Conservative Wiki Offers Helpful List of Senate Democrats To Assassinate, So Republican Governors Can Appoint GOP Replacements

  christ will know his own

Once a wingnut, always a wingnut. (Actual slogan of Detroit Red Wings fanatics.)Americans, are you still letting your idiot kids do all their “research” from the liberal-propaganda pit of vipers known as the “Wikipedia,” which is filthy with scientific facts and frighteningly detailed Buffy the Vampire Slayer trivia? Well stop it, now, and Porn Block every site that’s not Conservapedia, the home of conservative pedophiles “The Trustworthy Encyclopedia.” For example, say your home-schooled-in-Christ kid needs to do a report on which states would benefit from Dem senators who, tragically, “were unable to complete their terms and were replaced by qualified Republicans by their Republican governors.” Where to go? That homosexual devil box “Wikipedia” surely would be of no assistance, to Patriots!

Here is the actual entry, “Senate Democrats from States with Republican Governors”:
Kill 'em all.
Conservapedia

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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166 comments

  1. IceCreamEmpress

    As if they’d like whoever Ahnuld named to replace those nice ladies!

    Also, I was going to use “Kay Lastima” as my drag name, but now “Homosexual Devil Box” is calling to me. Decisions, decisions.

  2. Tommmcatt

    ….Please, under no circumstances poision, shoot, hang, or otherwise render these legislators inert. Momma Phyllis begs you!

  3. Internally valid

    Oh noes! I had completely forgotten about Conservapedia. Now I have to wallow in anger for the next 3 hours as I read about how Obama “may be the first Muli[n] president”

  4. assistant/atlas

    And that joke would’ve worked a lot better had you not caught and corrected your mistake before that even posted…damn you and your eagle eyes, Ken Layne, damn you to ruined-joke hell.

  5. Lazy Media

    Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Hawai’i has a Republican governor? How the bejeebers did THAT transpire? And why hasn’t Obama fixed it?

  6. Jobbotch

    I’m just sayin’, it’d be a shame if somethin’ happened to that nice Congressman a’yours. I’m just sayin’.

  7. chascates

    So Connecticut doesn’t have a Republican governor? Oh wait, Liebermann is not a Socialist-type. Makes sense now. But. Daniel Inouye isn’t either. Now I’m confused.

  8. Texan Bulldoggette

    I feel a little like I felt when I watched Saxby Chambliss fondle his granddaughter’s boobage: a little queasy & wondering if someone should call the authorities. (But then I remembered, it’s okay when Republicans do it!)

  9. Rodney Badger

    For good times click on “Debate Topics” under popular links. For some serious philosophizing, I recommend several bong hits and then discussing these items with your high school friends in the Macy’s furniture department.

  10. ElRonaldo

    They don’t need to be assissinated – they just need to go crazy. And all you have to do to send them crazy is ask them how many of the plurality that got them elected was voting for the least UNdesireable candidate. Voila! Nutz!


  11. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=227539]assistant/atlas[/re]: You are Foiled. (But hello, WordPress, is there a reason spellcheck doesn’t work in the headline field, yet works fine everywhere else?)

  12. madtowngooner

    How come no one told me there was a real team called the Wingnuts? I’m movin’ to Wichita!

  13. Toonces

    Dumbasses. Alaska requires the appointed Senator be of the same political party. And not every state allows for appointment of Senators.

    But why would they want to read the Constitution?

  14. WadISay

    “Republic governors” should cross-reference to the entry for “tree octopii”, which this thing once had, courtesy of some misanthropic wit.

    Also, add Al Franken to that list, bitchz.

  15. Rodney Badger

    [re=227549]cal[/re]: No, but it did produce a Persiankitty.com pop up ad. That’s some targeted advertising right there.

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    Whoever dug this up deserves 72 virgins (or raisins, depending on your translation of the Koran).

  17. Mahousu

    [re=227526]MisterLoki[/re]: The sad thing is that E.D. is the most accurate (and best written) of them all. And that’s not really a joke.

  18. hobgoblin of little minds

    From the “how conservapedia differs from wikipedia” section of this idiotic site:

    “We do not allow liberal censorship of conservative facts. Wikipedia editors who are far more liberal than the American public frequently censor factual information.”

    “Conservative facts”? What the fuck.

    Also, the damn thing reads like a bunch of AOL commenters got together, snorted/mainlined some meth and decided to do a little typing on the interwebs. I’m surprised the “conservapedia” isn’t in all caps.

  19. Edywin

    From the homosexual devil box*:Chavez warms to Obama after insults…Drudge Report 1/23/09
    Insults always make me smile, how about you?

    ( *This is neither casting doubt upon the sexual orientation of any webmiester mogul who leads the MSM around with threats of illicit photos of involvement in bisexual porn, nor does it indicate that any particular wannabe muckraker is actually a box.)

  20. bitchincamaro

    Hobgoblin: If you can type “qualified Republicans”, you can certainly type “Conservative facts”.

  21. mdotsota

    [re=227571]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]: Well, the American public voted for the Marxist Luo tribesman, so how much more liberal can the Wikipedia people be? Is it a requirement to abort 50 precious angelic babies before you’re even allowed to edit Wiki?

  22. Scandalabra

    [re=227549]cal[/re]: The phrases “Sarah Palin” and “trash bags” to together like prosciutto and melon.

  23. Mahousu

    [re=227580]MisterLoki[/re]: What the …? I went to school with Conservape-tan! She used the name “Linda” back then.

  24. saggyboobedhag

    “Unable to complete their terms” I like that. I’m going to try to use that for any occasion.

  25. p-Sludge

    But the real money page is a list of Democratic Senators who perform abortions, along with their home addresses; That list is #1 with a bullet!

  26. chascates

    These people make the PUMAettes look calm and rational:
    http://www.conservapedia.com/Barack_Hussein_Obama

    “Obama has chosen the Secret Service code name “Renegade”. “Renegade” conventionally describes someone who goes against normal conventions of behavior, but its first usage was to describe someone who has turned from their religion. It is a word derived from the Spanish renegado, meaning “Christian turned Muslim.”[41]“

  27. Incredulicious

    This is the real gem from Wingnutapedia’s entry on Obama:

    “Doctors from the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons have stated that Obama uses techniques of mind control in his speeches and campaign symbols. For example, one speech declared, “a light will shine down from somewhere, it will light upon you, you will experience an epiphany, and you will say to yourself, ‘I have to vote for Barack.’”

  28. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, what’s the over/under on number of months before a Republican politician uses the excuse “I meant to type ‘Conservapedia’ not ‘Conservapedo.’”

    Probably owned by the same company knowing Republicans.

  29. Jukesgrrl

    [re=227582]Mahousu[/re]: I suspected Cialis was sponsoring that make-out session where he looked ready to rip off the red dress, but they didn’t have two of those bathtubs on the stage. You just KNOW big pharma heard those words Inaugural Ball and whipped out their … checkbooks.

  30. President Beeblebrox

    [re=227526]MisterLoki[/re]: MOAR ED references on teh Wonkettes! I’m impressed that there’s actually a Wonkette screengrab on ED that hasn’t been defaced somehow.

    OK, snark off for a second: Wonder if the U.S. Capitol Police are aware of this? This article seems like a thinly veiled threat… hell, the Seekrit Service arrested some idiot on a Yahoo stock discussion group for threatening to pop a cap in Barry’s ass. This article isn’t exactly a solicitation to assassinate these Senators, but the intimation is clear.

  31. Colander

    “creating a socialist wealth redistribution scheme”

    Like hicks know what ANY of those words mean.

  32. DeLand DeLakes

    They. Did. NOT. Just threaten my Klo-Bo.
    Surprise wingnuts, we have exceedingly liberal gun laws here in MN, too! You suckers better be GONE by the time I get to Conservatopia!

  33. Dreamer

    I am surprised that they even bothered with California. It is not like their type of conservatives is thick in the ground there – we’re talking about the same people who think Walnuts is a liberal.

  34. AnnieGetYourFun

    I only hope some of the fucknuts behind Conservapedos are as easily-enraged as PUMAs. Could make for some fun exchanges. Is there an entry about Wonkette? Yet?

  35. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=227623]Colander[/re]: YES THEY DO!

    Socialist: Evil
    Redistribution: APOCALYPSE
    Wealth: Never had it
    Scheme: THAT’S WHAT THE TERRORIST DOES.

  36. cal

    [re=227624]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Ahh, so those are “conservative facts.”

    I love that they lead with a CBS poll!

  37. gournay45@gmail.com

    Hmmm, so if you’re conservative and make veiled threats against elected officials you’re a patriot? Sweet Jesus I despise these people.

  38. Monsieur Grumpe

    Hmmmm, nothing under Libtard. This site needs some help. I got some free time this weekend. How much do they pay?

  39. V572625694

    [re=227541]Lazy Media[/re]: Hawaii got a Republican governor the same way Amurrica got a Democratic (secret Muslin, also) Preznident: the predecessor, Ben Cayetano, screwed up sooooo bad that there was no alternative.

  40. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=227641]cal[/re]: I liked that too. Of course Evolution is a commie-liberal plot, the polls say so! I also liked that they basically just quote one guy as proof that evolution is all hooey. Come on, you have your polls, why do you need a pseudo-scientist?

    [re=227632]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]: Great minds, eh?

  41. whenPUMAsattack

    Conservapedia is AWESOME for trolling. Just make an account and add crazy wingnut bullshit to anything. They will either get their panties in a twist and ban you or accept it as obviously true.

  42. S.Luggo

    [re=227562]Toonces[/re]: Rules were made to be broken. See, Gore v. Bush, US S.Ct. (2000). Nah, nah, nah, demrats.

  43. El Pinche

    When sane and normal knowledge isn’t good enough visit Conservapedia. They’re definition of Hard Drive is way better than librul elitist version .

  44. Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    [re=227615]Incredulicious[/re]: MIND CONTROL! Conspiration of the Telepaths! Like the one they had in Babylon 5 (tv series, remember, from the 90s). And Black Arts such as telepathy are forbidden in the Bible (which Barack Hussein Obama didn’t use in his oath).

  45. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=227617]Min[/re]: I can’t quite figure it out…are they opposed to abortion or not?

    I can’t tell either! They say it’s a BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY, so … what? A business success story?

  46. NebraskashireGentry

    Ben Nelson is barely a Democrat.

    And of the many Republicans Gov. Heineman could appoint should something happen to Sen. Nelson, Heineman would assuredly chose the most unqualified idiot in the history of the state (which is saying something and would probably be himself).

    It would be best for everyone if Senate stayed the way it is.

  47. El Pinche

    [re=227677]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
    From Homework 15:
    Why ares our freedoms important to you? Explains in three numbers.

  48. NebraskashireGentry

    …especially since governors can’t even appoint senators from their own parties without some sort of uproar.

  49. S.Luggo

    [re=227571]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]:
    — “Conservative facts?” — A phrase which ranks up there in credibility with the words, “Intelligent Design”, which has been completely disproved by the actions US automakers over the last 20 years.

  50. EggplantParm

    [re=227564]Rodney Badger[/re]: Holy crap, I’d forgotten all about Persiankitty. Off to do some research, which is better persiankitty, xtube, redtube or tube8? “What is this, some kind of tube?”

  51. Links

    Fun Fact for Conservapedians: If the Preznit were to tragically die and the next 4 people in line for succession were to tragically die, a Republican (Robert Gates) would be the new preznit.

    Conservapedia: Proudly misundereducating homegrown terrorists.

  52. qwerty42

    [re=227666]whenPUMAsattack[/re]: “…Just make an account and add crazy wingnut bullshit to anything….” y’mean kinda like when we all tried to help the Republicans at that site they had? (there were so many good ideas; I think “be more gay” would have helped them the most). I seem to recall though that someone (here?) wrote that it was becoming difficult to distinguish between the wingnuts and the snark.

  53. otisfatboy

    [re=227624]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Follow this evolution article and see the wondrous long explanation of fossils, and the very short explain-away, of fossil fuels.

  54. S.Luggo

    [re=227562]Toonces[/re]: The missionary munching inhabitants of the Cook Islands have the same rules for filling a vacated US Senate seat as Alaskans. See [re=227562]Toonces[/re]:
    But: [re=227670]S.Luggo[/re]:

  55. IceCreamEmpress

    Fun Fact for Conservapedians: If the Preznit were to tragically die and the next 4 people in line for succession were to tragically die, a Republican (Robert Gates) would be the new preznit.

    One of those people is Undead Ex-Klansman Robert Byrd, so they’ll have to use silver bullets or something.

  56. Square Deal

    [re=227559]Ken Layne[/re]: WP notoriously scripts the hell out of the admin side, but if you’re feeling industrious/elitist you can let Firefox step in. (Type about:config into the URL bar, filter for layout.spellcheckDefault and change its value from “1″ to “2″. Now everything you type will be immediately checked and underlined if it’s Real-America-misspelled, so simply switch it back off if it’s irritating.)

  57. stopmebeforeitypeagain

    “creating a socialist wealth redistribution scheme””

    You got a problem with that?

  58. Links

    @IceCreamEmpress: Wooden stakes would be better choice of weaponry against the Undead. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put the oldest man in the Senate third in line for Presidential succession anyway?

  59. Markamatics

    Quote from the Conservapedia, from the page on the President,

    “Doctors from the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons have stated that Obama uses techniques of mind control in his speeches…”

    That’s in the introduction…Oh my god this is the worst website ever.

  60. OffTheRecord

    [re=227677]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Oh my fucking god. The answers students submitted are hilarious!

    3. Why do you think several early settlements in America failed?

    Some socialistic farming policies failed to motivate the settlers to work. (Steve M.)

    Steve M. clearly knows whats up. Those damn socialist pilgrims ruined everything.

  61. S.Luggo

    [re=227623]Colander[/re]: They know what ‘scheme’ means. As in, “Dagnabit. Close the scheme door. You’ll let the mosquitos and truancy officers in, also.”

  62. rocktonsammy

    They got that list from Fox.

    They forgot Durbin and the new colored Senator Illinois.

    Conservatards

  63. ChicagoTypewriter

    From the Palin entry:

    ” It is suspected that Palin may spend the next four years building a base for a 2012 run for the Republican nomination against Barack Obama. Given her personal charisma and Reagan-esque connection with average, conservative Americans, she may be able to pull off a resounding victory. ”

    Whoa.

  64. chascates

    [re=227741]chascates[/re]: And for Ann Coulter RationalWiki lists:

    Annagrams
    * No Real Cunt
    * Unclean Rot
    * Rectal Noun

  65. djl

    Those dummys can’t even get their hit list right. What about Rhode Island? The bluest state in the union has a republican governor who would be happy to replace Jack Reed (Barry’s ex-boyfriend) and Sheldon Whitehouse, whose name means “Pink Triangle.”

  66. El Pinche

    [re=227734]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: Lenski’s final response was magnificent, it was so good my nipples are still tingling.

  67. Mahousu

    [re=227730]MisterLoki[/re]: How do we know Boxxy isn’t really Malaka? I mean,
    with a little makeup (ok, a lot) …

  68. El Pinche

    [re=227698]President Beeblebrox[/re]: if only they would. conservatives need their third eye squeegeed. perhaps, they’ll realize that Ben Stein isn’t a real scientist or teacher.
    Speaking of which its about 420 right about now.

  69. 2druk2phluq

    [re=227730]MisterLoki[/re]: Minutes from the 33rd Annual Meeting of the Horny Mad Scientist League: “If we can’t make Boxxy older and still retain the freshness, then perhaps we can make ourselves younger.” “Harumph.” “Harumph.” “Harumph.” “Caw.”

  70. MisterLoki

    [re=227768]2druk2phluq[/re]: Teh lulz. I have them.
    ITT: People who probably have no idea what we are talking about.

  71. S.Luggo

    [re=227766]Barrett808[/re]: I’ll wait for the suggested HBO movie, “When consent is not to Christ.”

  72. Vercingatorix

    t goes to show ya how stupid the nutters are. Billy Bob will get all amped up after reading this load his guns, get in his pickup and go shoot the governor because he got confused.

  73. President Beeblebrox

    [re=227751]djl[/re]: According to CPeedia, Rhode Island was founded on the backs of slaves because it was the only colony to separate church from state. Well, duh, ALL of the Colonies were founded on the backs of teh slaves. In fact, they have a real problem with R.I.

    Hells, they’re right. Time to head back to the Church of England right now.

    http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:Liberal_Denials_about_History

    “The following truths about history are typically denied by liberal history textbooks: … That Rhode Island and Thomas Jefferson, and their view of a “separation of church and state,” had no role in the formation of the Constitution.”

    “Specific truths that history books deny: Rhode Island was the only state to separate church and state, and as a result it became the biggest importer of slaves.[1]”

    [1] links to a website for a Florida Civil War re-enactor’s society, ftw!

  74. chauncey

    [re=227624]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: oh… god…

    … Prominent evolutionist Richard Dawkins stated the following regarding Hitler: “What’s to prevent us from saying Hitler wasn’t right? I mean, that is a genuinely difficult question.”

    Dawkins, you nasty Nazi

  75. davesnothere

    I mean c’mon, it’s gotta be.

    “Fine words butter no parsnips,” about the Inaugural Speech?

    The whole frickin site is a send-up.

  76. Vercingatorix

    The conservapedia pages for ‘pornography’ is a treat and They spend more electrons pounding Richard Dawkins than they do praising G. W. Bush; which is a whole lot of electrons.

  77. chauncey

    [re=227614]chascates[/re]: Amazingly the etymology bit is true-

    renegade
    1583, “apostate,” probably (with change of suffix) from Sp. renegado, originally “Christian turned Muslim,” from M.L. renegatus, prop. pp. of renegare “deny” (see renege). General sense of “turncoat” is from 1665. The form renegate, directly from M.L., is attested in Eng. from c.1375.

    I’m just glad the Secret Service thinks these names through! Who would have thought they were so sensitive?

  78. Neon Trotsky

    [re=227589]drrty martini[/re]: No entry on Truck Nutz…until you create one! The people (at least those who likely read conservapedia) demand it!

  79. Neon Trotsky

    Also hilarious is that Conservapedia’s icon is a little American flag. What? Nothing worth conserving from other parts of the world or originating before 1776? Hengh?

  80. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=227808]gurukalehuru[/re]: GODDAMN YES PUNCTUATION AND CAPS AND ALL THAT. Good luck with that. Hopefully you can get a few conservatives to do the same, because it is funny.

  81. Larry McAwful

    Can anyone go in and add to that list? Because Al Franken should be included. If anyone does, five getcha ten the editors remove him within minutes, but still.

  82. meyotch

    Okay,

    so I’m lazy and not really that interested in following up, but the domain registration at godaddy.com for liberalpedia.com expires on the 22nd of February.

    so, you know . . . whatever.

  83. bitchincamaro

    [re=227734]The Helvetica Scenario[/re]: Well worth the 20 minutes reading. Lenski handed Schlafly his ass in a hat. In fact, asshat was “Lenski-ed” shall be part of my lexicon, forthwith. Thanks.

  84. Beef Supreme

    They have an article on Hollywood Values. For example, did you know that Hollywood’s very own Eazy-E died of AIDS because of Hollywood Values.

  85. Fly Over Girl

    [re=227681]NebraskashireGentry[/re]: Gah. If Heineman didn’t grab Nelson’s seat for himself, Attorney General Bruning would stab him in the back for it.

    Or we’d get Robin Eschliman from Lincoln’s City Council (aka the Sarah Palin/Kitty Harris/Michelle Bachmann of the NEGOP) as a place holder. Eschliman actually started a public feud with the Lincoln Police Dept’s union over the fact that she believed the the members of the LPD did not contribute enough money (out of their personal incomes, not from a PAC) to United Way. She’s a keeper!

  86. slavojzizek

    You really think a lack of Democratic Senators would be sufficient to stop Barack Hussein Obama from socializing medicine, nationalizing the auto and financial industries, and creating a socialist wealth distribution scheme? You fools! Nothing can stop him, Bwah, hah, hah… (that sentence about Obama’s socialist goals is not on the page at this point–was it really like that before someone changed it?)

  87. indigo

    [re=227786]davesnothere[/re]: I was reading the article on San Francisco, and I came upon a sentence that I thought Wonkette would write as a joke:

    “San Francisco is also a “city of refuge”, which means they have passed an ordinance that it is against the law to report illegal immigrants to the United States authorities as they are required to legally do. In other words anyone upholding the federal law will get in trouble with the city. This has led to a culture of under aged drug dealers continuing their trade with impunity.”

    That’s about all they had to say about my city.

  88. dearest

    [re=227624]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yep, I saw that yesterday and for a second thought that the whole was a prank. I did not even make me laugh, although it should.

  89. Gayer Than Thou

    [re=227869]indigo[/re]: And there is so, so very much more to say about San Francisco. For example, it was founded by Muslins and dinosaurs, and it’s where Nancy Pelosi and Karl Marx taught Barry and Michelle how to fist with each other.

  90. DoktorZoom

    [re=227871]slavojzizek[/re]: Ac quick look at the “history” tabs of the two articles indicates that the second list was added to Conservapedia only after this very Wonkette post ran.

    You know, because they’re all about being fair and balanced.

  91. TonySidaway

    TK has protected the article claiming that the whole thing was “The Work Of An Internet Parodist/Vandal”. Actually it was started by User:QWest, and that guy looks for real, to me (though admittedly it’s difficult to tell). QWest has not been blocked.

  92. Darkness

    [re=227623]Colander[/re]: “creating a socialist wealth redistribution scheme”

    >Like hicks know what ANY of those words mean.

    The quickest example to clarify it would be “it’s what Sarah Palin does with oil company money in alaska”

    Really, I find it hysterically funny that when faced with a truly egalitarian system for gathering knowledge that conservatives run off crying to play in their own basement, where the sun never shines, just so they can beat up on their sister’s dolls without the risk of anyone telling them they are confused about the world.

  93. BitchyMel

    >Really, I find it hysterically funny that when faced with a truly egalitarian system for gathering knowledge that conservatives run off crying to play in their own basement, where the sun never shines, just so they can beat up on their sister’s dolls without the risk of anyone telling them they are confused about the world.<

    If they are conservatives, there is a good chance they are doing more with the dolls than just beating them up.
    I am just so sad I missed it since they discovered the political terrorists and took down their work.

  94. Servo

    [re=227869]indigo[/re]:
    They’re just pissed because teh gayz make too much noise and scared away Bigfoot.

  95. Blue Line

    [re=227917]TonySidaway[/re]: Yeah, this is what QWest’s member information says:

    “Hi, my name is Quentin West. I’m a banker living in Tempe, Arizona. I’m a committed Christian and I’m deeply concerned about the continuing influence of liberalism in politics. I’ve been reading Conservapedia for a while now and I think it’s a really great project. Although he’s not the ideal candidate, I support John McCain for President because the thought of Barack Hussein Obama in the White House is terrifying. I look forward to contributing to this project!!!”

    Nice try, Wingnutpedia.

  96. twingonaut

    [re=227601]Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul[/re]: I love the TV show entries. I have never seen such a level of deep and complex analysis. I think it will’ be the best source for intricate information, such as David Tenant’s portrayal of Doctor who as more humorous and vivacious than Eccleston’s.”

    Isn’t “vivacious” one of those words that the gayz use?

  97. TonySidaway

    Yeah, Doris Day was vivacious all over Rock Hudson in Pillow Talk. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was what turned Rock gay in the first place!

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