site, Buttsechspedia, devoted to chronicling the intricacies of my beliefs.

j6n January 24, 2009 at 10:32 pm

[re=227969]Heywood Floyd[/re]: Tomato, to-mah-to.

shanemacgowan January 24, 2009 at 10:44 pm

I once knew a public defender who successfully defended a man indicted for having sex with a cow. It turns out that at the time of the indictment, there was no statute that specifically prohibited human-bovine copulation. The man then turned around and sued some neighborhood kid who called him a “cow-fucker.”

Rod Blagojevich is crazier than the cow-fucker.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 10:45 pm

[re=227997]j6n[/re]: Oh look, it’s the dude who I gave buttsecks to a little while back.

gliberal January 24, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Paranoid Psychosis. Next.

j6n January 24, 2009 at 11:15 pm

[re=227999]Heywood Floyd[/re]: buttsecks is a valuable thing.

Crow T. Robot January 24, 2009 at 11:21 pm

It seems to me that there are two possibilities here:

1. He’s off his meds (i know it’s a cliche, but jeez, why do they become cliches?)
2. He likes the meth.

Those are my thoughts.

Oh, one more Bloggy, Tweakers suck. Mark my words.

Mark them.

hockeymom January 24, 2009 at 11:29 pm

I just want to watch Joy Behar’s face as Blago talks.

Heywood Floyd January 24, 2009 at 11:33 pm

[re=228001]j6n[/re]: Then consider yourself LODED.

Yes, LODEed.

Rush January 24, 2009 at 11:38 pm

I get them confused. Blago is the wack-job from Alaska or Chicago?????

Delicious January 24, 2009 at 11:48 pm

The buttocks with the sex.

Hey, who wants gift certificates to Applebee’s?

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 24, 2009 at 11:48 pm

An impeachment is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t show-up for nothing.

[re=227957]Serolf Divad[/re]: Dick Cheney?

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 25, 2009 at 12:21 am

I’ve spoken of the buttsex all my political life, but I don’t know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said buttsex. But in my mind it was a tall proud ass built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and shimmining to jungle beats, a ass with free ports that hummed with sex and creativity, and if there had to be butt plugs, the plugs had vibrators and the vibrators were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That’s how I saw buttsex and see it still.

Whatever else history may say about me when I’m gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your assfucking, not your necrophillia; to your diaper wearing rather than your children fondeling. My dream is that you will travel the road ahead with a good lube guiding your steps and opportunity’s arm steadying your ass.

We’ve done our part. And as I walk off into the butt’s crack, a final word to the men and women of the Wonkette revolution, the men and women across America who for eight minutes did the work that brought buttsex back. My friends: We did it. We weren’t just marking time. We made a difference. We made the TruckNutz stronger. We made the Snorg Girl freer, and we left her in good hands. All in all, not bad, not bad at all.

And so, good-bye, God bless you, and God bless the Buttsex.

chascates January 25, 2009 at 12:27 am

Cheney, Bush, Rumsfeld . . . they all say they’ve done nothing wrong and, in fact, have done everything right. It’s a virus.

Heywood Floyd January 25, 2009 at 12:33 am

[re=228009]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Glorious. Fucking Glorious.

Tears. Literal tears.

El Pinche January 25, 2009 at 1:13 am

Lionel, I always enjoy your buttsecks commentaries, and we will NEVER let the flame die.

daisy chain January 25, 2009 at 2:01 am

[re=227972]BadMFer[/re]: Sir, I will not abide you flagrant abuse of the helpless apostrophe. Get thee to a grammary!

2druk2phluq January 25, 2009 at 2:23 am

I can’t believe nobody has figured out the truth yet. Blago’s hair actually runs things. Normally the hair waits until Blago is asleep to conduct the business of corruption, but in a pinch the hair is capable of knocking the idiot out and taking over.

[Fuck, I know, okay? I know S. Green and M. Senreich thought it up, and that it was funnier when they did it. I just needed something to say besides buttsecks, also.]
[If an adult got an ass transplant from a dead teenage girl, would the buttsecks still be considered statutory rape?]

facehead January 25, 2009 at 2:52 am

[re=228017]2druk2phluq[/re]: In other words: buttsecks. Also.

Also, if an adult got an ass transplant from a dead teenage girl, the buttseks would be considered statutory jaywalking.

Mojopo January 25, 2009 at 2:52 am

Blago hired Drew Peterson’s PR firm. You know Drew – the fat faced ex-cop who had one wife “drown” in an empty bathtub and the other one has been missing for over a year? Yeah, him.

PickleSquatter January 25, 2009 at 4:10 am

1. Actual “Wonkette” starts website, mastheads cute cartoon.
2. It all hangs out.
3. Actual assfucking leads to fame and notoriety, and page views.
4. Gilly the Atherosclerotic backhands our heroine like Chinatown.
5. “Wonkette” has cover blown to bits.
6. Number four goes here, maybe. Real world intrudes. Who knows.
7. Book about assfucking.
8. The corporate brand is split into PUMAs and terminal adolescent hoboes.
9. Same old GEnie intramural hatefest leads to green-on-green fraggings.
10. Assfucking chick gets married. What the fuck, but whatever. Christ.
11. No, but seriously, Lady Assfuck wears a white dress to a society wedding.
12. Jesus of Nazareth vomits.
13. 2008 Election ends; Liz Glover re-reads #3, jumps ship. How cute!
14. Cannibalism breaks out on Romulus-twin, non-Hilsbot website.
15. Pseudo-gruff comment policing triggers Daily Kos flashbacks.
16. Daily Kos-like community police say “U not funy; git out.” As usual.
17. Ad revenue goes all “” for the usual reason.
18. Six months pass; totally unforseen endgame. Refugees rend garments.

Corrections to order of meltdown are welcomed and appreciated.

wickedlittledoll January 25, 2009 at 4:14 am

Class act that Blago. Him and Drew Peterson not only share the same PR firm, they share the same moral fiber.

shortsshortsshorts January 25, 2009 at 4:31 am

Holy shit. An innocent man is being blamed and for your judgments you people deserve a rick-roll. My slow-typing drunk ass will like link you to it and all that—

Blago never gonna give you up
Blago never gonna let you down.
Think about it. He’s dying for your sins at this point.

shortsshortsshorts January 25, 2009 at 4:37 am

Also. And also.
Barack Obama and Joe Biden believe that the U.S. must apply pressure on the Iraqi government to work toward real political accommodation. There is no military solution to Iraq’s political differences. Now is the time to press Iraq’s leaders to take responsibility for their future and to invest their oil revenues in their own reconstruction.

Is this some form of semitransparent transparency? It’s from that big white house over there. You know— THE ONE FACING MECCA?

Mojopo January 25, 2009 at 4:42 am

[re=228024]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Who do you think you are? Nancy Pelosi’s webmaster?

windupbird January 25, 2009 at 8:51 am

I kind of love Blago. He’s entertaining. Sure, there are elements of the ridiculous about him, but like any great actor, he’s committed to this (idiotic) role he’s playing. To paraphrase RDJ, he’s “a guy, playing a guy, playing another guy”.

Cape Clod January 25, 2009 at 9:40 am

I feel sympathy for Blago. If you will remember, our valiant fighting men had all of their lawyers dump them when the attack on Pearl Harbor began. Never forget!

krlars January 25, 2009 at 9:51 am

Please live blog the View appearance so I can go to work.

El Pinche January 25, 2009 at 10:32 am

[re=228029]windupbird[/re]: Or as Blago would put it, “a fuckin guy, playing a fuckin guy, fuckin playin another fuckin guy.”

ushutyurmouthwhenurtalkintome January 25, 2009 at 11:16 am

Blagobitch should not just be convicted and escorted out by national guardsmen. He should be tarred, feathered and put on display in Chicago museum campus or Wrigley field, and stoned. What at tool.

Mustang January 25, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=228031]krlars[/re]: Please please please! I promise I’ll be good.

gimmeabreak1 January 25, 2009 at 12:23 pm
ladymacbeth January 25, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=228005]Rush[/re]: please. alaska doesn’t come close to illinois for political shenanigans. alaska is merely grasping. illinois is the stuff of legend.

donner_froh January 25, 2009 at 1:06 pm

[re=227944]BillyClubb[/re]: She is not only Blago’s profanity spewing wife. She is also the profanity spewing daughter of south side alderman Richard Mel. She used that connection to score huge commissions as a real estate broker.

She was cool before she married Baloneybitch.

jbd January 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Seriously, no one has mentioned pandas yet in this thread?

I swear to god a combination of AMC’s obsession with pandas and our mutual obsession with good scotch entirely ruined my first bid at grad school.

But watching the pandacam with a (ok, three) bottle(s) of Laphroaig might be the best semi-memories of my life, so it’s all ok.

Also assfucking. Also.

druranium January 25, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Sam Adam was on teevee this morning and he said “I’ve known Ed Genson a long time and I’ve got one word to describe him…(long pause)…cuckoo!” Then he ran inside to Blago. Then Sam Adam Jr. said “I love Rod Blagojevich”
the wonkette overlords should put up some video because it was funny

Kev-O-Tron January 25, 2009 at 5:08 pm

I was cock blocked by a guy who looked just like Blago once. He didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut either and neither of us got laid. idiot.

amy amnesia January 25, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Blago is my favorite fictional character! Can I become a fan of his on Facebook?

Monkster January 25, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Yipeecayocayay! I’m on my way to The View and not my impeachment! How cool is that, Pardners?

wickedlittledoll January 25, 2009 at 6:32 pm

You know things are bad when you have Hizzoner, Mayor Daley, calling you “Cuckoo!” Bye Bye, Blago! Don’t worry though, no one cares how your hair looks in the slammer.

Unindicted Co-Conspirator January 25, 2009 at 8:48 pm

No, Dick Mell [correct spelling] is a Northwest Side alderman.

Kotter January 25, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=227976]NebraskashireGentry[/re]: Hey, I’m still waiting for the moment where he decides to call himself ‘Black Jesus’. Then again, calling himself the Nelson Mandela/Gandhi/Martin Luther King, Jr. of Illinois is probably close enough.

bhosp January 25, 2009 at 10:27 pm

[re=227979]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Looks to me like Gimpy there won’t be “walking” anywhere, regardless of the relative proximity of such a destination to any current, potential, or former clients.

TheeFauxhemian January 26, 2009 at 12:01 am

Blaggy sent me a thoughtful message reminding me of his National Live Teevee Burning Bridges tour over the facebooks tonight.

“Just a quick update – tomorrow morning (1/26/09) I will be sitting down with some nationally televised shows to discuss my upcoming trial in the Illinois Senate and the accusations that have been made against me. I am starting at 7:00am (local time) with “Good Morning America (ABC),” followed by the “The View” (ABC) at 10:00am and “Larry King Live” at 8:00pm (CNN). Please be sure to tune in and thank you for your continued support. I will be sure to keep you updated as this process continues.”

wickedlittledoll January 26, 2009 at 1:47 am
zhubajie January 26, 2009 at 10:11 am

[re=227964]j6n[/re]: Let’s hope he indeed runs for president in a few years, and not just pres. of the prison JCs.

Zhu Bajie

the.switch January 26, 2009 at 10:40 pm

It’s amazing how many people approve of (even celebrate) the actions of this corrupt, criminal scumbag. I guess since he is the governor of King Jesus Obama’s state, anything he does is ok, right? Because we all know that King Jesus Obama can do no wrong…so by extension, the same-party governor of his state must be okay. Jesus christ on a Popsicle ™ stick…you people need to pour ice water over your heads and realize that this idiot is a corrupt politician who needs to be imprisoned and that King Jesus Obama is a man…not some kind of savior. And I am not some Obama-hating Republican. I voted for Obama. But this whole cult-of-personality that surrounds him, along with the Hollywood/media worship of him, gives me pause. I am hopeful that he will make a great president, but his start seems all style and no substance (Hillary as Secretary of State? The CNN doctor as Surgeon General? Jeeeeeeeez).

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