This is what all sleazy defense lawyers should look likeAttorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.”

During the trial proceedings on Monday, for example, Blago has decided not to attend and instead run his mouth on Good Morning America and then — and then! — The View, with his mean wife. These are things that defendants would only do if they literally covered their ears each time their defense attorneys gave them advice. But for the rest of us, it will be funny to watch Mrs. Blagojevich call Elisabeth Hasselbeck a whore, etc.


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  1. The Hair does not listen to bald and/or wise men.

    I fully expect Blaggy to reveal on the View that his hair is an alien symbiote that came to Earth to drive fast cars, play heavy metal music, kill for fun and to rule the world.

  2. [re=227939]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    Hey, It’s not over yet. I’m hoping for underage poodles, undocumented aliens from Venus, $10,000 eyebrow trims, hoof jobs from pot belly pigs and over paid taxes.

  3. [re=227954]Delicious[/re]:

    I’m reminded of this exchange from the movie “Alien.”

    Ash: You still don’t understand what you’re dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
    Lambert: You admire it.
    Ash: I admire its purity. A survivor… unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.

  4. [re=227950]ManchuCandidate[/re]: For some reason I got an image of War of the Worlds reading this. How awesome would it be if the hydraulics in Blago’s hair opened the hatch, and a fucking Martian destroyer launched the End of Days – all on The View no less!

  5. I want all you atheists to consider the unbelievable ticking time bomb of douchetardedness this guy has always been, and the divine providence he didn’t go off before November. Proof of God if I ever saw it.

  6. Monday is the beginning of the Year of the Ox..(sociopath)? Blago and Casey Anthony should get together and make a baby, kill it, sticker it and then try to sell seats at the funeral.

  7. Hey, our founding father’s never explicitely forbaid auctiong off Senate seat’s. Nor do I read anything in the IL constitution that expressly prohibit’s his ebay-like auctions!

    Somewhere, Dick Nixon is smiling down, so is Rosty, and Mel Reynolds is also getting a good chuckle.

  8. it was only a matter of time before Blagojevich decided to represent himself anyway…

    I hope they allow cameras in that courtroom. I’m waiting for him to quote “Ozymandias” out of context for his closing arguments. I have a wager going with some freshmen English majors.

  9. Via off-topic: I saw Southland Tales the other day, and this Hopey business is going to make a lot of librul entertainment from the Bush Years look really outdated, real quick. Unless this is all a Fail, and we all contact the Rage Virus sometime this summer, and start eating each other like the zombie hobos we were destined to become.


  11. [re=227972]BadMFer[/re]: I suspect the real reason Tricky Dick’s smiling is that those goddamned Kennedys didn’t get their way this week. Serves them right for stealing the 1960 election.

    Andy Johnson must also be getting a kick out of Blago’s refusal to attend his own impeachment trial. This strategy worked for Johnson, but somehow I doubt history will repeat itself.

  12. Prediction for a Tribune headline in June 2009:

    “Ex-Gov Blagojevich in standoff with local authorities”

    Mention that animal control is the local authority will be below the fold.

    They will be after the unlicensed weasel glued to his scalp.

  13. I’ve just been informed that butt secks is no longer kosher on Wonkette. I do not agree. Butt secks is integral to Wonkette. We all love the butt secks. We crave the butt secks. I NEED THE BUTT SECKS!!!!1!

  14. The ratings for these events will be good and the MSM repetition thereof gargantuan. He and his wifely will only have to say a few cockamamie things with the promise of more goofiness to come. I suggest he bring props that aren’t people this time. Maybe a funny costume (e.g. diapers, a big cape). Or he should ride in ala Darth VP in an electric powered wheel chair with stigmata.

    Next up Katie, Dave, Jay, Jimmie Kimmel might bite too.

  15. [re=227979]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe I should parachute me there. Think about it, shorts. You really wouldn’t want to do that, would you? For one thing, you would have to represent Blago. And for another thing, see the first thing.

  16. A blog divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this blog cannot endure, permanently, half butt sechs and half missionary. I do not expect the blog to be dissolved — I do not expect the blog to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.

    It will become all one thing or all the other. Either the opponents of butt sechs will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the ultimately tragic belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or the butt sechs advocates will push it forward, till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South.

  17. [re=227988]Aurelio[/re]: All the cool kids hang with Blago. It costs a premium, but damn, what a playa of delusion. He makes Helen Keller look normal.

    Buttsecks, also. Also, assfucking.

  18. I firmly align myself with buttsechs, and plan on starting my own anthology site, Buttsechspedia, devoted to chronicling the intricacies of my beliefs.

  19. I once knew a public defender who successfully defended a man indicted for having sex with a cow. It turns out that at the time of the indictment, there was no statute that specifically prohibited human-bovine copulation. The man then turned around and sued some neighborhood kid who called him a “cow-fucker.”

    Rod Blagojevich is crazier than the cow-fucker.

  20. It seems to me that there are two possibilities here:

    1. He’s off his meds (i know it’s a cliche, but jeez, why do they become cliches?)
    2. He likes the meth.

    Those are my thoughts.

    Oh, one more Bloggy, Tweakers suck. Mark my words.

    Mark them.

  21. I’ve spoken of the buttsex all my political life, but I don’t know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said buttsex. But in my mind it was a tall proud ass built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and shimmining to jungle beats, a ass with free ports that hummed with sex and creativity, and if there had to be butt plugs, the plugs had vibrators and the vibrators were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That’s how I saw buttsex and see it still.

    Whatever else history may say about me when I’m gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your assfucking, not your necrophillia; to your diaper wearing rather than your children fondeling. My dream is that you will travel the road ahead with a good lube guiding your steps and opportunity’s arm steadying your ass.

    We’ve done our part. And as I walk off into the butt’s crack, a final word to the men and women of the Wonkette revolution, the men and women across America who for eight minutes did the work that brought buttsex back. My friends: We did it. We weren’t just marking time. We made a difference. We made the TruckNutz stronger. We made the Snorg Girl freer, and we left her in good hands. All in all, not bad, not bad at all.

    And so, good-bye, God bless you, and God bless the Buttsex.

  22. I can’t believe nobody has figured out the truth yet. Blago’s hair actually runs things. Normally the hair waits until Blago is asleep to conduct the business of corruption, but in a pinch the hair is capable of knocking the idiot out and taking over.

    [Fuck, I know, okay? I know S. Green and M. Senreich thought it up, and that it was funnier when they did it. I just needed something to say besides buttsecks, also.]
    [If an adult got an ass transplant from a dead teenage girl, would the buttsecks still be considered statutory rape?]

  23. [re=228017]2druk2phluq[/re]: In other words: buttsecks. Also.

    Also, if an adult got an ass transplant from a dead teenage girl, the buttseks would be considered statutory jaywalking.

  24. Blago hired Drew Peterson’s PR firm. You know Drew – the fat faced ex-cop who had one wife “drown” in an empty bathtub and the other one has been missing for over a year? Yeah, him.

  25. 1. Actual “Wonkette” starts website, mastheads cute cartoon.
    2. It all hangs out.
    3. Actual assfucking leads to fame and notoriety, and page views.
    4. Gilly the Atherosclerotic backhands our heroine like Chinatown.
    5. “Wonkette” has cover blown to bits.
    6. Number four goes here, maybe. Real world intrudes. Who knows.
    7. Book about assfucking.
    8. The corporate brand is split into PUMAs and terminal adolescent hoboes.
    9. Same old GEnie intramural hatefest leads to green-on-green fraggings.
    10. Assfucking chick gets married. What the fuck, but whatever. Christ.
    11. No, but seriously, Lady Assfuck wears a white dress to a society wedding.
    12. Jesus of Nazareth vomits.
    13. 2008 Election ends; Liz Glover re-reads #3, jumps ship. How cute!
    14. Cannibalism breaks out on Romulus-twin, non-Hilsbot website.
    15. Pseudo-gruff comment policing triggers Daily Kos flashbacks.
    16. Daily Kos-like community police say “U not funy; git out.” As usual.
    17. Ad revenue goes all “” for the usual reason.
    18. Six months pass; totally unforseen endgame. Refugees rend garments.

    Corrections to order of meltdown are welcomed and appreciated.

  26. Holy shit. An innocent man is being blamed and for your judgments you people deserve a rick-roll. My slow-typing drunk ass will like link you to it and all that—

    Blago never gonna give you up
    Blago never gonna let you down.
    Think about it. He’s dying for your sins at this point.

  27. Also. And also.
    Barack Obama and Joe Biden believe that the U.S. must apply pressure on the Iraqi government to work toward real political accommodation. There is no military solution to Iraq’s political differences. Now is the time to press Iraq’s leaders to take responsibility for their future and to invest their oil revenues in their own reconstruction.

    Is this some form of semitransparent transparency? It’s from that big white house over there. You know— THE ONE FACING MECCA?

  28. I kind of love Blago. He’s entertaining. Sure, there are elements of the ridiculous about him, but like any great actor, he’s committed to this (idiotic) role he’s playing. To paraphrase RDJ, he’s “a guy, playing a guy, playing another guy”.

  29. I feel sympathy for Blago. If you will remember, our valiant fighting men had all of their lawyers dump them when the attack on Pearl Harbor began. Never forget!

  30. Blagobitch should not just be convicted and escorted out by national guardsmen. He should be tarred, feathered and put on display in Chicago museum campus or Wrigley field, and stoned. What at tool.

  31. [re=228005]Rush[/re]: please. alaska doesn’t come close to illinois for political shenanigans. alaska is merely grasping. illinois is the stuff of legend.

  32. [re=227944]BillyClubb[/re]: She is not only Blago’s profanity spewing wife. She is also the profanity spewing daughter of south side alderman Richard Mel. She used that connection to score huge commissions as a real estate broker.

    She was cool before she married Baloneybitch.

  33. Seriously, no one has mentioned pandas yet in this thread?

    I swear to god a combination of AMC’s obsession with pandas and our mutual obsession with good scotch entirely ruined my first bid at grad school.

    But watching the pandacam with a (ok, three) bottle(s) of Laphroaig might be the best semi-memories of my life, so it’s all ok.

    Also assfucking. Also.

  34. Sam Adam was on teevee this morning and he said “I’ve known Ed Genson a long time and I’ve got one word to describe him…(long pause)…cuckoo!” Then he ran inside to Blago. Then Sam Adam Jr. said “I love Rod Blagojevich”
    the wonkette overlords should put up some video because it was funny

  35. I was cock blocked by a guy who looked just like Blago once. He didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut either and neither of us got laid. idiot.

  36. [re=227976]NebraskashireGentry[/re]: Hey, I’m still waiting for the moment where he decides to call himself ‘Black Jesus’. Then again, calling himself the Nelson Mandela/Gandhi/Martin Luther King, Jr. of Illinois is probably close enough.

  37. [re=227979]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Looks to me like Gimpy there won’t be “walking” anywhere, regardless of the relative proximity of such a destination to any current, potential, or former clients.

  38. Blaggy sent me a thoughtful message reminding me of his National Live Teevee Burning Bridges tour over the facebooks tonight.

    “Just a quick update – tomorrow morning (1/26/09) I will be sitting down with some nationally televised shows to discuss my upcoming trial in the Illinois Senate and the accusations that have been made against me. I am starting at 7:00am (local time) with “Good Morning America (ABC),” followed by the “The View” (ABC) at 10:00am and “Larry King Live” at 8:00pm (CNN). Please be sure to tune in and thank you for your continued support. I will be sure to keep you updated as this process continues.”

  39. It’s amazing how many people approve of (even celebrate) the actions of this corrupt, criminal scumbag. I guess since he is the governor of King Jesus Obama’s state, anything he does is ok, right? Because we all know that King Jesus Obama can do no wrong…so by extension, the same-party governor of his state must be okay. Jesus christ on a Popsicle ™ stick…you people need to pour ice water over your heads and realize that this idiot is a corrupt politician who needs to be imprisoned and that King Jesus Obama is a man…not some kind of savior. And I am not some Obama-hating Republican. I voted for Obama. But this whole cult-of-personality that surrounds him, along with the Hollywood/media worship of him, gives me pause. I am hopeful that he will make a great president, but his start seems all style and no substance (Hillary as Secretary of State? The CNN doctor as Surgeon General? Jeeeeeeeez).

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