Wonkette
Just another narcissist video-blogging from his home office, blah blah, job creation, energies, 3 million jobs, financial disaster. Only kidding, Barack! Don’t have us disappeared! If half of this stuff makes it to the Economic Heroics Legislation, which Obama says will be LAW within a month, this is going to be nuts. Let’s watch some video previews of what America can expect ….
One thing Mr. President announced in his Weekly YouTuber is a brand-new website to save the Economy, called Recovery.gov — there’s nothing on the site today, but once the Economic Stimulation is sweeping the nation, you’ll be able to go to this site and print money! Take however much you want! (You must supply printer cartridges and blank paper, which will at least revive the office-products retail sector.)
But what will America look like, once everybody has some crazy government alternative-energy job and scientists all get million-dollar grants to do space research, in space, and everybody has Health Care and the schools are good and people just show up at your house and weatherproof it, with robots? Perhaps a little like this:
Exciting! Plus, we all get to have sex with Denise Richards, before we die. But it will probably be a lot more like this, sorry:
The White House [YouTube]
Starship Troopers drinking game:
1. Drink whenever you laugh unintentionally at something intended to be serious
2. Eventually pass out from alcohol poisoning
“I’m pleased to say that both parties in Congress are already hard at work on this plan” = “You don’t want to know what I had to do to get the Republicans to cooperate. I’m sore in places I didn’t know I had.”
Now I’m watching all the other parts of that damn dam story. Man, they don’t make educational videos like they used to, all of this grand, sweeping orchestral music is making me pumped the hell up for the idea of irrigation.
Spoiler alert: They build the Hoover dam eventually, and the city of Phoenix gets built, which is a national tragedy.
I’m getting tired of the formal attire he wears to cover the Bat-suit. We know, Mr. President. Just be yourself.
Tania Derveaux should be at the beginning of every video if Barack wants people to watch his channel.
Ugh, Barry, your precious new recovery.gov website you namedropped looks like shit. Did you buy Sasha and Malia a copy of Adobe Dreamweaver for Christmas or something?
I was waiting for the RickRoll, but then again, I guess Obama’s not as hip to internet trends as Nancy Pelosi
In Summa:
Kill the bugs, irrigate unemployment, and introduce a Denise Richards based economy.
It’s a crime that Starship Troopers isn’t more widely recognized as the definitive, prescient satire of Fox News and 9/11.
Jobs, schmobs, where’s the fucking puppy?
Ooooooooooo….look at all those fancy books!
I bet spice mining would solve all our problems. If it weren’t for the goddamn Sandworms.
Curse you, Sandworms!!!
Why won’t anyone make a big Hollywood blockbuster of “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress,” instead? It could have Denise Richards, too. Oh, I know, because they have to remake every truly great scifi movie in history, destroying it and all of my precious childhood memories, first. What are you going to do to stop the remake of the Karate Kid, President Obama?
Sorry for the pedantry, but it was Dina Meyer that we’d get to have sex with, and it would be before _she_ died. Denise Richards would run off with her pilot instructor.
You got chocolate in my peanut butter:
http://heylookhear.com/recovery.gov/the-recovery
sanantonerose: Seems as though Team Hope made the transition video backgrounds annoyingly dull so we could enjoy the glorious color and variety of Preznitness.
And those books! Shapes, sizes, variety, not just the curious lone hard-bound set of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy from the transition vids. Teh smartness in, belligerence out. Hopemaster is lit with attention to color and depth too. The color red and flagpins have been utterly redefined. Any wingnut wearing or espousing these symbols is now part of Team Hope.
B-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t.
As Rachel M. says: “Rinse, scrub, repeat.”
Maybe Denise Richards would leave after one is finished with her? That is a stimulus package I could believe in.
Reclamation? Was that when the government started handing out mules and mud tracts to the slaves?
friendlyskies: I think they should do a blockbuster version of Time Enough for Love so we can see the odd things Heinlein came up with in his golden days, like fornicating siblings.
sanantonerose: i see some Reader’s Digest Condensed Books on those shelves. Looks like the rest came from a dumpster.
Obamabots sends Twitter messages every 30 seconds to every computer and cell phone on the planet.
You obey them or your cities are nuked.
First you will learn to respect him.
Then you will learn to love him.
Larry Fine: Actually the Bush Administration bought those books by the foot.
podunk: When did you become Republican? Oh..sorry…pedantry, not pederasty
Cape Clod: Don’t make me chainsaw my way out of a riftworm.
There’s lots of news about the Obamas these days:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neCIg0BiXbE
I think she means the fist bump.
mattbolt: Yeah, because it gave Cindy McCain someplace to get a start…
Blingee this: Trashed! $180K worth of Palin’s clothes reportedly in garbage bags
sanantonerose: Which one is the Quran?
Does Denise Richards have a brother?
Ohhh, I get it now: “We are One Underpaid Government Employee”.
JOBBS WONT FIX ARE COUNTRY!!1!
Whatever you do, don’t make him angry…you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-wouldnt-like-him-when-hes-angry.html
President Beeblebrox: “Time Enough For Love” and “The Number of the Beast” would both be improved by being made into films. And significantly shortened.
I vote for Have Space Suit, Will Travel Heinlein blockbuster….
recovery.gov “An oversight board will update the website”. Thank God they’re not using a webmaster.
wickedlittledoll: I was thinking something more like this.
Yeah, yawn, boring. Who wants to watch “Fat Kid Dancing HILARIOUS”?
While watching ObamaTV I am now noticing the gay purple couch on the left. I am wondering if it comes in another color and wondering if I drive down to DC if I can get the wonkette price without a DC address. God, I love my new president and all nice furniture I’m getting.He’s so handsome and nice and product placement is so smartLarry Fine: You apparently have spent little quality time at your Grandma’s trailer not one of those books is a Reader’s Digest. Dumpster? Maybe.I recently found a pile of very nice books in the corner garbage can.
mattbolt: I hate to blow your mind, but Verhoeven is not serious about anything- he’s a brilliant satirist. The novel it is from is serious, and Verhoeven was trashing its fascist nonsense awesomely. Showgirls was supposed to be funny too. And Robocop. He’s a huge genius.
(Why is everyone obsessed with computerizing medical records? Isn’t it going to eliminate 10s of 1000s of med beaurocracy jobs?)
The sex scene in Showgirls is comedy win.
NYNYNY: Just doing the opposite of what you really mean is barely satire, not brilliant satire.
Enough with the flag pin flair! If this persists, the Preznint will look like the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, with state/territory flags in place of ribbons/medals. Is he required to have a “Support Our Troops” ribbon magnet on the Cadillac Imperial Cruiser?
Servo’s Economic Recovery Plan:
Convert some lanes of our major interstate highways to high-speed electric railroads, easing traffic on both the highways and freight railroads. The rail network will be maintained by the Guvmint, just like the highways, through fare taxes. Construction of new passenger and freight terminals will be contracted to former housing developers, to restore those jobs. High-speed locomotive and car manufacturing can be given to unemployed auto workers.
A new hybrid power grid will be built running parallel to the rail corridors, helping to expand our green tech. The train can also power the grid through regenerative braking.
Obviously, Corporate America needs a substantial down-sizing, which will cut expenditures and restore sustainability. As a society, we all must draw a distinct line between wants and needs.
All military spending will be screened by non-partisan experts. No more blank checks to the Pentagon and defense contractors.
Dissolve the Dept. of Homeland Security. Enough said.
Lastly, end the War on Drugs and the occupation of Iraq. Both are unnecessary burdens on our nation’s pocketbook.
Simple, huh?
mattbolt:
It helps to be a Marine to see the humor in Starship Troopers, intentional or otherwise. I first saw the film near an Air Force base and even the airmen didn’t get it.
You guys do what you want. I’m playing it with the sound off and pretending like I’m the Justice League of America. Aquaman out.
Servo: If wishes were horses, seriously, Obama should have all these things in the stimulus package. Any of them on Barrys list? He said nothing about trains.
1. Read Cadillac Desert.
2. Do not watch Starship Troopers.
Carry on.
Perot le fou: I think that’s the main way to do satire, actually. Make a propaganda movie about the beauty of the military to comment on militarism and war movies. I think people’s problem with the movie is that it’s not obvious enough. What’s so nice about it is how it sinks in.
Do not listen to shortyshortyshort- WATCH STARSHIP TROOPERS DO NOT READ CADILLAC DESERT
You people want to sleep with someone who slept with Charlie Sheen? I’m bleaching myself right after I post this comment.
I really like Obama’s speech. I really wish any of this stuff was possible.
We don’t have the money. I kind of want to cry listening to him though, this is a beautiful dream.
Perot le fou: The real tragedy is, that plain crappy-looking text? It’s actually just a PICTURE of plain crappy-looking text:
http://recovery.gov/recovery.jpg
I am curious as to how much strong-arming is going to be done on the Senate GOP.
I am also a bit less curious about how fast Senator Reid rolls over and submissively urinates himself.
sati demise:
Most of the emphasis has been aimed at pavement, bridges, and tunnels. That’s fine. The bridges and tunnels are obviously in a decrepit state and must be remedied. However, I would prefer to see the United States finally pull that dragging foot out of the 20th century. It’s long overdue and costing us dearly.
To my knowledge, there hasn’t been any specific mention of railroads, especially interstate trains. I’ll give Mr. Obama the benefit of the doubt and say that he has implicated mass transit. He may be employing a general and precautious tone to prevent making too big waves and riling the nay-sayers.
I would love to see Mr. Obama just say “Fuck it! We’re doin’ it! Fuck the study committees, fuck the focus groups, and fuck the opposition! Let’s get busy!”
Servo: I would love to see Mr. Obama just say “Fuck it! We’re doin’ it! Fuck the study committees, fuck the focus groups, and fuck the opposition! Let’s get busy!”
Wam chucka chucka chucka whack whack….
Best cabinet meeting ever.
This video would’ve gotten a lot more hits if he would’ve done it shirtless….. I think President Obama is turning me gay.
OMG, TEH REPUBLICANS WAS RIGHTT!!1!
Servo: Now I discover you’re brilliant as well as sexually irresistible? I will hunt you down and make you mine.
Sarjo: Sounds like Wonkette porn: Sarjo Does Servo. Set in Sarajevo.
That’s kind of creeping me out actually.
The flag pin is a subliminal message transmitter. It was reversed-engineered from a German prototype used by the Nazis to convince Germans that Poland was actually a place worth invading. This SMT came to us via Dick Chaney’s private collection of Nazi paraphernalia (common, you know he goose-stepped like a motherf**er once in the privacy of his undisclosed locations). Barack however, will use it to create jobs. Look, it’s already working, “Governor wanted. Must be human with no history of trying to sell a grandparent for spouse’s personal advancement”